


Mark Me Up, Make Me Yours

by Diaryofanarcissisticgayman



Series: Mark Me Up, Make Me Yours [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Abusive!Louis, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Foster Brothers! Zayn and Niall, It's mostly Harry though for a while, M/M, Mentions of Domestic Violence and Drug Abuse, Orphan!Niall, POV Alternating, Pining, Receptionist!Liam, Solo!Harry, Tattoo Artist!Niall and Zayn, body image issues, lots of pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-03-24 18:34:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 127,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3780145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diaryofanarcissisticgayman/pseuds/Diaryofanarcissisticgayman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Way I see it, people get tattoos for one of four reasons. Zayn, he gets them to commemorate important ideas and thoughts. You, you’re about marking important events in your life, even if it’s in a way only you can understand. Me, if I were to get any it’s about celebrating the people I love, but nobody has ever been important enough to me to do that, to permanently sear a remnant of them into myself because whether they’re still with me or not, I want to keep them close.” Niall explains quietly, keeping his eyes locked on the line he’s engraving on Harry’s arm.</p><p>“And what’s the fourth reason?” Harry asks, just curious to hear more of how Niall’s mind works while he still has a chance.</p><p>“I reckon it’s because they want to remember they're alive.” Niall breathes out. And yeah, Harry thought it might be something like that, but it sounds so perfect coming from Niall’s mouth. He wants to kiss him, just to see if that helps remind either of them that they're still alive too. Because Harry isn't so sure that he is anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I really shouldn't be posting this yet, because I still haven't managed to reconstruct quite half of what I had before the incident with my laptop (which was ~65,000 words already), but I'm hoping that if I start posting it, that'll give me more motivation to stay focused on it. Chapters will be shorter than DtRH, and a little less frequent, but I'll post it at least every week, probably every four days since I have a few chapters already done. I really hope people like it, because ever since everything was lost I've been feeling a bit shit.
> 
> Also, just a warning, Niall is a tragic orphan because apparently I just fucking love that. I'm incredibly fucked up that way.

From the second Harry walks in he feels at ease, the familiar scents of ink and incense settling his nerves down. The shop is as familiar as home to him, more so in some ways. When he discovered it between his first and second tours it had just been a little hole in the wall parlor, but Harry liked to think of it as a diamond in the rough, the diamond being Zayn, who’s probably the best tattoo artist that Harry has met in the time since he got his first patch of ink. That’s saying something. There have been a lot, but only Zayn keeps Harry coming back for more on this side of the world.

“Mr. Styles? Did you have an appointment?” Liam, the receptionist, asks in a high voice, flipping through his appointment book in a panic.

“No, Liam, I didn’t.” Harry muses, leaning on his elbows on the counter. “Thought I might just pop in and see if Zayn could take care of me. And I’ve asked you to call me Harry.”

“It feels weird.” Liam mumbles. “I’ve been listening to your music since I was a kid.”

“Oh?” Harry hums. “And here I thought your interests were elsewhere, like- Zayn.”

He’s only guessing when it comes to the nature of Liam and Zayn’s relationship, never having actually asked, or been told, if that’s the case. There are signs though. Liam’s jealous glares when Harry gets overly friendly with Zayn, Zayn’s fond little touches, the muffled moaning Harry heard in a supply closet before one tattoo session. Liam can’t fight the blush that stains his cheeks, but he powers through it, much to Harry’s delight. “I’ll go get him for you. I’m not sure if he’ll be able to take you though.”

He leaves before Harry can thank him, muttering something under his breath that Harry can’t quite make out. Harry settles in, looking around the shop and finding it disappointingly empty. One of Harry’s favorite thing about tattoo parlors, and Malink (Zayn’s not particularly creatively named shop) in general, is people watching. He likes to see the variety of people, from uptight looking business men, to confident young women, to burly biker types, and try to figure out what made them decide to mark themselves in such a permanent way. He like to guess if their visible ink has a purpose or story, and create ones in his head for them.

Of course the bonus to an empty waiting room, besides indicating that Zayn might be available, is that there are no fans pestering him for autographs or pictures on his one night off for months. He appreciates his fans, loves each and every one of them right down to his marrow, but a reprieve from the attention is nice sometimes. He’s only in London for one night, and then he won’t be back home for another few weeks.

“Harry!” Zayn laughs, smiling his genuine smile that leaves his tongue tucked behind his front teeth and his eyes crinkled with joy. “Why didn’t you call?”

“Zayn!” Harry returns with equal enthusiasm, wrapping his old friend up in a tight hug that earns him one of Liam’s patented jealous glares. “And I didn’t know I was coming until I showed up out front. I just kind of wandered around and ended up here. Like the first time all over again, yeah? How have you been?”

“Busy.” Zayn grins. “I’m going to need more space if you keep tweeting about this place. I get floods of customers every time you do. Had to hire on just to keep up with the demand. So, Liam says you wanted to know if I could fit you in tonight.”

“I was hoping, yeah. I have a dinner at nine though, so I know that isn’t much time.” Harry says sheepishly.

“I’m actually booked until ten.” Zayn sighs.

“That’s alright.” Harry shrugs. “I’ll be back for a break starting in about two weeks.”

“Or- And keep in mind that this is a suggestion, you’re in no way obligated to do it, but my brother could take you.” Zayn offers.

As far as Harry knows, Zayn doesn’t have a brother. He has three sisters; Waliyha, Doniya, and Safaa, who he loves to talk about at every given opportunity, but Harry has never heard him mention a brother. “Never mind.” Zayn says quickly. “It’s fine. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, it’s fine.” Harry smiles. “Could I maybe meet him before I decide?”

“Of course.” Zayn beams. “He’s out back. You can follow me.”

Harry nods and avoids Liam’s eyes as he walks out behind Zayn. He’d rather not see the usually gentle man seething again just because he hugged Zayn. He’s seen it far too many times already. He’s not quite sure why, considering he keeps his flirting with Zayn down to a minimum, but Liam is still always a little bit jealous.

They reach the door that leads into a courtyard behind the buildings. Harry has only been out here a few times, and that was always because Zayn needed a cigarette break. The courtyard only has one occupant at the moment, and Harry supposes this must be who Zayn was talking about. Harry is a little shocked though, because Zayn and his ‘brother’ clearly share little to no DNA.

The man sitting on a bench and sketching furiously away is a clear contrast against Zayn’s dark and gorgeous mystique. His skin is a porcelain white, with smatterings of freckles here and there. His hair is blond, though Harry suspects that’s a dye job due to slight peeks of a brown color around the roots. He doesn’t have the same sharp cheekbones and jaws that Zayn does, but he’s still attractive. His face is a bit softer, yet still masculine with a strong chin and slight shadows of facial hair that he scratches at absentmindedly.

The cigarette in his free hand is clearly more habit than addiction, given that it’s basically half ash that hasn’t touched his lips since Harry walked out. Zayn walks up to him, speaking gently like he’s afraid to startle the lad. “Niall? I have someone I’d like you to meet.” he says quietly.

The ashen tip of his cigarette falls onto the page he’s working on, causing his face to twist into a scowl before quickly changing to a wide, beaming grin. He blows away the ash and the rubs his thumb across the page, his eyes locked on his work as he asks “Who is it then? Your pop-diva? Or maybe one of those exes that Liam hates you working on? Or another of your cast-offs who wants some inane piece that they’ll regret in two weeks?”

“No, you were right the first time. It’s the pop diva.” Harry hums, barely suppressing a smile when the blond topples sideways off of the bench in surprise. He doesn’t want to offend Niall by laughing at an honest mistake.

“I am so sorry!” Niall yelps. “I swear, Zaynie only says the nicest things about you.”

“I’ve been called worse than a diva.” Harry chuckles. “By Zayn in fact.”

“Never maliciously.” Zayn huffs.

“I wasn’t being malicious you twat!” Niall hisses. “How was I supposed to know that Harry bloody Styles was actually here?”

“Niall!” Zayn groans. “Could you cut it with that kind of language?”

“It’s fine. It’s actually a little refreshing.” Harry tells him. “People are always so reserved around me. It gets tiring.”

“Just go introduce yourself.” Zayn mutters, pushing Niall towards Harry with a mortified expression.

“I’m Niall.” he says simply after walking over to Harry, but the brunet barely hears it. He’s transfixed by Niall’s eyes, so close to the ones he’d once loved, and yet so different. Niall’s are warm and inviting, with flecks of gold shining through the deep blue. They’re kinder than the icy ones that Harry had once known like the back of his hands.

“Harry.” he barely manages in response.

“I really am sorry about the diva thing.” Niall says quietly. “I have trouble controlling my mouth sometimes. I don’t have the filter that Zaynie would like me to. Gets me in my fair share of trouble.”

“I told you, it’s fine.” Harry says with a soft smile. “People say worse about me in every trashy rag around the world. I couldn’t do what I do without a thick skin.”

“Harry, I totally understand if you don’t want him doing it now.” Zayn says with a quick glare thrown at his ‘brother’. “He’s not exactly put on a brilliant display here.”

“Blow me.” Niall mutters. Harry snorts out a laugh at that, giggling into his hand while Zayn fumes. Niall just shrugs, a hint of a smile twitching at the corner of his lips that’s threatening to become a full-blown laugh. Harry feels a bit guilty for enjoying this, but Zayn isn’t really treating Niall fairly either. He’s worried about a good first impression more than letting Niall relax and feel comfortable. It’s important that Niall is comfortable if he’s going to be marking Harry’s skin.

“I’ll take him.” Harry says, biting back another laugh because Zayn is still his friend, and he doesn’t want to piss him off. “Like I said, he’s refreshing.”

“Don’t fuck this up for me.” Zayn growls at Niall before stalking back inside. Oops.

“Language!” Niall calls after him with a shit-eating grin. Harry doesn’t understand Zayn’s response, but Niall barks out a loud laugh at it. “Sorry about that. He gets nervous letting me around his VIPs.”

“It’s okay.” Harry shrugs. “Can I see what you were working on?”

“No.” Niall says, hiding his sketch pad behind his back before quickly adding. “I’m sorry, but nobody sees what’s in here. Not even Zaynie.”

“I understand.” Harry nods, holding the door open for Niall. “I’m the same way about my lyrics journal. Are you making up a design for yourself?”

“No, um- I don’t have any tattoos.” Niall admits.

“That’s unusual for your line of work, isn’t it?” Harry asks, noting that the name on the door to Niall’s studio says ‘Niall Horan’.

“It’s not common, but it’s not entirely unique either.” Niall shrugs.

“Can I ask something that may come across a little rude, even though I don’t mean it to be?” Harry requests carefully.

“Go ahead.” Niall nods.

“Do you and Zayn have different fathers or something?” Harry questions. “He said you were his brother, but you two don’t look alike at all.”

“He called me his brother? That’s- Rare.” Niall sighs. “We have different fathers, yeah. And different mums. We’re not related at all. He’s my foster brother. I was taken in by his family between the ages of sixteen to eighteen.”

“Oh.” is all Harry can think of to say. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Niall says, waving him off. “Do you have a design for me?”

“No. I just had that itch, you know?” Harry replies. “Like, I want one, but I don’t know what until I see it. Do you have some designs I can look through?”

“Yeah.” Niall nods, reaching up to pull some binders off of a shelf. It’s the lone adornment in the room, the rest of it being alarmingly devoid of any personal touches. “Here. Do you want anything?”

“Water would be nice, but I don’t want to put you out.” Harry tells him, grabbing the binders and taking a seat in the tattoo chair.

“I was going to make myself some tea anyways.” Niall shrugs. “Bottled okay?”

“Sure.” Harry hums, though he’s not really paying much attention anymore. He’s more focused on the binder of designs that Niall has given him. He’s good. Really good actually. He has a way about doing colors that’s even better than Zayn in a way, coming across almost like watercolors in the way they’re blended together. He’s particularly enchanted by one design that starts as a solid black tree that peels away at the tips of the branches into pages of paper that look like paintings.

As much as he likes the designs though, he doesn’t really have many colored tattoos. He also definitely doesn’t have time for something like that. It’s closing in on seven thirty, and he has to meet Nick at nine. “Zayn says you mostly do black and whites. Those are in the other binder. The fonts I do are in the front of that one if you want text.” Niall says from the door.

“Okay.” Harry says, switching out the binders.

“Can I ask something now?” Niall asks.

“Sure.” Harry hums, looking up from the pages to give Niall his undivided attention.

“Why don’t you just wait for Zayn?” Niall questions.

“I have a dinner at nine, and he can’t fit me in before then.” Harry admits.

“Nine?” Niall asks incredulously, looking at his watch. “That doesn’t give me much time to work with here.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” Harry says sheepishly.

“Just hurry up and pick a design then, yeah?” Niall smiles, handing Harry his water.

“It’s hard when you don’t know what you want.” Harry sighs. “I’ve made some bad choices and had to have them covered up before.”

“Then why get one right now?” Niall asks, taking a drink of his tea. “Why not wait until you have an idea and then come back with it?”

“I feel like I need one, you know? Like, my skin is just itching for one.” Harry tells him. “Why don’t you pick one out for me?”

“What? No!” Niall says like Harry had asked him to punch a baby or something.

“Why not?” Harry asks curiously. “Most artists would be thrilled to be able to do this sort of thing. You can do whatever you want, provided you get it done in time and it isn’t obscene.”

“There’s no way I’m doing that.” Niall grits out. “My work isn’t a mistake that gets covered up. I don’t have a lot of pride, but I have more than that.”

“I won’t get it covered up.” Harry replies.

“Mr. Styles, I’m not trying to be rude, but that’s not going to happen. I don’t feel comfortable with it, so please stop asking me to.” Niall says quietly.

“Alright.” Harry shrugs. He flips through the pages until one design catches his eye, a pair of theatre masks. “Can you do this one?”

“I could do one, but not both.” Niall tells him.

“That’s fine.” Harry hums.

“Where do you want it?” Niall asks, taking out the design and running it through the thermal-fax.

“Right here.” Harry grins, pointing to his ribcage.

“Alright.” Niall nods, taking the new out of the machine. “Can you take your shirt off for me?”

Harry undoes the few buttons holding the fabric closed and shrugs it off of his shoulders. He settles back into the chair and waits for Niall to finish gathering materials. He rolls over in the chair and asks “Now where exactly did you want it?”

“Right here, below the birdcage.” Harry says, pointing again.

“Okay.” Niall agrees, pulling the lid off of a stick of deodorant and rubbing it on where Harry has indicated.

“I don’t think I’ve seen that before. Zayn uses water.” Harry says, finding the process curious.

“This works better. He’s just afraid that the customers will find it insulting, like we think they smell bad or something.” Niall explains. 

“Do you?” Harry asks.

“Depends on the customer, don’t it?” Niall mutters.

“I suppose.” Harry chuckles.

“Which one do you want?” Niall asks, holding up the two pieces of the stencil that he’s cut apart.

“I think I’ll go with the frown, because you’re kind of grumpy.” Harry grins.

“Fine.” Niall says curtly, setting the other mask to the side and pressing the distraught face to the spot that he’s covered with the deodorant.

Harry decides not to press his luck anymore. Niall doesn’t seem to appreciate his particular brand of conversation, so he’ll just leave it at that. He’s feeling a little too stupid right now to be charming anyways. Niall’s eyes have thrown him for a loop, and he still hasn’t quite recovered. It’s not like he hasn’t seen blue eyes since the breakup, it’s been a year after all, but none were quite as striking as Niall’s, nor on any lad nearly as fit.

“I’m going to start now, okay?” Niall says carefully once the stencil has made its outline. “Can you keep your arm up? Just so I don’t keep bumping it?”

“Sure.” Harry smiles, tucking his hand behind his head so that Niall has a clear workspace.

They settle into silence, the hum of the needle the only sound in the room. From the second the needle touches his skin Harry feels calmer, happier. The pain of it is next to nothing after all the times he’s been through this, almost comforting in a way. It gets his blood pumping. “So you’re one of them.” Niall chuckles.

“One of who?” Harry asks.

“The ones who um, enjoy this a bit more than the rest.” Niall says, fighting a losing battle against a smile, his eyes darting towards Harry’s crotch. “Zaynie said you were, but I didn’t believe him.”

“Fuck!” Harry hisses, covering the erection bulging in his trousers with his shirt. “I should know better by now.”

“Don’t know how you didn’t feel it when your jeans are basically plastic wrap.” Niall muses. “Is it like, a pain thing or something?”

“No.” Harry sighs. “It’s just this for some reason. I don’t get wood every time I stub my toe.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel embarrassed or anything. It happens more often than you’d think.” Niall says quietly. 

“That doesn’t really help. I’m embarrassed because I knew it would happen, but I didn’t think to cover myself, not because it happened. It’s just a reaction that I can’t help.” Harry mumbles. “I’m just a person, and people have bodily reactions that they can’t control sometimes.”

“Still, I shouldn’t have said anything. That’s probably considered rude.” Niall mutters.

“Probably. I’m actually kind of glad that you pointed it out though so that my humiliation was kept to a minimum.” Harry admits. “So, thanks, I guess?”

“You’re welcome, I guess?” Niall replies.

Harry can’t think of anything to say to that, so he doesn’t. They fall back into the uneasy quiet between them, Niall focusing intensely on his work while Harry takes in every feature of his face that he can. He particularly appreciates the sweet pink tongue peeking through even pinker lips. He mostly stays fixated on those eyes though, letting himself get lost in the blues and golds for ages, until Niall sighs and says “Can you please stop staring at me?”

“There’s nothing else to look at in here though.” Harry counters.

“Surely someone with your resources has a mobile.” Niall scoffs.

“It’s dead.” Harry shrugs. Honestly, he’s pretty sure that it’s fine. He always keeps it charged. He doesn’t want to stop staring at Niall though. He’s incredibly beautiful. His eyes light up every time he finishes a portion of the tattoo, so Harry doesn’t even have to look to know that it’s coming out beautifully. He can see the whole world through Niall’s eyes, and it’s like coming up for air after too long under water.

“Well can you like, blink or something at least?” Niall mumbles. “It’s freaking me out.”

“I have been blinking.” Harry giggles. “It’s just because I’m in your peripheral, and you’re focusing on something else. It’s an optical illusion, so technically you’re freaking yourself out.”

“Are you like this with everyone, or are you just pissed off because I’m not Zayn?” Niall asks, his tone as sharp as a razor. “Because if you didn’t want me to do it then you should have said so and saved us both some trouble.”

“No, I’m like this with everyone.” Harry tells him softly. “I’m sorry. I’m used to people at least trying to talk to me, but you’re not giving me anything to work with here.”

“I already know a lot about you through Zayn.” Niall shrugs. “You’re kind of a big deal around our place.”

“Oh.” Harry supplies without a hint of eloquence, the wind taken out of his sails. Okay, maybe a little attention wouldn’t be unappreciated.

“Sorry if that doesn’t fit into the whole ‘Look at me, aren’t I so charming and attractive?’ thing that you have going on.” Niall smirks.

“For someone who says that he knows about me, you don’t seem to know a damn thing.” Harry says, bristling at the comment.

“On the contrary. I know a good deal about you Mr. Styles. For instance, I know the stories behind each of the tattoos that Zaynie has done for you. I know why you got the swallows on your collar bones, and about the birdcage, and even the hanger there.” Niall replies. “Just like I know why you keep staring at my eyes.”

“Are you done?” Harry snaps.

“I will be soon if you sit back and stop talking.” Niall says flatly.

“Just hurry the hell up then.” Harry huffs.

“Fine.” Niall nods, cleaning the needle in a glass of water before continuing on the design. Harry seethes in the seat, only bothering staying in the room because he doesn’t want some half-finished mask on his side. It has absolutely nothing to do with the way he still finds Niall’s tongue poking through those candy-floss pink lips when he focuses endearing. Niall’s hands move more quickly this time, but the occasional glance tells Harry that he’s not sacrificing any quality for his speed. It takes a little while longer of awkward silence, and then Niall finally breathes out “Done.”

“Then do the cleanup and let me leave.” Harry mutters.

“Do you want to see it first?” Niall asks, his fingers gripped loosely around the handle of a hand mirror. Harry can hear the hope in Niall’s voice, and while he’s furious with the blond’s audacity, he’s not a dickhead.

“Sure.” Harry nods, taking the mirror from Niall and checking out the marking from a better angle. “It looks good.”

“Then I’ll wash it and put on the antibiotic cream now.” Niall says quietly, dipping a cotton ball in some soap and then another cup of water. He rubs it carefully over the skin until he deems it clean enough to apply the ointment with a cotton swab. After that he pulls out a bandage and fits it carefully over the tattoo, pressing it and having Harry twist until he’s sure it’ll stick. 

“Two to four hours should do it for this. If you leave it on for too long and it sticks, don’t just peel it off. Add water and soap until it comes away easily.” Niall explains.

“I think I have aftercare down by now.” Harry huffs, pulling his shirt on.

“Yeah. Of course you do. Sorry.” Niall mutters, standing up and grabbing his tea and sketch pad. “Liam can take care of you from here on out. He knows my prices.”

“I can’t just pay you?” Harry asks.

“No. My break was interrupted for this.” Niall replies flatly, disappearing out the door after adding “Next time, make an appointment so that this doesn’t happen again.”

Harry finishes buttoning up his shirt, well, does it halfway actually, and then walks out to meet Liam in the front. “How was it?” he asks with a bright smile.

“Fine.” Harry mutters. “How much do I owe?”

“I um- I have to see it to know.” Liam says, his face crestfallen.

“Right, sorry.” Harry sighs, lifting his shirt and peeling back the bandage.

“That’s part of a pair. Why is there only one?” Liam asks.

“We didn’t have time. I’m already running behind for a dinner.” Harry tells him, pulling out his wallet. “How much?”

“Sixty, since it’s only half.” Liam mumbles.

“Fine.” Harry says quietly, dropping a one hundred pound note on the counter. “I’ll be back in two weeks from tonight. Can you set up an appointment to finish it? With Zayn please.”

“Of course Mr. Styles.” Liam nods, flipping through his appointment book. “We have one slot open that night at nine. Is that okay?”

“Sure.” Harry replies, holding back the urge to tell Liam off for still calling him ‘Mr. Styles’ after having known each other for over a year, and despite Harry’s numerous requests to just use his damn name already. He’s mad at Niall, not Liam, and it wouldn’t be right to take that out on the poor bloke. Liam writes him out an appointment card and slides it across the counter. Harry pockets it and walks out with the gentlest “Have a good night Liam” that he can manage with his mood.

 

“What the hell did you do?” Zayn roars, storming into the flat with a fury, a sheepish looking Liam trailing behind him. Niall had left immediately after Harry’s appointment because walk-ins are rare that late at night, but he knew that going straight to his room would have been a mistake. This at least gives him a way to retreat once Zayn really gets going. He generally respects Niall’s space enough for that.

“You’re going to be more specific- Bro.” Niall replies, spitting out the last word venomously.

Zayn looks as though he’s been slapped, but recovers quickly. “What do you think you’re doing chasing off my most important customer?” he growls. “Liam said that not only didn’t you finish the tattoo, but that he wants me to do it when he gets back.”

“Obviously I didn’t ‘run him off’ if he’s set up an appointment with you.” Niall counters. “And what the fuck do you get off calling me your brother just to get your VIP to stay and get his money?”

“Nialler, that’s unnecessary.” Liam tells him.

“I do think of you as my brother, you absolute raging twat!” Zayn grits out. “I know why you don’t think of me that way, and I get it, but that doesn’t change the way I feel about it Niall. You’re my brother, and you always will be. Now please, just tell me what happened between you and Harry.”

“Everything was fine at first.” Niall sighs. “It was easy enough to talk to him. Then he started getting all weird and annoying. He wanted me to pick the design, like some sort of psycho, because he couldn’t decide what he wanted himself. And then once I started doing the tattoo that he eventually picked out, he wouldn’t stop staring at me. He got all pissed off because I wasn’t fawning over him, so I told him that I already knew about him through you, and that I knew he was only staring at me because of his ex.”

“You brought up Louis?” Zayn hisses. “Why the fuck would you do that?”

“Because it’s not my fault that I have the same eye color as his ex!” Niall snaps. “You never should have passed him off on me!”

“Excuse me for thinking you could get through this one important human interaction without being a complete dick!” Zayn yells. “If you didn’t want to do it, you should have just said so! That would have been fine.”

“I couldn’t do that, and you know it.” Niall sighs. “Whether I like it or not, I owe everything to you. My home, my job, everything I have. I didn’t want to risk that just because I didn’t want to work on one of your precious VIPs.”

“Niall, I’m not going to kick you out or fire you!” Zayn groans. “Family doesn’t do that sort of thing. They don’t abandon each other.”

“Mine did.” Niall whispers, rushing into his room and slamming the door closed just as Zayn lets out a curse when he realizes what he’s said. He falls down onto his bed letting out a choked sob that he tries to muffle with his pillow. The tears won’t stop coming, and he just prays that the paper thin walls and threadbare pillow will be enough to keep them from hearing the cries he lets out. His prayers go unanswered, but he’s kind of okay with it when Zayn and Liam come into his room and curl around him until he cries himself to asleep

 

“Sorry I’m late.” Harry sighs, taking his seat across from Nick with a grateful smile for the hostess before she flits off with a spring in her step.

“It’s fine. Hope you didn’t expect me to wait for you though.” Nick smirks, taking a drink from his glass of wine.

“Of course not. A whole five minutes must have just left you famished.” Harry huffs, looking through his menu even though he knows he’ll just end up ordering a salad.

“What kept you anyways?” Nick asks.

“I was at Malink.” Harry tells him.

“Oh? And how was the pretty boy?” Nick questions.

“Busy.” Harry replies curtly. “He didn’t even have time for me. I got stuck with this little arsehole instead. He was horrid.”

“Surely you don’t mean Niall.” Nick scoffs. “You can’t possibly. He’s like a ray of sunshine.”

“How do you even know him?” Harry asks.

“I was out at a bar a couple months ago and ran into Zayn, Liam, and him.” Nick shrugs. “He was great. Funny, nice, and so fucking hot.”

“He’s a dick.” Harry grits out.

“Actually, I’m fairly certain he’s not mate.” Nick counters. “And even if he is, he’s still hot. You can’t say he isn’t.”

“Being attractive doesn’t excuse his attitude.” Harry sighs. “But no, I can’t deny that he is attractive.”

“And he likes you.” Nick grins. “Every time your name came up that night, he lit up like a Christmas tree. I’ve never seen anyone blush so much. How long has it been since you pulled anyways?”

“I don’t do that, and you know it.” Harry growls. “And I’m definitely not going to sleep with someone I can’t stand once he opens his mouth, let alone Zayn’s brother.”

“They’re not brothers.” Nick replies, his eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

“Not technically, no. He’s Zayn’s foster brother.” Harry tells him.

“No shite? You’d think Zayn would have said something after I kept hitting on his brother all night.” Nick muses.

“Of course you did.” Harry scoffs.

“Just because you don’t like him, doesn’t mean I can’t.” Nick grins. “Seriously though, what could he have done that got you so angry at him?”

“He brought up Louis.” Harry says quietly.

“God forbid!” Nick says dramatically. “You only dated that cunt for four years. How dare somebody mention him! The audacity! The gall!”

“Shut up.” Harry sighs. “He wasn’t always bad.”

“You have to move on eventually Styles.” Nick says gently. “If you’re still defending him, then that tells me you still haven’t. And you definitely aren’t ready for a bloke like Niall.”

“I have moved on.” Harry insists. “Just because I don’t want to date someone who calls me an attention whore doesn’t mean I haven’t moved on.”

“Have you dated anyone? At all?” Nick asks.

“No.” Harry admits. “It’s hard to find someone that I’m sure would like me for me, rather than because I’m Harry Styles.”

“You know who that sounds like?” Nick asks with a shit eating grin.

“Don’t you dare say it.” Harry growls.

“Niall.” Nick hums. Why did Harry even bother coming to London? This whole layover has been terrible. This had better be the best salad that Harry has ever had.


	2. Chapter 2

“Mr. Styles!” Liam says quickly when Harry walks through the door. “I didn’t expect to see you.”

“It’s not like you to forget that you’ve made me an appointment Liam.” Harry hums. It’s been two weeks of finishing up his last few shows of the tour, and now he’s finally got some time to himself. Four months in fact. He’s managed to stop being angry at Niall, and it might have something to do with the fact that he’s wanked at least five times to those pink lips and blue eyes since then.

“I didn’t forget. I called and left a voicemail earlier for you. Zayn is out sick today, so all of his appointments have been reassigned.” Liam explains.

“Oh. I haven’t checked my phone.” Harry admits. “I wanted a few days to myself, so it’s turned off. When was my appointment rescheduled for?”

“Not rescheduled, reassigned.” Liam corrects. “Niall has taken on all of Zayn’s appointments.”

“Oh.” Harry breathes out. He may have forgiven Niall by now, but he’s not sure that he can handle doing another hour or longer with the blond.

“He’ll be finishing up any second now though, so-” Liam says, leaving the statement open ended.

“I- Um- Is-” Harry stammers, trying to figure out a nice way to say that he doesn’t want Niall to work on him without risking offending anyone. The universe isn’t that kind.

“Li can take care of you from here. I’m going home.” comes an all too familiar voice. Niall steps out seconds later, shrugging on a jacket while a girl follows behind him. He catches Harry’s eye and says “Well shit.”

“Niall!” Liam hisses.

“You said he wasn’t coming.” Niall counters. “Excuse me if I swear because I thought I was done for the night. I’ve been here for ten hours Liam.”

“Oh my god! You’re Harry Styles!” the girl squeals, flitting across the lobby until she’s uncomfortably close to Harry.

“I am.” Harry nods with a smile.

“Oh my god, I love you so much!” she giggles. “My name is Jess, and I’ve been a fan since the X-Factor. I even started coming here when you tweeted that this is where you get your tattoos done.”

“Thank you.” Harry chuckles. “It’s always nice to know when a fan trusts you enough to put something like this in your hands.”

“Will you sign something for me?” Jess asks eagerly.

“I will, as long as it’s not a body part. That never gets any less strange to be asked.” Harry tells her with a laugh. He loves meeting fans, but they can take things to an uncomfortable level sometimes. He has to make things clear without coming across as rude, because he really does appreciate them.

“Oh, well how about a picture then?” Jess asks.

“Of course.” Harry nods. He’s done this a hundred times a day for the last few years, so this doesn’t really bother him anymore. She pulls out her phone, and he lets his pop-star smile slide into place. It’s charming and attractive, if not particularly genuine. It’s not the one he gives when he’s actually happy or amused, the one that certain people can wheedle out of him, but it’s also not completely fake either.

“Thank you so much!” Jess squeals. Harry is just happy that she only took the one picture, not needing to retry a lot of angles until she’s satisfied. Her hand is wrapped around his hip, drifting uncomfortably low as the seconds tick by. “Do you mind if I put this on Instagram?”

“No, but would you mind waiting until tomorrow?” Harry requests. “Just so that poor Liam and Niall here don’t get flooded with people after a long day.”

“That’s fine.” Jess grins. She pulls a piece of paper out of her purse and scribbles something on it, pressing it into Harry’s hand. “This is my number. Call me if you’d ever like to get a drink or- Something.”

Harry barely suppresses a shiver of distaste at the insinuation in her voice. He smiles and gives a nod, not trusting his tongue not to tell her that that isn’t going to happen ever. “If you could come with me now and stop flirting with my customer Mr. Styles.” Niall sighs. “Liam, you can go home after you take care of her. I’ll close up tonight and just walk back.”

“Lovely meeting you Jess.” Harry rushes out, following after Niall and closing the door behind them. He presses his ear to the door so that he can hear when she leaves and sneak out without offending her.

“I suppose you want the other mask then?” Niall asks.

“I just need a hiding place until she leaves.” Harry tells him. “I’ll have Liam reschedule things with Zayn. It’s better that way, because at least he doesn’t dislike me.”

“I don’t dislike you either Mr. Styles.” Niall says quietly. “I’m sorry about the way that I acted the last time you were here. That was entirely inappropriate. I’ll finish your tattoo for you on the house as an apology.”

“I don’t care about appropriate.” Harry scoffs. “Inappropriate I can handle. I deal with it every day. You were just flat out rude.”

“I know, and you didn’t deserve that.” Niall mumbles. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Harry waves him off, dropping Jess’ number in the bin.

“Why did you do that?” Niall asks. “Didn’t you think she was fit?”

“You know about Louis, which means you know I’m gay Niall.” Harry huffs. “I don’t know why you’re bothering pretending that Zayn hasn’t told you far too much now.”

“There is such a thing as bisexual Mr. Styles. Or even whatever Zayn is.” Niall shrugs.

“It’s Harry, not Mr. Styles.” Harry tells him. “And does that mean that Zayn and Liam really are together?”

“Yeah.” Niall nods. “But it’s complicated. Zayn still considers himself straight, just with a specific attraction to, and feelings for, Liam. That makes things a bit shaky. That’s why Liam is so jealous of you, because you two have known each other for a long time, and you kind of look like the girls Zaynie used to date.”

“See, now that’s what I’m talking about with the rudeness. I know that I look a little bit effeminate, everybody knows it, but you don’t have to say it.” Harry sighs.

“You said that you liked people being real with you.” Niall says quietly.

“There’s a difference between not being calculated, and being rude Niall.” Harry mutters.

“I have trouble finding that line.” Niall admits. “I told you last time, I don’t have much of a filter.”

“And that’s why it would be better for both of us if Zayn finishes the tattoo.” Harry explains.

“I don’t want him to finish it!” Niall blurts out, slapping his hand over his mouth with a bright blush staining his cheeks.

“Why not?” Harry asks curiously.

“Because he’s better than me.” Niall mutters. “If his work and mine were side by side like that, then it’ll be obvious. Millions of people would see it whenever you get papped shirtless, and they’ll know. Everyone will be able to tell how much better than me he is.”

“You’re too down on yourself. Your work is good Niall. Really good.” Harry smiles, surprised by Niall’s humility.

“Maybe, but I’m no Zayn.” Niall whispers. “He has it all, the looks, and the boyfriend, and the talent, and the charm. I don’t. I don’t have any of it.”

“You have the talent.” Harry tells him. “And you’re plenty charming. When you don’t bring up my ex that is. And the looks- Well I don’t know how to say anything about that without sounding like I’m hitting on you, but Nick thinks you’re attractive.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me. He’s relentless.” Niall laughs.

“He can be.” Harry nods.

“So, can I?” Niall asks.

“Can you what?” Harry replies.

“Finish the tattoo.” Niall says quietly.

“Are you sure you want to?” Harry questions.

“I don’t do things that I don’t want to do.” Niall says firmly.

“Fine, but if you bring up my ex again, then I’ll leave. And not only will I have Zayn finish it, I’ll have him ink your names under each one so that people know who did what.” Harry grins.

“Might be a bit difficult to stay in the closet if you do that.” Niall chuckles. “Having two blokes’ names on your ribs isn’t extremely heterosexual. Especially when one is dating a lad, and the other is openly gay.”

“You’re gay?” Harry asks, unable to conceal his surprise at the confession. Nick had mentioned that he thought that Niall was gay, but he always thinks everyone is gay, and thus Harry doesn’t really think of him as an authority on the subject.

“I am.” Niall nods. “I assume that’s not a problem for you as far as me doing your tattoo?”

“No it’s fine.” Harry laughs. “Might be a bit hypocritical and self-loathing if it was. Has that ever happened to you before?”

“I don’t tell my clients that I’m gay.” Niall shrugs.

“Not even like, the hot blokes? I’m sure some at least would be interested.” Harry tells him.

“I don’t date, or hook up anymore either.” Niall says quietly. “Haven’t since Zayn took me in. Haven’t really wanted to honestly. Men don’t make it worthwhile most of the time. They’re either just in it for sex, or they’re so vapid that they care more about themselves than anything that has potential to be meaningful. I just don’t see the point anymore.”

“I know what you mean.” Harry admits. “Nick keeps telling me to get out there, but it’s not as easy as all that.”

“Do you mind if I go have a quick fag before we do this?” Niall asks. “I haven’t had a chance all day, and my whole body is feeling it.”

“No, that’s fine.” Harry smiles. “Mind if I come with? I could use some air. Been cramped up on a plane or at my house all day.”

“If you want to.” Niall shrugs. “The smoke isn’t going to bother you?”

“I’ve had a cigarette or two in my day Niall.” Harry hums. “I don’t do it anymore, and I don’t particularly approve of the habit, but I also don’t judge it either. There are far worse vices than nicotine.”

“Alright.” Niall says, rummaging through his pockets for his pack of cigarettes before heading out and through the door to the courtyard. Harry follows behind, enjoying the cooler night air. The courtyard doesn’t have any source of light other than the moon and the flickering orange from Niall’s lighter which goes out quickly. The moon by itself does give Niall’s face a soft glow though. One that Harry finds himself entranced by. He can’t help it when it comes to the blond lad. He’s too beautiful not to look at. He may be rude, but he’s also capable of apologizing for it, which shows that he’s kinder than Harry originally thought. “I’ve asked you to stop staring at me like that Mr. Styles.”

“Harry.” he corrects. “Why do you and Liam insist on calling me that?”

“Why does it bother you so much?” Niall asks in response.

“Because I’m twenty one, not forty.” Harry shrugs. “Do you call Nick Grimshaw by his surname? What about Ed Sheeran? I know for a fact that they’ve both been here, because I sent them.”

“I’ve only seen Nick outside of work, and Zayn won’t let me meet Ed.” Niall laughs. “I’m such a huge fan of his. I’d probably like, scream and try to kiss him or something.”

“He’d get a good laugh out of that.” Harry grins. “Though I have to say, I’m a little offended. All you did when you met me was call me a diva and fall off a bench.”

“I apologized for that, and honestly, I don’t really listen to your music that much.” Niall admits. “I don’t think it’s bad, especially some of your newer stuff, but it’s just a little poppy for me. No offense.”

“I’ve heard that about a million times before, so none taken.” Harry laughs. “Except when you call me Mr. Styles.”

“If I call you Harry, will you stop doing that then?” Niall questions. “We’re not in my studio. You can look at something else.”

“Like what?” Harry scoffs. “The darkness? The stone benches? That sweet wrapper that’s on the ground over there even though there’s a rubbish bin right next to it? It’s as boring out here as it is in your studio. You should really get a telly in there or something.”

“Foster kid habit. Never have anything that you can’t pack up in five minutes when everything goes to shit.” Niall shrugs.

“It’s really boring.” Harry chuckles.

“Why do you feel this constant need to be entertained?” Niall asks, and while the question is harsh, his tone isn’t.

“I don’t like getting stuck up in my head.” Harry admits before he can stop himself. “It’s not- It’s not a good thing for me.”

“Finally, something we have in common.” Niall muses, strolling across the courtyard and taking a seat on the same bench that Harry had first seen him on. “I know all too well the dangers of letting yourself get pulled too far into your own mind.”

Harry takes that as an invitation and joins Niall. The bench isn’t really big enough to seat two grown men comfortably, so they’re sat closer than Harry normally would with a stranger. “What was it like growing up in foster care?” Harry asks, wincing as the question leaves his mouth. “Shite, sorry. Please ignore that.”

“It’s fine.” Niall says quietly. “It wasn’t as bad as they make it out to be on telly. I was never abused, or forced to live in a cupboard or anything. Most of the families were nice enough, if not particularly caring. I was a bit of a problem child, so I never stayed in one place too long. Eventually they actually ran out of places that would take me in in Ireland, where I’m from, so they sent me over here instead.

“I’d stay with a family for a few months, a year if they were really patient, and then I’d end up in a group home for a while until some new family thought they could be the ones to tame me. Nobody ever tried to adopt me though. Zayn’s was the last family that I was put with, and they had me longer than anyone. Apparently they wanted to adopt me, but there wasn’t much point in it. I was over sixteen when I got placed with them. I didn’t even know about them wanting to do that until Zayn found me.

“On my eighteenth birthday, before everyone woke up, I packed my clothes and left without saying anything to anyone. Apparently they spent months searching for me, took even longer to forgive me for it, but I didn’t know that until about six months ago. I was at Tesco, and I heard someone say my name, and then I was flat on my arse. He punched me, and then he picked me up and cried while he hugged me. It’s the only time I’ve ever seen him cry. He pulled me kicking and screaming out of the shit-hole I was living in with six other blokes to live with him, and trained me to work here.

“But to answer your question, instead of giving my life story, it wasn’t that bad. Would I have preferred to grow up with my family? Of course. But that wasn’t an option, so I made the best out of what I had. Things weren’t that bad. They weren’t great, but they weren’t bad.”

“You didn’t have to tell me all that if you didn’t want to.” Harry mumbles, shocked at all that Niall has been through. He has a feeling that there’s more to the story, more of a reason behind the sadness, the loneliness, in those eyes. He’s not going to push it though. That doesn’t feel right.

“I told you already Harry, I don’t do anything that I don’t want to do.” Niall shrugs. “Besides, it’s nice to get that out occasionally, you know?”

“Not really.” Harry admits. “I take the opposite tactic generally. I bottle things up or run from my problems until I can face them. Talking isn’t really my forte.”

“I wouldn’t have guessed that.” Niall chuckles. “Your music can be pretty raw. Where Do Broken Hearts Go, that was a really emotional song.”

“I thought you didn’t listen to my music.” Harry hums.

“I do sometimes. Zaynie has all of your albums and occasionally they get played in our flat.” Niall shrugs. “I actually like that one. It’s a bit more rock. Is it about him?”

“Yes and no.” Harry shrugs. “It was about me kind of. I wrote it just after he left, but I wrote it from what I wanted his point of view to be, if that makes sense.”

“It does.” Niall nods. “You wanted him to come looking for you, to find you. You wanted him to know where your broken heart was.”

“Yeah.” Harry smiles. Niall is the first person he’s ever told that to, and he kind of sees what the blond means when he says that it’s a relief to get something like that out.

“Is it hard thinking about him?” Niall asks.

“Sometimes.” Harry says softly. “It’s not so hard now, but it took me a long time to get to this point.”

“Sorry. I wasn’t supposed to be talking about him.” Niall sighs. “You can tell me off now.”

“Don’t feel like it.” Harry hums, standing up off of the bench. “I am going to call it a night though.”

“What about your tattoo?” Niall asks.

“Don’t worry. I’ll still have you be the one to finish it.” Harry tells him. “I’ll call Liam tomorrow and have him set something up. I just need to go. Good night Niall.”

“Fine. Good night Mr. Styles.” Niall mutters when Harry walks out of the courtyard. That cold distance from the first time is back in his voice, and it stings a little, but Harry doesn’t respond to it. The fact that he’s letting Harry walk away is what hurts more, and that’s why he keeps his mouth shut. Because he can’t figure out why it hurts.

 

“What happened to ‘You booze, you lose’?” a familiar voice asks with a tone that says he’s smiling. Harry knows it, of course he knows it, he’d heard it just half an hour ago.

“Haven’t had any.” Harry admits, keeping his eyes locked on the few tiny suds of his beer that haven’t popped since it got to the table he’s claimed in the back, rather than letting them drift up. “Did you stalk me or something?”

“If I’d been stalking you, then it wouldn’t have taken me so long to get here.” Niall muses, taking the seat across from Harry without permission or invitation. “I came here for my own purposes.”

“I find that hard to believe.” Harry scoffs. 

“That’s because you don’t know what Zaynie is like when he’s sick.” Niall hums. “If the last six days have taught me anything, it’s that it’s easier to handle when I’ve had a few. Between the stress of taking all of his work, and his constant whinging, I deserve a drink or two.”

“You’ve been doing this for six days?” Harry asks, giving into the inevitable and finally looking up at Niall.

“Yes, and it’s been awful.” Niall chuckles. “The customers are always upset that I’m not Zayn, so they tip for shit.”

“That’s horrid.” Harry huffs.

“You don’t even know.” Niall sighs. “I make my living off of tips. Zayn takes two thirds of what I make before tips to pay for the tattoo supplies I use, rent, groceries, and all the other little shite. It’s fair, but it doesn’t leave me much to work with when people don’t fucking tip, which has happened more often than not over the last week. And when they do tip, they tip for shite. That girl who was trying to climb into your skintight jeans? Five pounds on two hours of work.”

“Now I’m glad I threw her number in the bin.” Harry grins.

“Can’t say I’m too disappointed with it either.” Niall laughs. He nods at Harry’s beer and asks “That because you had to deal with me again?”

“No. I just needed to clear my head. This was the first place I saw that was still open, so I stopped. I don’t drink anymore, but I thought it would be rude not to order anything at all.” Harry explains.

“Do you mind then?” Niall asks.

“Feel free.” Harry smiles, sliding the beer over to the blond. “Someone should drink it I guess. It’s warm though.”

“Cheers.” Niall giggles, taking the beer and downing half of it in one go.

“So, did you sit with me for free beer, or what?” Harry asks.

“No. You just looked like you could use some company, and despite how it seems, I’m not a complete dick.” Niall shrugs. “I can’t just let someone I kind of know sit there looking like he’s trying to find the secrets of the universe in some beer foam. The free beer helps though. Makes it easier to decide whether or not I like you.”

“I could take off my shirt again to help you decide.” Harry smirks.

“Not like that you twat.” Niall laughs. “I mean in general. Like, as a person.”

“Oh.” Harry sighs. That’s taken a bit of the wind out of his sails.

“I’m leaning towards yes though, and not just because of the beer.” Niall smiles. “You’re different than I thought you’d be.”

“And how exactly did you think I’d be?” Harry questions.

“Honestly?” Niall asks. “I thought you’d be- Well- A bit more like Nick.”

“That’s rude.” Harry giggles. “I can see what you mean, but he really is a decent bloke. He only gets that way around blokes he likes. It’s his defense mechanism. Despite the fact that he’s famous and moderately attractive, he’s finding it harder to find someone because the lads he likes are always the kind who think that him being thirty equates to him being dead.”

“That had nothing to do with it for me.” Niall mumbles. “I just wasn’t interested, and he couldn’t take a hint. I turned him down six times before I finally begged off with a ‘headache’. And what I meant about you not being like Nick, was that you seem like you’re generally down to earth. You’re not as fake as I thought you’d be. Even with how up your arse Zayn is, he’s never mentioned that you’re just a genuine kind of person.”

“I’m a little offended.” Harry huffs.

“Don’t be. If there’s ever been a bloke besides Liam that Zaynie was genuinely in love with, it’d be you.” Niall chuckles. “I just don’t think it ever occurred to him to mention it, because he can’t imagine someone not liking you, or thinking that your personality was an act. He took the time to get to know you before he judged you, which I didn’t, and I’m sorry about that. That’s why I’m trying to get rid of my preconceptions and figure out whether I like you or not.”

“You’re a good deal more blunt than most of my friends Niall.” Harry laughs.

“Is that what you consider us?” Niall asks, raising an eyebrow curiously.

“Well I’ve talked to you about my ex, and you’ve talked to me about foster care, so I’d say that we’re past the casual acquaintances mark.” Harry hums. “But don’t worry, a lot of my friends can’t figure out whether they like me or not either. Of course, if you’d rather not be my friend, that’s okay as well. You can just go back to paying for your own drinks.”

“How can I turn down that offer then?” Niall grins. “Got shit for tips all day, then some posh twat came in, took up twenty minutes of my time, and didn’t get anything done at all.”

“Hey!” Harry whines, playing along with the teasing lilt in Niall’s voice. “I left you a forty pound tip last time!”

“Which I was incredibly surprised at by the way.” Niall replies sheepishly. “You didn’t have to do that. I was bloody awful to you.”

“I tip based on the quality of the work.” Harry shrugs. “Your work was good, so your tip was decent.”

“It was more than I made in tips all day today.” Niall admits.

“Then let me get you another.” Harry chuckles, signaling to the bartender that he’d like another beer for Niall.

“Buying me off isn’t going to get you very far.” Niall laughs. “There’s more to me liking someone than whether or not they buy me beer.”

“I don’t care about that.” Harry chuckles. “I’ve already decided that I like you as a person, which means that you’re stuck with me now. Therefore, you should have more than one warm beer.”

“Alright then.” Niall grins.

“How you doing Nialler?” the bartender asks, placing a new beer on the table.

“Better for seeing your smiling face Craig.” Niall beams, draining the rest of his old beer to exchange it for the new one.

“Shut up you.” Craig laughs, walking away and shaking his head.

“I’m sorry- Nialler?” Harry questions.

“Don’t be an arse.” Niall huffs.

“How am I being an arse Nialler?” Harry asks.

“You- You’re-” Niall stammers.

“I’m what? I’m not being condescending about it. I’m not being malicious.” Harry counters, settling back in the booth. “In fact, I quite like it. It makes you seem softer, which you could use. I mean, you’re getting all pissy just because I’m using your nickname. If you don’t want me to call you that, then ask me not to Nialler. I’m not a dick. I’ll stop if you want me to.”

“No, it’s fine.” Niall sighs. “I thought you were making fun of me.”

“You’ll know if I’m making fun of you Nialler.” Harry laughs. “But that’s not really my speed.”

“Well it’s mine.” Niall grins. “So I guess if we’re going to be friends, you should get used to it.”

“I think I can do that.” Harry tells him. Yeah, he could definitely get used to this, could get used to those eyes, and that playful smile, and that uproarious cackle that Niall lets out when his guard is down. He really wouldn’t mind getting used to that.


	3. Chapter 3

“It’s smaller than I thought it would be.” Niall mumbles sleepily, nuzzling into Harry’s neck. This is definitely not how Harry saw his night going. Niall is drunk enough that Harry didn’t feel comfortable letting him walk back to his flat this late at night. It’s still London after all. So he buckled Niall into his passenger seat, where he immediately passed out, and tried to take him home. The only problem is that Zayn isn’t answering his phone, and neither is Liam, which Harry really should have expected because it’s close to three in the morning. So now they’re standing in Harry’s living room. Well, Harry is standing, Niall is being carried.

“You aren’t even looking at it.” Harry scoffs.

“I saw the outside.” Niall says with as much of a shrug as he can manage when he’s half asleep.

“Well it has two guest bedrooms, which is all you need to worry about right now.” Harry chuckles.

“I can walk you know.” Niall tells him, even as he starts to fade away again.

“We tried that, remember?” Harry asks. “You made it three steps.”

“I didn’t fall.” Niall pouts.

“Because I caught you.” Harry counters.

“Are there stairs between here and the bed?” Niall questions.

“There are. Two flights of them in fact, but that won’t be a problem for me. You don’t weigh very much at all.” Harry grins. It’s not that Niall is overly skinny exactly, he’s solid for sure. Harry can feel the bulge of muscle in Niall’s limbs beneath his hands. He just walks that fine line between being delicate and not. He seems like he could be knocked down by a stiff wind, but Harry knows that he would go down fighting it.

“Shut up.” Niall huffs. “Put me down. I’ll walk.”

“Alright.” Harry nods, settling Niall lightly down on his feet. The blond takes a few shaky steps, and actually manages to stay upright. 

He turns back to Harry with a beaming smile that makes the brunet feel a little week in the knees and says “Point the way Haz!”

Harry can’t suppress the smile that tugs at his lips from Niall’s use of the nickname he’d forced on Harry somewhere between his third and fourth beer to help even the playing field. He nods towards the staircase and spends the next two minutes shepherding Niall around the room, keeping him from getting too distracted by any of the hundred things that catch his eye, until finally Niall makes it to the landing past the first flight of stairs. That’s where his luck ends, and he falls flat on his bum. Harry barely manages to keep him from falling back down the stairs.

“Alright.” Niall says through a string of giggles. “You can carry me.”

“How are you this drunk?” Harry sighs. “You didn’t have that much to drink.”

“I had two glasses of whiskey while you were in the loo.” Niall grins.

“Ah. I was wondering how your inebriation level shot up so much in just two minutes.” Harry chuckles. “At least you’re a happy drunk. Not everyone I’ve ever had to carry inside has been.”

“Now you know.” Niall laughs. “I still thought I’d be going home to Zaynie and Lima Bean. I didn’t expect you to bring me back to your house like a creeper or something.”

“I’m not being a creeper!” Harry squawks. “I can take you back to theirs if you just tell me where it is.”

“Nah. I bet your bed is comfier than mine.” Niall chuckles. “It’ll be like staying in a hotel.”

“Well I don’t perform turn down service.” Harry huffs, gathering the blond up in his arm. “Now hold on tight, because I need one of my hands for the banister.”

“Yes sir.” Niall giggles, squeezing his arms tight around Harry’s neck.

Harry makes it the rest of the way without incident, taking Niall into the closest bedroom. He settles the blond on the bed, tucking him in under the blanket. He decides the kind thing to do would be to grab a glass of water and some paracetamol, as well one of his guest toothbrushes. None of them have ever been used. In fact, other than his mother and his assistant, nobody has ever actually been to his new home before. Even his sister hasn’t been here yet. He heads to his own bathroom to grab the supplies, and by the time he gets back Niall has somehow managed to strip everything off except his black briefs, stretched extremely tight over his now noticeably ample bum, which is sticking right up in the air as Niall wiggles around on the bed, presumably to get comfortable.

“Why is it so hot in here?” he whines, looking at Harry with that pretty pink lip jutted outwards in a pout.

“I never have guests, and I’ve just gotten back this morning, so the air is off. I’ll turn it on, don’t worry.” Harry explains, setting the water and paracetamol on the bedside table before shuffling into the en-suite bathroom attached to the guest room to put the toothbrush next to the sink. He takes a moment to look at himself in the mirror and silently chastise himself for actually being the creeper that Niall called him. Once he’s sure that he can walk back in without staring openly at the nearly nude blond, he returns and says “I’ve left some things for you to make the morning a bit easier.”

“Thank you.” Niall hums sleepily, burying his face in the pillow and closing his eyes. It’s a strange contrast, because he looks so soft and sweet this way. And yet the cut of his jaw, the broadness of his shoulders, the tightness of those fucking briefs, it all makes him look like a fallen angel, tempting Harry into sin.

“What time do you need to be up by to get to work on time?” Harry asks around the nervous lump in his throat.

“Ten.” Niall mumbles.

“Alright. Good night Niall.” Harry says, walking to the door and shutting off the lights.

“Good night Haz.” Niall says in the darkness. And if Harry still feels like a creeper as he slowly wanks himself off to the image of Niall all stretched out and gorgeous in his bed, that’s his own private shame to carry.

 

It may be July, but seven in the morning in London is still seven in the morning in London. Harry realized his mistake as soon as he stepped outside for his run, and while the chill was a nice motivator at first, it’s now sank its way into his bones. That’s far better than heading back inside for some joggers though. He’d made the miscalculation of peeking into the guest room to check on Niall before he headed out. The image won’t leave him alone now, filling him with guilt every time he closes his eyes. So he doesn’t close them, instead taking the sting of the wind as his personal punishment. 

He pushes himself harder through every lap of the private park behind his home. His legs and lungs are burning, begging him to slow down, but he just drags up more energy and powers through it. He can’t stop now, can’t bring himself to go back inside. Part of him just wants to just keep running until Niall wakes up and leaves on his own, but that seems both rude and unlikely.

He makes it another two laps (which makes twenty six in total) before his legs decide they just can’t take anymore, and he collapses on a patch of grass about three houses down from his own. He probably could have made it inside, could be laying on the couch until his lungs remember how to fill themselves, rather than on this damp spot with dew seeping through his shirt and into his skin, but that would mean possibly having to face Niall with only four hours of sleep and enough guilt to drown himself in. Before, when he was on tour and had wanked to Niall out of frustration as much as attraction, that had been one thing. That he could rationalize. It’s not right when it’s a friend. Especially a friend who was vulnerable and inebriated. A friend who’s made it clear that he doesn’t date or anything else.

He stays in that spot, his shorts fallen down to his hips and the cool breeze stinging viciously against his sweat soaked thighs. His hair has mostly shaken loose from the bun he’d put it in, and every once in a while one finds its way into his eyes or mouth. His sides and arms itch from the grass, which seems to take a sadistic level of joy in tickling over the exposed skin. Overall the experience is not one in which Harry takes a great amount of pleasure, and yet he still can’t bring himself to go inside until the sun peeks between two buildings and nearly blinds him.

He shuffles through the gate of his garden, his feet swollen and angry in his shoes before he slides them off. The cold of the hardwood floor is soothing, quelling the pain building up with each step as he drags himself through his house to his shower. Harry won’t say that he doesn’t enjoy the benefits of being rich, that he doesn’t like to splurge and spoil himself even though he’d like to think he’s still relatively grounded, but one of the best things is his shower. It’s big, the water pressure is fantastic, and it heats up really quickly. It’s part of what sold him on this place when he moved out of his last one. That, and it had been turnkey in a private neighborhood that had no ties to Louis or memories of him.

He stands under the warm spray, letting it blast the soreness out of his muscles. He turns the temperature all the way up and revels in the searing heat, planting his hands against the wall so he can lean forward and give his legs some much needed relief. He knows in the back of his mind that he should be using cold water to help minimize the strain he’s put on himself, but he absolutely hates cold showers and can’t bring himself to do it. He climbs out after half an hour, and deeply considers just falling back into the bed before he decides against it.

Instead he decides to tug on a pair of trackies and a jumper, and resolves to make breakfast. He hasn’t had the opportunity to cook in ages, let alone for someone else. He sneaks past the room Niall is in, adamantly keeping his eyes forward this time rather than letting them drift towards the sleeping blond. He’s set his mind on keeping that friendship intact, and that means he needs to forget that Niall is basically perfect for him. He needs to forget that Niall is gorgeous, and funny, and honest. That he’s been through so much, and yet is strong enough to move past it and smile. That he doesn’t give a shit that Harry is famous. Fuck, he’s stupidly perfect.

Harry bites the inside of his cheek to pull himself back to reality, because only one thing matters. Niall doesn’t date. Niall doesn’t date, so nothing can come from Harry’s crush, and he needs to stop himself before it turns into full blown feelings. He’s never been good at that though, never been good at holding himself back like that. He’s never been good at making the healthy choice for himself. He certainly didn’t do it with Louis.

Once he gets to the kitchen he can push everything else out of his mind. He still has a long while until Niall needs to be woken up, and he wants to let the blond rest. Taking that into account, he doesn’t actually know what the blond likes to eat or if he has any allergies. He decides to make a variety of things to give Niall some options, and immediately sets to work.

One quiche, half a loaf of toasted bread, a pound of bacon cooked in a range from soft to crispy, a fresh fruit salad, one pot of hollandaise sauce, and (in Harry’s opinion) not nearly enough time later, Niall makes his way down the stairs. He’s still soft from sleep, his eyes half closed and his hair ruffled. That’s not the part that really takes Harry’s breath away though. That honor belongs to the fact that, rather than his own clothes, Niall is only wearing a pair of Harry’s boxer briefs and one of his shirts, left unbuttoned and half hanging off of one of his shoulders. He rubs at his eyes sleepily and says “Did you actually cook, or am I dreaming right now?”

“No, I cooked.” Harry says, unable to keep his voice from squeaking at the end of his sentence.

“Jesus Haz, you feeding an army or something?” Niall gasps when he sees all the food.

“I didn’t know what you’d like.” Harry explains sheepishly, turning his attention back to the eggs that he’s poaching because he’s stared too long already. Fucking Niall. “I wanted you to have options in case you had any allergies or anything.”

“I’m definitely not a picky eater.” Niall chuckles. “Brekkie is a rarity at our place. Zayn can’t cook to save his life, and I’m more of a grill guy. What are those for?”

“Eggs benedict.” Harry tells him, watching carefully because poaching eggs is incredibly complicated and they can go bad really fast. “It’s something I picked up in America.”

“I’ve never been out of the UK before.” Niall admits quietly. “I used to want to do what you do, but it was a stupid dream. I never really had a shot. I think I just needed something to hold onto, you know? Something big to dream about.”

“I used to think it was just a dream too.” Harry says with a soft smile. “Just because a dream is big, doesn’t mean it can’t happen.”

“It can’t for me.” Niall mutters. “I think those are done Haz.”

“Shite!” Harry hisses, pulling the eggs out and setting them on a napkin to dry before setting them on some toasted muffins and drizzling the hollandaise sauce over it. “Fuck. Sorry if these taste, like, horrid.”

“I don’t even know where to start with all this.” Niall giggles. “One question though. Can you actually cook?”

“Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsey have both given me private lessons.” Harry mumbles. “I’m definitely not helpless in the kitchen. I even won a special celebrity episode of Chopped over in America for charity.”

“Well- Damn.” Niall laughs.

“I’d start with the eggs benedict if you’re interested in that. If the hollandaise sits too long, then it congeals, which is not good.” Harry tells him.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” Niall asks.

“Already have.” Harry shrugs. It was only a banana and a cup of tea, but Niall doesn’t need to know that he’s got Harry’s stomach so twisted up in knots that he can’t handle much else. That’s Harry’s problem, not his.

“I don’t suppose you have any coffee?” Niall requests.

“I have a coffee maker. I’ve never used it, but I think I can figure it out.” Harry replies, grateful for an excuse to focus on something other than Niall.

“You don’t have to do that. It’s fine Haz.” Niall says quietly.

“I want to.” Harry responds, rummaging through his cupboards for the coffee beans he’s sure that his assistant stashed somewhere. He never drinks coffee, neither he nor Louis enjoyed it, but his mother does so he always keeps some around somewhere.

“Haz, stop.” Niall says firmly. His voice is closer now, and Harry can tell that he’s moved to stand behind him. “You’ve gone through enough trouble for me already.”

“It’s no trouble.” Harry tells him. “I needed something to occupy my mind. I’m not used to having nothing to do, but I don’t have anything scheduled all week.”

“Why haven’t you looked at me since I got down here?” Niall asks. “Did I do or say something last night that I’m just not remembering? Did I offend you?”

“No. It’s just- You’re wearing my clothes. Nobody has done that since- Since-” Harry says, struggling to get the words out.

“Louis.” Niall finishes for him with a sigh. “I’m sorry. My clothes smelled like beer, and it was making me a little sick. I didn’t realize it would bother you.”

“It doesn’t bother me. It’s just- I’m only a man Niall, and you’re an attractive bloke, and that’s always been a thing for me.” Harry admits.

“Oh!” Niall says with a loud laugh. “Haz-”

“I need some air.” Harry rushes out, making a break for the back door. He can’t move that fast, not with his feet screaming at him angrily for putting more strain on them, but he gets outside in just a few seconds. It’s only once he reaches his garden that he realizes that he’s basically trapped himself. He doesn’t even have shoes on, not that he’s sure he could walk anywhere right now. The entire park is bordered by houses, so there’s no escape.

“Are you done freaking out yet?” Niall asks from the door.

“Go back inside Nialler.” Harry sighs.

“Not until you do.” Niall counters.

“Go back inside.” Harry growls. “I have neighbors, and I’m under constant scrutiny, because they know who I am. The last thing either of us needs is someone taking a picture of you like that.”

“Then come back inside with me.” Niall smirks.

“I can’t right now.” Harry whispers. “I just need some time before I say something wrong and piss you off.”

“I’m not pissed off that you’re attracted to me Haz.” Niall laughs, dislodging the shirt even further and letting it slip down one arm to expose his chest and one pert little nipple. “It’s not like I’m not attracted to you. I’m not blind. I’m a little pissed that you think that I’d let something like that get in the way.”

“You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?” Harry groans. 

“I’m not doing anything.” Niall shrugs.

“You bloody well are, and you know it.” Harry grits out, stalking over and towering over the blond. “And I’d shove you back in that house and hold the door closed if I could afford to lose a friend.”

“You think you could huh?” Niall grins. “I doubt it. I’m scrappier than I look, and I play dirty.”

“This isn’t a game Niall. It’s my life.” Harry mutters. “Go back inside before I do something we both regret.”

“Like what?” Niall asks defiantly.

“Like forget that you’re my friend, and that you don’t do anything with guys anymore, and kiss you.” Harry whispers. “I don’t want to ruin this friendship like that. Go inside. Please. I’ll beg if I need to.”

“No need to beg Haz.” Niall chuckles. “I’ll go inside. Don’t want either of us to do anything we’ll regret. Now will you come with me? I’m going to have to leave because Zayn is actually coming back and I have to talk to him about the work I’ve done on some of his regulars, and the things they’ve discussed with me about where they want to go from there. I don’t want this to be the way we leave things until you come in later.”

“What are you talking about?” Harry asks.

“I’m finishing your tattoo today.” Niall grins.

“I don’t know-” Harry says, trailing off at the end. “I’ll check to see when I can come in. I’ll schedule something with Liam in the next few days.”

“No, you’ll come in at noon. You told me not ten minutes ago that you have nothing scheduled.” Niall says with a smirk. “You will come in today, and I will finish your tattoo. And then you’ll take me to lunch to make up for the fact that you freaked out and took up all the time that I had for breakfast.”

“Fine.” Harry huffs, rolling his eyes. He’s pretending to be put out, but he’s secretly thrilled that he hasn’t completely wrecked things. “And you can take something in if you want. I couldn’t eat all of that in a week.”

“I will, but if I get stabbed on the bus for carrying a quiche, then I’m blaming you.” Niall giggles. “Now, do you mind if I wear these? Zayn will literally skin me if I show up smelling like beer.”

“I’ll wash your clothes and bring them to you later, as long as you don’t walk out without some fucking trousers.” Harry laughs.

“Why? I think I could get better tips this way.” Niall says with a shit eating grin.

“Is that really how you want your tips?” Harry scoffs.

“Hey, I’ll take what I can get.” Niall shrugs, turning on his heel and walking back into the house with a shimmy of his hips. “Gotta make what little I have work for me.”

“Jesus Christ.” Harry mutters under his breath. What has he gotten himself into?

 

“Well you’re early.” Liam hums, taking Niall in with appraising eyes. “So- How was last night?”

“It was fun.” Niall mumbles shyly. 

“How fun exactly?” Liam grins. “Because those are definitely not your clothes.”

“I have a good excuse for that.” Niall huffs. He doesn’t. Not really. His clothes really had smelled a little like beer, but really he’d been trying to provoke a reaction from Harry. What he’d gotten was more than he could have dreamed of. He’d been attracted to Niall, but put the blond’s feelings first to preserve the friendship between them. He cares about Niall as more than just a shag, and that’s absolutely what Niall was hoping for. “And we didn’t fuck, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Is that a pie?” Liam asks, perking up.

“It’s a quiche.” Niall smiles, looking down at the dish in his hands. “Haz made it. It’s got Swiss cheese and leek.”

“Haz?” Liam muses. “You must like him if you’ve already given him a nickname.”

“I’ve given you a nickname and I don’t like you, Lima Bean.” Niall mutters, setting down the quiche and grabbing two forks from their lunch area.

“You love me and you know it.” Liam scoffs.

“Not right now I don’t.” Niall laughs, digging into the quiche and moaning at the taste of it. It’s that good.

“So did you at least snog his face off?” Liam asks, causing Niall to nearly swallow his tongue instead of the flaky crust and egg in his mouth.

“No!” he chokes out once he regains his breathing, He doesn’t plan on mentioning how Harry had said he’d wanted to kiss Niall, and he definitely doesn’t plan on admitting that he’d wanted to wrap his arms around Harry’s neck and snog him until neither of them could breathe. “We’re just friends Liam!”

“Is that all you want it to be?” Liam asks.

“No.” Niall admits quietly. “But there are problems Li.”

“Like what?” Liam asks.

“Eventually he’ll have to go back on tour, and I’ll be left alone again.” Niall whispers.

“Nialler, it wouldn’t be like that.” Liam says softly. “He’s felt that before too. Not like you have, but he’s been abandoned in his own way. He’d never hurt you like that if he cared about you. He’s a really good bloke.”

Niall doesn’t get the chance to respond before the bell over the door rings, alerting them to a customer. Niall turns around and takes him in, the brown hair tucked under a beanie and sunglasses. He seems almost familiar, but Niall isn’t sure why. He’s seen a lot of people around here though, so that’s probably it. Liam stiffens behind him, so Niall asks “Walk in, or appointment?”

“Walk in. I was hoping you could fit me in.” the lad says softly.

“Zayn has an appointment in twenty minutes, so no.” Liam says curtly.

“I can take you though.” Niall offers, giving Liam a curious look before he nods his head for the guy to follow. 

The bloke smiles at him and heads back, but Liam grabs Niall by the wrist before he can take a step and hisses “Nialler, you’re playing with fire here. Don’t do this.”

“What the fuck are you on about?” Niall asks, tugging his hand out of Liam’s grip. “Actually, I don’t really care. He’s wearing Ray-Bans, so he’s probably a decent tipper. Get a grip Lima Bean.”

He heads back without waiting for a response, closing the door to his studio before Liam can say something else. He turns to the stranger and says “Sorry about that. I don’t know what his problem is.”

“He’s not my biggest fan.” the guy says. “My ex got this place in the breakup. I just wanted to get one more before I moved back up north permanently.”

“Alright then, Mr. -” Niall says, inviting him to fill in the blank.

“Tomlinson, but you can call me Louis.” he says, taking off his sunglasses to reveal blue eyes that send a shock through Niall’s entire system. Fuck.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm putting this up a day early because it's shorter than any other chapter. I'll post the next one in two days or so to try and make up for the length of this one.

When Harry walks through the door to Malink, Niall is already sitting near the door. As soon as the bell rings, he launches himself forward and rushes out “You’re late.”

“It’s noon on the dot.” Harry says, looking up at the clock for confirmation. “You told me to be here at noon.”

“Well I’ve been waiting for ages.” Niall huffs, pushing Harry back out of the door. “Let’s go.”

“I thought we were doing my tattoo first.” Harry points out, confused by Niall’s odd behavior.

“No. Can’t be in there right now.” Niall grits out, steering Harry forward with a surprising amount of strength.

“Did you and Zayn have a row or something?” Harry asks, barely keeping upright as Niall pushes him down the sidewalk.

“No. Will you please just walk?” Niall groans.

“Nialler, what is the problem here?” Harry asks, turning to the side and catching the blond when he lurches forward. “What’s wrong? Is this about this morning?”

“No.” Niall sighs, worrying at his lip. It looks like it hurts, and Harry wants kiss it better. He wants to know if Niall would hiss if Harry kissed him, or enjoy the sting. Mostly he just wants to know if Niall would kiss him back though. He pushes that all back down, seals it away to beat himself up with later for being a fool. “Please don’t be mad at me Haz. I didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know what?” Harry asks.

“He came in for a tattoo, and Liam tried to warn me, but I didn’t listen. I didn’t know who he was, or I never would have done it.” Niall mumbles, looking down away from Harry’s eyes.

“Louis.” Harry supplies. Of course. When he and Harry had split, Harry had only fought for one thing, Malink. Louis had agreed easily, putting up no argument and consenting to keep away from it. It’s just one more in the long list of broken promises. Just one more disappointing lie.

“Are you mad?” Niall asks nervously, shuffling back and forth with his eyes still locked on the ground.

“No Nialler, I’m not mad.” Harry tells him gently, lifting his chin up so that he can see that Harry means it. “I’m a little upset with him, but I don’t blame you for it. You have a job to do, and my problems should never get in the way of that. Did he at least tip well? He was always really cheap.”

“I didn’t take the tip.” Niall admits. “I refused it, so Liam gave it to Zaynie.”

“That was stupid of you.” Harry scoffs.

“I was trying to do the right thing.” Niall huffs.

“And I thank you for it.” Harry smiles. “You didn’t have to do that, but I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.”

“You’re my friend. Of course I had to do it.” Niall says adamantly. Harry doesn’t let it show, but the way that Niall says friend feels a bit like a kick in the teeth. “So are we good?”

“I don’t see why we wouldn’t be.” Harry tells him. “Now can we go do my tattoo?”

“Actually, can we eat first? I’m starving.” Niall groans.

“Oh. Was the quiche bad?” Harry asks nervously.

“What? No! It was amazing!” Niall huffs. “But those two twats ate it all while I was working on Louis. I only got a few bites. One more reason not to like your ex.”

Harry snorts out a laugh at that, but doesn’t say anything. He never disparages Louis to other people, doesn’t admit to the hell that he’s been through. He doesn’t tell them about the nights when Louis would come home reeking of weed and sex. Or how he’d have his fun throwing bottles at Harry’s head. He doesn’t tell them about the way he’d crushed Harry down, making him believe all the venomous drunken things that leaked out of Louis’ mouth. That doesn’t mean he can’t take a little bit of pleasure in someone not buying into Louis’ sober charm though. Especially when it’s Niall.

“Yes or no to lunch Haz?” Niall asks, pulling Harry out of his head.

“Sure.” Harry nods. “Do you want to go inside and change first?”

“I’ll change in the car.” Niall chuckles, grabbing the bag from Harry’s hand. “Where is it?”

“You went right past it while you were trying to push me into traffic.” Harry points out, pulling his keys out of his pocket and unlocking his Range Rover.

“Oh shut it.” Niall grumbles, climbing into the back seat. Harry laughs to himself and gets behind the wheel. He keeps himself from glancing into the mirror, but it proves to be a task of herculean efforts as Niall grunts and groans in a way that has Harry’s cock filling up, much to his distress. After what feels like an eternity of Harry chastising himself, Niall climbs into the passenger seat and says “Thanks for not driving while I did that. That would have been a bit difficult. I thought there would be more space in something like this.”

“You think everything is small.” Harry mutters. “My home, my car, anything else you want to get on my back about?”

“What?” Niall asks, his eyes going wide. “Haz, that’s not what I meant. I’m sorry.”

“No, I am.” Harry sighs. “It’s not your fault. It’s just not easy when someone comes along and points out how small and empty your life is. Especially when it’s true.”

“Your life isn’t empty Haz.” Niall says softly, fitting his hand over Harry’s where it’s gripping the steering wheel so harshly that his fingertips aren’t even getting any blood. “You have friends who care about you, and you have a family. That’s more than some of people have. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.”

“Let’s just go to lunch.” Harry mumbles, sliding his hand out from under Niall’s so he can start the car.

“Okay.” Niall says quietly. Harry start the drive, furious with himself for treating Niall like that when the blond hasn’t done anything wrong. About five minutes in he glances in the rear view mirror and nearly drives off of the road. The shirt and jeans that Niall had been wearing are neatly folded up in the bag that Harry had brought Niall’s clothes in, but the blond’s underwear are still sitting on top of the bag, untouched, which means he’s still wearing Harry’s. He’s sure that Niall just didn’t want to go completely starkers in the back of Harry’s car, but he’s definitely going to be the death of Harry.

 

“No! No way!” Niall squawks indignantly, holding the door closed when the valet tries to open it. “I’m not eating here!”

“Why not?” Harry asks. “The food is good. I promise.”

“I can’t afford to eat here.” Niall huffs. “I don’t even think I could afford to park here.”

“Good thing I’m paying then, innit?” Harry hums.

“Haz, you don’t have to-” Niall starts.

“Can you give us a minute?” Harry asks the valet. The lad nods and scurries back to his little podium. “Alright, now what’s the problem here? I already told you that I’d treat you to lunch to make up for this morning, and even if that hadn’t happened, I’d still pay, because I like to splurge on my friends.”

“I don’t need your charity Haz.” Niall mutters. “I was joking when I said that you owed me lunch.”

“Nialler, this is what I like to do with my money. Let me buy you lunch.” Harry urges. “It doesn’t have to be here. You can pick anywhere you want.”

“I don’t know.” Niall sighs. He doesn’t want Harry to think that he cares about his money, but he can’t find a way to say that without admitting he’s interested in the brunet. He’s not quite ready for that yet. He’s not ready to be rejected by the first guy he’s actually liked in forever. He’s pretty sure that Harry could be interested too, but he’s not ready to put his heart on the line until he’s sure about it. He doesn’t want to be abandoned again.

“Nialler?” Harry asks gently, nudging the blond with his elbow. “Is this about what I said this morning? I promise, I don’t think this is a date or something. My head is on right now. I pay for everyone I go out with. It would be the same for if I went out with Zayn, or my mum, or Grimmy.”

Ouch. Okay, that one hurt. Being compared to the guy you like’s mum is kind of a blow to the ego. “I wasn’t worried about that.” Niall says, trying to avoid making Harry think he’s not open to anything, while at the same time keeping himself guarded. “Just- Does it have to be somewhere so expensive? You’ve already done so much for me today, making sure I was safe last night, and making all that food this morning. It just feels like I haven’t really done anything to deserve all this. We haven’t even been friends for a full day. You hated me this time yesterday.”

“I didn’t hate you. I just didn’t know you yet.” Harry shrugs.

“Haz.” Niall says, giving him a knowing look.

“Okay, maybe I hated you a little.” Harry huffs. “But not really. I hated you that first night for sure, but I’d calmed down by yesterday. Do I seem like the type to hold a grudge?”

“Yes.” Niall nods, keeping a straight face for as long as he can before he breaks into a fit of giggles. “No, not really. You’re kind of a softy.”

“Yeah, I am.” Harry agrees. “And you’re a little rough around the edges, but I think we can work with that. I think we fit.”

“Opposites and all that?” Niall grins.

“Opposites and all that.” Harry nods with a brilliant smile that makes Niall go weak in the knees even though he’s sitting. It’s been less than a day, how can Niall be this screwed? “So can we eat now, or are you going to keep freaking out?”

“We can eat.” Niall mumbles. “Do I need to change back into your shirt to be respectable enough to eat here?”

“Not for lunch.” Harry hums. “Dinner might have been a different story, but I know the owner, so I doubt it would be. His daughter is a fan.”

“Alright then.” Niall sighs. “But I should warn you, I have a hell of an appetite. One of those tiny entrees these kinds of places serve probably won’t be enough.”

“That’s fine.” Harry muses. “Get as much as you want.”

“Oh, you’ll regret that.” Niall tells him. If this isn’t a date, the Niall’s not going to behave himself like it is one.

 

“I have never, and I literally mean never, seen anyone eat that much in one sitting in my life.” Harry giggles, settling back into the chair.

“Oi, shut it you.” Niall grunts, flicking Harry in the earlobe. “I get it already. I’m fat.”

“You aren’t though, and that’s the shocking part.” Harry grins, splaying his hand over Niall’s stomach. It’s slightly stretched, which isn’t a surprise since he just devoured three meals and several baskets of bread, but Harry can definitely feel the firmness under his palm. He wonders how that would feel under his lips, under the gentle pressure of his teeth, and then realizes that he’s left his hand there too long and skitters his fingers over the surface until the blond wiggles away from him in a fit of laughter. “You’re still just a tiny little thing.”

“If you don’t shut it, then instead of the mask, I’m going to ink Liam’s stupid pouty face on your ribcage.” Niall huffs.

“Don’t reckon I’d like that too much. Two sad faces doesn’t work. You could do your smile though. Think I could live with that.” Harry grins, pushing the boundaries of what’s acceptable and what isn’t. He knows better, knows he needs to push this down, but it’s getting harder with every moment he spends around Niall.

“You’re an idiot.” Niall laughs, pulling the stencil out of the thermal fax and cutting off the side he needs. “Alright, time for your favorite part of things.”

“And what part is that?” Harry hums.

“The part where you get to show off.” Niall scoffs.

“If you know another way of getting a tattoo on my torso, then I’d be happy to hear it.” Harry replies, stripping off his shirt and settling it over his lap. “And is there a problem with me being proud of my body? I’ve worked quite hard to get myself to this point.”

“I can tell.” Niall grins. “That shower didn’t do much for you after that run this morning, did it?”

“Shite!” Harry hisses, pulling his arms down to his side. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine. It’s not that bad, it’s just- Strong.” Niall chuckles. “At least you’re not like Zayn. He smells like all the curry we eat when he sweats. Yours is more- I don’t know- Musky? Is that the right word? Like, proper manly and shite.”

“I’m pretty sure musky is like animals.” Harry mumbles. “Wait, how did you know I went for a run?”

“I’m a really light sleeper.” Niall shrugs. “You woke me up when you went outside and when you came back in. The good thing is I also fall asleep again pretty easily, so no harm done. I will say though, if you’re going to run that hard, that early, you should probably wear some better clothes for it.”

“I had a lot on my mind.” Harry mutters. “That was my way of dealing with it. And I get that I woke you up, but how do you know what I was wearing or how hard I was running?”

“Caught a glimpse of you when I came back from a wee.” Niall laughs. “Worried me for a minute because you looked like you were about to collapse. Seemed like you were running away from something.”

“Suppose I was.” Harry mumbles.

“Louis?” Niall asks tentatively.

“No. I could see how you’d think that, but no.” Harry sighs. “There’s more going on in my head than just Louis you know.”

“Can I tell you something that he told me?” Niall asks.

“Sure.” Harry nods, trying not to let it show on his face that he’s digging his fingernails into his scalp just to stay calm.

“He just got out of rehab.” Niall says quietly. “He said he’s moving back up north, to Doncaster. Said it would be easier to avoid the temptations there than it is here.”

“That’s good.” Harry says, putting on a smile that he doesn’t quite feel. “I’m glad he’s finally gotten some help. Anything else?”

“I shouldn’t.” Niall mutters. “I shouldn’t have even told you that. I shouldn’t be getting in the middle of this.”

“It’s not like I don’t know what’s going on in his life Nialler. A lot of my friends still know him. I hear things.” Harry tells him.

“Oh. So you know about the pregnancy then.” Niall breathes out in a sigh of relief. Harry’s heart clenches at that, because no, he definitely did not know about that. He can vaguely hear Niall calling after him as he rushes out the door, registers Liam’s voice if not his words as he flies out of Malink and towards his car. Thankfully his body seems to know what to do without his mind telling it, because through the tears in his eyes and the sobs wracking his chest, he’s not sure he could escape the way he needs to if it didn’t.


	5. Chapter 5

Niall’s hand is shaking as he reaches for the doorbell, and he takes a minute to steady himself before he presses it. This could all backfire in so many ways, but he has to try. He rings the bell and stands back, gripping the boxes in his hand tighter. He hears a noise from inside, some muffled cursing, and then the door creaks open. “I didn’t order any- Niall?” Harry asks, blinking the sleep out of his eyes.

“Don’t think there’s too many places in London that deliver fresh Niall.” he giggles nervously. Harry likes stupid jokes, Niall learned that at the pub. This one doesn’t seem to take though. Harry doesn’t even have a hint of a smile on his face, and really, Niall should have known better than to open with a joke.

“What are you doing here?” Harry asks quietly.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay.” Niall admits.

“You could have just called.” Harry mutters, stepping to the side to let Niall in. He was so worried about Harry, and he should have been by the looks of things, that he hadn’t noticed that Harry is basically naked. All he’s got on are a pair of cut off trackies that are barely still up on his hips. While that’s hot as hell, the rest of Harry is a mess. He doesn’t look anything like the happy, flirtatious version of himself that had been in Niall’s chair only hours ago. There are tear stains on his cheeks and his eyes are swollen. His hair is hanging in loose curtains around his face that look unkempt rather than meticulous.

“Actually, I couldn’t. I don’t have your number, and Zayn refused to give it to me after this afternoon.” Niall sighs. “He preferred to just chew me a new arse-hole. Haz, I’m so sorry that-”

“They knew.” Harry chokes out. “Nick, Ed, Matty, everyone, they all knew about it, and nobody told me. You were the only one, so please, don’t apologize. You’re apparently the only real friend I have, the only one who would tell me the truth. Please, don’t stop doing that.”

“Alright.” Niall nods.

“Did you bring pizza?” Harry asks, glancing at the boxes in Niall’s arms.

“And old films.” Niall beams, setting everything down on the island counter and turning back to Harry. “Got Roman Holiday, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and Charade.”

“Have you got some really big Audrey Hepburn fetish or something?” Harry snorts.

“Believe it or not, I’m not that gay.” Niall grins. “These are all Zaynie’s. He loves these old films. I wasn’t sure if you’d prefer Audrey or Marilyn, but I went with Audrey because she’s classier. That said, I have a soft spot for Some Like it Hot, so I’ve brought that as well.”

“You may just be my favorite person in the world right now.” Harry laughs, pulling Niall into a strong hug. Niall lets himself have this, lets himself feel Harry this close to him and take everything in. He lets himself get caught up in Harry’s warmth, enjoys the smile Harry is pressing into his neck, the pleasant scent of him that Niall is too timid to admit that he likes, the strength hidden in the muscles of his back that reveals itself under Niall’s hands. “You didn’t have to do all of this though.”

“Hey-” Niall says gently, pulling back enough to look Harry in the eyes. “Of course I did. You shouldn’t go through this alone. I’m probably not the person you really want to see right now, but I couldn’t stand thinking that you were upset and maybe alone.”

“You’re the only one I want to see right now.” Harry slurs out. “Everyone else- They wouldn’t even tell me the truth. You’re the only honest person in my life. My mum knew Nialler. My mum knew, and she didn’t even tell me.”

“Haz, have you been drinking?” Niall asks carefully.

“No.” Harry says, shaking his head and letting go of Niall to take a step back. “I don’t drink anymore. I was just sleeping before you knocked on the door. Guess I’m not as awake as I should be yet. How late is it?”

“Only about seven.” Niall tells him. “I left early, went home to grab the films, then I came straight over here.”

“Feels later.” Harry mutters.

“That’s because it’s been a long day.” Niall sighs. It has too, the longest Niall can remember in a long time. Zayn had yelled at him for what felt like hours after Harry left, and then the bus seemed to take eons to get him near here.

“How did you get here anyways?” Harry asks.

“The bus.” Niall shrugs. “Slipped in through the gate behind one of the cars that was pulling in. Pretty sure that if I hadn’t had the pizzas somebody would have thought I was around to sack the place.”

“Thank god for pizza then.” Harry hums, glancing longingly at the boxes. “But I shouldn’t. Too many-”

“Calories don’t count tonight.” Niall says, cutting him off at the pass. “And neither does fat or any of those other little health things you care about. Tonight that goes straight out the window.”

“Don’t really think that’s how it works.” Harry sighs.

“Well it is, so shove it.” Niall grins. “Besides, if you don’t eat it, then I won’t let you have the surprise.”

“Surprise?” Harry asks, perking up noticeably.

“Gonna do something special for you tonight.” Niall beams. “I noticed you have a lot of bananas when I was here this morning.”

“I love bananas, but I’m not eating them on pizza Nialler.” Harry replies, pulling a disgusted face.

“That’s disgusting.” Niall cackles. “No, I’m doing something else with them you git. I’m going to need your help navigating the kitchen though, so you just sit down and tell me where everything is when I ask for it, yeah?”

“Alright.” Harry nods, taking a seat at the island.

“Okay, so first I need knife and a chopping block.” Niall tells him, pulling the two ripest bananas he can find off of one of the multiple bunches that Harry has. He must really like bananas.

“Knives are right over there, and the cutting boards are behind them.” Harry says, pointing to the corner of the kitchen.

“Can I get a round of applause for my lovely assistant?” Niall says in his best impersonation of a stage announcer, clapping wildly. “Isn’t he great? Pretty and smart. What a winning combination. Hands off though ladies, he sucks dick.”

“Oh my god.” Harry laughs, dropping his head into his hands and giggling like a mad man. “Why did I let you into my house?”

“Because I’m impossibly charming.” Niall smirks.

“There are a lot of words I would use to describe you Nialler, but charming is not one of the first that comes to mind.” Harry snorts.

“Don’t be dick.” Niall huffs, grabbing the chopping block and sorting through the knives until he finds a paring knife. He sets them on the counter and grumbles “I can be charming.”

“Probably, but most of the time you kind of look like Grumpy Cat.” Harry grins. Niall scowls at him in response and Harry cackles. “Just like that!”

“Why did I bother coming over here?” Niall mutters, setting himself to task and peeling the bananas.

“Because you’re a good person.” Harry says softly. “Even if you do look grumpy all the time, and you talk without thinking, and you’re going to make me run just as hard tomorrow as I did today just to burn off this pizza, you’re a really good bloke underneath.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” Niall mumbles, slicing the bananas into medallions.

“I would.” Harry says firmly. “And I won’t hear you say another bad word about yourself, understand?”

“You don’t know me that well Harry.” Niall says quietly, keeping his eyes focused on the fruit so that he doesn’t have to look up. “And let’s be honest, you only like about half of what you do.”

“I know all that I need to know about you.” Harry tells him. “I know that you’ve had a harder life than anyone would know, because your smile and laugh are so genuine. And I know that even though I fucked up royally this morning, you still came to make sure I was okay. And I know that you’re more honest than anyone else I know, which is something I would be happy to have in my life for as long as you’ll put up with me. And I like it all.”

“You’re being generous.” Niall murmurs. “I’m a dick, and we both know it.”

“Sometimes, but isn’t everyone? Have you ever met someone that was like, one hundred percent nice?” Harry chuckles.

“Liam.” Niall sighs.

“He’s not always nice. He hates me.” Harry pouts.

“No, he just doesn’t like you flirting with his boyfriend.” Niall points out. “And he’d never say anything mean to you.”

“I don’t flirt with Zayn.” Harry huffs, crossing his arms over his chest before quietly adding “Anymore.”

“Think ‘anymore’ might be the operative word there.” Niall laughs.

“Well you’re the only one who’s actually said that they’re together. Zayn hasn’t confirmed it, and Liam just kind of glares at me.” Harry mumbles. “And I’m a natural flirt.”

“I’ve noticed.” Niall says under his breath. “I need a freezer-proof glass bowl with a lid.”

“That cabinet right behind you.” Harry tells him.

“Thank you.” Niall says absentmindedly, opening it up to find one that’s an appropriate size. He packs in the bananas and sticks them in the freezer, peeling and slicing another for Harry when he looks after them like a wife watching her husband leave for war. He could just give him a whole one, but that is not an image he needs in his brain right now. “You’re ridiculous. Okay, now here’s where we may run into a problem. I need sea salt and dark chocolate.”

“Sea salt is in the spice rack there, and there’s a bar of dark chocolate hidden behind the bread box.” Harry admits sheepishly, popping a slice of banana in his mouth.

“You live alone. Why would you feel the need to hide your chocolate?” Niall asks.

“So that the assistant who buys groceries for when I get back doesn’t know that it’s here.” Harry mumbles. “Then she’d buy me a ton of it and I’d eat it all. It’s better this way.”

Seriously, how can something like hiding chocolate be endearing? It shouldn’t be, but Niall is enamored with it anyways. He adores that Harry has his soft, shy, vulnerable side to him that he doesn’t want anyone else to know about, but that he reveals to Niall without hesitation. “I think you could afford it Haz.” Niall grins.

“Maybe every once in a while, but not all the time.” Harry shrugs.

“If you say so.” Niall hums, grabbing the salt off the rack and revealing the chocolate bar from its hiding place. He unwraps the chocolate and begins cutting it into slivers quickly.

“I thought you didn’t cook.” Harry says curiously.

“I don’t. Not really. I can chop things though. Trisha always had me help in the kitchen, and this was really the one thing I couldn’t muck up.” Niall admits.

“That’s Zayn’s mum, right?” Harry asks.

“Yeah.” Niall nods, a fond smile creeping across his face when he thinks back to his time spent with her. “She was the only foster mum I had that ever tried to help me become a functioning human being. She taught me to do my own laundry, and to balance my checkbook, and tried to teach me how to cook no matter how badly I kept messing things up. Wednesdays were always feared in the Malik household, because those were the nights when I was up. Saturdays weren’t particularly liked either. Zayn was almost as bad as I was. Every night someone different cooked with her, except on Fridays, which are like the Islamic Sabbath, even though it’s not official by the church.”

“Do you practice Islam?” Harry asks.

“I don’t practice anything.” Niall says, shaking his head.

“Was it strange living with a family with a different faith like that?” Harry questions.

“Not really. They didn’t expect me to convert or anything. I respected their practices, and they respected that I wanted no part in it.” Niall explains. “The only thing about it that ever bothered me was Zayn waking me up whenever he’d get up early to do salat. Even that wasn’t that bad. Oh, but Ramadan sucks. They didn’t make me participate, but I did it anyways.”

“Sorry. I’m being pushy, aren’t I?” Harry asks quietly.

“Not really. I don’t mind talking about that stuff.” Niall tells him. “The Malik family was the one real bright spot of my childhood.”

“Why did you leave then?” Harry asks.

“Because I didn’t think they really cared about me. I didn’t think anyone was even capable of it back then. I thought that they just felt obligated, and I didn’t want to be a burden on the one group of people that I was fond of.” Niall admits. “They did more for me than you can imagine, and I was just trying to make their lives easier. I wasn’t an easy person to have around. I’m still not most of the time, but I was really bad when I was a teenager. I was so angry all the time, not even like normal teenager ‘my hormones are raging and that makes me unstable’ angry, but truly and horribly furious for years without any reprieve. I didn’t deserve that level of understanding and kindness, or at least I thought I didn’t. It took me a long time to believe that I deserved anything good in my life, and it was Zayn and his family that knocked that into me. Quite literally in Zayn’s case.”

“Have you and Zayn ever- I mean-” Harry stammers.

“Oh god no!” Niall laughs.

“Well-” Harry says with a high blush. “I mean, you’re gay, he’s hot, and you aren’t actually brothers so-”

“Do you know how many times I walked in on Zayn shagging birds when we were teenagers?” Niall snorts. “I can’t see him sexually after that. Besides, he’s like, too gorgeous, you know? He’s more intimidating than attractive in a way. Like you.”

He regrets those last two words the second they’re out of his mouth, wincing because he’s so embarrassed it’s almost like physical pain. Harry lets him off easy though, just saying “I look like a complete mess right now.”

“Not a complete mess.” Niall chuckles. “And at least you have a reason. I look worse than that on an almost daily basis.”

“As if.” Harry says so quietly that Niall almost doesn’t hear it. “So, what exactly are you doing here?”

“That, my lovely assistant Hazza, is a surprise that you’ll have to wait for.” Niall giggles. “In two hours, you’ll see.”

“Two- Two hours?” Harry whines. “Niall!”

“I can’t do anything to speed that up Haz.” Niall shrugs. “Not unless you have one of those fancy blast chillers or something.”

“No.” Harry huffs.

“Luckily for you, Roman Holiday is almost exactly two hours.” Niall beams.

“Looks like you have this all planned out.” Harry smiles.

“I wasn’t just going to show up with no idea of how to help fix my fuck up Haz.” Niall scoffs. “I do occasionally think ahead. Now you go get the movie set up, and I’ll get some plates and drinks.”

“I don’t keep alcohol in the house.” Harry tells him, scooting out of the seat and grabbing Zayn’s copy of Roman Holiday off of the counter. “There might be a few diet cokes in there. Just a bottle of water for me though please.”

“Sure thing.” Niall nods, staring blatantly at Harry’s arse when he walks away, because his trackies have slipped down just a bit, and no statue in the Louvre has anything on Harry’s body. The brunet doesn’t seem to notice though, which Niall thanks his lucky stars for. He roots around in the fridge, grabbing water for both him and Harry, and eventually finds plates. By the time he joins Harry on the sofa, he’s found a shirt, much to Niall’s disappointment.

Niall’s disappointment fades away soon enough though, because once Harry finishes eating (he only had three slices, and Niall had to practically force the third one down his throat) he lays his head down on Niall’s shoulder. And yeah, he’s probably just seeking out comfort in any way he can find it, but that doesn’t mean that Niall can’t enjoy it anyways.

Somewhere between Audrey Hepburn cutting her hair, and Gregory Peck faking her out with the Mouth of Truth, Harry ends up in Niall’s lap. Niall just cards his fingers through the long brown hair, trying not to let his excitement get the better of him. By the time that Gregory Peck is watching Audrey Hepburn leave and the credits start to roll, Harry’s breathing has become shallow. Niall’s pretty sure that he’s asleep, which is just one more blessing, because he’s definitely leaking out a few tears. Of course the universe must have put a limit on his luck for the night, because Harry says “You think it’s sad too?”

“I have a thing about abandonment.” Niall mutters, wiping the tears away with the back of his hand.

“Me too.” Harry says quietly, sitting up and dabbing at the corners of his own eyes.

“Enough of this then.” Niall mumbles. “Let’s get working on the ice cream.”

“Ice cream?” Harry asks, looking at Niall curiously.

“Oh, yeah. That’s what the bananas are for.” Niall tells him, standing up and stretching because his bad knee has gone a bit sore. It was worth it to have Harry that close though. “It’s something I learned a couple months ago when Lima Bean went on a health kick and took all the sugar out of the house.”

“Oh.” Harry replies, a dopey grin splitting his face. “So what do we do?”

“Well you get out a food processor. A blender might work if you don’t have one of those.” Niall explains, ambling over to the fridge with a giddy Harry close on his heels. They split up once they reach the kitchen, Harry rushing over to pull a food processor out of a cabinet to place in the counter. Niall pulls out the bananas and give them a few investigatory squeezes, deeming them frozen enough to work. Harry is practically peeing himself he’s so excited, jumping enthusiastically around and beaming. It’s probably the cutest thing that Niall has ever seen. He looks with wide eyes when Niall dumps the bananas into the food processor. “Do you want to hit the button?”

“Yes!” Harry squeals, pressing the one Niall indicates and watching in fascination as they begin to grind down. After a moment he begins to pout and says “They look like pebbles. Did I do something wrong?”

“No. Just watch.” Niall says, nodding back towards the food processor. There’s a magic moment, one where the pebbles just shift, creating a silky smooth texture. Niall doesn’t bother watching the machine though, instead knowing the instant it happens by the way Harry giggles delightedly. He opens the little chute on top and dumps in the combination of sea salt and chocolate slivers. He has to watch this part, to know exactly when the mixture is the right consistency without over-whipping it. “Get some bowls?”

Harry nods, his face serious like he’s been tasked with saving the world rather than just getting something to eat out of. He presents them to Niall with an excited smile, and Niall scoops out the concoction into Harry’s bowl first. He’s pleasantly surprised to discover that Harry still hasn’t touched his when Niall finishes up with his own, waiting patiently for the blond to finish. His face lights up when he finally takes a taste, and the moan he lets out around his spoon goes straight to Niall’s crotch. “So fucking good.” he mumbles around the utensil.

“Does it help?” Niall asks.

“It does.” Harry says with a nod, pulling Niall into a tight one armed hug and whispering “Thank you Nialler. For everything.”

Niall doesn’t say anything in response, just lets out a contented sigh, and wrapping his free arm around Harry’s neck, holding him back just as tightly. He fucked up so badly, but Harry seems to have forgiven him, and that means so much more than Niall can even express.

 

Harry awakens suddenly to a dreadfully familiar sensation, the feeling of a fist working its way into his abdominal muscles. For a moment he’s worried that Louis is back, that the last year of his life has been nothing more than a dream caused by one too many blows to the head. That’s definitely not the sound of Louis crying though, and that relieves Harry enough that he lets his eyes slip open.

He has to sit up quickly to avoid one of Niall’s bony elbows being aimed at his chest. It’s clear that he’s not awake, sobs working their way out of his mouth even while his eyes are squeezed shut. He’s thrashing wildly, and Harry has to catch his wrists before he can tug the blond into his lap. “Nialler.” he says gently. “Nialler, wake up.”

“Mummy?” Niall whimpers, his eyes popping open and searching around. He’s not seeing anything in the room though, and Harry can tell when he says “Da? Greg?”

“Nialler, it’s okay. You’re safe.” Harry tells him, brushing his fingers through the blond fringe that’s matted against his forehead with sweat. “It’s me, Harry.”

“Haz?” Niall asks, and his voice sounds so small, so lost, it breaks Harry’s heart. “What happened?”

“We fell asleep on the couch. You had a nightmare.” Harry explains softly. 

“Damn it.” Niall chokes out, the sharpness of it accented by the rough sound of a sob catching in his throat. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Harry assures him. “It’s okay. You’re okay. Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” Niall mutters, shaking his head. “Can we just go to bed? Like, a real bed?”

“Of course.” Harry nods. Niall tightens his arms around Harry’s neck, burying his tear dampened face into the shoulder underneath him. Harry’s glad for it, for the opportunity to repay even one iota of the comfort Niall has given him tonight. He picks Niall up gingerly, making sure not to jostle the blond as he makes his way upstairs. Niall clings to him tightly, his body shaking in Harry’s arms. Harry just wants to hold him forever, to let him know that he’ll always be safe with the brunet.

When he reaches the bed he sets Niall down as gently as he can, pulling the blanket over him. Of course Niall immediately kicks it off, stripping out of his shirt and joggers, dropping them on the floor. Harry rolls his eyes in a vain attempt to keep himself from noticing that Niall is still wearing the pair of boxer briefs that he’d borrowed that morning, even though he’d changed when he went home before coming over. He covers Niall back up and turns to leave. He doesn’t even get a step before Niall’s hand shoots out and grabs his wrist. “Please don’t go.” he whispers. “I can’t- I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but-”

“Of course I’ll stay Nialler.” Harry smiles down at him, ignoring the twist in his own stomach. The idea of sleeping in the same bed with Niall gives him a twinge of excitement, but he also feels a rush of guilt for that. Niall needs comfort, he needs to not be alone, but he doesn’t need (or probably even want) Harry specifically. He takes off his shirt, but leaves on the pair of cut-offs that he’s wearing because there’s nothing under them, which he regrets immensely. He hates sleeping in clothes.

Niall scoots over into the center of the bed, peeling back the duvet for Harry to slide in. He lays down on his back, waiting to see how Niall wants to handle things rather than making any assumptions. Niall sidles right up to him quickly, tucking his face into Harry’s neck and tangling their legs together. “Is this okay?” Niall asks quietly.

“Whatever you need Nialler.” Harry insists, switching off the bedside-table lamp and letting the darkness take over the room. He holds Niall close with one arm, and the other hand rests with his fingers brushing Niall’s on his chest, giving the blond something to cling to if he wants it. Niall seems grateful for it, his fingers lacing tight with Harry’s. If Niall feels the way Harry’s heart is pounding in his chest, he’s kind enough not to say anything about it before he falls asleep, Harry drifting off soon after.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, tragic backstory =D 
> 
> *tw for death by fire*

When Harry wakes up again Niall is still tucked up against him, their fingers still tangled together. He looks peaceful now, not at all the same scared lad he was the night before. Once the thought hits him that he wouldn’t mind waking up like this every day, he realizes that he needs to get out of the bed. Only, Niall is clinging to him, and every time Harry tries to move, Niall adjusts to keep him close. After what feels like ages of slowly working himself towards the edge of the bed, he manages to slip out of Niall’s grip by basically falling onto the floor in a very coordinated and intentional manner. Totally intentional. He pops back up off the floor, and lets out a sigh of relief that he didn’t wake Niall up during his trials. Of course the blond has to ruin that by lazily opening up one eye and half-smiling up at Harry. “That was some dedication.” he mumbles sleepily.

“I didn’t want to wake you up. We’re still a bit out from ten.” Harry admits sheepishly.

“I’m taking the day off. Zaynie owes me after the last week.” Niall informs him. “And I’ll fall back asleep just fine. I just didn’t want to lose my pillow. I would have let go if you had bothered to just ask me to.”

“Oh- Um, okay then.” Harry sighs. “Sorry for waking you up.”

“Don’t be.” Niall hums, settling into a new position on his stomach with the sheets kicked down around his legs. Within moments he’s snoring lightly, and Harry decides to leave it at that for now. He heads over to his own bathroom to finally take the shower that he’s needed since yesterday since his last one had been ineffective apparently. Normally he’d wait until after a workout, but he’s pretty sure that Niall will yell at him if he ignores the magical ‘calorie and fat free’ theory. He can wait to do some exercise until whenever he’s next alone.

Once he’s sure that he smells like his soap rather than body odor he gets out and dries his hair, pulling it back into a loose bun when he’s finished. He really doesn’t feel like trying this morning, too worn out from the day before to even consider doing the kind of work that goes along with making himself look like usual. He decides breakfast is a far preferable option, and makes a stop in Niall’s room, shaking the blond awake gently. “Finally decided to do the sensible thing and rejoin me?” Niall murmurs.

“No. I’m making breakfast. I thought I’d come and see what you want.” Harry tells him.

“I want you to get back in this bed with me and sleep until a decent hour.” Niall mumbles, tugging halfheartedly on Harry’s wrist. “It’s too early to be up.”

“You can sleep for as long as you want Nialler.” Harry says with a soft, fond smile. “Do you want me to wake you up when breakfast is done, or just let you wake up on your own?”

“Wake me up.” Niall sighs. He shoves his face back in the pillow and waits until Harry has almost backed out of the room to say “I like eggy bread.”

Harry nods, even though Niall can’t see it, closing the door quietly behind himself when he makes his exit. Eggy bread it is then. First he decides to clean up, in order to give Niall some more time to sleep. He tidies up the boxes of pizza, the ones that Niall completely emptied minus the three pieces that Harry ate himself, stuffing them into a bag with the empty water bottles and walking out to the bin. 

He then decides to clean the dishes from the night before. That proves a bit more difficult than originally planned. Banana ‘ice cream’ may be one of the best things he’s ever tasted, but it’s incredibly stubborn once it’s dried on. His dishwasher would still be more than enough to take care of all of this, but he always hand washes his dishes first, a habit his mother had instilled in him when he was a teenager.

Once he can’t see any more specks of food clinging to anything, which is only a paltry twenty minutes later, he has no excuses left not to get started on breakfast. It’s not that he doesn’t want to do it, he just wants to give Niall as much time as possible before he has to wake him up and eggy bread doesn’t exactly take a lot of time. He decides to make something to go with it, that way Niall can have as much time as Harry can give him. 

After a few minutes he settles on making a strawberry-raspberry compote and a sweet custard because that gives some variety and takes about half an hour. He has to start frying the eggy bread at the same time he makes the custard so that it doesn’t clot, but neither task ends up being so distracting that he messes up. He’d had to use challah bread instead because he doesn’t have much of his other loaf after the morning before, but that actually works with the recipe he’d learned out in Los Angeles, which is a bit more substantial and requires thicker slices of bread.

Once the last slice is off the pan he plates it all up, piling the majority onto one plate and only keeping a few pieces for himself, because if he’s going to be lazy, he’ll at least be smart about it. Besides, he’d learned yesterday that Niall can really pack it away. Not that he minds. He actually finds it incredibly endearing for some strange reason. Endearing and kind of cute.

“Fuck! Stop it!” Harry growls at himself, pausing to took a good, harsh look at himself in a mirror. It shouldn’t be this fucking difficult to just stop thinking of Niall that way. It’s not like he doesn’t have gay male friends. He manages just fine to keep himself on a purely platonic level with them. Why is he finding it so damn hard to stop with Niall? “Do you want to lose the one friend you have left? Then get yourself together you stupid prick!”

He trudges upstairs, slowly pushing open the door and adamantly refusing to acknowledge how beautiful Niall is in his bed. How his sleep-soft face looks so perfect, and how his hair looks adorable where it’s plastered to his forehead after he kept tucked so close to Harry last night. He crosses to the bed and nudges Niall gently on the shoulder. “Niall-” he starts.

He doesn’t get any more than that out though, because Niall catches him off guard. The blond’s hand whips out, grabbing Harry by the elbow and rolling onto his back. He tugs Harry down on top of himself, locking his arms around the brunet to keep him trapped in place. “Caught you.” he chuckles. “Now you have to stay here and sleep with me.”

Harry can feel the blush rising on his cheeks. He knows that he has to stop thinking of Niall like he has been, but the blond isn’t exactly making that easy. He’s completely oblivious to the way Harry feels about him, which just hurts. Harry knows that there’s not really a chance here, that this is all one sided, but that Niall can so easily see Harry as nothing more than a friend, that hurts. “I- Um- The food is ready.” Harry stammers out. “Do you want me to just let you sleep some more?”

“No. I want you to stay here with me and sleep until a decent hour.” Niall smiles, laying his head back on the pillow.

“I wouldn’t be a good sleeping buddy right now.” Harry sighs, trying to move so that he’s at least not crushing Niall. The blond isn’t having any of it, his hands firmly clasped together to keep Harry stuck where he wants him. “I can’t fall back asleep once I’ve really woken up. I get too restless.”

“Stay with me anyways.” Niall hums.

“The food will get cold.” Harry points out. “Eggy bread doesn’t stay good for long if you just leave it out.”

“Fine.” Niall huffs, pushing Harry off to the side and crawling out of the bed to walk towards the bathroom. “I’ll meet you downstairs in a couple of minutes.”

He closes the door before Harry can respond, before he can even process what the fuck is going on. He walks back downstairs quickly, praying that he didn’t just piss Niall off too badly. He doesn’t even understand what he did wrong. He offered Niall the chance to stay sleeping if he wanted to. Maybe he should have gone on a run before he made food after all, to give Niall more time. He’d have needed a second shower, but it would have been worth it if Niall wasn’t angry at him.

He grinds down some coffee beans and puts them in his machine, hoping that making it will earn him some forgiveness from Niall. He sets the kettle for himself, desperately in need of some tea. Everything in the last twenty four hours has been one sort of stress or another. Some more comfort would be appreciated, but he doesn’t want to rely on Niall for that. Instead he’ll turn to his trusty breakfast blend, because at least he doesn’t have the nearly irrepressible urge to kiss it.

“Did you make gourmet eggy bread?” Niall scoffs, startling Harry out of the trance he’s in from watching the almost smoke-like tendrils of tea working their way throughout the cup from his infuser.

“It doesn’t take as much work as it sounds like.” Harry says sheepishly, keeping his eyes on his tea because hopefully Niall can’t see his blush if he stays like this.

“Yeah, and a compote and custard are just things you have lying around.” Niall chuckles.

“They’re actually pretty basic.” Harry shrugs. “You just have to know what you’re doing. There’s coffee in the pot for you, and a cup for it right next to it.”

“Bloody lifesaver you are.” Niall hums. “Cream and sugar?”

“Next to the stove.” Harry tells him. “Needed them for the custard.”

“Thanks Haz.” Niall mumbles, walking up behind Harry and wrapping his arms around Harry’s waist in a quick hug. “Just- Just thank you.”

“It’s no problem Nialler.” Harry says with a soft smile. “Go ahead and eat. The custard is better the warmer it is.”

“Alright.” Niall nods, his head rubbing between Harry’s shoulder blades. He busies himself making his coffee while Harry takes a seat and starts to eat. Things haven’t cooled down so much that it’s not good, but he wishes Niall could have tasted it fresh so that he got the full effect. He doesn’t seem to mind though, judging by the loud moan he lets out when he takes his first bite. “Shite that’s good. I’m never going to make fun of you for making gourmet eggy bread again.”

“You should probably just trust me from now on when it comes to food Nialler.” Harry hums, preening on the inside.

“I so do.” Niall grins around a mouthful of food. If it were anyone else, literally anyone, Harry would be grossed out. He’s not with Niall though. He finds it stupidly cute on the blond. Niall swallows what he has and adds “If you keep feeding me like this I’m never going to leave though. Can’t remember the last time I had food this good.”

“Does it help?” Harry asks, repeating Niall’s question from the night before.

“Yeah.” Niall nods, his eyes dropping to the plate in front of him. His smile falls with them. “Did I hurt you? I’ve hurt Zayn before when I have the nightmares.”

“It’s nothing I couldn’t handle.” Harry tells him softly.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sleep over unless you said it was okay.” Niall sighs. “I didn’t want you to see that. I didn’t want you to see me that way.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Harry insists, supping his hand over Niall’s.

“My family died in a fire when I was four years old.” Niall whispers. “I don’t remember them at all. Apparently my father got me out first, but when he went back in for my mum and my brother, the gas-line and the house exploded. I was the only one who lived, but the trauma of it on my little mind caused me to lock away all of the memories of them. 

“My life just starts out when I was dropped off at my first foster home. I’ve been to neurologists, therapists, hypnotists, even a bloody psychic once, but no matter how hard I work, I can’t get anything from before that. The only time I really get to remember them is in my nightmare, and I never remember that once I wake up. They’re just- They’re gone. 

“I didn’t have much of an extended family apparently, and the ones I do have didn’t want anything to do with me, and they turned me over to the foster care system without a second thought. They wouldn’t even give me a picture of my family, so I can’t even remember their faces. Every once in a while something will click, and I’ll get this one tiny piece of the puzzle. I get the image of an eye, or a smile, or a strand of hair, and I have to put it down in my sketch pads before it disappears. That’s why nobody sees it, because all I have are these tiny little pieces that I can’t fit together to make even one of them. I can’t remember them. I can’t remember my family unless I’m dreaming about their death.”

“Niall-” Harry murmurs. “I- I don’t know how you’re even still standing. You didn’t have to tell me that if you didn’t want to.”

“I told you, I don’t do anything that I don’t want to do.” Niall says with a soft smile. “I trust you Haz, with a lot more than just food. I trust you with this part of me. Is that alright?”

“More than.” Harry nods. “You don’t ever need to worry about telling me something Nialler.”

“It’s a lot to put on someone who you’ve properly only known for two days.” Niall sighs. That catches Harry off guard. He’d forgotten that it’s not actually been that long. He feels like he’s known Niall for ages, not days. It feels like they’ve been through weeks worth of shit, and really, they have. So far everything has happened so fast, has been so intense, that Harry almost can’t believe that it’s actually been less than forty eight hours.

“Doesn’t feel like that’s all it’s been.” Harry admits.

“I know.” Niall mutters. “I’m nothing but trouble.”

“Stop that.” Harry huffs. “You’re not trouble. Not for me.”

“I have literally been nothing but trouble for you.” Niall scoffs, drawing his hand back. “And I get that for some reason you’re not mad at me for telling you about Louis, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t upset you. I’ve pretty much done that consistently over the last two days.”

“You also made me happier than I’ve been in a long time Nialler.” Harry tells him. “I’ve just been going through the motions since Louis left. This is the first time since then that I feel like myself again, and that’s because of you. And more than that, you never hurt me on purpose. You can’t control your nightmares, or what your body does when you have them. I set myself up for the pregnancy revelation. None of the shite that has happened is your fault. Stop getting down on yourself so much.”

“Fair warning Haz, I only let people boss me around in bed. You don’t get to tell me what to do unless one of us is fucking the other.” Niall chuckles, taking another bite of his eggy bread and pulling out his mobile. Harry is glad for the distraction, because he definitely needs a moment to get the image out of his mind. There’s a blush working its way over Harry’s face and down his neck, and his cock definitely just jumped. “We’ll go in after breakfast and I’ll finish you off, yeah?”

“What?” Harry asks, only half hearing the words from Niall’s pretty pink lips.

“Your tattoo.” Niall laughs, darting a hand over and poking at Harry’s side. “I want to finish it. It’s not right that you should only have the sad part.”

“Oh, yeah, okay.” Harry nods along. “Are you sure though? You said you were taking the day off. I don’t want to make you work on your day off.”

“Say it with me Haz.” Niall grins. “I-”

“Don’t do anything that you don’t want to do.” Harry supplies in time with Niall.

“Good lad.” Niall giggles.

And that’s how Harry finds himself parking outside of Malink forty minutes later. Niall hopped out at the curb while Harry tries to find decent parking on a Saturday in downtown London. It only take him about ten minutes, which might be a new record. He hears Zayn and Niall before he sees them, a loud argument in a foreign language that Harry doesn’t understand blasting out of the closed door. He takes a deep breath and steps inside. Everything stops at the tinkle of the bell, giving Harry a quick chance to survey the battlefield before the door closes behind him.

Niall is seething right inside the entrance, while Zayn looks like a hurricane given human form only a few feet away. Liam, the only decently tall or well-muscled member of the trio, is cowering behind the counter with eyes the size of dinner plates. Harry is definitely the ‘lover, not a fighter’ type, and the urge to flee is overwhelming with the tension crackling in the air like lightning just waiting to strike. He doesn’t though, because Niall looks like he’s on the verge of either crying, or committing fratricide. Foster-fratricide? Is that a thing?

“Harry!” Zayn squeaks out. “Mate, I am so sorry about yesterday!”

“Nothing to be sorry about.” Harry says, putting on his best smile in an attempt to defuse a bit of the furious ambience hanging like a cloud. “Nialler didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t take the news very well, but he was just being a good friend.”

“Still-” Zayn sighs.

“No still.” Harry says firmly, throwing his arm over Niall’s shoulder. “Sorry if him leaving early caused any problems for you, or if him commandeering your films put a damper on any of your plans. I have them here. No harm came to them, I promise.”

“He shouldn’t have just gone to your home like that though.” Zayn mumbles.

“Roko! He’s a big bloody boy Zayn. If he didn’t want me there, he would have told me to leave.” Niall snaps, fuming under Harry’s arm. He’s practically vibrating with rage, and Harry is definitely feeling a strange mix of emotions, not the least of which are a good bit of fear, and extreme arousal.

“Maybe it’s a good time to go to your separate corners.” Liam rushes out before ducking back behind the counter. “Cooler heads and all that.”

“Shut up Liam!” Niall and Zayn growl at the same time.

“No, he’s right.” Harry sighs. Now this is taking a bullet. He can feel the hole Niall is burning into his cheek with the glare that he can just barely see in his peripheral. Zayn looks like he’s waging a war between his urge to snap at Harry, and his natural inclination to be polite to one of his VIPs. Liam just sends him a grateful look before completely huddling behind the counter and disappearing from the line of fire. “You both should take some time and calm down before you say something that you can’t take back. Is this fight really worth it?”

“No.” Niall grits out, grabbing Harry by the wrist and forcibly dragging him along down the hall. “It’s really not.”

Zayn apparently isn’t content to let it lie, and follows behind them, physically barring Niall from closing the door once they reach the studio. “Niall, you can’t just do what you want anymore. I called you multiple times last night. I think I deserve more than just being ignored all night!” he says angrily.

“Mujhae akela chore do Zayn!” Niall roars, forcing the door shut when Zayn reels backwards in surprise. He isn’t crying, but Harry can tell he’s close. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, nothing to be sorry for.” Harry tells him, lifting up Niall’s chin until their eyes meet. And fuck, Harry just wants to kiss away all of the pain that’s dulling the shine that Niall’s eyes usually have. He wants to take all of that away from him until he’s the happy lad he should be again. “He was just worried about you.”

“It’s not about me. He’s just worried about losing you as a client.” Niall sighs.

“No. I’ve seen that fight before. My sister and I always fought like that.” Harry insists. “Siblings fight like that.”

“He’s not my brother.” Niall chokes out, crashing into Harry’s chest. Harry just wraps his arms around the blond, holding him as tight as he can, as if that could ward off all the bad feelings flowing through Niall’s veins. “If I call him that- If I say that- Then it feels like I’m betraying the family I did have. Like I’m forgetting about them more than I already have. I can’t!”

“That’s okay.” Harry says firmly. “It’s okay that you can’t say it, or even think it. It’s not bad if you feel like you need to keep them as close to your heart as you can, if you need to protect what little of them you have. But do you know what the best thing about a family is? It can always get bigger. Always. So feel what you need to feel, for however long you need to feel it, as much as you need to feel it. You’ll still be perfect.”

“Do you mean that?” Niall asks, burying his face in Harry’s chest.

“I really do Nialler.” Harry says softly, brushing Niall’s fringe to the side and barely stopping himself from placing a gentle kiss there. “And if it changes for you one day, if those words don’t hurt so much to say or think, then you’d just be a different kind of perfect.”

“Thanks Haz.” Niall whispers. Harry holds him like that for a few more minutes until Niall suddenly back out of his arms, taking a step back. He wipes his face with the back of his hands and puts on a fake smile that Harry can see through like a clean window, saying “Sorry. Jesus, that was unprofessional of me. Let’s get you inked, yeah?”

“Nialler-” Harry starts, hurt by Niall’s sudden shift in attitude. He can’t understand why Niall is acting like anything between them has ever been professional. It doesn’t have to be, because they’re friends.

“It’s time to get this bloody mask finished.” Niall chuckles, the sound of it ringing hollow in Harry’s ears. “Been driving me mad for the last fortnight that it’s just sitting there half finished. Sit down.”

“Okay.” Harry says quietly. Harry isn’t sure what this is, what there really is between the two of them, but all of the sudden it feels like Niall is ending it. That hurts more than Harry could have imagined for only a two day relationship, or whatever it should be called. Niall said that he trusted Harry, and worse, Harry thought he could trust Niall. Harry should have seen this coming. Why should he expect Niall to stick around when nobody else does? They see Harry for what he really is, and then they leave.

He settles in Niall’s chair, eyes firmly attached to his own fingertips because he doesn’t think he can keep everything from showing on his face unless he really focuses on it. He knows that it’s for the best though, letting Niall end things before it can get any more complicated, before Harry can ruin him like he ruins everything else. Like he ruined Louis.

“Shirt off please.” Niall says quietly, snapping Harry out of his thoughts. He nods, unbuttoning the shirt and laying it carefully over his lap. Niall nudges Harry’s elbow and he moves it out of the way, hating the way he feels so vulnerable now with nothing to shield the fact that his heart is breaking apart in his chest. He’s sure that Niall can see the pieces crumbling through the skin.

Niall works quietly, wetting Harry’s skin and pressing the thermal-fax design in until it leaves the guidelines that Niall needs to finally finish things. “I’m starting now.” he tells Harry.

Harry doesn’t reply, only gives another clipped nod before staring adamantly at the wall. This time hurts, not because of the needle pressing into him over and over, but because there’s a sense of finality that’s hanging in the room like a miasma. He’s not sure how long it is before Niall finally breaks the silence, a soft voice saying “The first time you came in here, I would have chopped off my own toe to get you to shut up for five minutes. Now it feels weird that you aren’t talking.”

“Why don’t you have any tattoos?” Harry asks, deciding to fill the silence with a question that he’s had since that first night he met the blond.

“Way I see it, people get tattoos for one of four reasons. Zayn, he gets them to commemorate important ideas and thoughts. You, you’re about marking important events in your life, even if it’s in a way only you can understand. Me, if I were to get any it’s about celebrating the people I love, but nobody has ever been important enough to me to do that, to permanently sear a remnant of them into myself because whether they’re still with me or not, I want to keep them close.” Niall explains quietly, keeping his eyes locked on the line he’s engraving on Harry’s side.

“And what’s the fourth reason?” Harry asks, just curious to hear more of how Niall’s mind works while he still has a chance.

“I reckon it’s because they want to remember they're alive.” Niall breathes out. And yeah, Harry thought it might be something like that, but it sounds so perfect coming from Niall’s mouth. He wants to kiss him, just to see if that helps remind either of them that they're still alive too. Because Harry isn’t so sure that he is anymore.

Harry doesn’t know what to say though, not without admitting everything. That would only make things worse. He turns his eyes away again, taking in the blankness of the wall rather than the cerulean and gold dancing in Niall’s eyes. He never did like when Harry would stare.

“I’m done.” Niall murmurs a while later. “Do you want to look at it?”

“Sure.” Harry nods, accepting the mirror and glancing at the mark. It’s as beautiful as Harry knew it would be. Niall has an amazing instinct for making something bold and delicate at the same time. “It looks great. Thanks Niall.”

“I’ll just clean you up, and then you can go back to Zayn.” Niall mumbles.

“What?” Harry asks.

“You only let me do this because I practically begged you. Now there’s no reason Zayn can’t be your artist anymore.” Niall mutters, irritation hovering around the edge of his tone.

“Nialler-” Harry sighs. “Is that why you’re acting like this?”

“Acting like what?” Niall asks.

“Like you don’t want to be friends with me anymore.” Harry says quietly, staring at his fingers again. “Even if I do go back to using Zayn as my main artist, which I haven’t even decided if I will, that doesn’t mean I don’t still want you to be my friend. I mean, you don’t have to stick around if you don’t want to though.”

“Of course I’m sticking around.” Niall laughs, poking Harry in the side of the head. “You’re absolutely stuck with me Haz.”

“Then why did you get all weird?” Harry asks.

“Jesus, Haz-” Niall groans. “I fucking cried in front of you! I cried on you! I may have lived most of my life here in Britain, but I’m still Irish. We don’t do that sort of thing. Like, last night was one thing, because I couldn’t help that. Just a little bit ago though? Zaynie and Lima Bean are the only people I’ve ever let see me cry like that. I don’t like doing it.”

“You cried during Roman Holiday.” Harry points out.

“Not the same.” Niall huffs. “That wasn’t- It’s just not the same.”

“Okay.” Harry nods. “Does that mean that we’re okay?”

“We never weren’t as far as I’m concerned.” Niall beams. “Well, not since the other night at least. Like I said, you’re stuck with me.”

Maybe it’s stupid and self-destructive, maybe he should have taken the out that he thought Niall was giving him, but instead he just reaches out and pulls Niall into a tight hug and whispers “Thank you.”


	7. Chapter 7

“Can we talk?” Zayn asks quietly, peeking his head through the front door with a tiny white flag made of a handkerchief and pen. Niall just rolls his eyes and shuts his sketch pad. His brother’s nose (at least he thinks it was Greg’s nose) escaped him about ten minutes ago anyways.

“I don’t know. Can you talk without yelling at me for once?” Niall asks flatly.

“Yeah.” Zayn nods. “I- I just need you to understand why I was so upset earlier Nialler.”

“I understand just fine. You were afraid that I’d chased Haz off again.” Niall says quietly.

“No- No, Nialler, that’s not it at all.” Zayn sighs. “You didn’t answer when I called you. You didn’t pick up, or leave a note, or just one little thing to let me know you were alright. I- I thought you’d left again. I was so scared that you’d just left without a word like you did back in Bradford. I thought you’d ran away and I’d never see you again, and I don’t want that to ever happen again.”

“Zaynie-” Niall says, his mood softening in the wake of Zayn’s confession.

“I don’t care if you want to spend time with Harry. That’s great. Just- Just let me know if you aren’t going to be home, alright?” Zayn pleads.

“I will.” Niall agrees.

“So-” Zayn says quietly. “Are you?”

“Am I what?” Niall asks.

“Are you actually home for the night?” Zayn questions slowly, like Niall is too stupid to understand it.

“I’m not sure.” Niall admits. “Haz may want me to go over to his. He’s gone out for dinner with Nick, but I’m pretty sure that’s going to be a disaster.”

“They’ve been friends for a long time Nialler. It’ll be fine.” Zayn says with an eye roll that grates against Niall’s nerves.

“He knew.” Niall growls, furious on Harry’s behalf. “He knew about the pregnancy and he didn’t tell Haz. Nobody did. Haz didn’t even want to go. It took all day for me to calm him down enough to convince him to go out. He’s the one who asked me to keep tonight open in case he’s upset.”

“And of course you agreed.” Zayn hums, giving Niall a knowing look.

“We’re just friends Zayn.” Niall huffs.

“I didn’t say you weren’t. I didn’t even imply it. You’re the one who jumped to that conclusion all on your own.” Zayn muses, clearly enjoying the near physical pain that Niall’s embarrassment is causing him.

Niall is about to reply, but his mobile buzzes on the table, a text message notification lighting up with Harry’s and his faces from where he’d taken a selfie of them while they were out at lunch. And Zayn may not be able to see the mobile, but he knows. He knows, and it’s not helping Niall’s ‘just friends’ case at all, because his face is definitely lighting up like a fucking Christmas tree. His hand is already halfway to it before he even realizes it and manages to stop himself from acting like the desperate fool that he feels like. He’s been waiting for this for over an hour while Harry has been out, but now Zayn is sitting there with a smirk and judging him. Niall feels like he’s stuck in limbo, because he wants to pick up, but he doesn’t want to give Zayn the satisfaction of knowing for sure that he’s right.

“You gonna get that, or what?” Zayn asks with a wicked grin.

“Thoo bastra hai.” Niall mutters.

“How am I a bastard?” Zayn scoffs. “You’re so bitchy tonight. That because you want to suck Harry’s dick?”

“I never said I want to suck his dick.” Niall grumbles. He reads the message, and types out that he’s ready for Harry to pick him up. Apparently things did not go well. Harry replies quickly, saying he’s only a few minutes away.

“I have to pack some things.” Niall tells Zayn. “Just- Just leave it alone Zaynie. Please. He doesn’t like me like that. We’re just friends.”

“He definitely likes you like that.” Zayn laughs. “Nialler, he thinks the fucking sun shines out of your arse. While you were locking up your studio, he came and talked to me. He begged me to let things drop, because you’re the best thing to happen to him in ages. And then you came out, bitching about how hungry you were, and just being generally unpleasant, but he looked at you like you hung the moon.”

“He said that?” Niall asks, his voice just a squeak.

“He did.” Zayn nods with a soft smile.

“That doesn’t mean he likes me though.” Niall sighs. “It just means he was lonely until I came around.”

“Your head is so thick it might as well be made out of cement.” Zayn huffs.

“I asked you to leave it alone Zayn.” Niall mumbles. “If- IF- he likes me, and if I like him, then that’s for us to figure out.”

“There’s no if about either side of that.” Zayn mutters when Niall walks into his room. Niall just ignores him. He can’t help but get his hopes up if Zayn keeps saying things like that, because Niall does like Harry. He likes him in the way that makes his stomach swoop and his skin heat up. Niall likes Harry in a way that scares him half to death, because it’s only been two days, but Niall never wants things to end. He wants to kiss Harry, to hold him, to fuck him, to do everything for, and be everything to, him. He wants to let Harry hold the little pieces of him that he can’t show anyone else, and to do the same in return. He wants this to be something. Something real. So until he knows it is, then he can’t let his hopes get up too high.

There’s a knock at the door, and Niall pops his head out to call “It’s open Haz. I’ll be out in a minute!”

“You shouldn’t just tell people your door is unlocked Nialler.” Harry chastises when he walks in. “I could have been a burglar. Or a serial killer. Or- Oh- Hi Zayn.”

“Weren’t expecting me in my own flat?” Zayn hums.

“I thought you’d still be at work.” Harry mumbles, turning away just a bit. Niall can tell from here that Harry has been crying. He probably didn’t expect Zayn to see him like this.

“Got off early tonight.” Zayn tells him. He’s perceptive enough to figure out the situation quickly, which Niall is extremely grateful for. He hops out of the chair and says “Leeyum and I haven’t had a date night in forever because we never have the place to ourselves, so I really should get some things set up.”

“You mind waiting out here while I pack some stuff?” Niall asks once Zayn has disappeared into his own room.

“No, that’s fine.” Harry nods, sitting down in the spot Niall had been only a moment before. “You go. I’ll behave myself.”

“That would be a first.” Niall smirks.

“Don’t you have packing to do?” Harry asks with a lopsided grin that makes butterflies flap up a hurricane in Niall’s stomach. It doesn’t seem fair to Zayn, but Niall thinks Harry may be the best thing to happen to him in ages too.

Niall pops back into his room and pulls out a bag that he used to use when he went to the gym. He shoves in a pair of his trackies, and a shirt, tucking his sketch pad in just in case anything pops up in his head. “Brought you something.” comes Zayn’s voice just as something lands on his bed. “In case it comes up.”

“I don’t need condoms Zaynie.” Niall huffs. “Though I’m tempted to take them just so that Lima Bean can’t shove his dick in your arse for a night.”

“Kept two just in case.” Zayn grins, holding up two foil squares between his fingers along with one of those little packets of lube that club-gays use so they can shag in bathrooms or some other shite. “And I’m very much the top, thank you.”

“Not according to what I heard a few nights ago.” Niall smirks. He raises his pitch obnoxiously and moaning “Oh Leeyum! Oh fuck, you’re so big! Harder! Faster! Fuck me Leeyum!”

“Um, guys-” Liam squeaks, popping his head in the door. When the hell did he get home? “Did you know that Harry Styles is in the living room? And that we aren’t deaf, and can therefore hear you screaming about Zayn and I’s sex life?”

“Tell your boyfriend to stop shoving his nose in my business then.” Niall shrugs. “Did you guys uh- Did you hear anything before that?”

“No.” Liam says with a knowing look. “But maybe you should keep it down and get out of here before we do, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Niall nods. “Thanks Lima Bean.”

“No problem Nialler.” Liam smiles. “I’ll keep him occupied until you’re ready.”

“Just make sure to call him Harry, okay?” Niall requests. “He fucking hates being called Mr. Styles.”

“I’m going to have to get used to calling him Harry if he’s going to be dating you, aren’t I?” Liam giggles quietly, ignoring Niall’s furious glare.

“Get out of here before I chop off your dick!” Niall hisses. “Both of you!”

“Alright.” Liam laughs, the sound of his footsteps retreating filling the air while Niall seethes.

“You two are such horrible fucking people sometimes.” Niall sighs. “Why can’t you just leave it?”

“Because we want you to be happy Nialler.” Zayn says softly. “And Harry is obviously doing that for you. Even if the last two days have been pretty dramatic. I saw the way your face lit up when I told you what he said. It’s okay to admit that you like him, and that you want him to like you too.”

“I do.” Niall whispers, picking up his bag. “Do- Do you really think he likes me?”

“I do.” Zayn echoes, pulling Niall into a hug. “Just take care of yourself Nialler. If that means you need time to figure this out, that’s okay. But it could also mean finally putting yourself out there.”

“Alright.” Niall nods against his shoulder, wrapping his arms. “Thanks Zaynie.”

“Any time Nialler.” Zayn chuckles, pressing a kiss into Niall’s fringe. “Now go with the gorgeous millionaire who thinks that you’re the brightest star in the sky so that I can get laid without you here listening like the little pervert that you are.”

“Bastra.” Niall mutters.

“Love you too.” Zayn laughs.

“Come on Haz.” Niall huffs, walking out into the living room and grabbing Harry by the wrist. “These two have lost their bloody minds and I might have to murder them if I stick around any longer.”

“Oh, um- Okay.” Harry mumbles. “Bye guys.”

“Be safe!” Zayn practically sings as they walk out the door. Niall is definitely going to kill him. Tomorrow though. Tonight- Well tonight he gets to be with Harry, and that’s what matters to Niall.

 

“Cook for me.” Niall giggles, dropping down on top of Harry where he’s stretched out on the sofa.

“You knew I was going to dinner. Why wouldn’t you eat?” Harry sighs fondly.

“I did eat.” Niall grins. “But I’m still hungry, and you’ve been spoiling me with good food on the regular. I also kind of want to see if you can cook anything other than breakfast food.”

“Is that a challenge Nialler?” Harry chuckles.

“Does it need to be to get you to make me food?” Niall asks. “Because if I have to challenge you, then I will. I’d rather you just make me food because you like me though.”

“Alright. Because I like you then.” Harry smiles. “You’re going to have to get off of me though. I can’t make you food if you’re on top of me like this.”

“Ooh, tough decision.” Niall laughs, his head still firmly planted on Harry’s chest. “You make a very comfy resting place. Think I could probably stay here for a while.”

“It’s your decision.” Harry hums, fully satisfied with Niall taking up space on his body rather than having to get up and do something. Other than a brief hour at Malink, and possibly the most infuriating dinner of his life, today has been really good. He’s spent the entire day with Niall, which he’s quickly learning is the only way he wants to spend his time. He’s in so deep at this point that he’s not sure if there’s any point fighting it. Leave it to Harry to start falling for someone after only two days. Two days of pure drama at that. Two days of pure drama with someone he can’t have.

“There should be two of you.” Niall says after a minute of looking intensely thoughtful. “One for me to stay on top of, and one to satisfy me with something tasty in my mouth.”

Harry actually feels his eye twitch at Niall’s phrasing of that, and he’s pretty sure he’d be hard if one of Niall’s bony little elbows wasn’t pressing into his side. He doesn’t mind that so much, because at least Niall is close, but it is slightly uncomfortable. His brain clicks with a truly evil way to remedy that. He grips Niall under the armpits and flips them over so that Niall is pinned under him. Niall’s eyes go wide and he stammers out “Wha- Haz- What are you-”

“If there were two of me, then this would be much worse.” Harry tells him with a wicked grin, wiggling his fingers up and down Niall’s sides. Niall bursts into a cackling fit, squirming under Harry’s hands. He flails about, but Harry has him firmly pinned. Niall figures out how to stop it after about a minute, his hand darting out and pinching at Harry’s still sensitive side, causing Harry to fall sideways off the couch and yelp.

“You deserved that.” Niall grins, dropping off the couch and straddling over Harry’s stomach. Harry reaches up to defend himself, but Niall pins his wrists above his head with a surprising amount of strength. He leans in, and Harry is sure that this is finally it, that Niall is going to kiss him, but then he angles his head and his lips graze over the shell of Harry’s ear as he whispers “Don’t start something with me that you can’t finish Haz. I told you that I play dirty.”

“Fucking right you play dirty.” Harry pouts, begging the universe for just one favor in the form of Niall not moving back and feeling where Harry is hard as a fucking rock. “That hurt.”

“Don’t act like you didn’t have it coming.” Niall laughs, scooting down Harry’s body until he’s positioned just above his pelvis. The universe is fucked up. If Niall moves even an inch further, then he’ll know everything. “Now stay still.”

His hands tug Harry’s shirt free from his jeans until it’s hiked up around his stomach and Harry catches his wrists. “Nialler, what are you doing?” he asks cautiously.

“I need to check your tattoo. If I pinched it hard enough to bruise then it could play havoc with the ink.” Niall explains. Harry can barely focus on the words though, because that stupidly cute expression that Niall gets when he’s focused is back, pink on pink clouding Harry’s mind. Harry’s hands drop away and Niall’s hands glide over his torso, palms burning paths into his skin. He slides his hands underneath Harry’s back, pulling out the shirt from underneath and moving it up so tantalizingly slowly. It feels so fucking intimate, so intense, that Harry feels like he’s going to burst when Niall’s hot breath ghosts over his skin. “Oh- Oh, look at that.”

“What?” Harry asks worriedly, trying to look down past the material of the shirt gathered on his chest, and Niall’s head, which is barely hovering above his skin.

“It’s fucking perfect.” Niall beams.

“You scared me you little shit!” Harry groans. He’d cover his face if Niall hadn’t taken to pinning his wrists again for some unclear reason that may or may not be making Harry a bit lightheaded with mental imagery.

“Haz, it would take more than that to mess up a tattoo made by someone as brilliant at it as I am.” Niall laughs, releasing Harry’s wrists and laying flush against Harry’s torso with his head balanced on his hands.

“Then why is my shirt hiked up to my tits?” Harry scoffs.

“Because I wanted to make sure it’s still doing alright.” Niall says simply. “I don’t often get the chance to see my work while it’s still healing. Besides, I’ve seen your tits like, a hundred time in the last few days. They’re nothing new. They’re nice, but still, they’re old news.”

“Oh thanks.” Harry huffs.

“Hey, I said they were nice. What do you want from me?” Niall asks. “You want me to sing their praises and ask you to stay shirtless whenever we’re together, just so I can see their beauty all the time?”

“No.” Harry sighs.

“Good, because all you’ll get is this.” Niall giggles, sitting back up and darting his fingers out to twist Harry’s nipples before jumping up and running away cackling like a maniac.

Harry chases after him until they’re standing on opposite sides of the kitchen island, Niall countering every step he takes to keep some distance between them in case Harry is out for revenge. “Why are you so weird tonight?” Harry asks.

“Have you thought about it since I got here?” Niall asks.

“No.” Harry admits.

“Exactly.” Niall nods. “My usual approach of ‘get him liquored up and get his mouth working’ won’t work with you, so instead I have to be an easy guiding hand, working you slowly until you’re finally ready to release whatever you’ve got inside you and feel better.”

“Jesus Christ.” Harry groans, his wildly twitching cock thankfully hidden by the counter, because his jeans aren’t hiding a damn thing. “Did you take a fucking Uni course on double-entendres or something?”

“I have no idea what you mean.” Niall hums. “I only say exactly what I mean.”

“I’m sure.” Harry huffs. “Go do something. I’ll make you dinner now. A fucking sandwich or something because you hurt my side.”

“Haz!” Niall whines. “A sandwich is boring. I want something tasty in my mouth!”

“Shush!” Harry hisses. “No talking. Can’t- Can’t concentrate on cooking when you talk.”

“You’re not cooking though.” Niall points out. “You’re just standing at the counter.”

“I need to think of what to make.” Harry lies through his teeth. Really he just needs time for his erection to go soft before he moves away from the counter that’s shielding the view. “Go find something to do. Watch telly, or read a book, or shave a fucking cat, or whatever. Just do something that isn’t distracting me.”

“Shaving a cat is a really weird place for your head to go.” Niall laughs. “I could shave my legs. Haven’t done that in a while. You have a razor for that?”

“Oh my god, I should never have had you over tonight.” Harry grumbles. “Clearly being around me has driven you insane.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” Niall says quietly. “I’m just feeling playful tonight. Do I need to be in a bad mood for you to like me or something? Do you only want to be around me if I’m being a dick or all emo?”

“Of course not.” Harry tells him. “I guess- I guess I’m just not used to being around someone who gives as good as they get.”

“You have no idea.” Niall smirks, sauntering off towards the couch with a sway in his hips that Harry can’t tell if he’s imagining or not. It definitely doesn’t do anything to help the swelling in his pants. “I should start sketching though.”

“Something come back to you?” Harry asks.

“Yeah.” Niall nods. “The way you keep pursing your lips- It um- My mum used to do that a lot I think. It just- It clicked. I think I might have been a bit of a terror when I was little.”

“That’s great Nialler!” Harry laughs, his excitement for Niall overshadowing the blow to the ego that hearing ‘your mouth looks like my mum’s’ has dealt him. At least that’s helping soften him up. “Get to it then. I can’t stand around trying to pose my mouth until it comes back to you if you want dinner before midnight.”

“Sure.” Niall mumbles absentmindedly, already working a charcoal furiously across the paper. Harry is pretty sure that the blond has all but forgotten Harry is even there.

 

“Oh my god, that was so good Haz.” Niall moans, licking the last remnants of Alfredo sauce that he can find from his fork. “I take it back. You can definitely cook dinner.”

“I thought you already trusted me with food decisions.” Harry pouts.

“Breakfast and lunch, yeah, but this is the first dinner we’ve had that didn’t come out of a pizza box.” Niall hums. “Can’t be too careful when it comes to dinner. Food is extremely important to me. I’d put my body in your hands before I did my stomach.”

“Oh lovely. We’re back to that again.” Harry sighs.

“Back to what?” Niall grins.

“You making fun of me for yesterday morning.” Harry says, his tone losing all humor, and his eyes locked firmly on his hands. “I get it. I cocked up and said something stupid when I was overwhelmed by a lot of things all at once. I didn’t mean it Niall, and I wish you’d just stop taking the piss out of me for it already.”

“Oh. Okay, yeah.” Niall says quietly, panic rising in his chest. He was fucking right. He was right and not just being careful. Harry doesn’t like him like that. He said himself that he’s a natural flirt, that he can’t help it. That’s all it ever was. Zayn was wrong. “Hey, do you mind if I run out to the garden for a fag? Haven’t had one tonight.”

“Um- I guess.” Harry shrugs. Niall is halfway out of his chair before Harry even finishes, heading straight for his bag. He fishes out his cigarettes, barely taking notice when his bag falls to the floor. He needs to not be within a few feet of Harry as soon as possible.

He makes his way out back and only bothers lighting up in case Harry looks outside so that he can look like he’s not falling apart at the seams. As soon as the first drag hits the back of his throat he pulls out his mobile and rings up Zayn, praying that he picks up even though it’s late and Zayn loves his sleep. 

“You had better have one fuck of a reason if you’re calling me right this second.” Zayn growls after a few rings. “Like, you’re in the fucking hospital or something.”

“I need you to come get me.” Niall chokes out, the words sticking in his throat.

“What?” Zayn asks, his tone switching from one of annoyance to one of worry in an instant. “Nialler, what’s wrong?”

“He doesn’t like me.” Niall whispers. “He- He doesn’t like me like I like him. I’m sorry Zaynie, but please, can you come get me? I- I can’t be here right now.”

“Text me his address.” Zayn tells him, the sound of leather rustling in the background and a door opening and closing. Niall opens up a text and sends Harry’s address and gate code. The sound of Zayn’s car door slamming shut echoes in his ear. “I’ll be there in ten minutes. Tell him whatever story you want to. I’ll back it up.”

“It’s a twenty minute drive.” Niall says quietly.

“I’ll still be there in ten.” Zayn says adamantly, ringing off after he adds “Love you Nialler.”

Niall was definitely wrong earlier. Zayn is by far the best thing to happen to him in the last few years. Maybe in his entire life. He sits out in the back garden until the cigarette in his hands burns down to the filter and he can’t make any more excuses. He pockets the butt to keep Harry’s garden looking pristine, and then heads back inside. Harry is sitting on the couch now, his face confused as he looks at something in his hands. Niall picks his bag back up off the ground and quietly says “Zayn is coming to get me.”

“What?” Harry asks, his eyes growing wide. “Niall- Is this because-”

“No.” Niall says, cutting him off. “Safaa is sick, and Zayn is going up to Bradford tonight. I’m going because I’m going to drive him there and back to let him get some extra sleep.”

It’s flimsy at best, and he’s definitely going to hell (if there is one) for telling a lie like that, but Niall is working off the cuff here. He was a bit occupied in the garden to think of a plausible excuse. Harry doesn’t call him out on it though, so as far as Niall feels, it’s a win. “I can have a car service take him.” Harry offers. 

“No. I want to be there for her too. Safaa was always my second favorite Malik.” Niall tells him. “Right behind Trisha. I might even stay up there with her for a few days if Zayn does end up feeling alright to drive back himself. Been a long time since I’ve seen them for more than a couple of hours.”

“Oh. Okay.” Harry mumbles. “You uh- You dropped something out of your bag earlier.”

He holds out a handful of things that make Niall’s heart clench in humiliation. Those stupid condoms and the lube that Zayn had been holding earlier. He must have slipped them in Niall’s bag before he left. That fucking fuck. “Zayn is a dick.” Niall growls, snatching the items and shoving them in his bag.

“What’s that mean?” Harry asks.

“He uses my bag when Liam drags him to the gym.” Niall explains. It’s not a lie at least. Zayn did use Niall’s bag the one time Liam managed to convince him that the gym would be a fun place for them to go together. He never went back, but that’s not something Harry needs to know. “This must be his workout regimen.”

“Oh.” Harry says, nodding like he follows along even though Niall can see the confusion in his eyes. He can obviously tell all of this is a lie, and Niall just hopes he doesn’t put the pieces together until this place is in the rearview of Zayn’s car.

“I’m going to wait outside for him.” Niall mutters, shouldering his bag. “See ya Harry.”

“See you.” Harry sighs, walking towards the stairs. “Lock the bottom lock before you go please. It doesn’t need a key.”

“Sure.” Niall throws over his shoulder, twisting the lock until he’s sure it’ll hold and walking out Harry’s door. Zayn pulls up only a minute later, throwing open the passenger door with a soft expression that Niall would resent if he didn’t feel so fucking horrible right now. He climbs in, not resisting in the slightest when Zayn pulls him over the console into a hug. He starts crying after barely making out a watery “Zayn-”

“I’m here Nialler.” Zayn tells him soothingly. “Are you okay?”

“No.” Niall sobs. “I just want to go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You thought, you fuckin thought.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone can thank Eastoran for this chapter being put out early, because her love for DtRH warms my heart from the frozen lump of ice it normally is, and she politely requested that I put the next chapter up earlier than usual. I also decided to post this early because a lot of people were not very happy with me after the last chapter. Oops. The wait for the chapter after this will be five days though, so I hope the extra length makes up for that a bit.

Harry’s feet are screaming, but that’s just something he’s gotten used to after the last two weeks. That’s what happens when you’re running ten-k twice every day. He doesn’t have much else to do. He’s not talking to most of his friends, despite Nick’s frequent attempts to apologize, and the one person he actually wants to talk to is avoiding him. He hasn’t seen Niall in person once since that night when he ran out with a lie that was so obvious that it was actually offensive.

They text occasionally, but Niall’s responses are sporadic and often only consist of a few words. It’s unfair of Harry to hold that against him though, because Niall has a real job and Harry is just the pathetic pop-star who spends his free time pining over someone who doesn’t even want to see him anymore, who makes up excuses every time that Harry asks him if he wants to do something. Harry has seriously considered just running off to L.A. again, of fleeing the damn continent to get Niall out of his head. He can’t do it though. He can’t abandon Niall on the off chance that the blond does ever want to see him again. Niall has been abandoned far too much already. So Harry stays, sitting on the sofa and binging on telly, or running, or doing any single thing he can to distract himself until Niall responds to him.

His phone starts ringing where it’s strapped to his arm. He doesn’t want to stop running, so he just answers without looking with a cautious “Hello?” because it’s late and nobody should be calling him.

“Harry?” a familiar voice asks.

“Zayn?” Harry questions, coming to a halt on the next step. “What’s wrong?”

“I was hoping you could do me a favor.” Zayn sighs. “Niall is- He’s drunk off his arse in a pub, and I’m in the middle of a tattoo. Liam is up in Wolverhampton, and Niall forgot his keys so a cab won’t do him any good, and I don’t trust him not to wander off in this state. I was hoping you could pick him up for me and take him back to yours until I can come get him. It would just be an hour at most. I don’t have anyone else left to ask or I wouldn’t be putting this on you, but-”

“Of course I’ll do it.” Harry rushes out, turning towards his house and running as fast as he can. “Where is he?”

“Same pub that he found you in that night. That’s his regular place. That’s why the bartender knew to call me.” Zayn tells him. “Do you remember where it is?”

“Vividly.” Harry answers. “Don’t worry Zayn. He’ll be safe. I promise. I’ll let you know when I have him back here.”

“Thanks Harry.” Zayn says quietly before ringing off.

Harry moves through the house like a whirlwind, grabbing his keys and locking his doors in under twenty seconds. His mobile screen doesn’t even go dark until after he starts his Range Rover. He doesn’t have anything to distract him along the way, so the drive feels like it lasts an eternity. He eventually makes it though, parking and nearly sprinting across the street to the pub. He opens the door and sputters out a laugh.

Niall is sitting on the bar, loudly singing despite the lack of accompaniment and lighthearted jeering from the crowd. “And now my song is over, I’ve got no more to say, just give us some eggs and brandy, and we’ll be on our way!” Niall finishes loudly. He turns to the door with a beaming smile and squeals “Hazza! What are you doing here?”

“Zayn asked me to come get you.” Harry explains, walking up to the bar. “I’m taking you back to mine, and then he’ll come get you when he’s done at work.”

“Can’t I stay with you?” Niall asks, a pout forming on his lips.

“We’ll discuss it in the car.” Harry tells him, lifting Niall’s small frame off the bar and setting him on the ground. “Let’s let these people have some peace now, yeah?”

“Okay.” Niall giggles, stumbling towards the door.

Harry pulls a hundred pound note on the bar and looks at the bartender, Craig he thinks Niall had called him that first time. “Thank you for your discretion.”

“Keep your money mate. Just make sure that our Nialler is safe. Maybe see if you can snap him out of whatever has had him in here every night for the last fortnight.” Craig replies. “Zayn certainly hasn’t been able to.”

“I’ll do what I can.” Harry nods, leaving the note on the counter. “Buy the house a round on me as thanks for putting up with him until I got here.”

He walks towards the door where Niall is waiting and herds him outside. “Bye everybody!” Niall calls out.

“Bye Nialler!” comes a chorus of fond laughter.

Harry spends at least five minutes directing Niall, who refuses to be carried even though he’s incapable of walking in anything close to resembling a straight line. He keeps veering off with a laugh, running for a few steps until Harry can get around him and direct him more towards the goal of being in the car. It would be a tiresome process if it were anyone but Niall. Instead Harry just finds it ridiculously endearing because he hasn’t managed to pull his feelings back at all.

“I think I’m a little drunk.” Niall says, his voice scratchy like he’s trying to whisper, even though it comes out louder than usual.

“I know. That’s why I’m here, remember?” Harry hums, buckling the squirming lad into the passenger seat.

“Oh yeah.” Niall says with a dopey grin. “Missed you Hazza.”

“Missed you too Nialler.” Harry chuckles, closing the door and walking around to the driver seat. Harry did miss Niall, he missed him with every fiber of his being, but he’s not letting himself hope anymore. He’s not going to get caught up in a few drunken words. He climbs in and drives back towards his house, playing the radio on low so that Niall has something to do while Harry focuses on driving rather than the blond slumped on his shoulder and playing with his shirt.

“Have you talked to Grimmy?” Niall asks after a few minutes.

“No.” Harry sighs. “I’m still mad at everyone who knew. I’ve forgiven my mum, because she’s my mum, but that’s it. You know what’s really fucked up about it?”

“What?” Niall asks.

“I’m not even that upset about the pregnancy.” Harry admits. “It’s been a year, you know? And I know I didn’t handle it well at first, but I think I deserved to freak out a little. What I’m upset about is that nobody told me because they all think I’m still in love with him.”

“You’re not?” Niall asks, sounding well and truly shocked.

“I mean, I’ll probably always love him a little bit. He was my first love, and we were together for four years.” Harry explains. “But we weren’t meant to last, and I know that. I think I even knew it before he left. I just didn’t want to admit it to myself then. I’m glad he’s gotten help, and that he’s starting a family, which he’s always wanted. I’m that kind of happy you are for someone you used to be with. I’ve moved on though. I don’t want him back. Not anymore.”

“I kind of thought you were still hung up on him.” Niall mumbles.

“I guess I just radiate that pathetic brokenhearted idiot vibe.” Harry sighs.

“I don’t think it would be pathetic or idiotic if you were still in love with him.” Niall says quietly. “I’m glad you’re not though. You shouldn’t be alone. I’m sorry I’ve left you alone for the last two weeks.”

“It’s fine.” Harry mutters. “I’m sure you had your reasons.”

“I did.” Niall tells him, leaning over to the other side of the car. “Sill missed you though.”

“We’re here.” Harry says gently, punching in the gate code and driving down to his house.

“Can I stay with you?” Niall requests again.

“If that’s what you want.” Harry shrugs, pulling out his keys and handing them over. “Go inside. I’ll be in after I call Zayn.”

“Tell him hi.” Niall beams. He crawls out of the car and stumbles towards the house. It takes Harry a bit to realize that he’s dancing, because mostly he looks like he’s about to pitch to the side.

He pulls out his mobile and calls the last number listed. Zayn answers in two rings with “I just expected a text.”

“And I would have just sent one, but he wants to spend the night. I wanted to know what you think I should do.” Harry tells him.

“I’m not his keeper.” Zayn sighs. “Do you mind if I talk to him though?”

“Not at all. He’s inside, so it’ll be a second.” Harry says, slipping out of the car and locking up. He finds his keys still stuck in the door and rolls his eyes. When he turns around he nearly dies, because Niall has stripped down to his pants, and is leaning into the refrigerator, searching through the leftover Chinese takeaway that Harry has been ordering because cooking for one feels more pathetic than it did before he met Niall.

The blond turns around with an eggroll halfway to his mouth and a smile. “Haz, have you been cheating on healthy food with this? I massively approve.” he giggles.

“Um- Zayn wants to talk to you.” Harry mumbles, averting his eyes to the ceiling.

“Uh-oh, am I in trouble?” Niall asks, skipping over to Harry.

“I don’t think so.” Harry shrugs. “As far as I know, he just wants to talk.”

“Hi Zaynie!” Niall laughs into Harry’s mobile, placing it against his ear. “Jee haan. Nahin. Nahin. Jee haan. Nahin. Ugh, I know what I’m doing Zayn. Mujhae akela chore do.”

“I take it he doesn’t want you staying?” Harry asks quietly, taking the mobile when Niall rings off and hands it back. It hurts that Zayn doesn’t trust Harry to take of Niall for the night. It hurts a whole hell of a lot.

“He’s just afraid that I’m going to be a pain in your arse.” Niall mumbles. “I can go home if that’s true.”

“It’s not.” Harry insists. “I’m more than happy to have you over Nialler.”

“Okay.” Niall smiles.

“Can I ask why you’re basically naked?” Harry asks.

“I wanted to be comfortable.” Niall hums. “If you can wear that, then I can wear this.”

“Oh shit.” Harry groans when he looks down at the running clothes he’s still wearing. They’re fine for running in the dark in a private park, because people could only see him when he stepped into the lights. The tiny shorts and ratty shirt he’s wearing are not appropriate to have worn into a well-lit bar in public though. He just prays nobody took a picture.

“You look good like this. Much more comfortable than when you wear those jeans and those ridiculously expensive shirts.” Niall laughs, sticking his finger into one of the holes on Harry’s side. “I like this better.”

“Let’s get you up to bed.” Harry says, nodding towards the staircase.

“’M not sleepy.” Niall pouts. “’M hungry though. Can I eat your leftovers?”

“Feel free.” Harry chuckles, smiling fondly while Niall runs over with glee to the fridge. He gathers up the containers and waddles towards the couch. “If you spill anything, then I’m going to make you clean it before you shower in the morning.”

“I never spill food. That’s a waste.” Niall beams. To his credit, he does make it to the couch without spilling anything. Harry still sits next to him with a napkin at the ready, because he doesn’t trust Niall with the chopsticks that he’s insisting on using (“Because it’s authentic Haz!”). He never spills even a crumb though, which is impressive when he’s cleaned Harry out of every bit of leftover Chinese food he had left.

Once he finishes he drops the chopsticks into a container and tackles Harry into a laying position. “Don’t know why you bother being a singer. You’re the perfect human mattress. You were made for this.” Niall giggles.

“I’ll keep that in mind for when I’m old and ugly.” Harry laughs.

“You’ll never be ugly. So, what have you been doing without the pleasure of my company?” Niall asks with a grin.

“Mostly been catching up on the telly that I’ve missed while I was on tour.” Harry admits. “Finally got to watch Game of Thrones.”

“No spoilers. I can’t watch it until the DVDs come out because Zaynie is too cheap to spring for the premium channels.” Niall pouts. “What else?”

“Done a bit of running.” Harry shrugs as best as he can with Niall on top of him like this.

“You were running right before you came to get me, weren’t you?” Niall asks.

“Do I smell again?” Harry questions. “What was the word you used? Musky?”

“You were right. That does mean something to do with animals.” Niall chuckles, burying his face in Harry’s neck. “Found a better word. You smell redolent.”

“What does that mean?” Harry asks.

“Fragrant or welcoming.” Niall hums. “Sweet.”

“And we’ve gotten to the point in the evening where the alcohol makes you say crazy things. Time to get you to bed.” Harry tells him.

“Okay.” Niall nods, though he makes no move to get up.

“I meant in an actual bed Nialler. I’m not in the human mattress business yet.” Harry smiles.

“Will you carry me?” Niall asks.

“Sure.” Harry nods. He stands up and leans down to pick Niall up.

“No!” Niall whines. “Not bridal style.”

“Then what do you-” Harry starts before Niall jumps on him, clinging like a monkey with his legs wrapped around Harry’s waist. His arms lock around Harry’s neck and then he settles down. “I- I don’t know how to carry you like this without it seeming inappropriate.”

“I’m not going to sue you if you put your hand on my arse Hazza.” Niall says, pressing a grin into Harry’s shoulder. “I just don’t want to be carried the other way. Makes me feel silly.”

“Alright.” Harry says tentatively, sliding one hand behind Niall’s back and another under his bum. It’s not awkward exactly, but Harry would be more comfortable with it if Niall were clothed. As it is, all he can think about is letting his hands wander, letting them drift over all the exposed skin, letting them dip under the fabric and feeling all of Niall. He literally shakes the thought from his head, disgusted with himself for once again having the urge to take advantage of Niall in any state, let alone one where he’s intoxicated. Niall looks at him with questioning eyes, but Harry says nothing, sliding his hand down to Niall’s leg and hoping that’ll be enough support while he walks up the stairs.

He almost drops Niall twice by the time they get upstairs, but he manages to keep a grip without having to move his hand back. Niall seems to have complete faith in Harry, never tightening his grip, never whimpering in fear. He stays perfectly calm when Harry stumbles. Harry feels all the worse for it, for the trust Niall is placing in him when he had thoughts like that.

He makes it to the room without major incident and sets Niall down on the bed. “Stay with me?” Niall asks, his eyes wide and almost hopeful.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Nialler.” Harry tells him softly. “I don’t fancy being between you and the loo when you wake up. I’m just down the hall if you have a nightmare though. That would be fine.”

“Okay.” Niall nods. “You sure that would be okay? I- I don’t want to upset you.”

“I promise Nialler, it’s perfectly fine.” Harry smiles. “You sleep now. Come get me if you need me, and if you don’t, then I’ll see you in the morning.”

“G’night Haz.” Niall mumbles, face half buried in a pillow already.

“G’night Nialler.” Harry says, shutting off the light and walking out the door. He pads down the hall to his own room and strips off. He leaves on his pants in case Niall does end up having a nightmare. It would normally make him a bit restless, but he hasn’t slept peacefully through the night in weeks anyways. He lays awake for half the night until he gets a few hours where he tosses and turns until he wakes back up. It’s part of why he’s been running at night, hoping to exhaust himself to get one decent night’s sleep.

Tonight proves no different, and by the time the clock alerts him that it’s nearly three, Harry knows he’s in for another rough morning. He thinks he hears something down the hall, but the buzzing of his fan could also be to blame. He’d asked his assistant to pick up one of those noiseless ones, but there had been a lot of things for her to get and she’d forgotten that in particular. The sound of Niall’s shuffling feet a few minutes later confirms it. He pauses every few steps, obviously under the impression that Harry is asleep and hesitant to wake him. Harry makes it easy on him, rolling over and lifting up the duvet.

“Are you sure?” Niall asks, his voice broken and weak.

“Come here.” Harry says softly. Niall gives him a small smile and crawls in next to him, contouring himself against Harry’s body like he did the last time. “You’re safe Nialler. You’re always safe with me.”

“Thank you Haz.” Niall whispers, burying his wet face in Harry’s neck. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

“Just sleep now. I’ll keep you safe.” Harry tells him. Niall clings tighter, and Harry holds him back just as tightly until they both drift off a few minutes later.

 

Harry doesn’t wake up in the best of ways the next morning, Niall scrambling over him in a mad dash for the loo, just as he predicted. As the first round of vomiting fades into the sixth, Harry realizes that it could have been much worse. He also realizes that letting Niall eat all of that Chinese food was probably a pretty epic fuck up. “Is it ever going to stop?” Niall sobs, wiping the back of his hand over his mouth when he finishes heaving.

“Yeah, it is.” Harry says quietly, rubbing circles on Niall’s back.

“I hate you so much right now.” Niall growls.

“That’s hardly fair.” Harry pouts.

“I’d be done puking if you had just told me I couldn’t have the food.” Niall hisses. “But no! You have to be all sweet this fucking time. Never mind that it’s going to kill me.”

“What’s going to kill you is drinking a litre of whiskey every night.” Harry snaps, his shields coming up instantly. “I wasn’t going to say ‘No, Niall, you can’t fucking eat my food’ now was I? Not when you were finally talking to me again. If you’d asked, I’d have probably bought you a fucking house last night if it would have meant you’d just talk to me again.”

“Haz-” Niall sighs.

“And I’m sorry you’re suffering Niall. I really am.” Harry says, cutting him off. “But it’s your own damn fault. Now stop blaming me and come here.”

Niall starts to speak, but must think better of it, because he shuts his mouth and shuffles backwards between Harry’s legs. “Hold your arms out, palms up.” he orders.

“Why?” Niall asks, even as he obeys.

“Because I’m going to help you.” Harry sighs. He wraps his hands around Niall’s wrists, kneading his thumbs into a pressure point inside the wrist in slow circles. Niall lets out a soft moan and settles back against Harry’s chest. The tension leaves his shoulders after a few minutes of Harry continuing the action until the blond seems better.

“I don’t really hate you.” he mumbles. “I’m sorry.”

“Is that only because this is helping, or is it because you’re being a dick?” Harry asks.

“For being a dick.” Niall mutters. “For ignoring you for the last two weeks. For blaming you for what I’ve been doing to myself. For being such a mess that you had to stop whatever you were doing and come get me. For asking to stay the night. For always being such a problem for you. Pick one. Or all of them.”

“You’re not a problem for me Nialler.” Harry says quietly. “I just don’t understand why you’d tell me that you weren’t going to stop being friends with me, and then pretty much stop talking to me right after that. The least you could have done is be honest if you just didn’t want to be around me anymore.”

“I do.” Niall tells him. “Haz, I do. I just- I needed space.”

“Then you could have told me that it was too much.” Harry mutters. “That being around me for that long was too much. I didn’t mean to be selfish Niall. I didn’t mean to overwhelm you. You have to tell me if I’m being too clingy, or too annoying. I- I have trouble seeing that kind of thing.”

“That’s not it Haz. I promise.” Niall murmurs. “Spending time with you- I- I enjoy that. I really do. You were never being selfish or clingy or annoying or anything like that. Not in my eyes. I just- Okay, I know this is going to fuck everything up but I’m already pretty sure you never want to see me again anyways.”

“Nialler-” Harry starts.

“I like you.” Niall blurts out over him. “I like you a lot Haz, but then you said that thing about how the only reason you told me that wanted to kiss me was because you were overwhelmed, and I realized that you don’t like me the way that I like you. And that’s okay. I’m not- I don’t blame you for that. I just need to stop liking you the way that I do before I can be around you, because all I can do lately is think about you, and it fucking sucks that I have all these feelings that you don’t. But I’m trying to change it, because I don’t want you to not want to be friends with me.”

“You like me?” Harry asks, his hands going still. 

“I’m sorry.” Niall sighs, climbing out of Harry’s arms. “Fuck- I- I’ll just go.”

“Nialler, I like you too.” Harry says calmly, standing up and jamming himself in the doorway to block Niall’s attempt at fleeing. “I have since the night we became friends. But you said that you don’t do anything with anyone, so I’ve been pushing everything down. I just said what I said because I thought you were making fun of me for that slip up.”

“Don’t.” Niall says quietly. “Don’t say that if you don’t mean it. If you just don’t want to be lonely, then find somebody else, because this is real to me Harry. I actually have feeling for you.”

“I have feelings for you too Nialler.” Harry smiles, stepping forward and tilting Niall’s chin up. “I promise, this isn’t just me being lonely. I have been stupidly into you for the entire time we’ve actually known each other.”

“Just- I just need to ask you one thing.” Niall mutters. “And I need you to be honest with me.”

“Of course.” Harry nods.

“Is it because of my eyes?” Niall asks in a whisper.

“No. No, Nialler.” Harry insists. “I promise, my feelings for you have nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, to do with Louis. I like you because you’re funny, and because you’re sweet sometimes, and because you keep me on my toes. Your eyes may be blue, but they’re nothing like his were. They’re warm, and strong, and unbelievably gorgeous. Just like you. I like you because of who you are, and how you make me remember who I was when I was actually happy. Nialler, I like you for a million reasons, but I promise that absolutely none of them are because your eye color happens to be the same general shade as Louis’.”

“Okay.” Niall breathes out. “I believe you.”

“Good.” Harry grins. “I’m going to kiss you now.”

“What? No!” Niall yelps, jumping backwards.

“Why not?” Harry asks. “I- I thought that-”

“Haz, I’ve spent the last half hour puking.” Niall groans. “When I finally kiss you, I want it to be good. I want you to want to kiss me again, not regret ever coming near my mouth.”

“I guarantee that wouldn’t happen.” Harry chuckles, stepping forward so that they’re close again. “But if you want to wait until you’ve brushed your teeth, and your hangover is gone, and all that other shite, then I can too. I’ve been waiting for what feels like forever. I can handle a little bit more.”

“Thank you.” Niall says with a soft smile. “Now you go run or something. I’m going to curl up in the shower until my body feels somewhat right again.”

“Paracetamol is in the cabinet, and that glass is clean.” Harry tells him. “Call me if you need anything, okay? I’ll bring your phone up and put it on the counter.”

“I’ll be fine.” Niall scoffs. “You’re just trying to see me naked.”

“If I can wait to kiss you, I can wait for this last unseen bit to be revealed to me. I’m patient enough for that.” Harry smirks, running his fingers along the top of the waistband of Niall’s underwear. “I just want you to be able to get ahold of me if you need anything. Promise.”

“Yeah, the fact that you’re halfway to undressing me really helps your argument.” Niall muses.

“Would you like me to undress you Nialler?” Harry asks, whispering the words over Niall’s ear.

“Not yet.” Niall murmurs. “But I would definitely be down for that when I’m back to normal.”

“Then I’m going to go run to bide my time.” Harry chuckles, turning on his heel and marching out the door. “And if you don’t want me to see you naked yet, then I’d recommend waiting until I bring the phone back up before you get undressed. I may be patient, but I’m still just a man. I can’t guarantee I wouldn’t take a peek.”

 

The shower helped tremendously, but Niall’s pretty sure that the way his heart is floating twenty feet off the ground has more to do with Harry. Harry who likes him, and who held him when he had a nightmare, and who made a pot of coffee just for Niall before he went outside. Harry who is currently running around the park, and who looks so beautiful that it takes Niall’s breath away. Hopefully Niall’s outfit, which only consists of a pair of Harry’s pants and one of his shirts left unbuttoned and half hanging off, will have the same effect on the brunet.

Niall sits on the stoop in Harry’s back garden and rings up Zayn. “Find your own way to work.” Zayn huffs as soon as he answers.

“Actually, I need the day off.” Niall tells him. “Haz and I have to talk about some things. Guess what-”

“He likes you and you freaked out over nothing, practically drowning your liver for two weeks straight, all because of a little misunderstanding, made worse because you’re stupid twats and I was right all along like I always am?” Zayn says dryly. 

“Yeah, that’s pretty much exactly it.” Niall huffs. “Prick.”

“You can take the day off.” Zayn sighs. “But get this straight, because I can’t have you at work anymore if you keep up the way you have been lately.”

“I know.” Niall mumbles. “Zaynie, I’m so sorry about the way I’ve been acting.”

“It’s alright Nialler.” Zayn says softly. “I get it. I just can’t risk my business for your heartbreak, so make sure this is the real thing, yeah? Make sure that you’re going to be happy.”

“I will.” Niall smiles. That’s the moment that Harry passes by the back garden, and Niall’s choice in clothes takes an interesting toll. Harry topples forward midstride, falling down onto the grass behind the fence with a loud yelp. Niall barks out a laugh and says “Zayn, I’ll talk to you later. Hazza’s just died.”

“I’m still alive.” Harry groans, hopping up to his feet. He turns to Niall, who decides to apologize by leaning back and spreading his legs a bit to give Harry the full picture. “Then again, maybe I have died and gone to heaven.”

“Oh, tell me he did not just say that.” Zayn cackles.

“He definitely did.” Niall hums. “Bye Zaynie.”

He sets down his mobile and watches Harry walk through the gate with hungry eyes. “Now that is gorgeous fucking sight.” he growls.

“Not afraid some neighbor will see, or a pap is hiding in one of your rose bushes or something?” Niall smirks.

“Fucking let them see. I’d hang this picture on my wall. I’d pay for a fucking billboard of it.” Harry grins.

“You’re a git.” Niall giggles. “Want to sit with me?”

“It’s on the list, which is pretty much literally everything.” Harry muses. “It can definitely take a little leap up to first place though.”

He settles down on the brick next to Niall and hisses when his thighs touch the coolness of it. “It gets easier after a minute.” Niall tells him. “The coffee helps. Want some?”

“Ew, no.” Harry laughs. “I’d prefer to deal with my cold arse. I don’t like coffee really. Could never get used to the bitterness.”

“I cut mine with a ton of cream and sugar.” Niall explains. “Zaynie got me into it, but he takes his black. Even I don’t like it like that.”

“I’ll keep that in mind for future reference.” Harry chuckles. “How’s your stomach?”

“Whatever weird voodoo you did on my wrists worked.” Niall admits. “My head still hurts a bit, but the nausea is gone.”

“That’s good.” Harry smiles. “And it’s not voodoo, it’s acupressure. You’d be amazed what just putting a little pressure on different spots of your body can do if somebody who knows what they’re doing is doing it.”

“Subtle. Real subtle.” Niall hums.

“Oh, because you’re oh so subtle.” Harry counters. “‘Haz, I want something tasty in my mouth!’ ‘Haz, I wish there were two of you so that I could stay on top of one while the other satisfies me with something tasty.’ That whole weird thing about the emotional hand-job. You’re subtle like a brick in the face.”

“You didn’t seem to get that I was flirting with you instead of taking the piss out of you.” Niall huffs. “Obviously it was too subtle for you.”

“Yeah, well- I can’t really argue with that.” Harry shrugs. He stands up off of the stoop and turns toward the door. “I guess you’ll just have to be more direct in the future. I’m going to go cook something now. Think I need something tasty in my mouth too.”

 

“Finally.” Harry grins when Niall enters the kitchen. “Thought you’d run off or something. Drink this.”

“What is it?” Niall asks, looking cautiously at the cloudy fluid in the glass.

“Coconut water.” Harry explains. “You need to rehydrate because large quantities of alcohol make it a vasoconstrictor, which is what causes the headache. Rehydrating will cause your blood vessels to widen and restore normal blood flow, and the electrolytes in the coconut water will speed up the process.”

“Ugh!” Niall groans after taking a sip. “I thought this stuff was supposed to be sweet.”

“The major brands are. I buy organic though, which means there’s no added sweeteners.” Harry shrugs. “I have some agave if you want. It won’t adversely affect the process.”

“Yes please.” Niall nods. Harry pulls out the syrup and hands it over. Niall proceeds to pour in a little bit at a time until he deems it acceptable, even though Harry would gag on that much sweetness. He finishes the glass and then says “You’re a bit of a hangover guru, aren’t you?”

“I’ve had a lot of practice.” Harry admits.

“Guess you would have. World famous singer and all that.” Niall chuckles.

And there it is. Harry knew this would be coming, that he needs to say it before they can do anything about this thing hanging in the air. “I’m not talking about me Niall. I’m talking about Louis. He was an alcoholic, among other things. That’s why I need to say this. I can’t be with an alcoholic again. I didn’t think you were one, but then the bartender said that you’ve been in there for the last two weeks straight, and I can’t do this if you’re an addict Niall. I can’t. I barely made it through the last time alive. I never stood my ground with Louis, and I paid for it until I was black and blue.” Harry says quietly.

“Haz, he hit you?” Niall gasps. “You’re like twice his size.”

“Doesn’t matter. I would never hurt him, so it was better to just take it than to risk accidentally lashing out against him by trying to stop him.” Harry mumbles.

“Is he who you meant when you said he wasn’t a happy drunk?” Niall asks.

“Yeah.” Harry nods. “Pills made him calm. Pot made him horny. His mood depended on whatever fucked up thing he was putting in his body, but alcohol was the only thing that brought out the rage. And I know that you’re all happy and cuddly when you’re drunk, but I can’t put myself in the position of being with another alcoholic.”

“I’m not an alcoholic Haz.” Niall sighs. “These last two weeks, they’ve been really rough on me, and yeah, I’ve been drinking every night. That wasn’t because I felt a need to though. It was because I wanted a few hours a day where I wasn’t thinking about how much I want you. I’ve been trying so hard to cope with these feelings, because I really thought that you didn’t like me like that. It wasn’t healthy, and I know that, but it isn’t an addiction. I don’t need to drink. I can’t say I won’t have a beer every once in a while, but I won’t drink around you if that makes you feel better.”

“I’m not asking you not to drink.” Harry says softly. “I just want you to be absolutely positive that it isn’t an addiction Niall. It took me a long time to admit to myself that it was a problem with Louis, and that’s why I have this.” he points to the ‘You Booze, You Lose’ tattoo on his arm and continues. “I got this when Louis and I both agreed not to drink anymore. Six days after I got this reminder, he relapsed. Then ten days later until the next time. Then four. Then eight. Then two. And then I stopped counting. So before you say that it’s not an addiction, I need you to really think about it, because I trust you. I trust you Niall, even though my every instinct is screaming for me to run before I get in too deep because you’ll end up getting me hurt again.”

“Hey, I’m not an addict.” Niall tells him gently, cupping his hand over Harry’s. “What you said last night, that goes both ways. You’re safe with me too Haz. I won’t hurt you. You’re safe with me.”

“Okay.” Harry breathes out. “We should get to breakfast, or you’ll be late.”

“Zayn gave me the day off.” Niall chuckles. “I thought this might be more than just a breakfast conversation. I’ve been pretty shit at work lately anyways. I’ve made some mistakes. Nothing I couldn’t fix, because I’m a genius, but Zaynie is about to lay me off if I can’t figure this out. I wouldn’t blame him either. I’ve been a bit of a mess.”

“Me too. I haven’t done anything for the last two weeks except sit on the couch or run until I’m more dead than alive.” Harry confesses. “I know it’s not the same, but I’ve still felt like a bit of a mess.”

“A very pretty mess you are though.” Niall muses.

“Shut it you.” Harry huffs, cheeks lighting up at the comment. “The eggy bread will burn if you keep distracting me.”

“You made eggy bread again?” Niall asks eagerly, finally looking over the counter at what Harry’s cooking.

“Yeah. I thought it might help your stomach by absorbing some of the acid. Also, it’s the only breakfast food that I know for sure that you like.” Harry tells him, flipping over the pieces that are just a bit too brown after their conversation. He’ll take those and save Niall the trouble of eating burned food with a hangover.

“No custard or compote this time?” Niall chuckles.

“I forgot the cornstarch when I went shopping, so custard is out unless you want it really doughy.” Harry explains, plating up the good slices of eggy bread for Niall. “And the only fruit I have at the moment, besides bananas obviously, is a carton of strawberries, which I have earmarked for something else. I have syrup and powdered sugar though. Remembered those this time. And I can spare a few strawberries if you’d like them.”

“Mm, yes please.” Niall giggles. “All of it.”

Harry does as Niall requested, lightly sprinkling powdered sugar of the syrup covered eggy bread. He pulls out the strawberries and lets Niall pick through them for the ones he wants. He’s about to cut them, but then Niall says “No, I’d like them whole.”

“Alright.” Harry nods, passing over the plate. He nearly gags when Niall rolls the strawberry in syrup, and then coats that in the sugar. He pops half of it in his mouth, wrapping those pink lips around it obscenely, and Harry’s cock stirs in his pants.

“Oops. Got me all sticky.” Niall smirks.

“You’ll get diabetes if you keep eating so much sugar.” Harry tuts. “Your coffee, the sugar water, that thing.”

“But it’s so tasty Haz.” Niall hums, licking over those candy floss-pink lips of his. “You want a taste?”

Harry nods and steps around the island, brushing away Niall’s hand when he offers the strawberry. “I’d rather taste it on you.” Harry murmurs, ducking his head down until they’re only an inch apart. “Can I kiss you now?”

“Been fucking waiting for it since you got back from your run.” Niall breathes out, the air tickling over Harry’s mouth. Harry closes the gap between them, capturing Niall’s lips with his own. It’s nearly unbearably sweet, but Harry doesn’t mind it so much, because somehow it fits with Niall. The blond surprises him, licking into his mouth and pulling Harry closer until they’re nearly flush. Harry feels almost lightheaded with how good it is, with the way sparks fly across his skin when Niall’s hand cups his jaw, with the way the blond lets out this low groan when Harry nips at his bottom lip, with the low whine Niall lets out when he pulls away. “I’m not done.”

“I said a taste Nialler, not the whole meal.” Harry smirks, planting one last peck on Niall’s lips before slinking away.

 

The kiss was great, fucking magical actually, but Niall may actually enjoy this just as much. They’re stretched out on Harry’s couch, Niall’s head laid on the brunet’s stomach while he traces patterns into Harry’s legs. Imaginary ink spreads out underneath the pad of his finger, covering Harry’s exposed skin in new imaginary designs. It’s a common pastime in the Malik-Payne-Horan household. They often spend hours set up in a train with Liam watching telly while Zayn draws on his back, and Niall draws on Zayn’s. Harry is a new canvas though, which provides new inspiration for designs.

Every once in a while, Niall will brush over something just right, and the sparse hair on Harry’s leg will stand on end, his breath will catch in his throat, and the fingers he’s running through Niall’s hair will still. And then he continues like nothing happened until the next time that Niall finds one of those spots. Harry never says anything about it, and Niall just moves on, more concerned with the designs in his head than making Harry shudder. He’s got more intimate plans for later that will make the shuddering more fun for both of them.

“Are you even paying any attention?” Harry asks with an amused chuckle when Niall starts rubbing the flat of his palm over Harry’s thighs for the third time to mentally erase all the work and give himself a fresh start. “We’re watching this for you. I’ve seen it all.”

“Yeah, I’m watching.” Niall mumbles. It’s mostly a lie and they both know it.

“I seriously doubt that.” Harry scoffs. “You haven’t looked up from my legs in at least ten minutes.”

“I watch the scenes with Daenerys, Tyrion, Jon, and Arya. Those are the important ones.” Niall laughs. He doesn’t mention that it’s because they’re the ones that are like him. The ones that don’t fit in quite right. The lonely, tragic orphans who have to fight for everything they have. And it might be vain to think of himself like them, to think he’s anywhere near that strong, but he wishes he could be. “They’re the ones I like.”

“Because they’re like you?” Harry asks, and fuck if Niall’s heart doesn’t flutter at how well Harry can read him.

“Yeah.” Niall nods, a blush staining his cheeks. He can’t look up or Harry might know that Niall likes that Harry can see right through him. He might know that Niall absolutely loves that he can let someone in, and that he feels safe doing it. He might know that Niall is already so close to dropping over the edge and falling, even though they’ve only had one kiss and haven’t really known each other for that long, and Niall has never felt that before.

“Well can you watch it for a few more minutes before you do that again?” Harry requests. “It’s very- Let’s go with distracting.”

“Oh is it?” Niall hums, lifting himself up into a sitting position and then straddling over Harry’s lap. “Because your legs are distracting. How can you expect me to focus when you give me a canvas to work with like that? I’m an artist Haz. It’s hardly fair to expect me to ignore prime real estate like that.”

“I’m managing just fine, and you know what it does to me when you wear my clothes like this.” Harry smirks, running his fingers down Niall’s sides from where Harry’s shirt is still hanging open off his shoulders.

“Then maybe we shouldn’t be watching telly.” Niall shrugs.

“What do you want Niall?” Harry asks. “Not- Not right this second, but from this. What do you want from this?”

“I- I want it to be real.” Niall admits. “I don’t want to just be something to distract you while you’re on break. I want this to mean something more than just sex. More than just friends with benefits. Is- Is that okay?”

“That’s what I want too.” Harry breathes out.

“Then kiss me again.” Niall tells him. He knows that’s not the end of this conversation, that they have things to figure out, but for right now Niall has what he wants in his grasp, and he’s not letting it go again. He’s not letting Harry go again until he has to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pub song that Niall is singing is actually a classic English drinking song called 'The Derby Ram', which I found to be absolutely perfect for this story, and as a little wink towards my favorite boyo. The rest of the song can be found at (http://www.traditionalmusic.co.uk/folk-song-lyrics/Derby_Ram.htm)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was posted so late in the day. I'm sick as a dog and I just completely spaced on what day it is. Not sure how well this is edited because my cough medicine has me a bit loopy, so please let me know if you find anything weird that isn't supposed to be there.

“You-” Harry moans, letting his head drop down onto the mattress. “Are extraordinarily good at that.”

“Then stop talking and let me do my work, yeah?” Niall chuckles, planting a firm smack on Harry’s arse. His fingers knead into the muscles of Harry’s lower back as he continues, and Harry idly wonders how many times Niall has done this, how many times his hands have wandered over someone else. The thought makes him irrationally jealous though, so he pushes it away.

“Why can’t I talk?” Harry questions.

“Because every time you talk, you tighten back up.” Niall sighs. “How are you this tight? Thought that you had money. There are people you can pay to do this you know.”

“I have plenty of money.” Harry huffs.

“Then why does it feel like you’ve been like this for forever?” Niall asks.

“Because it’s been a long time.” Harry mumbles. “And this is your fault.”

“Which is why I’m giving you the massage in the first place.” Niall laughs. “Why do you have a back like an eighty year old man?”

“At the moment? Because someone, who I won’t name, got a bit frisky during a snog, and rolled us onto the floor where he landed on top of me.” Harry chuckles. “In general, because I have one leg that’s half an inch longer than the other.”

“I have bad knees.” Niall laughs. “I get it.”

“I was wondering about the scar on your knee.” Harry says quietly.

“Fucked it up playing footy.” Niall shrugs. “Had surgery on it a few years ago when I tore the ligaments. I have to be careful with it, but as long as I don’t put too much stress on it, then it doesn’t really affect me.”

“Guess I’ll have to keep that in mind.” Harry hums.

“You’re not going to be up for much yourself if you don’t let me work on your back.” Niall mutters.

“Nialler-” Harry chuckles, rolling over with his hand on Niall’s wrist to keep the blond from falling. “You could do this all day, but all my back needs is rest. The twinge will go away when it goes away. Neither of us can do anything to change that, because I don’t take pain pills, and you’re not a chiropractor. Your hands are great, but without a proper knowledge of spinal alignment you won’t be able to do much other than make me horny.”

“Well it’s a shame you’ve got one crazy ostrich leg, isn’t it?” Niall giggles. “Because now it’s prevented us from doing the fun stuff.”

“Mm, I disagree.” Harry grins, drawing Niall down into a quick kiss. “I can still kiss you, and that’s plenty fun in my opinion.”

“Last time you kissed me, you ended up with a twinge in your back.” Niall sighs.

“And it’ll happen again at some point, and again after that, and again after that time.” Harry shrugs. “Doesn’t make me want to kiss you any less.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you Haz.” Niall mumbles.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Harry laughs, carding his hands through Niall’s fringe. “It’s not your fault I have one funky leg or that it messes with my back. This’ll happen from time to time, whether we’re doing anything or not. Once, I was reaching to put a book back on the top shelf, and I was laid up for almost two days. Is- Is this a problem for you?”

“No- Haz, of course I don’t mind that you have a bad back.” Niall rushes out. “I just hate that you’re in pain because of me. It may happen when you put a book back, or other times, but it was me this time. I did this to you.”

“Is there any time when you aren’t constantly riding your own arse?” Harry sighs. “You’re way too hard on yourself, and I don’t know if it’s because of the orphan thing, or if your self-confidence is just in the toilet, but it’s a terrible quality in a person who’s so fantastic.”

“I’m not fantastic.” Niall mutters.

“Well I disagree.” Harry muses. “I think you’re amazing, and the more you keep arguing, the more time you waste that we could spend kissing.”

“That’s a terrible counter-argument.” Niall giggles. “You would make a shit lawyer.”

“Lucky I’m an attractive bloke with a good singing voice then, yeah?” Harry smirks.

“I’m tempted to kiss you just to shut that smug mouth of yours.” Niall scoffs.

“I’d rather you kiss me because you want to, but hey, a kiss is a kiss.” Harry shrugs. “I’m not going to complain about your motives as long as I’m getting to kiss you.”

“Hmm, let me think about it.” Niall hums, his lips hovering only millimeters over Harry’s. He’s right there, could easily close the gap, but when Harry tries, Niall pulls back just enough to dodge it. “’M not done thinking Haz.”

“You’re an awful tease.” Harry pouts.

“I’m not doing this to tease. I’m weighing the risks of kissing you again.” Niall chuckles. “Wouldn’t want you to end up in traction over a snog. The papers would have a field day with that.”

“I- Niall, do you care that I’m famous?” Harry asks quietly. “Is that why-”

“Don’t you dare finish that question.” Niall growls. “Haz, the only reason I care at all about you being famous is because it’s going to make things a bit difficult for the two of us to be together. I don’t want your money. I’m not going to sell the story to the tabloids. I care about you as a person, not as an icon.”

“I just have to be careful.” Harry mumbles.

“I know, which is why I’m not offended.” Niall says softly. “Haz, I like you. I like you a lot. More than I’ve liked any guy actually. I know that it’s going to take a while to trust that, especially given how shit I’ve been at showing it, but I hope you can eventually trust that I like you for you.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you.” Harry sighs. “It’s that I do trust you. I trust you more than I trust anyone. My own mum and sister, Nick, Zayn, everyone I know, they think that Louis just left me. They don’t know about the abuse or the addictions. You’re the only person I’ve ever told that to. I trust you so much even though you could destroy me with everything you know. But I know that you won’t and that’s what’s freaking me out. I have complete faith in you, but I don’t know why. I don’t know why I’m so scared to let someone else in, but I do it so easily with you.”

“I know exactly what you mean.” Niall murmurs, tangling his fingers up with Harry’s. “I’ve lived with Liam for six months, but I’ve never told him what happened to my parents. I wouldn’t have even told Zayn, but he knew because his family took me in. I told you after two days. I- I know that you couldn’t mess up my life with that information, but it’s something that I don’t really tell people. I trust you, even though I don’t trust anyone else. It’s the same for me.”

“Is it better for you that we’re both messed up?” Harry asks.

“I- I think it helps that we both know that neither of us is perfect.” Niall nods. “I also think that it makes it easier on us if both if the person we’re with doesn’t expect us to be. I don’t like that you’ve had to go through what you have, but I do like the person you’ve become either because, or in spite, of it.”

“How am I supposed to believe you aren’t perfect when you say things like that?” Harry asks with a soft smile.

“Dodgy knees, remember?” Niall grins. “Other than that I’m pretty perfect.”

 

“I am using a knife!” Niall giggles when Harry ducks down and takes another nibble on the blond’s unguarded neck. “Can you relax for two minutes while I do this?”

“But I miss your lips.” Harry pouts. “And your neck is just so gorgeous. It’s practically begging to be played with.”

“If you don’t let me finish up, then I’m going to get fully dressed.” Niall idly threatens. He’d never do that, but it’s worth a try. Niall may be complaining, but he’s definitely not actually unhappy that Harry seems to enjoy his body this much. “In my own clothes.”

“No!” Harry whines. “I love it when you wear my clothes!”

“I know.” Niall smirks. “I can literally feel the evidence. You have it pressed right against my bum.”

“At least I’m up and walking again.” Harry chuckles. “He’s just a little over-excited.”

“Oh my god.” Niall snorts. “You call your penis a he?”

“Well I’m not going to call it a she.” Harry shrugs.

“You’re a total weirdo.” Niall scoffs.

“Yeah, but you knew that already.” Harry grins into Niall’s neck. “And you like me anyways. What does that make you?”

“A bigger weirdo.” Niall sighs.

“No, you’re a littler weirdo.” Harry giggles. “I’m much bigger than you. I’ve got at least three and a half inches on you height wise, and probably a good forty pounds of muscle.”

“Shut up.” Niall huffs. “I’m not that little.”

“It’s okay.” Harry hums. “I’ll still let you be big spoon.”

“Damn right you will.” Niall mumbles. “A lot less chance I could hurt you if I have a nightmare if all I can hit is your back. I mean, it may mess with your back problems, but at least I can’t really injure you. I can’t elbow you in the stomach and send you to the hospital by accident, or break your nose with the back of my head.”

“Has that happened?” Harry asks.

“Once.” Niall nods. “Some guy I hooked up with when I first moved down here. There wasn’t a second date. Not that I minded. He was shite in bed, and boring as all fuck. Only reason I slept with him was because he got me lobster at dinner and he was decently attractive. Still, I put him in the hospital with a broken nose and bruised ribs. Haven’t been little spoon since then.”

“Is there anything you can do about it?” Harry questions.

“There’s medication I could take. Benzodiazepines are prescribed for night terrors. They make me into a zombie though.” Niall admits. “I can barely think or feel anything while I’m on them. It’s- It feels like my soul is dying, if that makes sense. Like everything I am gets dulled. If you need me to take them though-”

“Absolutely not.” Harry says, wrapping his arms around Niall’s waist. “I’m sorry for asking. I didn’t know. It’s not a problem for me that you have the nightmares. I can take the rough wake up every once in a while if it means that you’re you when you’re awake. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you Haz.” Niall says softly. “You don’t have to be sorry though. I was the one who offered.”

“But you thought that it was a problem for me because I asked.” Harry says quietly.

“I offered because you’ve been hit too many times already Haz.” Niall says, lacing his fingers through Harry’s on his stomach. “I’d never hurt you on purpose, but I can’t say that it won’t happen in my sleep.”

“You think the fists or anything else he hit me with was what hurt Niall?” Harry asks. “It wasn’t. It was that he wanted to hurt me, to make me smaller. That’s what hurt me. As long as you don’t want to hurt me, then it’s okay. I would never hold what happens during your night-terrors against you.”

“Not on purpose.” Niall mutters.

“Not ever.” Harry insists. “And hopefully you won’t hold it against me if my back goes out during sex some time. That’s a distinct possibility.”

“Oh my god, how do we go from talking about your ex abusing you, to once again discussing sex?” Niall sighs.

“Because you look fucking delicious in my clothes, and I’m done talking about that for now.” Harry chuckles. “I would much rather focus on other things. Maybe- What you said about me last night.”

“While I was off my arse?” Niall scoffs.

“Yeah.” Harry nods. “Nialler, do you like the way I smell?”

“Um- I- Uh-” Niall stammers, dropping the knife he hasn’t even been using for a few minutes. He did not remember that part of the night until just now, and it floods back with horrifying clarity. “No?”

“It’s okay if you do Nialler.” Harry says, running the tips of his fingers down Niall’s chest. “I, of all people, won’t judge you for it. Everyone has something they like. So tell me the truth.”

“Is it weird that I do?” Niall asks quietly, grateful that Harry is still behind him because he couldn’t possibly meet those green eyes right now.

“No. It’s actually convenient. All I have to do to get you going is work up a sweat.” Harry hums. “You’ve been done chopping bananas for a while, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Niall nods with a nervous gulp.

“Anything else to do?” Harry questions.

“Not really.” Niall shrugs.

“Then I’m going to be upstairs waiting for you.” Harry whispers in his ear.

“But, your back-” Niall points out. “It’s-”

“It’s not good for everything, but it shouldn’t give me any problems if you want me to suck your cock.” Harry tells him. “Would you like that Nialler?”

“Fuck- Yes.” Niall groans, dropping his head back against Harry’s shoulder as the brunet’s hands slowly slide down his body.

“Then I’ll meet you upstairs.” Harry murmurs, his fingers halting at the waistband of his own pants which are slung low on Niall’s hips and starting to bulge. He takes Niall’s earlobe in between his teeth, flicks his tongue over the edge of it, his fingers dip just below the band of the pants, digging into Niall’s hips, and then he’s gone all at once. He’s moving quickly across the room until he hits the stairs. Niall can read the excitement in his movements, but also the caution for his back. It’s impossibly cute. “Don’t keep me waiting Nialler!”

Niall dumps the banana medallions into a container that Harry had given him and stores them in the freezer. He doesn’t want to keep Harry waiting, but he stays in the kitchen for a moment to get his mind steady. It’s not like he doesn’t want this, he does, but he can’t believe this is all happening right now. Thirty six hours ago he was sobbing drunkenly into Zayn’s shoulder, asking why the very man who is upstairs waiting to have sex with him, doesn’t like him. Except he does like Niall, and he’s upstairs, and it’s so much, so fast.

“This had better be good Nialler.” Zayn sighs, picking up after only a few rings. 

“Harry wants to suck my dick.” Niall hisses into the phone.

“And you’re talking to me because?” Zayn asks.

“I just- I need to know this is real.” Niall mutters. “Tell me something I couldn’t possibly know. Something that lets me know that this isn’t a dream.”

“I tattooed my initials on Liam’s arse last month.” Zayn chuckles.

“What the hell?” Liam yelps in the background. “Why are you telling him that?”

“You two are ridiculous.” Niall groans.

“You have the opportunity to have Harry Styles suck your cock, but you’re on the phone with me, and I’m the ridiculous one?” Zayn scoffs.

“Could you maybe not shout that around the office?” Niall huffs.

“Shut up and go have the gorgeous, millionaire, pop-star, sex-idol, who you’ve been an absolute wreck over for the last fortnight, suck your cock and stop interrupting my day Niall.” Zayn grumbles before ringing off. Niall would have thanked him, but he was being a bit of a prick. He has enough reason to be though. Niall has been a wreck, and this is no exception.

He takes the stairs quickly, deliberately leaving his mobile, his safety line, on the counter downstairs. “What took you so long?” Harry asks when Niall finally appears, his eyes crinkling in concern. It’s a little strange with the way that he’s stripped down to nothing more than a pair of briefs with a bulge that’s making Niall’s mouth water.

“Um- Zayn.” Niall admits.

“Did he call you?” Harry asks. “Or did you call him?”

“I called him.” Niall mumbles.

“Nialler, if you don’t want this, it’s fine. I don’t want to pressure you.” Harry says quietly. “You can tell me if you don’t want to do anything.”

“It’s not that.” Niall tells him. “But you’ll make fun of me if I tell you what it was.”

“I won’t.” Harry says firmly.

“I wanted him to tell me this isn’t a dream.” Niall sighs.

“Come here.” Harry smiles, beckoning Niall with a finger. Niall wanders over slowly, lets himself be drawn in by Harry’s hands. “You do me, and I’ll do you.”

“What?” Niall asks. Then Harry reaches forward and pinches at the skin of Niall’s arm just enough to make him yelp and jump back. “Dick!”

“If it hurt, then it isn’t a dream.” Harry chuckles. “Now I need you to do it to me, because I’m just as worried that I’m going to wake up and you’re not going to be here anymore.”

“Don’t you try and be sweet.” Niall huffs. “I’m mad at you.”

“No you aren’t.” Harry smirks. “You want to be, but you aren’t. Because you want to know that this matters as much to me as it does to you. It does. Now pinch me so that I know that when I hold you, I’m not just dreaming. That every kiss we’ve shared wasn’t a fantasy. That it wasn’t just my imagination when you said that you like me. I need to know this is happening, just like you needed to, because this matters to me. It matters to me Niall.”

“Will you shut up and stop being melodramatic?” Niall asks, darting his hand out and tweaking one of Harry’s nipples. Harry yelps and covers it up, but smiles up at Niall brilliantly. “You’re saying all the right things, but it’s really killing the mood. Besides, you already hurt your back since this started. You didn’t need me to pinch you to know that you’re awake.”

“Oh yeah.” Harry giggles. “I liked it anyways. I may have you pinch me again later to keep reminding me.”

“Idiot.” Harry says with a fond sigh, tilting Harry’s chin up and leaning down to plant a soft kiss on his lips. “I’ll pinch you as much as you want. Later.”

“Good. I have other plans for now.” Harry grins, his hands finding their way to Niall’s hips. “If that’s okay.”

“Who on earth would turn that down?” Niall scoffs. “You sure your back is okay for it?”

“Yeah, if you lay down for it.” Harry nods.

“Should I strip now, or do you want me to keep the clothes on?” Niall asks.

“As much as I love you wearing my clothes, cum and silk shirts aren’t a good combination.” Harry tells him, reaching up to slide the shirt off his shoulders. “The dry cleaning bills are outrageous. Besides, if you keep the clothes on, then I won’t be able to finally see all of you. I’d really like to finally be able to do that.”

“Alright.” Niall chuckles, tucking his thumbs into the waistband of the pants he’s wearing.

“Would you mind?” Harry asks, placing his fingers over Niall’s.

“Not at all.” Niall replies, shaking his head. Harry takes his time with it, pulling Niall forward until the blond is standing between his legs. His lips ghost over the skin on Niall’s hips, burning themselves into the skin just enough to put a spark in Niall’s veins. It never ceases to amaze him how his heart beats harder around Harry, but this is more intense than ever before. It’s like he can feel every cell in his body light up from Harry’s touch.

Harry’s fingers dip just beneath the elastic, running along the skin, teasing him until Niall feels like he can’t catch his breath anymore. Harry slides the waistband down in the back first, his hands gripping over Niall’s ass even as the blond’s hardened cock is still trapped beneath the fabric. Something between a moan, a whine, and a growl escapes through Niall’s throat when Harry’s lips press softly against where the head of his dick is straining against its cotton bonds. “Patience Nialler. Patience.” Harry hums.

“What about the time we’ve known each other suggests to you that I’m anything resembling a patient man?” Niall asks, threading his fingers into Harry’s wild mane.

“Alright.” Harry says with a long deep sigh that would sound annoyed if his lips weren’t quirked up in a smile. He hooks his fingers into the boxer-briefs and gives them a quick tug downwards. They flutter to the floor, leaving Niall stark naked with Harry’s hand wrapped around his cock. He laps his tongue over the head once, looking up at Niall with eyes that look equal parts smug and hungry. “Lay down on the bed.”

“Yeah, okay.” Niall nods, his mind more fog than thought at this point. Harry chuckles and guides him towards the mattress, crawling up between his legs once he’s settled in.

“Would you mind if I kiss you before I get started?” Harry asks.

“God no.” Niall breathes out. He pulls Harry down on top of him fully, enjoying the weight of it. Their lips crash together, more frenzied than it has been between them so far, all tongue and teeth and low moans that Niall wants to make a playlist out of because it’s fucking music to his ears. He lets his hands wander over Harry’s back, ruts up to grind their cocks together. It’s too much and not enough all at once, fire and ice running through his veins separately and simultaneously. “Haz, please.”

“Yeah-” Harry rasps, low and guttural right against Niall’s lips. “Fuck, I need you.”

He crawls down, his lips scorching themselves into Niall’s neck, chest, stomach, and hips until he fits his mouth over the head of Niall’s cock and swirls his tongue around. “Jesus fucking Christ!” Niall groans.

“It’s uh-” Harry mumbles, pulling off of Niall with an obscene noise. “It’s been a while, so let me know if I’m doing anything wrong, yeah?”

“Yeah, sure, fine. Just don’t start and stop like that or I might die.” Niall mutters. Harry lets out this breathy little laugh, like he’s amused, but he’s afraid that Niall will take it the wrong way. He doesn’t though. He can hear the desperation in his tone, and he’d be embarrassed by it under most circumstances, but he knows Harry isn’t thinking negatively about him. There’s a gentleness in the hand the brunet has on Niall’s hip, a kindness in those green eyes, that tells him that Harry isn’t judging him. He also isn’t doing anything, which prompts Niall’s whiny “Haz!”

“Sorry.” Harry chuckles. He licks a slow stripe up Niall’s cock and then swallows him down in one go. Niall knows he isn’t big, that he’s on the average scale, but Harry must not have any gag-reflex at all, because his nose is pressed right into the curly hairs without any problem, and Niall’s cock is in heaven at the back of Harry’s throat.

Niall’s head drops back against the pillows, the sight of Harry sucking on him, his head bobbing as he swallows around Niall like the blond is the best thing he’s ever tasted, is too much. He knows already that it isn’t going to last long, hasn’t felt an orgasm coming on this fast since he was still a teenager, but he’d like it to last longer than two or three minutes. So he screws his eyes shut and focuses whatever bits of his mind he can pull away from Harry’s mouth, on the hand wandering over his hips and torso. He very decidedly doesn’t focus on the way he can feel Harry’s eyes on him, watching each and every reaction and adjusting what he does based on that.

“Haz-” Niall breathes out once he realizes he can’t slow his orgasm down any more under Harry’s masterful lips. “Haz, I’m close.”

Harry doubles his efforts, his hand moving to Niall’s cock and stroking with each bob of his head. It’s only a few more tugs until Niall is coming in spurts that leave him breathless and shuddering as Harry works him through it. His mouth stays attached to Niall’s cock until the blond collapses on the bed, finished and euphoric. “You’re really bloody good at that.” he slurs out.

“Good to know.” Harry laughs.

“How’s your back?” Niall asks, holding his arms out for Harry to crawl up into.

“Same as it was before.” Harry shrugs.

“So it won’t cause any problems for you when I reciprocate?” Niall questions.

“You don’t have to.” Harry mumbles, snuggling into Niall’s neck.

“I want to.” Niall hums.

“Well you’re going to have to wait a bit then.” Harry sighs. “I uh- I kind of took care of myself. You just looked so fucking gorgeous, I couldn’t help it when I started wanking.”

“God, I wish I had known you were doing that so I could watch.” Niall chuckles.

“I should probably change my pants.” Harry mutters.

“Nap now. Then shower.” Niall murmurs. “Take them off if you need to, but don’t leave the bed. Please.”

“Alright.” Harry nods, pressing a quick kiss against Niall’s lips before stripping off the final article of clothing and turning so that his back is to Niall. He doesn’t turn back over, and Niall can’t deny that he feels a bit put out until Harry says “Well, come on then big spoon. Leaving me all by my lonesome is hardly fair when you won’t even let me get out of the bed to wash myself.”

“It’s what you get for taking away my turn.” Niall chuckles sliding over behind him and draping an arm over his waist. “What’s hardly fair is that I didn’t get to touch you at all.”

“We have all night.” Harry muses, lacing his fingers between Niall’s. “I’m sure we can work out another opportunity at some point. This napping won’t be a regular thing though. I have to run in the mornings before it gets too hot, so I can’t afford to fuck up my sleep schedule.”

“Pretty sure I can find other ways to help you exercise.” Niall smirks.

“You’re incorrigible.” Harry laughs. “Go to sleep. We’ll pick up where we left off later. Right now I’m just content with this.”

“Me too.” Niall mumbles, already halfway to unconsciousness with the perfect warmth radiating off of Harry. It feels good like this, feels right with Harry in his arms. It’s even better knowing that Harry and he are both here because they chose to be, not because Niall was drunk, or had a nightmare, or anything else. Niall chooses Harry, and Harry chooses Niall.

 

It’s too much, it’s too fucking much, and Harry thinks this is definitely how he’s going to die. His mind is fuzzy, barely able to process a single thing except ‘let Niall know’. He tugs weakly on the blond’s hair, rasps out “Nialler-” and then everything goes white and his body goes slack.

When his vision clears, Niall is looking up at him with a proud smirk, running his thumb through a small patch of Harry’s cum on his chin and sucking it into his mouth. Even over-sensitized as he is, Harry’s cock gives a twitch out of pure lust. “Give me a minute.”

“Took care of myself, didn’t I?” Niall chuckles, standing up. Harry can actually hear the strain he’s put on his knees, the creaking that makes the smile on Niall’s face falter for just a second

“You okay?” Harry asks, fitting his arms around Niall’s waist and pulling him close to take some of the pressure off of him.

“I’ll be fine.” Niall sighs. “Might need to get a bathmat if you want that to happen again though. Kneeling on hard surfaces isn’t really in my repertoire anymore.”

“Then why did you do it?” Harry asks.

“Because I wanted your stupidly gorgeous cock in my mouth.” Niall grins. “It’s not like I was down there for too long. Another ten minutes and I might have had a problem, but for now they’re just stiff. Good thing it doesn’t take much for you to climax.”

“Don’t be rude.” Harry huffs. “How am I supposed to hold back when you look so bloody sinful with your mouth around my cock? And you didn’t last particularly long either.”

“That’s because you’re an Olympic level cock-sucker.” Niall giggles.

“You’re not so bad yourself.” Harry hums, pecking his lips against Niall’s. “I was a little worried about doing it again though. I’ve uh- I’ve only ever done anything like that with Louis, so I wasn’t sure if it would be good for anyone except him.”

“Like- Like anything?” Niall asks curiously.

“Kissed a few different blokes in my life, flirted a bit, but nothing beyond that.” Harry admits. “Louis was my first, and I never cheated on him. Then I didn’t want anyone after he left. Not until I met you.”

“I can’t believe that you’re an actual rock-star, and I’m the slut.” Niall scoffs.

“Don’t talk about yourself like that.” Harry mumbles.

“I’m not saying I get dicked down at every opportunity, but I’ve been with more than just two guys.” Niall laughs. “You’re practically a saint. I wouldn’t have guessed with all those rumors.”

“All those rumors are about women. That should have been your first clue something was up.” Harry tells him. “I don’t take this sort of thing lightly Niall. When I’m with someone, I commit to that relationship completely. I don’t flit in between fancies. I’m- I’m not saying that I have to be it for you, that you have to be tied down by me, or feel like you can’t see anyone else if you want, or-”

“All I want is you.” Niall says gently, cutting Harry off at the pass with a deep kiss that has Harry practically floating off the ground. “Nobody else. Just you.”

“Only say that if you mean it.” Harry murmurs.

“I mean it.” Niall smiles. “I want you, and only you. I know it’s early to say that, but I don’t want to hide from you anymore. It was the stupidest thing I’ve done since I was a teenager. Hiding what I was thinking, what I was feeling, that kept us apart when we didn’t have to be.”

“I won’t hide anything from you either.” Harry murmurs. “Not anymore. Not that I have much to hide. You already know my biggest darkest secret.”

“I’m- I still have secrets about my past that I’m not ready to tell you, that I may never be able to tell you.” Niall sighs. “But I want to be as honest with you as I can.”

“Whatever you’re comfortable with.” Harry nods. He’s okay with that. He knows that Niall needs his secrets, that he needs to have a barrier between his heart and the people around him, because that’s the way he’s protected himself for his entire life. Maybe one day he’ll tell Harry everything, and maybe he won’t. That’s his choice and Harry won’t push him. He’s happy enough just having Niall close to him. He can wait forever if he needs to for everything else.

 

“Why am I sodomizing strawberries again?” Niall asks as he shoves yet another toothpick into yet another bright red fruit. It’s not that he minds the task so much, especially considering it’s giving him the opportunity to just sit back and watch Harry putter around the kitchen completely nude. He just isn’t sure why he’s doing it.

“Strawberries don’t have any orifices, so is it technically sodomy?” Harry giggles.

“Let me rephrase then. Why am I impaling strawberries?” Niall laughs.

“Because I asked you to.” Harry beams. “I think the more important question is, is there something specific on your mind Nialler? Freud would have some things to say about your phrasing.”

“He would understand if he were here, watching you walk around starkers.” Niall scoffs. “And what term would you use?”

“Skewer.” Harry shrugs. 

And yeah, that probably would have been less sexual, but how can Niall be expected to not have sexual thoughts when Harry Styles is fucking naked and gorgeous and bending over and giving Niall a perfect view of his puckered pink- “Ow! Fuck!” Niall yelps, looking down in dismay towards the toothpick he’d accidentally jammed into his finger.

“What? What happened?” Harry asks worriedly. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Niall sighs, sucking his finger into his mouth and grimacing at the metallic taste of blood. “It’s not that bad. I just tried to multitask, but apparently I can’t do that. Your arse should be labelled a safety hazard.”

“Hey.” Harry pouts.

“I can’t be expected to use sharp instruments when you bend over like that.” Niall shrugs. “My brain doesn’t work around an arse that sodomizable.”

“Well don’t be rude about it, or you’re not going to be sodomizing it anytime soon.” Harry huffs.

“I can deal with that.” Niall shrugs.

“What?” Harry squawks, crossing around the island with a scowl.

“I’m just saying, I want to fuck you, but I won’t be upset if it goes the other way around.” Niall explains. “And you might hold a grudge against me for a bit, but when I ride your dick, then you’ll probably forgive me.”

“That-” Harry growls, climbing up into Niall’s seat and straddling over his lap. “-Is not what you were supposed to say.”

“I’m not saying I don’t want to fuck you Haz.” Niall smirks, sliding his un-stabbed hand around Harry’s waist and letting it settle on the curve of Harry’s ass. “I really, really do. I want to spend days worshipping every bit of you, your arse in particular. It’s fucking gorgeous. Don’t get your panties in a twist.”

“I’m not wearing any, remember?” Harry whispers in his ear, placing his hand over Niall’s and guiding it down to his hole. Niall runs his finger in a slow circle around his rim, pulling a breathy moan from Harry’s lips. “Should I go put some on?”

“As much as I hate to say yes, I really don’t want my hands to turn into pin cushions.” Niall sighs, stopping his ministrations, but leaving his finger pressed lightly against Harry’s hole. “I definitely can’t focus on sodomizing anything else when you’re like this. And since your back and my knees have effectively rendered that an impossibility for the night, I’d rather not get too worked up with nowhere to go.”

“Aw, does that mean we’re going without for the rest of the evening?” Harry pouts, pressing back into Niall’s finger. “Because I still had plans.”

“Go put on your panties Haz.” Niall smirks. “We’ll discuss whether or not either of us cums again tonight when you get back. Chances are you’ll get your way.”

“Alright.” Harry grins, grinding down on Niall’s very interested cock. He may be wearing a pair of Harry’s pants, but that just increases the friction and makes fireworks explode behind Niall’s eyelids. “Don’t lose that frame of mind. And take care of your finger. I’ll bring a plaster for it.”

“Was planning on it.” Niall says breathlessly. “Now go away before I fucking explode all over your nice expensive pants.”

“Be right back.” Harry breathes out, the hot air ghosting over Niall’s lips. He hovers there for a second, and they’re both breathing in these short anticipatory pants that make Niall feel a bit lightheaded. Harry never connects their lips though, ducking back when Niall finally chooses to do it. He giggles, climbing backwards out of Niall’s lap and dances away as fast as his bad back will let him until he disappears out of Niall’s sight. Fucker.

Niall sighs long-sufferingly to himself as he walks around to reach the sink. He runs warm water over the small puncture first, as hot as he can stand it, and then cold to help it close up. It’s not like it’s a major wound or anything, it doesn’t even really hurt, but he still sighs in relief when a pack of plasters lands on the counter next to him. 

“And before you ask, yes, they’re Hello Kitty plasters.” Harry giggles. Niall doesn’t even have to look to see the wide smile stretched across that face, dimples out in full force. “I like them, so you’ll just have to deal with it.”

“Zaynie only has Batman ones at the flat and the office.” Niall chuckles, carefully unwrapping the plaster and twisting it over the wound. “I’m used to the kiddie plasters.”

“Are you avoiding looking at me on purpose?” Harry asks quietly.

“What? No, I was just-” Niall starts before the air is knocked out of his lungs by the sight in front of him. Harry is sat on the counter, legs spread open to reveal a delicate lace pattern in black that covers Harry’s crotch and thighs. “Jesus. Definitely not avoiding looking at you. Might never look away again. Jesus- Do you wear these out in public?”

“Never.” Harry says with a shake of the head. “Can you imagine if I got papped bending over in these or something?”

“You would probably draw a very interesting new clientele base.” Niall chuckles. “Including myself.”

“It’s okay then?” Harry asks, his voice even, but his eyes practically shining with hope.

“More than fucking okay.” Niall breathes out, crossing the space between them and gently teasing his fingers over the pattern. “I mean- Is there more, or just these?”

“Just these.” Harry tells him. “I don’t want to be treated like a bird or anything, but occasionally I just like to feel- To feel-”

“Feel what?” Niall asks, barely able to pull his eyes away from the lace through which he can see glimpses of everything hidden beneath.

“Pretty.” Harry whispers.

“God, you are so much more than just pretty Haz.” Niall tells him with a soft press of his lips to Harry’s. “You’re fucking beautiful. More gorgeous than all the stars in the sky. Never seen anything more beautiful than you. Not ever. Pretty doesn’t even come close to covering it.”

“Do you mean it?” Harry asks softly. “This doesn’t bother you?”

“I do.” Niall nods. “And why would this bother me? Anything short of exchanging non-jizz bodily fluids, shoving fists where fists shouldn’t be, sounding, or animals, and I’m willing to at least try. This though, this is definitely not a problem. This is about as far away from a problem as it gets. It’s nothing I’ve ever thought of before, I’ll admit, but it’s not something that freaks me out.”

“Really?” Harry asks with a watery-eyed smile.

“Really Haz.” Niall chuckles.

“God, you are so perfect.” Harry mumbles, surging forward and kissing Niall with so much force that it nearly knocks the blond back on his ass. The only things that keep him upright are the arms that Harry has locked around his neck, but he doesn’t mind because Harry seems really happy. Niall said the right thing for once, didn’t fuck everything up, and it’s the best he’s felt in as long as he can remember. He doesn’t agree with Harry about being perfect, but he doesn’t feel like arguing it either. Not with Harry kissing him like it’s the only thing in the world worth doing. It takes minutes before they pull apart to breathe and Harry asks “How did I ever get so lucky as to find you?”

“We could argue about who the lucky one is for years.” Niall laughs. “But you would probably win, as you never answered my question which is a terrible quality.”

“What question?” Harry asks.

“Why am I supposed to be sodomizing strawberries?” Niall repeats. “What was the point of me stabbing myself?”

“You stabbed yourself because you were staring at my arse.” Harry grins. “And I was getting out a double boiler so we could make chocolate covered strawberries. The toothpicks are so that we can dip them without getting our fingers all chocolatey.”

“I’ll do the chocolate.” Niall tells him. “You finish sodomizing the strawberries because there’s no way I can stop from stabbing myself while you’re wearing these.”

“I could go put something else on.” Harry offers.

“Not on your life.” Niall growls out, nipping at Harry’s neck. “Because I definitely have plans for you and these once we finish up here.”

“That’s exactly what I hoped you’d say.” Harry giggles, and Niall can’t really help it when he peppers the brunet’s face with kisses. Niall knows that Harry isn’t perfect, but god does it feel that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to make one thing very clear about this story. I didn't tag it as lace kink for a reason. Within the confines of the story, neither of the boys have one. Harry has image issues associated with being in an abusive relationship that have manifested themselves as a need to feel 'pretty'. It isn't a kink. It's a physical and emotional need to be vulnerable occasionally with someone he can trust. It's about intimacy, not lust.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm putting this out a day early to make up for the shameful things I'm calling prompt fills. Hopefully this is better than those are.

“Ugh, why am I even here?” Niall groans, crumpling up yet another sketch of Harry and dropping it to the ground. He’s been trying so hard ever since he got to work, but he can’t seem to capture that magical thing that makes Harry, Harry. He only has one sketch of Harry that he likes, the one he made when he told Harry that he pursed his lips the same way his mother had. It had just been an excuse to sit there and sketch Harry with his guard down. Now, without him here, it’s so much harder.

“Don’t you mean, ‘Why am I here when I could be sucking face with Hazza?’” Liam giggles from behind the counter, putting on a pitchy affectation that makes Niall want to throw a dart in his face. “Because I’m pretty sure that’s what you meant.”

“I meant what I said.” Niall scoffs. Liam and Zayn have both been absolute shits ever since Harry dropped him off this morning, but only Zayn has actually had to work, leaving Liam to pester Niall relentlessly and without remorse. Niall’s countermove is to not tell them anything at all and keep sketching. “What I was asking is, why am I here when I haven’t had a single customer in three hours?”

“Because you have a job and a roof over your head?” Liam offers.

“I wish Zaynie would go back to dating birds. His taste in blokes is awful.” Niall mutters, sticking his tongue out at the thoroughly scandalized looking receptionist. “My mum may be dead, but I’m not looking to replace her with you.”

“What’s the matter?” Liam asks, his eyebrows crinkling together the way they always do when he’s concerned.

“I’m still figuring things out, and I’m a private person anyways, but you and your boyfriend won’t just leave me alone until I’m actually ready to talk about it.” Niall huffs. “And I know you guys are excited for me, but I wish you’d both just back off a little. I don’t even know if Haz would be comfortable with me talking about the situation at all. We haven’t discussed all of the logistics of it yet.”

“We knew about him and Louis, I don’t see why he would care if we know about the two of you.” Liam pouts. “Especially since we already knew something was going on. It’s not like you didn’t call yesterday and tell Zayn that Harry wanted to suck your dick. We just want to know a few things. It would help ease our minds. We worry about you Niall, with good reason.”

“Fine. Three questions and then you drop it unless I choose to tell you something.” Niall sighs, closing his sketch pad and dropping it on the table.

“Does he make you happy?” Liam asks, practically sprinting across the distance between the counter to the couch to take a seat next to Niall.

“He does.” Niall nods, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips even as he tries to remain stoic just to annoy Liam.

“Is this something long term?” Liam asks carefully.

“I think it could be.” Niall explains. “We both agree that we want this to be something real, that it isn’t just a fling. I’m not exactly sure what it is yet. We haven’t really put a label on it. But I know we matter to each other, and that’s all that’s important to me. One question left. Make it good.”

“Obviously.” Liam says with a wicked grin. “The most important question of all. Is he a top or a bottom?”

“That- You- I-” Niall sputters, his face heating up with a fierce blush. “You have three questions and you use you last one on that?”

“Well I already asked the two most crucial ones.” Liam shrugs. “And if the situation was switched, you’d totally ask the same thing.”

“I absolutely would not!” Niall squawks. “I know far too much about your sex life already.”

“Answer the question Nialler.” Liam smirks.

“We haven’t gone that far Lima Bean.” Niall counters, mocking Liam’s haughty tone. “Guess you wasted your question.”

“I think you’re lying.” Liam says with narrowed eyes.

“I’m not actually. We uh- We did some other stuff, but we couldn’t go all the way because he has a bad back that went all twitchy when we rolled onto the floor, and I messed up my knees kneeling in the shower.” Niall sighs. “Is that enough detail for you?”

“Not really, but I’ll get you drunk at some point and you’ll tell me more.” Liam grins. “You seeing him again soon? Actually, let me answer that. Yes. He’s parking right now because you have an appointment with him in about two minutes.”

“Oh you absolute dick!” Niall growls, looking out the window to see Harry climbing out of his Range Rover with a huge smile. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you were being a git all morning.” Liam giggles. 

Niall throws a glare at him while he grabs his sketch pad and practically sprints back to his studio. It’s only once he’s shoved it in a drawer that he realizes that literally dozens of sketches of Harry are littering the lobby floor. Hopefully Liam is at least kind enough to toss those in the bin, but Niall doubts it with the wicked streak he has going on this morning.

“Harry Styles here to see you.” Liam chirps from the door, his cheerful voice grating against Niall’s nerves like sandpaper. He’s going to make Liam pay for this later in imaginative and painful ways.

“Hi!” Harry beams.

“You come in.” Niall smiles, pointing to Harry and then Liam. “You go away or I’ll tell your mum about the initials.”

“Don’t be rude Nialler. We have a VIP in the building.” Liam chuckles, walking away.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming in?” Niall asks when Harry steps in, closing the door behind him.

“I assumed Liam would have told you.” Harry shrugs, crossing the distance between them and pressing Niall up against the counter. “No talking now. I haven’t kissed you in three hours and that’s just not right.”

“Did you book an appointment just so you could kiss me?” Niall asks. “Because there’s a word for that. It starts with pro- and it ends with me in jail.”

“No, I want a tattoo, but I also want to kiss you.” Harry murmurs. “Now, are you going to keep talking, or are you going to kiss me?”

Niall leans up just enough to plant a quick peck against Harry’s lips, turning away when Harry tries for more. “Why won’t you kiss me?” Harry whines.

“Because Zayn will kill me if we start fooling around in here, and you’ve got me feeling particularly randy this morning.” Niall admits.

“Do not shag in my place of business!” Zayn yells through the door.

“See what I mean?” Niall groans. “Those two twats probably have their ears pressed right up against the door because I wouldn’t tell them anything.”

“Why not?” Harry asks. Niall doesn’t imagine the way he deflates, and that brings a pang of guilt to his stomach.

“Because Lima Bean asks things like ‘Is he a top or a bottom’, and I wasn’t sure how much you want revealed.” Niall tells him, increasing the volume on the first part. He feels smugly satisfied when he hears Liam’s telltale yelp and low, angry hissing from Zayn. “Also, because I don’t really talk to people about things like that. I’m a private person Haz. If you want to tell people, that’s your business. But it’s mine if I don’t.”

“Are you-” Harry sighs. “Are you ash-”

“God, no Haz.” Niall cuts him off. “Of course I’m not ashamed of you. I could never be ashamed of you. I just don’t feel like telling them things when we haven’t even figured everything out for ourselves. I promise, I’m not ashamed of you though.”

“Okay.” Harry breathes out a sigh of what Niall hopes is relief. “Just one real kiss?”

“Just one.” Niall hums, drawing Harry down by the neck until their lips crash together. Niall uses one arm to lift himself up onto the counter, hooking his legs around Harry’s waist to draw him in closer. He licks into Harry’s mouth, tasting mint and just a hint of himself still on the brunet’s tongue from this morning’s escapades. It’s fucking marvelous. He pulls back after a minute and says “Satisfied?”

“Not nearly, but we can do more later.” Harry grins.

“I don’t know. I’m pretty busy.” Niall chuckles. “Got a lot of sitting around doing nothing planned for the day.”

“But my plans are so much more fun.” Harry smirks. “So much fun. My back is feeling better, and there are things we didn’t get to explore yesterday.”

“I’m well aware.” Niall muses. “I can definitely come over if you want. I didn’t want to just assume you wanted me there and were free. You have a big life outside of this thing between us.”

“Nothing in my life is bigger than this thing between us.” Harry murmurs. “Not more important anyways. I want as much time with you as I can get. I’ll let you know ahead of time if I have anything planned that I can’t avoid, but this break is my time, and I want to spend it with you.”

“Well I have to work for the next few days, but then I have Tuesday and Wednesday off. I could spend the whole time over at yours if you want.” Niall offers.

“That sounds brilliant.” Harry beams. “Any chance you could get another day off too?”

“Why?” Niall asks.

“Because two days isn’t much time if I want to take you away. A few days out of London in Paris, or Rome, or somewhere. Let me show you what the world is like.” Harry whispers over the shell of his ear.

“I- I can’t.” Niall sighs.

“Why not?” Harry pouts.

“Because I have appointments with two of my few regulars on the days around that.” Niall admits. “I don’t have anything scheduled for the week after that though. I can see how much Zayn thinks he could spare me.”

“So you’d go away with me?” Harry asks.

“If you want me to, I don’t see why not.” Niall shrugs. “Just- Won’t it be a bit difficult? It’s not like you can just walk around in public. Especially with just me. If you get spotted, it could be serious trouble.”

“I would have to bring a security guard that would follow us.” Harry admits. “But they’re nice guys, and they wouldn’t get in the way unless something happens. I doubt it will though. I know how to take a holiday. I’ve done it before. It may not seem like it, but I do know how to be discreet.”

“I have seen little to no evidence of that.” Niall giggles.

“Well I’ll show you.” Harry smiles. “I’ll show you everything if you let me.”

“See, that really doesn’t sound discreet.” Niall grins, teasing his hand down Harry’s chest.

“Got something on your mind Nialler?” Harry chuckles.

“Just the way you sounded last night when I did that thing with my tongue.” Niall hums, dropping his hand to palm over Harry’s crotch. “So fucking loud and pretty.”

“Niall-” Harry whimpers, his face going bright red and his eyes half lidded as his hips buck up into the blond’s hand.

“Later, yeah?” Niall murmurs in his ear.

“Cannot come soon enough.” Harry groans.

“Neither can I.” Niall giggles.

“Do not have sex in my place of business!” Zayn yells through the door for a second time.

“Give me a second.” Niall sighs, climbing off of the counter and striding over. It’s not the most mature of reactions, but the fearful yelps from Liam and Zayn when Niall kicks the door are totally worth it. He wrenches open the door and yells “I swear to the gods that you two worship, I will superglue the two of you together while you sleep. Leave. Us. Alone.”

“The two of you are practically mounting one another in there. I don’t run a brothel.” Zayn huffs.

“Seventeen times I have walked in on, or heard, the two of you going at it here. Seventeen times. Back off munafiq!” Niall growls.

“I’m not a hypocrite.” Zayn grumbles. “I own this place. I’m allowed to have sex here. You are not.”

“I’m not having sex here, but so what if I do?” Niall scowls. “If I want to bend Haz over and-”

“And-” Harry hums, wrapping his arm around Niall’s waist and hauling him back flush against his torso. “This conversation is over. Lovely to see you Zayn. Let’s do dinner with the four of us sometime next month when this conversation is forgotten, yeah?”

“You’re paying.” Zayn laughs, walking away with Liam in tow.

“You should stop appeasing him.” Niall mutters before raising his volume to add. “His head is big enough without you pretending he’s pleasant!”

“Lund lai mera!” Zayn calls back.

“I’m telling Liam what that means!” Niall yells after him, attempting in vain to claw his way through the air and out of Harry’s arms because he’s not done with this fight. “And I’m telling Trisha that you said it to me!”

“Hey, it’s over.” Harry murmurs. “Let it go.”

“He pushes my fucking buttons.” Niall huffs, kicking the door closed.

“Yeah, family does that.” Harry chuckles.

“Haz-” Niall sighs.

“I know Nialler, but clearly he thinks of you as family. You two fight exactly like siblings, and he’s there for you when you need him. I don’t really know what else to call him in relation to you.” Harry mumbles.

“He’s my boss, and my flat-mate, and, annoyingly enough, my best mate.” Niall mutters. “But he’s not my brother, not my family. My brother is dead. My family is dead. I wouldn’t wish being my family on anyone.”

“Well other people may wish it on themselves.” Harry tells him. “Zayn loves you, and nothing you say, or do, or think is going to change that. He’s just watching out for you. You’re his family, whether or not he’s yours, so stop getting mad at him over the little things.”

“Fine.” Niall grumbles. “Whatever. Don’t see why I’m the one who has to be the bigger person when he’s the one always starting everything.”

“Because in the end you know he’ll be there for you.” Harry smiles. “Now what exactly did he say?”

“Suck my dick.” Niall laughs.

“I was just asking.” Harry pouts.

“No, Haz, that’s what he said. He said ‘suck my dick’ in Urdu. Lund lai mera.” Niall explains.

“Oh.” Harry giggles. “That’s a whole new level of brotherly love.”

“You’re a sick bastard.” Niall cackles, pushing Harry backwards into the chair. “Do you want a tattoo, or just to lecture me and imply incestuous things about my relationship with Zaynie?”

“Tattoo.” Harry hums. “I can save the lectures and implications of incest for later.”

“You are just begging to sleep alone tonight.” Niall growls.

“You’re such a grumpy little person.” Harry grins.

“I’m not that little.” Niall scowls.

“I know.” Harry chuckles, grabbing Niall by the waist and tugging him down into his lap. “God, why am I so attracted to that grumpy face you put on?”

“Because you’re fucked up in the head.” Niall huffs.

“Ah, see I thought it was because you’re insanely attractive, and I can’t help imagining how hard you’d fuck me when you get pissy like this.” Harry mutters, mouthing his way down Niall’s neck.

Niall climbs out of Harry’s lap, much to the brunet’s dissatisfaction, and opens the door. “Zayn!” he calls out to the front.

“What?” Zayn asks loudly.

“After I finish up here, I’m taking the rest of the day off!” Niall shouts down to him. “Or else I’m having Harry tweet about how you’re so vain that you changed your name when you moved out here because you thought Z-A-Y-N looked cooler than Z-A-I-N!”

“You absolute shit.” Zayn growls, glaring down the hall. “Fine. Take the day off. See if I give you time off for your little trip.”

“You will, because you love me.” Niall smirks. “And because I still have that picture of you in drag from when we were teenagers.”

“One of these days, you’re going to run out of blackmail, or I’m going to run out of patience and murder you.” Zayn hisses. “We’ll talk about the holiday tomorrow, because you’re still coming in. No more time off until we talk.”

“Tonight is all I need for now.” Niall beams, ducking back in and closing the door. He turns back to Harry and asks “Now, where were we?”

 

“I’m proper amazed at you.” Niall chuckles, dabbing on the ointment once he’s finished the newest addition to Harry’s menagerie, a beautiful black and white rose near his left elbow. “First time you’ve managed to sit through a tattoo without being upset with me.”

“No reason to be upset with you.” Harry hums. “And the last two times I wasn’t upset with you so much as Louis, and myself respectively. Louis for ruining a perfectly good day, though you turned that around pretty well. And then the next time I was mad at myself for liking you when you were just being friendly.”

“Hardly.” Niall scoffs. “Spent half the session trying to develop x-ray vision to see through the shirt on your lap.”

“Ooh, did it work?” Harry asks cheekily.

“Unfortunately not.” Niall says with a dramatic sigh as he places the bandage over the new ink.

“Then I guess I should show you what’s underneath since you can’t already tell.” Harry grins, swinging his legs around, standing up, and using the lever on Niall’s chair to raise him up all in one swift movement that would definitely have failed if Harry were even one iota less horny than he is now. His desire is the only thing that can make him graceful.

“Pretty sure I’ve seen it already.” Niall hums. 

“Not this pair.” Harry purrs, lifting up his shirt just enough to let the top of the red lacy pair of pants he’s wearing show.

“Thought you didn’t wear these in public.” Niall muses, running his fingers over the pattern.

“It’ll probably never happen again, but I was feeling a little excited today.” Harry admits.

“You never planned on leaving here without fooling around, did you?” Niall asks with a smirk.

“Never even crossed my mind.” Harry grins.

“And Zaynie killing me, that’s a risk you’re just willing to take?” Niall asks, undoing the button on Harry’s jeans.

“All signs point to yes.” Harry nods.

“Me too.” Niall chuckles. “Take off your clothes, but leave those on.”

“Okay.” Harry nods, reaching for the hem of his shirt.

“Slowly.” Niall tells him, his tone dark and heavy.

“Are you asking me to put on a show Nialler?” Harry giggles. 

“I’m not asking.” Niall smirks, standing up and pulling Harry into a bruising kiss. He’s more dominating than he was the night before, his hand winding into Harry’s locks with a firm grip, his fingers strong on Harry’s hip. It’s fucking amazing, has Harry rutting into Niall’s hip and his mind going fuzzy. Niall tugs on his hair just enough to separate them, but not enough to hurt. “Take of your clothes Haz. Slowly.”

“Yeah, okay.” Harry pants, reaching for the highest button he has done on his shirt. Niall steps around him, his eyes locked on Harry even as his feet carry him away. He draws the shades on the window, shutting them tight when Harry’s shirt flutters to the ground. He walks straight past Harry and only when the brunet hears the lock click does he realize what Niall is doing.

“Why are your jeans still on?” Niall asks.

“Sorry.” Harry mumbles, fumbling with his zip.

“Don’t be sorry, just do what I asked.” Niall chuckles, stepping back in front of him. “Unless you don’t want to do this. That’s completely fine Haz.”

“No, I definitely want to.” Harry tells him. “Just got caught up thinking about it.”

“What do you want Harry?” Niall asks, sliding Harry’s jeans off his hips and onto the ground.

“I want to suck you.” Harry whispers.

“Really? Like, out of everything, that’s what you want?” Niall questions.

“Can’t stop fucking thinking about it.” Harry nods. “I love the way you taste.”

“Well I’m not going to stop you.” Niall breathes out. “One question though.”

“What?” Harry asks.

“How many colors do you have?” Niall questions, running his fingers over the lace on Harry’s hips.

“Just the black and this pair.” Harry tells him.

“I’m going to buy you a pink pair.” Niall murmurs in his ear, running his fingers over where Harry’s cock is straining against the lace. “Would you like that Haz?”

“Y- Yeah.” Harry gasps, his hips grinding forward for the friction.

“You’d look so fucking pretty like that.” Niall whispers, wrapping his hand around Harry’s cock and giving it a slow tug. “So beautiful.”

“Fuck- Niall-” Harry breathes out. “Can I please- I need to suck you.”

“Just don’t touch yourself.” Niall mutters, biting at Harry’s bottom lip. “I want to get you off.”

“Fuck- Okay.” Harry nods, dropping down to his knees. He unfastens the button on Niall’s jeans quickly, tugging them down just enough to let Niall’s cock spring out. Harry wastes no time getting his mouth on it, half mad with desire. It’s not elegant, has no real technique, but if the low moan Niall lets out is any indication, he doesn’t mind Harry’s sloppy blowjob today. 

Harry wasn’t lying when he said he loves the way Niall tastes. It’s salty, and tangy, and just a little bitter, but it combines to spectacular effect. It’s all boy and man in one perfect blond package. Well, naturally brunet package. The carpet definitely doesn’t match the drapes, and the evidence is pressed right up against Harry’s nose. He works the muscles of his throat, flexing them around the head of Niall’s cock.

Harry isn’t stupid, he knows what guys think when they see his lips, knows that their mind go straight to sucking cock. He makes that work for him, spent years sucking Louis off and learning all the things that made his toes curl. He learned yesterday that those skills are universal, that Niall enjoys many of the same things. 

He’s better though, better in bed, better for Harry, a better person overall. He doesn’t make Harry feel horrible about himself, doesn’t sneer out ‘A man should be a man’, and doesn’t ever make him feel guilty or dirty for wanting or needing what he wants or needs. He never makes Harry feel lesser.

“Jesus- Haz- I’m close.” Niall groans. Harry reaches behind him, grabs ahold of his arse and pulls Niall further into his mouth, repeating the action a few times until Niall gets the hint and lets out a breathy “Fuck- You sure?”

Harry rolls his eyes instead of speaking, seeing as his mouth is a bit full. He locks eyes with Niall and does it again, slowly this time, making Niall watch as his length disappears down Harry’s throat inch by inch. “Fuck- Yeah, alright.” Niall moans, grabbing Harry by the shoulder and the back of his head as he thrusts into the brunet’s mouth. “Not- Not gonna last long though.”

Harry doesn’t mind that. He likes the way he can feel the trembling in Niall’s legs, can hear the shortness of his breath as his orgasm starts building to the tipping point. He loves that Niall is murmuring Harry’s name like it’s the only word he knows, a little prayer for just the two of them. He loves it even more when Niall lets out a low growl as he starts spurting down Harry’s throat. His thighs quake as Harry works him through the rest of his orgasm, sucking him down until Niall lets out a gasp that tells Harry he’s gone oversensitive.

Niall lowers himself until he’s on his knees facing Harry, licking the taste of himself out of the brunet’s mouth as he grabs Harry’s neglected cock. It’s fast and hard, Niall’s hand tangled in Harry’s hair the only thing keeping him from melting boneless into the floor. “God, you are so fucking pretty.” Niall murmurs against his lips. “My beautiful boy.”

That’s all it takes, those few words of approval, and Harry is cumming so hard he can’t see straight. Niall swallows down the moans ripping their way out of Harry’s throat, pumping him until he finishes with a whimper. “So beautiful.” Niall whispers. And for the first time in a long time, Harry really feels like it. “God, you are so beautiful Haz.”

“If you two are done disregarding health regulations in there, we have a problem.” Zayn calls through the door.

“Give us a minute.” Niall groans.

“By all means!” Zayn growls. “Take two minutes, then you need to get your arses out here or I break down the door.”

“Better hurry.” Harry giggles.

“I’m so fired.” Niall sighs. “He’s going to fire me and kick me out and-”

“Nialler, he’s not going to fire you.” Harry tells him, taking the blond’s face in his hands. “He might yell a bit, but he’s not going to fire you, and he’s definitely not going to kick you out. Relax.”

“I just- I’ve been thrown away so many times Haz.” Niall whispers, tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

“Zayn is never going to do that Nialler.” Harry smiles. “Now I need to get dressed, and you need to clean your hand. I highly doubt that you want to have this conversation with my cum on your hand.”

“Yeah, that would probably be the opposite of helpful.” Niall laughs, the sound thick and wet in his throat. Harry can tell how worried he is, how the insecure, constantly rejected little boy underneath is starting to bubble up. He wants to take that pain and fear away, but he knows that Zayn is the only one who can do that now. He settles for giving the blond a gentle kiss instead, reminding him that Harry is here for him. “Only got a minute left Haz. You should probably put on the clothes before Zaynie and Liam see a lot more than they need to. I can get incredibly jealous, and I’m pretty sure they’d both jump you in these. I’ll definitely get fired if I punch them both for drooling over you.”

“Not one for sharing?” Harry chuckles.

“No.” Niall growls. “I am definitely not one for sharing. Not you anyways.”

“Good. I’m only yours.” Harry grins.

“Good answer.” Niall smirks, pecking Harry on the lips and then using his one clean hand to lift himself up with the chair. “Now seriously, put on your clothes.”

“Alright, alright.” Harry laughs, standing up and picking his jeans up off the floor. He tugs them on, relishing the way Niall stares at him while he runs the water over his hand. He pulls on his shirt quickly after that, throwing open the door just as Zayn starts banging on it. 

Niall glares at him, only having just tucked himself back into his own pants, but quickly says “Zaynie, I’m sorry that we-”

“I don’t give two shits about your little hook up in here.” Zayn huffs. “Harry, someone must have seen you come in, and let it leak. There’s a crowd of paps out there, and they’re staked around your car. Nobody has found the back entrance yet, but once they do, there’s no way for you to get out of here without being seen.”

“Fuck!” Harry hisses, panic welling in his chest. Once the paparazzi knows his address, because they will follow him back home, they’ll be around constantly. It’s happened before and it completely disrupted his and Louis’ lives. Louis had needed to stay at a hotel for weeks until Harry found a new place. It’s way too early for him and Niall to go through this. There’s no way Niall will stick around for it. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

“Haz, give Zaynie your keys. Zaynie, I’ll need yours.” Niall says, fishing Harry’s keys out of his pocket, unclipping Harry’s house key, and dropping the rest into Zayn’ hand. “I’ll sneak out the back and grab your car, then pick Harry up on the next block. We’ll trade back tomorrow as long as there aren’t still paps camped out, okay?”

“If there’s even a scratch, I will kill you.” Zayn growls, chucking a set of keys at Niall’s chest. “Get going, both of you. It won’t be long until they find the back entrance. Let me know when you get to yours so that I know you’re both safe, got it?”

“You’re the best Zaynie.” Niall grins, pressing a kiss to Zayn’s cheek and dragging Harry out by the wrist. They break into a sprint once they make it out the back door, the courtyard blessedly free of any people or cameras. “Move it Haz. Go through there, and wait on the corner. I’ll only be a minute. I promise.”

“Why are you so levelheaded right now?” Harry asks.

“Foster kid habit.” Niall laughs, letting go of Harry’s wrist and running down the street in the opposite direction from Harry. “We’re good in a crisis.”

Harry can’t say anything before Niall disappears around the corner, so he just lowers his head and closes up the buttons on his shirt. He curses at himself under his breath for forgetting sunglasses or a hat or something that would help conceal his face. The corner isn’t busy, but there are a few people there, and Harry feels like a bomb is about to explode. The anxiousness building in his chest is starting to make him lightheaded, and then there’s a loud noise that startles a yelp out of him. 

“Get in the bloody car Haz!” Niall shouts from inside a little blue car that Harry is a little ambivalent about.

He hears a screech of “Oh my god! That’s Ha-” and then he slams the door shut.

“Buckle up.” Niall grins, peeling out and driving away. They round the corner just as a crowd emerges from around the building where Malink is located. Niall cackles loudly, and Harry just ducks down so that nobody can see him.


	11. Chapter 11

“Haz, sit down. Nobody followed us. We’d know by now if someone had.” Niall sighs, trying to drag the brunet away from the window. He’s been pacing for the last half hour, wearing a ridiculous disguise that won’t fool anybody. “Your moustache is peeling off anyways.”

“Shite.” Harry hisses, pressing the corner back up until it sticks.

“It doesn’t even make sense with the wig Harry. They’re two different colors.” Niall points out.

“Well this was all they had when I bought it.” Harry pouts.

“This your idea of discretion for when we go away?” Niall asks. “Because I have very little confidence in that now.”

“I have a better wig for holidays.” Harry mumbles. “But I tore the lining throwing it when Louis left, and my stylist hasn’t given it back yet.”

“I am not walking around Paris while you wear a wig.” Niall laughs. 

“Why aren’t you more freaked out?” Harry asks. “And don’t give me the whole ‘foster kid’ thing. You should be freaking out.”

“Don’t see why.” Niall shrugs. “I know you’re closeted, and that it could cause major problems for you, but all you have to say if someone ever sees us together is that we’re friends. Nobody will know that it’s anything more, and it won’t bother me. I don’t exactly plan on doing a lot of PDA. It’s not my scene.”

“You have no idea how hellish the paparazzi can make life Nialler.” Harry mutters. “I’ve had to move because of them. I didn’t see Louis for two weeks, because they followed me everywhere. You saw what happened at Malink. That’s just the tip of the iceberg as far as these people go.”

“Then you don’t go back to Malink for a while. You can’t get a new tattoo for a few weeks anyways.” Niall points out.

“But- But-” Harry sputters. “What am I supposed to do for the eight or more hours a day you’re at work? I can’t see you at all?”

“I can come over after work.” Niall offers. “I can’t afford to have you hanging around the place all day anyways. You take up an extraordinary amount of my attention already. Not to mention, out of the four times you’ve been in my chair, you’ve paid me for half of one small tattoo. I literally can’t afford it.”

“I was going to pay for today’s.” Harry huffs. “But the paps showed up.”

“I’m not having you pay for any tattoo I give you while we’re together.” Niall says, waving him off. “It adds an unnecessary and unpleasant power dynamic to things that would just be uncomfortable. Plus, if we keep fooling around while you come in for an appointment- Well- I’ve already explained why that’s not technically legal.”

“If you won’t let me pay you for the tattoos, then I have to go back to Zayn.” Harry sighs. “I’m not taking advantage of you like that.”

“Oh my god, we are not going to fight over this right now. Stop letting one little thing ruin what has been a perfectly good day.” Niall sighs, grabbing Harry around the hips just forcefully enough to hold him in place. “We’ve been here for an hour, and you’ve barely looked at me or kissed me at all.”

“I’m just-” Harry mumbles. “I’m worried. I’m worried that you won’t be able to handle it if the paparazzi finds us. That you’ll decide it’s not worth it, and leave. Or that you’ll do what you did to the Malik family, and just decide that my life would be easier without you, and think you’d be doing the right thing by leaving me.”

“I think I learned my lesson about that.” Niall chuckles. “Zayn has skinny little arms, and he knocked me flat on my arse. I can’t imagine how many teeth I’d lose if you did it.”

“I wouldn’t hit you.” Harry scoffs. “I would however pay people to follow you around and harass you ceaselessly until you realized your mistake and finally came back to me. Really soppy romantic shit too. Delivering flowers every hour. Following you around with stereos playing songs about heartbreak. Dramatic readings of poetry. Everything.”

“You are so weird.” Niall giggles. “Never, ever do that. I wouldn’t hit you either, but I would hit them.”

“And then I’ll bail you out of jail.” Harry grins. “And I’d keep doing it.”

“I’m not leaving you.” Niall laughs. “Christ, you’re needy.”

“I am.” Harry nods. “Have any idea what I need right now?”

“A few Xanax.” Niall smirks.

“No.” Harry hums, ducking down to nip at Niall’s neck.

“A cuppa?” Niall muses.

“No.” Harry giggles, running his hands down Niall’s back.

“A run?” Niall offers.

“It’s definitely in the general area of exercise.” Harry laughs. “More total body involvement than running though.”

“Oh!” Niall cackles. “I know what you need.”

“Finally!” Harry groans.

“Yoga.” Niall beams.

“You-” Harry sighs, pulling back with a frustrated glare. “You have to be being purposely obtuse.”

“I have no idea what you mean.” Niall shrugs. The eye twitch Harry has at that is so worth the effort it’s taking for Niall to keep a straight face. 

“You are going to give me an aneurysm.” Harry growls.

“I’m just trying to be helpful.” Niall says, putting on a pout.

“You’re trying to be frustrating.” Harry huffs. “Or do that thing where you try and distract me from real problems by making me feel like I’m going mad. I really do not like the déjà vu this is bringing up. All you need to do is start making a bunch of double entendres and then I won’t see you for two weeks.”

“I already know you like me.” Niall points out. “No reason to become a drunken mess and avoid you again.”

“Then why are you being difficult?” Harry asks.

“Because you’ve been a crazy person for an hour.” Niall tells him. “This is just payback.”

“You want to make me feel crazy as payback for being crazy?” Harry scoffs. “That’s-”

“Brilliant.” Niall grins.

“Crazy.” Harry finishes in a deadpan.

“Or that.” Niall shrugs. “I just hate seeing you like this. You have way too many meltdowns. I prefer the Haz I saw yesterday, the one who isn’t constantly worrying about everything. Nothing is wrong right now. There was a little mishap, but nothing came of it. You can relax now.”

“I was trying to relax.” Harry sighs.

“No, you were trying to distract yourself.” Niall counters. “An hour from now, and you’d be right back down here, pacing by the windows. I’m not having sex with you until I know that I’m the only thing on your mind at the time, and not just the primary focus with a bunch of other things going on behind the scenes. So until you relax, all of my clothes are staying on.”

“I do not like that course of action.” Harry pouts.

“Then I guess you should relax.” Niall hums, pecking Harry on the lips and working his way out of the brunet’s grip. “Pace all you want. I’m going to watch footy until I believe that you’ve got your head back on straight.”

“I do.” Harry urges, following Niall like a lost puppy as he makes his way to the couch.

“I know you Haz. I can actually hear the wheels spinning up there.” Niall tuts. “And lying to me- Well, that’s not going to help your cause.”

“Fine.” Harry huffs, sitting next to Niall and settling his head on the blond’s shoulder. He pouts a bit, sighs every once in a while, but overall he slowly relaxes until he’s snoring on Niall’s shoulder. It’s pretty perfect if you ask Niall.

 

“I’m pretty sure I qualify as relaxed now.” Harry hums, burying his nose in Niall’s neck and pressing his lips to the soft, pale skin.

“Think you qualified as relaxed three hours ago when you conked out.” Niall chuckles. “Good nap?”

“I think I needed it.” Harry admits. “Until you came back around, I wasn’t sleeping so well. A few hours a night if I was lucky. Last night was the first time I’ve slept through the night in weeks.”

“You didn’t mention that.” Niall says gently, pressing a kiss into Harry’s fringe.

“Because it’s pathetic.” Harry mumbles. “It’s way too early in this for me to admit out loud that I need you.”

He feels Niall freeze under him, and knows it was the wrong thing to say. He doesn’t regret it though. Not once Niall whispers “I’m glad you said it first.”

“I have a feeling I’ll say a lot of things first, and it’s okay if you can’t say them back.” Harry tells him.

“I need you too.” Niall murmurs. “And I know I don’t have to say it, but it’s true. I haven’t felt this happy in a long time, and it’s all because of you. I need you too. I’m not going anywhere just because of a few people with cameras.”

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay with me though.” Harry says quietly. “I don’t want to obligate you. I can’t be with you if you feel like you’re trapped into something.”

“How many times am I going to have to say this before you get it?” Niall groans. “I don’t do anything that I don’t want to do Haz. That includes being with you. I want this. I don’t feel obligated, by either my need or yours.”

“You say that now, but-” Harry starts.

“I’m not Louis!” Niall snaps. “I’m not going to break under the pressure Haz. I’m not going to turn into an addict, or disappear without any explanation, or get mad at you over things you can’t change. I know- I know how badly being with him, and his leaving, fucked you up, but I’m not Louis. I’m not.”

“I know you aren’t.” Harry says softly, pressing his forehead to Niall’s. “But Louis wasn’t always the way he became. He was- He was actually a lot like you. He had a wicked sense of humor, and he loved to laugh. He loved footy. Everyone around him loved him, no matter how little time they spent with him first. He was charming, and witty, and brutally honest. And then he wasn’t. Being with me changed him into a different person.”

“He made the choices that led him to that Haz, not you.” Niall tells him. “I know you. I know that you did everything you could to help him, that you loved him without reservations or limitations. You didn’t do it to him. He did it to himself.”

“Niall, you don’t understand-” Harry sighs.

“No, you don’t understand Haz. I’ve been around a lot of addicts in my life. I moved to London with basically no money. I lived with six other guys when Zayn found me, in a studio with two mattresses on the floor and mold on the walls, and that was one of the better places. I know about addiction, and no matter what they want to blame for getting into their addiction, they always made the choice to take that first go.” Niall says firmly. “They cared more about ignoring the difficult problems than they did trying to fix them. They didn’t want to have the tough talks, or do the difficult thing and try and make their lives better. They wanted an escape.”

“Exactly. He wanted an escape.” Harry nods. “From me. From all the shit that comes from being in a closeted relationship with a celebrity. He couldn’t handle that, and I’m the one who did that to him. I didn’t see how much it was tearing him up inside to be with me until it was too late. I’m not without blame Niall.”

“Hazza, we all have our crosses to bear.” Niall says quietly. “If you insist on adding this to the weight of it, I can’t stop you. I can only say that it isn’t your fault, and hope that one day you come to the same conclusion.”

“I’m just accepting responsibility for the mistakes I’ve made, and trying not to make them again.” Harry mumbles. “So I’m going to be needy, and a little manic sometimes, and it’s only because I don’t want to repeat the things that happened last time. Not with you. I want this to be better. I want to be better for you than I was for him. That starts with me talking to you about things, even if it’s annoying or uncomfortable.”

“Alright, but don’t expect me to always be pleasant about it.” Niall chuckles, kissing Harry softly on the tip of his nose. “I like you.”

“I like you too.” Harry smiles. ‘Like’ doesn’t quite feel like it covers everything, but it’s more than enough for now. It’ll be a long while before Harry can say that to Niall and not feel like it will send him running in the opposite direction. It’s there though, the beginnings already starting to build a fire in his heart.

 

“Okay, I’m not objecting to your tastes, but couldn’t you have gotten at least half of it with vegetables?” Harry whines.

“One, there’s basil and rapini on it. And two, do you know how rarely I get to eat sausage on pizza?” Niall huffs, pulling out plates for them from Harry’s cabinet. “Between Lima Bean’s health kicks, and Zaynie’s halal thing, it’s approximately never. You’ll only end up eating two slices anyways unless I make you eat more.”

“But it’s so bad for you.” Harry sighs. “Do you know how many calories are in a large pizza? So many, Niall. So many.”

“And I don’t care.” Niall shrugs. “I work out when I want to, and my metabolism covers the rest. As for you, well I don’t think it’ll hurt you in the slightest, but I did get a salad if you want it. I’ve never had anything from Rossopomodoro, because I’m not a posh twat who can afford to live in Chelsea like somebody, but the quinoa e pomodoro salad sounded like something you’d eat, so I got that for you too.”

“Really?” Harry asks, looking through the bag.

“Yes really.” Niall laughs, pulling Harry in by the waist for a kiss. “On a scale of one to ten, how big of a jerk do you think I am?”

“I just have a point on the scale that I mark as ‘Nialler’.” Harry giggles. “It’s somewhere between a million and infinity.”

“Oi, don’t be mean.” Niall huffs.

“I’ve yet to see you make it through one interaction with Zayn without it turning into a row.” Harry points out. “And to be fair, look at our first meeting.”

“Fine. I guess I’ll just go home then to spare you from how much of a cunt I am.” Niall scoffs, grabbing the box of pizza off the counter and heading towards the door. “I’ll bring your car by tomorrow.”

“You’re not going anywhere, because you know I’m just taking the piss Nialler.” Harry hums, catching Niall by the arm and hauling him backwards. He takes the box out of Niall’s hand and sets it on the counter before planting his hands firmly on Niall’s hips. “I think you’re amazing, and secretly as sweet as honey. Thank you for ordering that for me. Even if you did call me a twat.”

“You are a twat.” Niall grumbles.

“I like you.” Harry muses, pressing a kiss to Niall’s neck that sends a shiver down his spine.

“That’s not going to work.” Niall tells him, even though he’s sure Harry knows he’s full of shit.

“I like you.” Harry repeats, trailing more kisses across Niall’s jaw.

“Still not going to work.” Niall insists.

“I like you.” Harry says again, his hands undoing the button on Niall’s jeans as he takes Niall’s earlobe in between his teeth. “Want me to prove it?”

“It’s not that I don’t believe you like me Haz.” Niall breathes out, barely able to keep his train of thought when Harry slips a hand down his pants. “It’s that I’m not letting you off the hook just for saying it.”

“Ah, then consider this my very sincere apology.” Harry giggles, dropping down to his knees and pressing Niall backwards into the counter. “Because I am very, very sorry.”

“For some reason, I don’t be- Jesus!” Niall gasps, gripping onto the counter just to keep his knees from buckling when Harry licks a series of stripes up his cock. “You- You can’t- Can’t do that when I’m trying to- Trying to talk.”

“Then shut up until I’m done.” Harry tells him, sucking the head into his mouth with enough force to make stars burst behind Niall’s eyelids. All thoughts of continuing the conversation fall away as Harry swallows him to the back of his throat. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a little voice is nagging at him for letting Harry get away with this, for allowing a blowjob to function as a genuine apology. Another, louder voice tells the first voice to shut the fuck up and enjoy the glorious feeling of Harry’s mouth on his dick. That’s the part that wins out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. This chapter is disappointing and short. I'm sorry. The next one is longer, I promise.


	12. Chapter 12

“They didn’t cause any damage, but I had to shut down early and reschedule my appointments. Nobody wanted to come in when there were thirty fucking arse-holes with cameras outside, waiting to catch a picture of someone who wasn’t even there anymore.” Zayn sighs, his frustration evident even over the mobile connection.

“I’m sorry. I should have just let Haz take the car and then come back to help you out with them.” Niall mumbles.

“There’s nothing you could have done that would have helped.” Zayn tells him. “You just have fun with Harry. I’m not even opening tomorrow, just so they hopefully lose interest. None of them followed us back to the flat, but I’m still a little worried they’ll be back.”

“So I guess that means I have the day off too then.” Niall hums just loud enough to peak Harry’s interest.

“Use a condom.” Zayn laughs.

“More like a whole box of them.” Niall chuckles. “I might swing by the flat tomorrow for a sketchpad and some clean clothes, so try and keep your naked shenanigans behind your closed bedroom door please.”

“I will fuck Liam wherever I please in my own flat, thank you very much.” Zayn says with a haughty tone, accompanied by a yelp that Niall assumes is due to a well-deserved smack. “Ow. Fine. Just- Just call ahead of time if you’re coming over, yeah?”

“I will.” Niall giggles. “Shab bākhair Zaynie.”

“Good night Nialler.” Zayn replies, ringing off.

“Was it too bad?” Harry asks quietly.

“They had to close up early.” Niall shrugs. “He’s not upset about it though. He really won’t be once you tell him that he’s going to be your regular artist again.”

“Well I’d prefer to have you, but-” Harry starts.

“But I’m not changing my mind about not taking your money.” Niall says firmly. “It’s fine Haz. I don’t mind it anymore. I’d rather him work on you, and me get to spend my nights with you, than have this weird cloud hanging over us because you give me money. I don’t even like you paying for my food, and if I weren’t next to broke, I wouldn’t let you do that either.”

“I don’t see why not.” Harry huffs.

“Because I’ve earned everything I’ve ever had.” Niall mutters. “Zayn wouldn’t have hired me without me having a natural talent. Before that, I supported myself with my guitar, which I worked to buy while I lived with the Malik family. I don’t have much, but I have this Haz. Don’t try to take that away from me.”

“Alright.” Harry says softly. “Is it always going to be like that? What if we get mar-”

“Bit too soon to be thinking about that Haz.” Niall says a bit too harshly to cut him off before he can get the word out. “Sorry. Sorry- It’s just-”

“No, I shouldn’t have said that. You’re right.” Harry mumbles. “I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“We’ve only been together for less than two days.” Niall sighs.

“I know.” Harry says quietly. “And I know you need to take this slow. Can we just pretend I didn’t say that and go back to where we were before I did?”

“Of course.” Niall nods, lacing his fingers through Harry’s. “Hey.”

“What?” Harry asks.

“I like you.” Niall tells him, laying his head on Harry’s shoulder.

“I like you too.” Harry chuckles, pressing a kiss into Niall’s fringe.

“Even though I’m a freak who rejects your generosity?” Niall asks.

“You’re not a freak. You have a point of pride, and that’s okay.” Harry says, pulling Niall’s hand up to his mouth and placing a gentle kiss on the back of it. “And if it didn’t conflict with my generous nature, I’d probably like it as much as I like everything else about you. We’ll figure something out though.”

“I’m going to end up compromising a lot, aren’t I?” Niall groans.

“Not if it makes you too uncomfortable.” Harry laughs. “Just on meals, because I have expensive taste in food. Anything else we can talk about, and you can decide whether or not you’re okay with it. Except the holiday. You’re just going to have to accept that I’m paying for that.”

“If I ever want to go anywhere outside of the UK, then yeah, I guess so.” Niall mutters.

“Thank god you’re so poorly travelled.” Harry hums. “It makes it easier to impress you.”

“You don’t need to impress me Haz.” Niall snorts.

“But I want to.” Harry shrugs. “Because I like you.”

“I like you too.” Niall chuckles, letting the warmth of those words settle in his stomach. “I really like you Haz.”

“I really like you too Nialler.” Harry smiles, turning Niall’s head with a soft hand on his jaw. The kiss is natural, easy, setting Niall’s heart aflutter. Harry pulls back and smirks, adding “You know, I feel pretty relaxed.”

“Do you even, you know, have anything?” Niall asks.

“What do you think I did while you were at work?” Harry giggles. “And why else would my wig have already been out?”

“You wore that in public?” Niall laughs.

“I can’t be too careful. Buying lube and condoms could lead to questions.” Harry muses.

“And your mind is still on the paps.” Niall sighs, standing up off the couch. “I’m going out back for a smoke.”

“Niall-” Harry groans.

“No.” Niall huffs. “I- I’m not a distraction Harry.”

“I didn’t say you are, and I definitely wouldn’t think that.” Harry says softly. “There are certain things, that when I do them myself, I need to be a bit more discreet. I was just telling you what happened. I promise, my mind isn’t on what happened anymore.”

“Then why worry about what might happen if somebody sees you buy condoms and lube?” Niall asks. “There’s nothing outing about that. Heterosexual couples use both of those. People already assume you have an active sex life.”

“It’s when I bought the red pair.” Harry blurts out. “I don’t care about the condoms or lube. But this- The whole lace thing- I can’t have people knowing about that. That’s not for other people, it’s for me. It’s- it’s weird and-”

“It’s not weird.” Niall cuts in. “Haz, it’s not weird. I know why you want to keep it to yourself, but you shouldn’t be ashamed of it.”

“How could I not be?” Harry asks in a whisper.

“Because you are so incredibly beautiful Haz, inside and out.” Niall murmurs. “If you need something to help remind you of that, that’s okay. You should never feel like less than you are.”

“Fuck, can you just go outside and smoke now.” Harry chokes out.

“What? Why?” Niall asks.

“Because I don’t want you to see me cry.” Harry sighs, wiping furiously at the corners of his eyes. 

“Did I say something wrong?” Niall asks quietly.

“No- No, Nialler, you said something perfect.” Harry says with a watery smile. “I’m just an emotional twat. Go have your fag. I’ll be fine when you get back.”

“You sure?” Niall asks warily.

“Positive.” Harry laughs. “I promise Nialler, these are happy tears, not sad ones. Just let me have a little dignity please.”

“Be back in a mo then.” Niall smiles, heading out the back door with a quick shout over his shoulder of “I like you.”

“I like you too.” Harry giggles before the door closes behind Niall.

Niall pulls out his pack of cigarettes, stuffing one between his lips and lighting up. He doesn’t really want one much, doesn’t feel stressed enough to need one, but he understands needing space, so he’s trying to give that to Harry. He shouldn’t have snapped, should have let Harry explain himself before automatically assuming the worst. It’s habit though. A lifetime’s worth of lessons have taught him to guard himself, and as much as he wants to change that, he knows it won’t happen overnight. It’ll take time to teach himself to trust anyone with himself without reservations.

“Hey.” comes a soft voice behind him after only a couple minutes.

“Thought you needed space.” Niall hums, scooting to the side to let Harry sit next to him on the stoop.

“Decided I’d rather be with you than without.” Harry shrugs as he takes the offered spot. “If we’re only going to be able to see each other after you get off from work, then I’d rather not waste the chances I have to be close to you. We lost enough time already.”

“Well we do have all day tomorrow since Malink isn’t going to be open.” Niall reminds him.

“First time I’ve ever been grateful for a pap ambush.” Harry chuckles. “It gave me a fantastic gift.”

“Sop.” Niall scoffs.

“Get used to it.” Harry muses, bumping his shoulder against Niall’s and taking the half burned fag out of his fingers. He stubs it out on the ground, ignoring Niall’s groan of protest, and says “Filthy habit.”

“It’s not like I light up very often. Mostly just when I’m stressed.” Niall sighs. “And quitting would be next to impossible while living with Zaynie. I’m not an addict. I can go most days without ever even feeling like I need one.”

“That’s how it starts.” Harry says quietly.

“Haz, I have got to be allowed to have a vice.” Niall huffs. “We can’t all be as lucky as to have yours.”

“I don’t have a vice.” Harry scoffs.

“Yeah, you do actually.” Niall tells him. “Your running. Or just exercise in general really. You crave it, you need it, just like anyone else with their own vices. You just happen to have one that helps your body more than it destroys it. Then again, if you keep pushing yourself so hard, I’m not sure it’ll still be on the healthy side. Especially given the whole ‘not sleeping lately’ thing.”

“Being healthy isn’t a vice.” Harry pouts.

“It is when it’s a compulsion, when you have a habitual need to do it.” Niall counters. “It is when it becomes so ingrained as a part of your daily life that it actually bothers you if you can’t fit it in even once. Or when it’s the only way you can deal with stress.”

“Are you calling me an addict Niall?” Harry asks harshly.

“Not at all.” Niall says gently. “I’m saying that we all have ways of coping, and you happened to get into a healthy one. I’d love if I could do that, but my knees rules out doing too much in case they give out. I can’t afford a week’s worth of recovery time where I can’t work, walk, or shag, just because you’d rather I jog than have one or two fags every once in a while.”

“You could try yoga.” Harry offers.

“I can’t sit with my legs straight in front of me without nearly crying.” Niall admits. “Yoga is for people who haven’t had knee replacement surgery before the age of twenty one.”

“Alright.” Harry sighs. “You’re right. It’s your choice what you do with your own body. I just don’t know how people can actually do that to themselves.”

“Might make more sense if I told you how I started.” Niall chuckles. “For years, most of my life really, I was terrified of fire. Full on pyrophobic. It doesn’t take a psychologist to figure out why either. I even had a nervous breakdown over a candle once when I was on a date and it was lit right in front of me. 

“Back when I lived with the Maliks, right at the end, there was this storm. It was so bad that it knocked out the power for days. It was horrible, because the only thing they could do for light was candles. I spent two nights in a row curled up in Zayn and I’s bedroom, alone, because I couldn’t be down there. When they tried to get me down there, I freaked out and punched Yaser by accident while I was trying to get away. I’d never told anyone about my fear of fire though, none of the social workers, or families, or even the therapists, because I thought I had enough problems without adding that to the list. It wasn’t a fear that came up very often, so I got away with it until that night. 

“Yaser said it was okay, but that I needed to come downstairs or he’d call my case-worker. That’s when Zaynie stepped in. He told Yaser to shove off, and said that if I didn’t want to go, there must be a reason. So he told them he’d stay with me, and he did, sat there in the darkness until everyone else left. I remember he said to me ‘It’s okay to be afraid Ni. It’s also okay to admit it. What’s not okay is letting it control you.’ which at the time sounded like something out of an after-school-special.

“So he pulled out a pack of these, and lit one up. The flame was only there for a second, but I screamed until Zayn pulled me into a hug. He apologized and then told me he was going to help. It wasn’t conventional, wasn’t something a therapist would do, but he got me to start smoking as a behavior modification treatment. It worked. He taught me that fire had its uses, could be controlled by me, and used for my own pleasure. I’ve never quit since then, even if I only smoke occasionally, because it’s helped me more than it’s hurt me so far.”

“Are you going to play the fucked-up-orphan-card a lot?” Harry asks with a shit-eating grin. 

“It usually works.” Niall huffs.

“Is any part of that story actually true, or are you just trying to manipulate me into being okay with you smoking?” Harry scoffs.

“It’s all true you dick.” Niall hisses. “I don’t- I don’t fucking lie about that shite.”

“I’m only asking because it’s the perfect excuse to not quit. Literally, the only one I can think of.” Harry hums. “It’s awfully convenient.”

“Not the word I’d use.” Niall mumbles. “Now stop being a dick, or I’m not going to snog you anymore tonight.”

“Your mouth isn’t getting anywhere near mine any time soon.” Harry giggles. “You’ll taste like cigarettes now.”

“Are you refusing to kiss me Haz?” Niall asks, narrowing his eyes in what he hopes is an intimidating glare.

“Absolutely not.” Harry grins. “I’m just not going to kiss you on the mouth. You have a lot of other very kissable parts.”

“Nope. If you won’t kiss me on the mouth, then you aren’t kissing anything else.” Niall grumbles.

“But Niall!” Harry whines.

“No. Either you can power through it, or you can’t. That’s up to you.” Niall tells him. “You take me as I am, or you don’t Haz.”

Harry rolls his eyes and grab Niall by the back of the neck, pulling him into a kiss that’s more tongue than anything else, apparently not even caring that it’s barely dark outside and that someone could see them. “Of course I take you the way you are.” Harry whispers against Niall’s lips.

“Good. Then I’ll go brush my teeth.” Niall giggles.

“You’re such a shit.” Harry sighs.

“I just had to make sure that you liked me enough to put up with the things about me that aren’t so good. There’s a lot of them.” Niall shrugs.

“Well I do.” Harry hums.

“You’d fucking better.” Niall laughs, standing up off of the ground. “I’m more than just a brilliant tattoo artist and a dick for you to suck.”

“Good. Those two dimensions would get old fast.” Harry snickers, following behind Niall as he heads upstairs. “Even if I do really like sucking your dick.”

“I don’t mind it myself.” Niall chuckles.

“What a shining evaluation of my dick sucking abilities.” Harry scoffs.

“And you say I need a lot of validation.” Niall muses. “You suck dick like a world champion. Nobody would ever know you’ve only sucked two dicks in your life. You must be a dick sucking savant. A natural-born dick sucking genius.”

“Stop!” Harry cackles, pushing Niall on the shoulder lightly. “You’re so ridiculous.”

“You’re the one who got all pouty over nothing.” Niall points out. “I’m just reassuring you that you have above average dick sucking capabilities, since you apparently need to be told.”

“Well it’s not like I know for myself.” Harry giggles. “I’ve never sucked my own dick. Maybe you were right and there should be two of me.”

“Oh my god, shut up.” Niall groans, remembering that conversation with horrifying clarity. Definitely one of the most awkward, horrifying, terrible nights of his adult life. Scratch that, it was THE most awkward, horrifying, terrible night of his adult life. Nothing else really comes close.

“Oh, but can you imagine?” Harry continues. “The things we could accomplish. Plus, I’ve always wanted to know what it’s like to fuck myself.”

“Oh my god.” Niall breathes out, the image of two sweaty Harrys going to town on each other drowning out all other thoughts. His cock strains against his jeans and he stumbles forward into the bathroom. He really needs to brush his fucking teeth, because he’s not sure he can put off kissing Harry for more than another two minutes.

“I wonder if I’m a better top or a bottom.” Harry hums, apparently completely oblivious to the fact that Niall is halfway to either an orgasm or a stroke. His brain hasn’t quite decided which yet, especially when Harry leans in and whispers “I guess you’ll just have to tell me.”

Niall just barely manages not to choke on the toothbrush in his mouth. Harry’s cocky grin is nearly blinding in the mirror. He’s wrapped around Niall’s back, his hands skating slowly down the blond’s torso. “Do you want to fuck me Nialler?” Harry asks lowly, this insanely attractive gravelly tone in the back of his throat.

Niall nods, his mouth to full of foam to speak comprehensibly. He’s not quite sure he could actually say real words right now anyways. Too much blood has rushed out of his brain to his cock for him to hold a conversation. “Good. You finish up here, and I’ll be waiting for you in my bed, yeah?” Harry smirks. He starts to saunter out, and then turns back and adds “Oh, and take off your clothes before you come in. I don’t want to waste any time taking them off of you myself. There’s a good chance they’ll end up shredded if I do that.”

 

“Took you long enough.” Harry groans when Niall finally enters the room. “Did you call Zayn again or summat?”

“No. Just wanted to make sure the smoke flavor was out of my mouth.” Niall says, his voice thick as he watches Harry push his own finger into himself. “Stop. Now.”

“Why?” Harry asks, shocked by the commanding tone. His finger stops moving, but he doesn’t remove it.

“Because if I’m going to fuck you, I want to be the one to open you up myself.” Niall growls, stalking over to the bed and crawling up between Harry’s legs. “Are you going to let me?”

“Fuck yes.” Harry breathes out, pulling out of himself and wiping his hand off on a rag he’d gotten for this exact purpose.

“You should have left on the panties.” Niall smirks. “I really fucking love seeing you in those.”

“Next time.” Harry promises. “I just- Fuck, Niall I need this so much. No fucking foreplay or teasing, just you finally inside of me.”

“Then give me the lube.” Niall tells him. Harry presses the tube into his hands without hesitation, his heart thudding heavily against his ribcage in anticipation. It feels like it takes eons for Niall to apply the lubricant, but it’s all worth it when that first finger presses against his hole. He hears himself let out a ragged breath, letting go of the lungful of air that he didn’t even realize that he’s been holding in. “So tight. Relax Haz. I’ll be gentle.”

“I am relaxed. I just haven’t had this done much. I was always more of a top.” Harry admits. “And you don’t need to be gentle. I want to feel this for days.”

“Jesus.” Niall hisses, grinding his hips into the mattress. “Do you even hear the things you say?”

“Yes.” Harry nods. “And it’s all fucking true. I don’t want to forget about this for a second, even when you’re back at Malink and can’t pinch me to remind me this has all been real.”

“Put your legs on my shoulders.” Niall orders, lifting himself up to sit back on his haunches. Harry follows the instruction immediately, moaning unabashedly when the new angle lets Niall push in further than before. “You can’t even imagine how gorgeous you look like this Haz.”

“Go to two.” Harry pleads.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” Niall asks. “You still feel a bit tight to me.”

“I’m sure.” Harry groans. “Nialler, please.”

“Whatever you want Haz.” Niall grins, pulling his finger out for just long enough to push back in with two. Maybe he was right, and it may have been a bit too early for two, but Harry also kind of loves it. It’s like too much and not enough all at one time. He wants Niall to fill him up and fuck him until his brains ooze out his ears, but at the same time he doesn’t want things to end any time soon and he knows there’s a good chance they’ll both get off a bit quicker than they’d like. It happens when you haven’t done anything like this in a while. 

Niall’s fingers graze over Harry’s prostate, and his whole body shivers, a whimper escaping through his lips before he can stop it. “You okay?” Niall asks.

“Yeah.” Harry nods. “Just- Just forgot how good that feels.”

“What, this?” Niall questions, rubbing his fingers in slow circles over the bundle of nerves until Harry is leaking all over his own stomach and trembling. “Like that Haz?”

“Yes.” Harry breathes out. His mind is barely working well enough to form a word right now, but he can manage that one.

“What about when I do this?” Niall asks, scissoring his fingers apart at the same time he wraps his hand loosely around Harry’s neglected cock. 

He tugs in time with the thrusts of his fingers, and Harry feels like he’s coming apart at the seams. All the tiny little threads that hold him together are unravelling and a familiar warmth builds in his stomach. “Stop!” he gasps, catching Niall by the wrist. “I’m going to cum if you keep that up. Just- Just fuck me already, yeah?”

“Condom?” Niall asks, pulling his fingers out and wiping them with the rag. Harry grabs the condom off the nightstand and tosses it at Niall’s chest, too eager to play nice and dignified. He’s laying here open and waiting, and every second Niall isn’t inside of him is one more little bit he feels like he’s dying. Niall chuckles, tearing open the condom and rolling it on quickly. He drizzles a bit more lube on his cock, the slick sound of his hand spreading the liquid feeling like it’s mocking Harry’s wait. “How do you want to do this?”

“Just like this. I want to see you. Want to kiss you.” Harry whimpers.

“Yeah, okay.” Niall nods, shifting his body forward and lining himself with Harry. It’s a slow, deep burn as Niall sinks into him. It feels like it takes ages before Niall finally bottoms out, but the low growl he lets out as he slides in makes it totally worth it. “Let me know when I can-”

“Now.” Harry replies before he can even finish the sentence. “I’m good. You can go now.”

“Starting to think you’re just using me for my cock.” Niall chuckles, dragging his hips back until he’s almost pulled all the way out. He snaps them forward quickly, forcing all the air out of Harry’s lungs in the form of a moan that rattles the fucking windows.

“’M not. I just really like it.” Harry insists. “It’s a really great cock.”

“I’ll pass on your appreciation.” Niall smirks, fucking into Harry without a bit more fervor. He drops Harry’s legs off of his shoulders, folding them back against the brunet’s stomach. The angle feels spectacular, letting Niall pound into him and hit that spot just right. “That alright?”

“Fucking great.” Harry says with a fervent nod.

“What if I do this?” Niall asks, letting go of his grip on Harry’s thighs to drape himself over the brunet’s body. Harry hooks his legs around Niall’s waist, and yeah, this is definitely better. The angle isn’t quite as perfect, only letting Niall hit that spot every few thrusts rather than every time, but having Niall’s lips on his more than makes up for it. That, and the way each thrust of his hips cause Niall’s abs to grate against Harry’s needy cock. “Is this okay?”

“’S brilliant.” Harry breathes out, wrapping a hand around Niall’s neck to draw him back down for a deeper kiss. Niall’s hips rock into him harder, driven on by Harry’s approval and it feels too fucking amazing for words. He knew he wanted this, but he hadn’t realized just how much he actually needed it until now, how desperately he needs to feel this close to Niall. It’s more than just the sex. It’s the way Niall keeps making sure that Harry enjoys what’s happening, and the gentleness in the fingers he has laced through Harry’s, and the way the kiss makes him feel like he’s floating on air. It’s the combination of all of that that has Harry cumming in streams between their stomachs with a moan that Niall swallows down.

“Did you just-” Niall asks, looking between the two of them. “Fuck, I’ve never seen that actually happen before. Do you want me to pull out?”

“Not until you finish.” Harry groans, riding out the high of his orgasm.

“Thank god, because I’m so fucking close.” Niall says, snapping his hips harder to chase his own finish. It’s bordering on too much when Niall finally gets there, Harry’s orgasm fading into oversensitivity, but a part of him loves it because he knows he’ll feel this later. When Niall reaches his climax he buries himself to the hilt, capturing Harry’s lips with his own and tangling his free hand in Harry’s hair. “Your arse is a gift from god.”

“I’ll pass on your compliments.” Harry giggles.

“Nah, I’ll do it myself.” Niall grins, pulling out of Harry and flipping the brunet over in one swift motion that has Harry marveling at how fluidly he does it. He plants a loud, smacking kiss on each cheek of Harry’s ass, ignoring Harry’s loud cackling to add “You are fucking marvelous. Keep doing it just like that and we’ll get along brilliantly. I take back everything I said about you being a safety hazard. You’re perfect.”

“Oh my god!” Harry laughs. “You are so weird.”

“Maybe, but you like it.” Niall chuckles, collapsing down next to Harry on the bed.

“I like you.” Harry hums, pressing a light kiss to Niall’s lips.

“I like you too.” Niall beams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry the smut was so abrupt and felt kind of pointless. I just felt like this is how it would happen in this particular instance. The next chapter has a much better smut scene in my opinion. It's more meaningful to the story overall, and not nearly as abrupt.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I'd like to remind people that within this story, lace is not a kink. All it is is a coping mechanism for Harry's deep-seated insecurity.

“I’m not sure how great of an idea it is to actually cook naked.” Niall chuckles.

“Have a little faith in me Nialler.” Harry grins. He’s confident enough in his abilities that he isn’t afraid that he’ll end up cutting off his prick, and there’s no grease to pop up and burn him. He’s as safe as if he were cooking clothed. Mostly. He might put an apron on once he actually starts making the omelets. Until then he’s more than content with the way Niall’s eyes can’t seem to stop wandering over his body.

“I’m totally going to say ‘I told you so.’ when you end up injuring yourself just because you’re an exhibitionist.” Niall hums. “And I’m going to laugh. Hard.”

“You’re so mean to me.” Harry pouts.

“That’s not what you were saying last night.” Niall counters, grabbing a julienned piece of red bell pepper from where Harry has them piled up and popping it between those ridiculously talented candy-floss pink lips. 

“Last night you weren’t making fun of my potential pain.” Harry mutters. 

“Last night you weren’t being ridiculous and risking hurting yourself.” Niall points out, crunching around the pepper. “You were just being a bit loud and desperate, which I definitely didn’t mind.”

“Good. I don’t really excel at keeping quiet in bed.” Harry laughs.

“I’ve noticed.” Niall snorts. “I like it loud though. It lets me know when I’m doing something right.”

“I can’t personally think of anything you didn’t do right.” Harry grins.

“I can think of a few you did though.” Niall smirks. Harry doesn’t even get the chance to protest before Niall continues with “Next time, I don’t want to just jump right into things. I want to take my time with you. I want to eat you out without lube mucking up the taste. I want to take you apart and put you back together before I ever come close to fucking you.”

Thank god Harry stopped chopping herbs when he was going to tell Niall off, because he’s pretty sure he could have just cut off all of his fingers and not even noticed. His cock has started to fill up, and it’s dangerously close to the chopping block. Niall was right. He should definitely be wearing clothes. If Niall’s going to say things like that while Harry is holding a knife, then he might need a suit of armor just to keep himself safe.

“And I want you to keep on the panties. You would not believe how disappointed I was that I didn’t get to start with you in those.” Niall adds.

“Stop.” Harry croaks out.

“Stop what?” Niall asks.

“Stop trying to make my dick explode.” Harry whimpers shamelessly.

“You mean like you were doing to me last night?” Niall counters. “I almost swallowed a toothbrush because of your teasing. I actually dreamed about watching you fuck yourself, because the image was in the back of my mind all night.”

“Ah, so that’s what I have to thank for your morning wood.” Harry hums. “Do you know how hard it was not to wake you up by riding you into the mattress?”

“I would definitely not have opposed that.” Niall snorts.

“I thought you’d appreciate the chance to sleep in more than another orgasm.” Harry says with a shrug.

“Follow your instincts next time Haz.” Niall scoffs. “I can always go back to sleep. I can’t always have my cock inside you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Harry giggles.

“Was your run alright?” Niall asks.

“It was a bit hard to focus when I still felt you inside of me.” Harry admits. “Only managed about eight laps before I had to come back in because I kept drifting off and tripping.”

“Should have just stayed in bed with me then.” Niall smirks. “Of course, I can let it go since it’s your vice.”

“Oi, shut it you.” Harry huffs. Niall may have a point about Harry and exercise, but he can’t possibly understand the pressure put on Harry by the media, or even the fans, to always look good. He has an image to maintain, nearly-impossible standards that he has to live up to every day. As much as he hates to admit it, he knows his career hinges on his looks almost as much as his talent. It’s how the music business operates now. It’s all about gimmicks or appearance, and very rarely about actual talent. It’s about the ability to sell him as a sexual object who just happens to also sing well.

“At least it gets you all hot and sweaty.” Niall grins.

“Never got around to a shower. Want a sniff?” Harry muses, lifting up his arm and waggling his eyebrows at Niall.

“Might not be able to stop myself from fucking you over the counter if I did that.” Niall says nonchalantly, grabbing another slice of pepper. “But it’s your turn to top next, and I don’t really think that would be fair to either of us.”

“Oh, I think we’d find a way to get over it.” Harry returns with a sly smirk.

“I’m hungrier than I am horny Haz. Make the food.” Niall laughs.

“Tease.” Harry mutters, returning to chopping herbs to hide his disappointment.

“I’m not a tease.” Niall scoffs. “I just had a good long wank this morning while you were out on your run.”

“Oh you son of a-” Harry starts.

“I’m playing the orphan card before you finish that sentence.” Niall scowls, tossing his half eaten pepper slice at Harry’s chest. “Insult me directly all you want, but leave my family out of it.”

“Shit. Sorry. I forgot.” Harry sighs. “It’s just a common phrase.”

“Then you’ll need to get a bit more creative when it comes to me.” Niall grumbles. 

“Alright, you sweaty codpiece.” Harry says, proud of himself for coming up with that on the fly.

“Oh my god, what?” Niall cackles, his sullen mood disappearing instantly. Harry is still getting used to the mood swings, the way Niall can go from bright and happy one moment, to withdrawn and sour the next. It’s amazing that he doesn’t get whiplash from switching moods so quickly sometimes. 

After Louis he’s hesitant to be with someone whose mood can be so difficult to read, but Niall tries, and that’s the difference. Niall tries so hard to talk everything out, to explain why he feels the way he feels at any given moment, and that makes all the difference in the world. As long as he does that, Harry has no reservations about things between them. It’ll take time for both of them to settle into something because they’ve both walled themselves off for so long. Harry definitely has his own problems as much as Niall does. He’s hopeful though. He can see this being something amazing.

“Sweaty codpiece.” Harry repeats.

“That’s definitely the weirdest thing anyone has ever called me.” Niall snorts.

“Oh, I’m sure with a little time I’ll come up with something better.” Harry smiles.

“Why do I put up with you?” Niall chuckles.

“Because I’m a dick sucking savant.” Harry grins smugly. “Oh, and because you like me.”

“You’re right. God help me, I really do like you Harry Styles.” Niall says with a soft smile.

“I like you too.” Harry returns. God help him too, because he really, really does.

 

“Ugh, finally!” Harry groans, launching himself off of the sofa as soon as Niall makes it inside the door. Niall barely has it closed before he’s got Harry’s tongue in his mouth, and hands holding him tight. He gives in to it, dropping his bag on the ground and fisting his hands in Harry’s shirt to keep the brunet close when he pulls away to whine “You’ve been gone forever!”

“It’s been two hours Haz.” Niall scoffs.

“You said you’d only be gone for an hour.” Harry pouts. “It’s not like I have a lot to do without you around and with no car.”

“Your bloody car is half the reason it took me so long to get back.” Niall grumbles. “I take back what I said about it being small. It’s like driving a cruise ship. I hate being behind the wheel of that thing.”

“You get used to it eventually.” Harry shrugs. Niall is positive that he could never, ever, get used to driving something that obnoxiously huge. Annoying as it was though, he actually handled it fine, but he has a surprise for Harry stashed in his bag that he wants to save for later. He’d stopped to get it on the way back after making sure that he wasn’t followed.

“Whatever. Why can’t you entertain yourself for two hours?” Niall asks. “What are you going to do all day while I’m at work?”

“Probably try and write some music.” Harry shrugs. “I’ve got some studio time booked here and there. I’ll manage fine. But without a car, I can’t do much. Besides, I was looking forward to spending the entire day together, and you’ve effectively cut our potential time together by one twelfth. Even more when you consider sleeping time.”

“You are so needy.” Niall chuckles. “I’m back now, so let’s just enjoy it, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Harry nods, ducking down for another quick kiss before moving towards the kitchen. “I’ve prepped some stuff for lunch, but when you weren’t back after an hour I decided to store it and wait.”

“I’m going to get fat sticking around here.” Niall giggles, following after Harry and taking a seat at the island.

“Lucky for you, I generally cook healthy.” Harry grins.

“So boring.” Niall scoffs. “What’s the fun in a meal if you’re not just a little closer to death at the end of it?”

“You don’t need fat and sugar and tonnes of salt to make a good meal Nialler.” Harry grins, pulling a bowl of what looks like shrimp and some little lumps of white out of the fridge. “Are you good with sea food?”

“Not in general. I trust you to make it good though.” Niall hums. “So far you haven’t steered me wrong in the food department.”

“Have I steered you wrong in any department?” Harry scoffs.

“Well let’s just say that I’m never letting you help me pick out a wig.” Niall snickers.

“Oi, leave the wig thing alone. I get it already. Red isn’t my color.” Harry huffs.

“It really isn’t.” Niall laughs.

“You’re worse than the critics when I’m on the red carpet.” Harry grumbles.

“I’ll make it up to you later.” Niall replies with a cheeky wink. He really hopes Harry will like what he has stashed in his bag, and that he’s not overstepping any boundaries. “I have several ideas.”

“Ooh, tell me more.” Harry grins.

“Later Hazza. Later.” Niall hums, pointing at the dish in Harry’s hands. “You have work to do right now.”

“I haven’t started cooking it yet. We could definitely do something else first.” Harry offers.

“But I’m hungry.” Niall pouts.

“You’re always hungry.” Harry sighs.

“I know. It’s really inconvenient.” Niall chuckles.

“For you and me both.” Harry mumbles. “Second time today you’ve turned me down for food.”

“Well if you’re going to twist me arm about it.” Niall smirks. “Put away the food and we’ll go upstairs.”

“Really?” Harry asks, looking genuinely astonished.

“I can wait to eat, and I have a few things to make up to you I think.” Niall says, sliding off of his seat and heading back over to the door to grab his bag. He hears the refrigerator close, and by the time he turns around Harry is halfway up the stairs, pivoting on the landing. Apparently he’s a bit eager. Niall doesn’t mind that, though it does make him a bit more nervous about his surprise. Maybe he’ll wait. Maybe he shouldn’t have done it at all.

He follows behind the brunet, taking his time as he climbs the stairs. He’s hardly surprised to find that Harry has stripped off by the time Niall finally makes his way into the room. Harry’s stretched out on the foot of the bed, legs spread wide with a blush coating his face and chest. “I want you to fuck me again.” he mumbles. “I kept them on like you told me to. I want to do it right this time.”

His nervousness is palpable, but it brings a smile to Niall’s face. Maybe the surprise will go over well after all. “Take them off.” Niall tells him.

“What?” Harry asks, looking absolutely devastated.

“I want you to wear these instead.” Niall smirks, pulling out the package from his bag and tossing it to Harry. “You can pick whichever pair you like, though I have to say I’d prefer the black pair for what I have in mind. That said, if you like the pink, feel free to go with those.”

“You- You bought me some?” Harry asks quietly, staring down at the bag between his legs.

“Shite, is that not okay?” Niall sighs. “Fuck. Sorry.”

“Thank you Nialler.” Harry says with a soft smile, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. “Thank you.”

“Is it okay that I did that?” Niall asks.

“I didn’t think you really meant it when you said you were going to. I thought you were just talking, just trying to get me riled up. I wasn’t even sure you were really okay with this.” Harry says with a choked sound in his voice. “I felt like you were just going along with it because it’s still early in this, and you were too afraid to say that this weird thing bothered you. Then you go and do something like this, and I’m not sure what to think anymore.”

“Haz-” Niall starts.

“Just- Just please tell me.” Harry whispers so softly that Niall barely catches it. “I can handle it if you don’t want any part of this, but tell me that. Don’t just go along with it because you think that’s what I want.”

“I’d let you know if this bothered me Haz.” Niall says gently. “It doesn’t though. I like that it makes you feel good. I like that you share this part of yourself with me. I like that you feel comfortable enough to do that.”

“It’s just-” Harry sighs. “He never-”

“Anything he ever said or did shouldn’t be applied to me Haz.” Niall says, cutting him off at the pass. “If I’m ever not good with something, you’ll know it. Now will you please stop automatically assuming that I’m hiding what I think from you? I told you that I don’t want to do that anymore. I’m not just going to keep my mouth shut about something that makes me uncomfortable.”

“You said you wanted the black pair?” Harry asks after a moment, unwrapping the layers of crinkled pink paper.

“I want you to pick whichever pair you like.” Niall tells him. “If you like either of them. I haven’t actually bought anything like this before, so if you don’t like either pair, that’s okay.”

“Oh wow.” Harry giggles, holding up the black pair of lace briefs. Except they aren’t really briefs. They’re more like a lace briefs/jockstrap combination, with most of the arse missing to give easy access. “These are different. Seems like you have something specific in mind.”

“I told you that I wanted to taste you.” Niall hums, shucking his shirt over his head. “I meant that too.”

“What if I had wanted to top?” Harry asks.

“I don’t have to fuck you just because I eat your arse.” Niall shrugs. “What do you think of the pink ones?”

“They’re soft.” Harry says quietly, running his thumbs over the material of the second pair. “They’re nicer than the other pairs I have.”

“It took me a bit to find them. I was looking for something special.” Niall admits. “I wanted you to have something a cut above. Something- Something delicate and pretty.”

“They look expensive.” Harry mumbles.

“It was worth it.” Niall grins. Harry is right. They were expensive. Both pairs together had cost him almost eighty pounds. He would have spent everything he had on them though, as long as it made Harry feel happy and secure with him. “I haven’t had anything worth spending my money on in a long time, but this? Totally worth it. One hundred percent worth every pound I spent if you like them.”

“I do.” Harry says softly, eyes and hands still locked on the delicate pink lace.

“I uh- I checked the size on your other pairs before I left this morning, so they should both fit.” Niall tells him.

“I want to wear these ones.” Harry says, holding up the pink pair. “Are you sure you’re okay with that?”

“I figured you would.” Niall chuckles. “That’s totally fine with me. You’ll look fucking gorgeous in them.”

Harry sheds the black pair that he’s wearing, tugging on the pink pair eagerly. Niall was right. He looks absolutely stunning in them. Niall knows that Harry is tall and well-muscled, that he’s covered in tattoos, but he looks so delicate like this. Soft lips, and hair, and skin, all begging to be touched. “How do they look?” Harry asks tentatively, standing up off the bed and turning around slowly.

“Brilliant.” Niall breathes out, covering the distance between them quickly and running his fingers over the lace. “How do they feel?”

“I like them.” Harry whispers. “They feel really nice.”

“I made a good choice then?” Niall asks.

“Yeah.” Harry nods. “Thank you for this Niall. Really, I can’t say that enough.”

“You can thank me after I make you cum so hard you black out for a bit.” Niall smirks. “For now, just tell me what you want.”

“Touch me, please.” Harry whimpers

“Here?” Niall asks, skimming his fingers down the fabric over the outline of Harry’s cock.

“Anywhere. Please.” Harry keens, rutting up into the touch.

“Get on the bed Hazza.” Niall murmurs, his lips ghosting over Harry’s. “I’m going to take my time with you. I’m going to make you feel so good.”

Harry crawls onto the bed and asks “How do you want me?”

“Just like you were when I came in.” Niall tells him, climbing in after him and placing gentle hands on Harry’s knees to spread the brunet’s legs wide. He looks positively edible like this, his face and neck a pale pink that almost matches the panties. Harry’s eyes are open wide, his pupils blown out so much that the green has almost entirely disappeared. He’s so fucking innocent looking that Niall knows that he’s going to hell for the sinful thoughts he’s having right now. “Take your hair down.”

“Okay.” Harry says with a nod, removing the elastic band from the top of his head to let his hair drop down from the knot in wavy curtains. Niall sweeps it out of his face. He wants to see Harry’s reactions. His fingers grip into the soft flesh of Harry’s thighs as he leans in to kiss those gorgeous lips.

“God, you are so beautiful Haz.” Niall whispers over Harry’s mouth. “Fucking gorgeous.”

“Niall please.” Harry begs.

“Yeah, okay.” Niall breathes out, shuffling backwards on the bed until he can lean down between Harry’s spread out legs. He mouths at the meat of Harry’s thighs, his teeth scraping lightly over the skin right below the line of the panties. Harry lets out this desperate little whimpering mewl, and his fingers bury themselves in Niall’s hair. Niall grabs his wrists and pins them to the mattress. “No-no, Haz. I’m going to take my time, and you’re just going to have to sit back and let me.”

“Okay.” Harry pants. “I’ll be good.”

“Good.” Niall grins, rewarding Harry with a cursory lick of his tongue over where the head of the brunet’s prick is bulging under the fabric. It’s not really enough to do anything, but Harry descends into a fit of whimpers anyways. Niall’s eyes flick up to find Harry’s bottom lip caught between his teeth, his eyes glazed over just a bit with lust. 

Niall wants to make him unwind, wants to make every reservation Harry has about Niall and this disappear. He mouths at the line of Harry’s cock, following it down to press a light kiss over his tightly bound balls. Harry’s hands scramble for something to cling onto until Niall lets up the grip he has on the brunet’s wrists just enough to let him fist his fingers in the sheets.

Niall works him over until Harry is practically sobbing, his mouth covering every silk-covered inch of Harry’s groin and hips with kisses, and licks, and nips. The brunet is trembling under Niall’s hands, whimpering like he can’t take much more, but Niall is only getting started. “What’s the matter Haz?” Niall smirks.

“Want you so much.” Harry moans.

“Flip over, get on your knees, and put your hands on the headboard.” Niall murmurs. He sits back to give Harry enough space to follow his instructions, which the brunet does with astonishing speed. “Now stay like that.”

Harry’s head snaps around, eyes distraught as he watches Niall climb off the bed. “What are you-”

“Just taking off the rest of my clothes Haz.” Niall cuts him off, unbuttoning his jeans and letting them slip down to the floor. “Would you rather I do this after I’ve already opened you up and make you wait then?”

“No.” Harry pouts.

“I’m getting back in. Relax.” Niall chuckles, dropping his pants to the ground and stepping out of them before crawling up behind Harry. He settles behind the brunet, tucking his fingers under the waistband of the panties and sliding them down slowly in the back, but leaving the front untouched. “Scoot back for me as far as you can without removing your hands from the headboard, and stick this out for me.”

“Okay.” Harry breathes out, shifting his legs backwards until he’s stretched out, head down between his biceps and perky ass stuck out and waiting for Niall, lifted up by the fabric bunched right underneath. It’s so fucking beautiful that Niall could cry.

He runs his hands over the surprisingly smooth skin, separating the cheeks to get a look at Harry’s gorgeously pink hole. He doesn’t hesitate in the slightest, leaning down and lapping his tongue over it. The moan Harry lets out is low and thoroughly debauched, but it’s also not nearly enough for Niall. He won’t be satisfied until Harry is melted into a boneless puddle, begging for release.

Niall swirls his tongue over the entrance, tracing patterns over the puckered skin until Harry’s thighs are trembling under his hands. He’s letting out these breathless little ‘Please’es and ‘Niall’s, that are driving the blond wild, making him work his tongue harder over the surface until he points it and dives it into the hole. Harry pushes back into the contact and Niall lets him have it, moving his hands to wrap around the brunet’s hips and pulling him back to show his approval. Harry rides back onto him, moaning so loudly that Niall can feel it vibrating in his bones. “Niall, please. I need more.” Harry whimpers desperately. “I need you inside me.”

“Which drawer are the supplies in?” Niall asks, pulling back and wiping the spit off his chin.

“Top drawer on that side.” Harry says, jerking his head to the right. Niall is pleasantly surprised when Harry keeps his hands firmly planted on the headboard, his position not changing an inch from what Niall told him to do. Niall leans over, pulling open the drawer and grabbing the lube, a rag, and two condoms.

“Put this on.” Niall chuckles, passing Harry one of the condoms. “I don’t want you staining those. You’re going to keep them nice and pretty for me, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Harry says with a furious nod, plucking the condom out of Niall’s hand and tearing it open with his teeth. Niall decides now would be a good time to open Harry up properly, drizzling lube onto his fingers and pressing one to Harry’s hole. He’s hardly surprised when Harry shifts his hips back once Niall has pushed in a bit, sheathing the entire digit inside himself in one swift motion.

“So impatient.” Niall teases, working his finger back and forth once Harry isn’t quite so tight around him.

“Shut up.” Harry groans. There’s not any bite in it though, not when he looks back over his shoulder, eyes wide and pleading. “I feel like I’m dying waiting for you to get inside me.”

“Soon enough Haz.” Niall hums, running his thumb over the skin stretched around his finger. “Soon enough.”

“Not nearly.” Harry mutters, and Niall barely suppresses a chuckle at that. He doesn’t want Harry to feel bad though, so he muffles it by biting over the peach-fuzz skin of Harry’s bum. “Two. Please do two Niall. I’m ready. Please.”

“When are you going to learn that I’ll take my time with you, and that when you try to make me do something it’s just going to take me longer to do it?” Niall asks, keeping his voice even and his finger still. Harry tries to ride back onto it, but Niall plants a firm hand on his lower back to keep him in place. “Haz, we did things at your pace yesterday, and I didn’t get to do almost anything I wanted to with you. You’ll get what you want eventually, but for now we’re going at my speed. Understand?”

“Yes.” Harry sighs.

“A little more enthusiasm thank you.” Niall smirks, crooking his finger to rub over Harry’s prostate.

“Oh fuck-” Harry gasps. “Yeah- Yeah your speed is good.”

“Good.” Niall chuckles. He thrusts his finger in for another minute or so before he presses in with a second. Harry lets out this deliciously high pitched whine, his legs quivering like they’re about to give out, a light sheen of sweat glistening over his taught back, and Niall just revels in it.

He’s careful from there to stimulate Harry just enough to keep that strings of whimpers, and gasps, and moans, and curses spilling from his sinfully plumped lips, without actually getting him too close. Opening Harry up is his main focus of course, but right now he’s more than satisfied with just feeling the gentle clench of Harry around his fingers. 

Harry is probably more than ready by now, if his pleading little whines are anything to go by, but Niall decides he hasn’t had quite enough yet. He runs his hand flat over Harry’s back, sliding it through the slickness of his sweat until his fingers curl into the hair at the base of Harry’s neck. “This good with you?” he asks, giving a light tug to pull Harry’s head back and up.

“So good.” Harry keens, his fingers tightening on the headboard. “God, you feel so fucking good Niall.”

“What do you want?” Niall questions.

“Want you to fuck me.” Harry murmurs, his voice coming out more of a broken gasp than anything resembling normal. “Please Niall? Please fuck me?”

“Yeah, okay.” Niall breathes out, giving his fingers a few more jack-rabbit thrusts over Harry’s spot before pulling them out completely. Harry whines at the loss, his hips pushing back instinctively to try and fill himself back up. There’s nothing there for him to find though. Niall is too busy wiping his fingers on the rag with one hand and then grabbing the condom to tear it open. It’s only once he begins rolling it on that Niall realizes how neglected his cock has been, giving himself a few tugs just for some relief before he lubes himself up. He lines himself up, pressing his head to Harry’s entrance, and asks “That what you want?”

“Fuck, so much Nialler.” Harry groans. Niall’s hands keep Harry in place, gripped firmly on his hips to keep Harry from pushing back onto him overly eagerly. He’s going to take this part slow, because he knows that once he’s fully sheathed inside Harry, and the brunet is ready, he won’t last too entirely long. He’s too worked up over Harry, and his cock has been too thoroughly ignored for this to go for ages.

His body has other ideas though, because once his head presses into the tight heat, his sense of self control starts to waver. It takes everything he has not to just fuck into Harry without abandon, and he settles for a slightly quicker method, taking only a few seconds until he’s buried himself all the way inside Harry with a low growl. It’s just so fucking tight, so warm, and Niall’s brain isn’t working properly anymore.

“Oh fuck yes.” Harry groans. “Go. Just go please.”

That’s all the encouragement that Niall needs before he draws back and snaps his hips forward hard, the slap of sweat-slick skin on skin echoing through the room pornographically. He grips one hand around Harry’s hip, and the other wraps over his shoulder to pull him back until his back is flush with Niall’s torso. It’s not the most advantageous position, takes away Niall’s ability to sheath himself completely inside of Harry, but he wants to feel the way Harry’s muscles quiver under the hand he splays over the brunet’s stomach, wants to run his fingers over the lace that Harry tucked his condom-clad cock back into, and that’s worth losing an inch or so of the tight clench. The loud moan Harry lets out tells him that it’s also a good position in which to thrust against his prostate.

“Feel so good around me Haz.” Niall murmurs in Harry’s ear, fucking hard up into the brunet. “Everything about you is so fucking beautiful. Made just for me.”

“Just for you.” Harry echoes, lacing his fingers through Niall’s and gripping hard. Niall dips his other hand under the lace, wrapping firmly around Harry’s cock. He pumps in time with his thrusts, taking pride in the way Harry just seems to have abandoned all of his attempts to muffle his moans, letting out sounds that are almost animalistic with each snap of Niall’s hips against his ass. His grip on Niall’s hand is bordering on painfully tight, but the blond loves feeling as close as he can with Harry.

“’M so close Niall.” Harry whimpers. “Can- Can I-”

“Cum for me Haz.” Niall murmurs in his ear, tightening his grip on Harry’s cock as he pumps him. Harry falls forward with a choked sob, tightening around Niall beautifully as he rides out the high of his orgasm. 

Niall goes to pull out, but Harry’s hand flies back and grips around his ass. “Don’t stop.” he growls. “Want you to cum inside me.”

“Fuck!” Niall hisses, hammering his hips in harder now that he has a perfect angle to watch his cock slide in and out of Harry’s hole. “Yeah, okay.”

He doesn’t last long from there, the sight of himself disappearing into the perfect bubble of Harry’s ass combining with the strong, sweet scent Niall loves rolling off the brunet’s back, causing his orgasm to build quicker than it has since he was a teenager. It’s a whimpered “Please.” from Harry that finishes the last of his resolve. He jack-hammers into Harry, losing all sense of rhythm as he cums, his vision going white and his muscles all tensing at once.

He collapses onto Harry’s back, wrapping an arm around his waist to drag the brunet along when he drops to the side. “That was-” Niall pants. “Jesus. That was amazing.”

“Don’t think there’s a word for how amazing that was.” Harry chuckles.

“Might be the best sex I’ve ever had.” Niall admits.

“Might be?” Harry scoffs.

“Don’t fish for compliments Haz.” Niall laughs, pulling out of Harry and rolling onto his back.

“I’m not.” Harry huffs, twisting around until his chin is resting on Niall’s chest. “That was, without a doubt, the best sex I’ve ever had. I just- I was hoping it was the same for you.”

“It was.” Niall hums, leaning up just enough to press a light kiss to Harry’s lips. “It was Haz. I just wanted to see that cute little pout you do. It was definitely the best.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a bit late. Lost track of the day. I won't be updating again before I post the next part in the Through the Looking Glass (I See You Staring Back at Me) series, aka the first of the other four parts to accompany Down the Rabbit Hole, so consider this your official notice that it's going to be out by Midnight EST on Sunday 7/5/2015. It's a one shot that's around 30k.

“I don’t want you to go.” Harry whines, dropping down on top of Niall in the bed with his entire body. It’s pretty effective as far as stalling tactics go.

“Haz, I am not awake enough for this.” Niall groans, pressing his face into the pillow as hard as he can. “We have like, two hours before I have to catch the bus. Stop acting like it’s only ten minutes.”

“The bus?” Harry asks incredulously.

“Yeah. Zaynie kind of decided on putting a temporary ban on you being around Malink.” Niall mumbles. “It’s better for all of us if you aren’t seen around there for a little bit, and that includes dropping me off or picking me up.”

“I don’t see how that’s fair.” Harry huffs.

“You’re the one who freaked out when you thought the paps might see you.” Niall points out, resigning himself to having this conversation rather than sleeping for another hour like he’d planned on doing. Why does he have to like this talkative lad (who never seems to fucking sleep for more than six hours) so damned much? “It’s not for long Haz. Just a couple weeks.”

“Weeks?” Harry squawks.

“Don’t do that in my ear.” Niall growls, turning his head to the side so he can properly glare at the brunet. “Yes Haz, weeks. You can’t get a tattoo any time soon anyways, because you need to let your body heal. If you’re there too often, and you get spotted repeatedly, you’re the one who’ll have to explain that to people. Not to mention that Zaynie might literally murder you if another herd of paps show up again. Or me. Especially if we hook up in my studio again.”

“What if I-” Harry starts.

“Not even if you wear the wig.” Niall says, cutting him off at the pass. “Especially if you wear the wig actually. Zaynie would never let me live it down if he saw you in that. He’d make fun of me endlessly for ever even liking you.”

“It’s not that bad.” Harry pouts.

“We’re not having this conversation again right now.” Niall tells him, shaking Harry off his back to make his way to the bathroom. He hears the pads of Harry’s feet hit the ground and turns around to add “Do not follow me into the loo Harry. I’m having a wee, and that is not a group activity.”

“Oh.” Harry laughs. “Thought you were just going to brush your teeth or summat.”

“Well I’m not. As unbelievably perfect as I may seem to a mere mortal such as yourself, I still have bodily functions that I need to take care of.” Niall chuckles. “Alone.”

“You do you Nialler.” Harry giggles. “I’ll go get started on breakfast.”

“Best thing you’ve said all morning.” Niall mutters, stepping into the bathroom and shutting the door behind himself. He’s not trying to be a bitch, but he’d much rather be sleeping right now. Harry kept him up half the night talking, which he didn’t mind until Harry rolled out of bed half an hour ago to get in his run before the sun made things too hot. He usually has no problem falling back asleep, but it was a bit lonely feeling in the bed once Harry went out and he never fell back asleep properly. He also couldn’t bring himself to actually get out of bed, so he’s been in this weird half-asleep limbo which, combined with Harry’s whinging and actually having to go into work, has soured his mood a bit. He doesn’t want it to though, so he spends the entire time he’s in the bathroom reminding himself of all the good things that have happened to him over the last two days to cut through the bad mood he’s in.

It’s the memory of Harry insisting on feeding him last night, straddled over the blond’s lap in his pink lace and a shirt he stole out of Niall’s bag, giggling as he pressed seared scallops into Niall’s mouth, which brings a smile to his face that he can’t stop. He almost forgets to brush his teeth before he heads downstairs, but then catches a whiff of his morning breath when he laughs at the memory of the look Harry had had when Niall caught a shrimp halfway to his mouth and stuffed it into Harry’s instead.

By the time Niall actually makes his way downstairs Harry is completely lost in a mess of flour and eggs and sugar that looks like a battlefield. “What exploded?” Niall laughs.

“I whisked too hard while I was adding flour, and the bowl tipped and kind of exploded.” Harry sighs. At least Niall thinks that it’s Harry. It could also be a ghost of baking, because there’s not an inch of him that isn’t covered in whatever he was mixing.

“Go out back.” Niall giggles.

“Why?” Harry asks.

“Because you need to be hosed down.” Niall tells him, opening the door to the back garden. “You’ll spend the next ten hours scrubbing flour and shite out of your carpet if you try and walk upstairs, but it’ll be easy enough to get off the wood floor. Now move it.”

“It’s going to be so cold!” Harry whines, stomping begrudgingly out of the back door. Niall finds it unbearably cute, the sliver of pink from his pout the only spot of color on his face besides his eyes.

“I know Babes, but it’s the better option.” Niall hums, grabbing the hose and turning on the water. “Let me know when you’re ready.”

“I will never be ready to be blasted in the face with cold-” Harry starts. That’s when Niall squeezes the nozzle and hits him square in the chest with a jet of water. Harry lets out an inhuman shriek, darting out of the spray. Niall follows him though, cackling as Harry tries to flee to no avail until he’s pressed against the fence, dripping wet and screaming “Niall, what the fuck?”

“You said you’d never be ready.” Niall shrugs. “If that was the case, I figured you’d just want it over as soon as possible.”

“A little warning would have been appreciated.” Harry growls, shifting his sopping hair out of his eyes with a glare in Niall’s direction. “I do see your point though.”

“Plus it was really fucking funny.” Niall snorts, raising the nozzle again when Harry gives an angry start in his direction. “You know you’d have thought the same thing if the situation was swapped.”

“I wouldn’t have just sprayed you with no warning.” Harry huffs.

“No, you would have just waited around, wasting the time we have before I go until I finally decided I was ready to handle something that would have been unpleasant no matter when it happened. I’d much rather be inside kissing you than waiting for you to just say that you’re ready, which we’d probably still be waiting on. You have near-infinite patience, which is fantastic because I’m incredibly stubborn. On the other hand, I have next to no patience for pretty much anything.”

“You were forgiven at kissing.” Harry smirks.

“I figured I might be.” Niall chuckles, dropping the hose back in its previous position. “Now let’s get back inside, yeah? Only got an hour and forty minutes left until I have to go, and we could be spending that in a warm shower.”

“God, I love the way you think.” Harry grins.

 

“Are you sleeping with all of your customers now?” Liam asks with a giggle, leaning against the doorway to Niall’s studio.

“Just the really attractive, rich ones.” Niall smirks.

“Well you must have upgraded your customer service, because that last bird gave you a pretty good tip.” Liam hums, holding up the beautiful faces of Matthew Boulton and James Watt. Well, their faces aren’t really that beautiful, but they’re definitely ones that Niall is thrilled to see. The two identical visages of Adam Smith that accompany them are just icing on the cake. “Here’s your cut of that ink. What’s that make today?”

“Um, two ninety I think?” Niall says with a slight shrug, dropping his needle in the biohazard box. “Why?”

“Because I haven’t seen you on fire like this ever.” Liam tells him. “You’ve made more today than you did all last week.”

“Guess people are finally seeing my charms.” Niall grins.

“Or you’re finally in a good mood because you’re seeing a certain long haired song-bird.” Liam counters with a sly smile.

“That could have something to do with it too, yeah.” Niall nods. “He just- God, he’s so- You know?”

“Pretty sure I can only agree if you put an adjective in there.” Liam chuckles.

“Don’t think there’s one adequate enough to describe him.” Niall mumbles.

“Aww, Zayn!” Liam calls out. “Our Nialler is smitten!”

“Our baby is growing up!” Zayn laughs from down the hall. “It’s too soon!”

“You’re both idiots.” Niall scoffs. “Get back out front and be a good little secretary why don’t you? Earn your paycheck off my hard work instead of being a pain in my arse.”

“Oh don’t be like that. I’m glad you’re happy.” Liam smiles.

“Does it ever bother you that Zayn pays you?” Niall blurts out, wincing after the words escape from his mouth.

“Not really.” Liam shrugs, unphased by the question apparently. “I mean, I could easily let it, but I don’t. Why let something as frivolous as money get in between something good? Why do you ask?”

“Because I’m having a problem with Haz.” Niall admits. “I don’t really feel comfortable with him paying me for the tattoos I do for him, but he feels like it’s taking advantage of me if he doesn’t pay. I told him to go back to using Zayn as his regular artist, but-”

“But you’re afraid you’ll be jealous if he actually does it?” Liam supplies.

“Yeah.” Niall sighs. 

“Then I guess you need to decide between your pride and your jealousy.” Liam says gently. “Is it more important to you that you keep work and pleasure separate, or that you’re the one who works on him?”

“I don’t know.” Niall groans, flopping down in his chair. “Like, I don’t want anyone else touching him, marking him, but I also don’t want him giving me more than what I’ve earned just because we’re together. He’s just so fucking generous and-”

“And you’re shite at taking charity?” Liam finishes.

“Yes.” Niall huffs. “You could have worded that a bit nicer though.”

“I could have, but I know how much you appreciate getting to the point rather than wasting time jawing for no reason.” Liam shrugs. Liam fucking gets it. “You’re stubborn about some things, like your whole financial code of honor. For whatever it’s worth, I think you should let him go back to Zayn if it’ll keep you two from fighting about money. It’s not worth the strain that it’ll put on the two of you this early in things. You’re still figuring things out between the two of you, and added stress is the opposite of what you guys need.”

“But like, he wants to take me on a holiday somewhere.” Niall mumbles. “What am I supposed to do about that?”

“Ever since I’ve met you, you’ve wanted very few things Nialler. One of those is to see the world. I know it may not be the way you pictured doing it, but this is a great opportunity for you. Seeing one of the great cities of Europe with the gorgeous bloke you’re dating? Gotta say I’m a bit jealous.”

“You should be. My bloke is better than yours.” Niall snorts.

“Hey!” Zayn growls, popping up out of nowhere like a fucking jack-in-the-box. “First of all, I’m totally better. Second, you have a customer waiting in the lobby, so stop chatting and do some work. Both of you.”

“See?” Niall snorts. “Mine is totally better. Yours is a bitch.”

“Think about what I said, yeah?” Liam hums before following Zayn back out. Niall will think about it. Later. Now he’s got to focus on the ginger bird that just walked in, blathering on about dolphins.

 

Harry is bored. Mind-numbingly bored in fact. He could go out, but he’s still mad at pretty much everyone he knows. He blew two hours talking to his mum, and another three cleaning every surface of his flour covered kitchen. He tried to start reading ‘A God in Ruins’, but just couldn’t get into it. Telly is giving him nothing. He might have to forgive the people who kept the pregnancy secret if he doesn’t want to go crazy sitting around like a pathetic teenager and thinking about Niall all day. Maybe he needs a hobby other than sucking Niall’s cock. It’s just such a fun hobby.

He’s only a little ashamed when he picks up his mobile after one ring, Niall’s face spurring him into action that only feels slightly desperate. “Hey.” he answers, trying to at least keep his voice even for some semblance of dignity.

“Hey yourself.” Niall chuckles. “Do you want me to pick anything up on my way over?”

“No. Just want you to be here as soon as possible.” Harry mumbles.

“Thank god.” Niall laughs. “I’m at the door, but I realized it’s probably rude not to at least offer to get something if you needed it.”

“Oh you little shit.” Harry giggles, rushing over to the door and throwing it open. “I thought you just got off at nine. How did you get here so fast?”

“Wave to the boys.” Niall says, pointing over his shoulder to where Liam and Zayn are staring at the two of them through the window of their car.

“Should I invite them in?” Harry asks.

“It’s your house Haz.” Niall shrugs.

“I know that it would be rude not to, but I hadn’t exactly planned on having people over besides you. I had some non-group-friendly activities planned. I mean, technically they could be group-friendly, but I didn’t exactly plan on them being that way.” Harry grins.

“I told you that I’m not sharing you.” Niall growls. “If you want to fuck Lima Bean and Zaynie, that’s your choice. But that’s the end of us being any-”

“You’re the only one I want Nialler.” Harry hums, ducking down to press a kiss to the blond’s lips to stop the row before it can actually start. “Zayn and Liam are the furthest things from my mind.”

“Good.” Niall huffs, walking past Harry and into the house. “Invite them in if you want, but they’ll probably decline. I’m pretty sure they have something similar to what you have planned in mind for themselves. They’re apparently really enjoying not having to pretend to try to keep it down for my sake.”

“Be back in a second.” Harry muses, stepping out and walking over to the car. Zayn rolls down the window and Harry asks “Would you guys like to come in?”

“Nah, we’ve got our own stuff planned.” Zayn grins. “Finally going to go see Ant Man since we haven’t had the chance yet.”

“And the theatre will be empty since it’s late on a weeknight and it’s been out for a bit, so we can talk about our theories without getting angrily glared at by people.” Liam adds with a dopey smile. 

“Niall figured you would blow me off to have sex.” Harry chuckles.

“Another fantastic benefit to a dark empty theatre.” Zayn smirks. “Already bought tickets for two separate showings in case the first one actually has people there.”

“That-” Harry laughs. “Is way more than I needed to know.”

“Eh, I already know way more than I need to about your sex life too.” Zayn shrugs. Harry’s eyebrows shoot off of his forehead in shock, but Zayn quickly adds “Not from Nialler. He’s a fucking bank vault when it comes to the two of you between the sheets, despite Liam and I’s attempts to learn some gossip. Louis used to talk is what I meant. Sorry.”

“That’s- fine.” Harry sighs. He just hopes Louis kept certain things to himself. Certain lace things that Louis hated as much as Niall says he likes them. “He never could keep his mouth shut. I thought it was charming when I was sixteen. Can’t really say the same now.”

“Sorry.” Zayn repeats.

“Alright. You two have fun at your film, yeah?” Harry smiles. “And don’t get caught. I’d bail you out, but I wouldn’t be happy about it, and Niall would definitely tell your mum.”

“Haven’t been caught yet.” Zayn laughs. “See you around Harry.”

“See you around.” Harry nods, stepping back so they can drive off. He heads back inside to find Niall stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt, stretched out on the sofa with his eyes locked on the telly where a footy match is occupying the screen. 

“Told you they’d turn you down.” Niall says when Harry lays down between his legs, eyes never leaving the match.

“They’re going to see Ant Man apparently.” Harry explains, resting his head on Niall’s chest.

“Nerds.” Niall scoffs, burying his fingers in Harry’s locks and scratching over his scalp absentmindedly.

“How was work?” Harry asks.

“Fucking amazing.” Niall grins. “Made almost four hundred quid total with tips and my third of the tats. Best day I’ve had since I started.”

“Ooh, rich man.” Harry hums. “That’s amazing Nialler.”

“You probably made more than that in interest in the time we spent having that conversation.” Niall mutters.

“That doesn’t mean it wasn’t impressive.” Harry huffs. “Can’t you just let me be proud of you?”

“I’m just not used to that I guess.” Niall sighs. “Never really had too many people who were invested in me enough to actually be proud of me. Pretty much just Zaynie, and he’d never actually say it or it’d ruin his whole ‘mysterious and aloof’ thing.”

“Well I’m invested in you.” Harry tells him. “And I’m proud of you. And I’m happy you had a good day.”

“Not that good.” Niall says lightly. “Didn’t get to see you for eleven hours straight. I call that more negative than positive.”

“Look at you being all sweet.” Harry chuckles. “I missed you too.”

“What did you do today?” Niall asks, finally devoting all of his attention to Harry as the game goes into a break. Harry would be grumpy about it, but he knew better than to leave Niall alone while a footy match (or rugby, or golf, or boxing, or pretty much any sport as Harry learned when Niall spent an hour adding a bunch of sports channels to Harry’s favorites list on his cable box) is on after yesterday, but he did it anyways like a fool. He’ll take the loss though, because at least he has Niall with him now.

“Not much really. Cleaned the kitchen. Talked to my mum a bit. Tried to read, but I couldn’t get into the book.” Harry recounts.

“Oh my god, if only the tabloids knew how boring and domestic you are.” Niall giggles. “They wouldn’t bother following you around if they knew what I know.”

“I’m not that boring.” Harry pouts.

“No, I can definitely think of some not so boring things about you.” Niall hums, running the fingers of the hand that isn’t in Harry’s hair down his side. “But so far I haven’t exactly seen much that shows me that you’re actually much of a celebrity outside of your money and that shit-storm of paps.”

“Do you want to go out?” Harry asks.

“Not tonight.” Niall replies, shaking his head. “But would it be possible at some point in the future?”

“Yeah.” Harry nods. “It can get a bit tricky, but we could do it. It would be easier if we went out in a group though.”

“Alright.” Niall smiles. “For a while though, I’m pretty content with just this. I like having time with you all by myself.”

“I like that too.” Harry says with a soft smile.

“I like you.” Niall says softly, lifting Harry’s chin up just enough to place a gentle kiss against his lips.

“I like you too.” Harry says with a contented sigh, settling back down on Niall’s chest. He closes his eyes to drown out anything other than the beating of Niall’s heart under his ear, and yeah, this feels pretty perfect. “But I’m dragging you upstairs when the second half ends.”

“That’s fine with me.” Niall chuckles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. I don't know why I'm so obsessed with the idea of Harry Styles wearing a terrible wig to go out in public unnoticed. I just am. And i'm obsessed with the idea that Niall hates it.


	15. Chapter 15

“Jesus.” Niall breathes out, stopping dead in his tracks on his way back to the bedroom from brushing his teeth.

“We never got around to these yesterday.” Harry smirks. “I thought you’d appreciate the opportunity.”

He’s stretched out on the bed with his bum pushed up and perfectly framed in the pair of black lace panties Niall had bought. Judging by Niall’s face, and the way his cock is already starting to thicken up in his pants, it’s having the desired effect. “I figured we were going to switch tonight.” Niall tells him.

“Next time.” Harry hums. “Tonight I want to ride you.”

“Well I’m not going to argue with that.” Niall chuckles. “But I really do want to switch things up next time. It’s crazy to me that you still haven’t fucked me yet.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever.” Harry groans. “I promise that it’ll happen, so will you get over here already?”

“A little eager are we?” Niall grins.

“Fuck yes I am.” Harry huffs. “Why do you do this?”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Niall muses, strolling slowly towards the bed. He runs a finger up the inside of Harry’s thigh, eliciting a shiver and a low gasp from the brunet. “What am I doing wrong Haz?”

“Nothing.” Harry groans, lifting his hips up more to put his ass on display.

“Let me rephrase then.” Niall says, a smirk evident in his voice, even as he climbs into the bed behind Harry. “What was I doing wrong?”

“Making me wait.” Harry mumbles.

“I thought you were the patient one.” Niall giggles. He leans down, grazing his teeth lightly on the meat of Harry’s left cheek and running his hand over the right. “Why is it that when it comes to sex, all those trademark Harry Styles manners falls away?”

“I just like having you close to me.” Harry admits. “And when you tease me by making me wait, it gets me a bit frustrated.”

“Wouldn’t want that, yeah?” Niall asks. “Flip over for me. I want to see your face this time, and these give me that option. It’s why I bought them. That and the fact that I thought that you would look so bloody beautiful in them. I was right of course.”

Harry can’t help but blush at that, can’t help it any time Niall says anything like that. Louis had always been so discouraging about this, but Niall really isn’t. He likes to murmur in Harry’s ear that he looks beautiful, even when they’re nowhere near the bed and aren’t going near it any time soon, likes to twine their fingers together and press soft kisses on each knuckle while he whispers that Harry is so pretty. He actually makes Harry feel okay with this part of himself, and that’s something that Harry doesn’t quite know how to handle, because he’s never had it before.

Niall retreats from between Harry’s legs, and the brunet rolls over onto his back. “What are you thinking about?” Niall asks, his eyebrows crinkled up in that way that Harry has come to recognize as the ‘Haz, you’re thinking too much’ face.

“You don’t have to say that all the time you know.” Harry mumbles. “The ‘beautiful’ and ‘pretty’ stuff.”

“Am I making you uncomfortable with it?” Niall asks tentatively.

“No!” Harry yelps, maybe a bit too loudly. “It’s just- I mean- I just don’t want you to feel like you have to do that.”

“I know I don’t have to you git, but I want to.” Niall says firmly. “You are beautiful Haz. Even if this wasn’t a thing for you, I’d still say it. I want you to know that when I look at you, I can’t stop from losing my breath every time. It doesn’t matter if it’s when you’re like this, or when you’re lying on my chest letting me watch a footy match, or even covered in scone-batter like this morning. You are so beautiful to me, and I need you to know that every moment of every day.”

“Oh.” Harry breathes out, feeling his face and chest begin to scorch as his blush intensifies. “That would have been really sweet if you hadn’t called me a git.”

“That’s why I did it.” Niall smirks. “Can’t have you thinking I’m actually sweet or you’ll expect it from me. I’d just disappoint you, because most of the time I’m a dick, and that’s not going to change.”

“Of course.” Harry laughs.

“We good then?” Niall asks. “You gonna get out of your head and let me do what I do without getting all self-conscious?”

“Yeah.” Harry nods.

“Good.” Niall grins. “Oh, just so I know, is this going to happen every time, or are you eventually going to settle down and realize that I do what I want to do and say what I want to say, and that I’m not just going along with things because I like you?”

“Last time. Promise.” Harry smiles.

“Excellent.” Niall chuckles. “Now you just lay back and let me make you feel good, yeah?”

“Okay.” Harry nods again, eagerly this time. “Kiss me first though?”

“Was planning on it.” Niall hums, crawling up between Harry’s legs and holding himself over the brunet’s body. His lips hover over Harry’s for just long enough to build up a tension that makes Harry feel like he’s about to burst, and then they crash into him. Niall wastes no time, licking into Harry’s mouth with fervor and swallowing the moan that he lets slip out. Niall bites at his bottom lip just shy of painfully and then pulls back to start working his way down Harry’s jaw.

His fingers skim over Harry’s stomach, little touches that burn themselves into his skin and leave him whimpering for more. Niall, ever the tease, doesn’t give him much though. The rough pads of his thumb swipes over Harry’s nipple, hardening it in an instant and pulling a weak gasp from Harry’s lips. “Huh, can’t believe I hadn’t discovered that yet.” Niall smirks against Harry’s neck. “What happens if I do this?”

He moves down Harry’s neck until he’s hovering over the brunet’s chest, his tongue flicking out experimentally. It’s a shock though Harry’s entire system, drawing every bit of air from his lungs in a ragged moan as he tangles his fingers in Niall’s hair. The blond doesn’t seem phased though, fitting his lips over Harry’s nipple and sucking lightly. There’s tongue, and teeth, and a tight vacuum, and Harry’s brain is filled with static. He can’t think straight, isn’t even sure he’s actually breathing anymore.

Then Niall palms over his cock and Harry lets out a choked sob of “Please.”

“Want me to eat you now Babes?” Niall asks.

“Yes.” Harry whimpers.

“Say it.” Niall growls out.

“Please Niall. I- I want you to eat me” Harry begs, unashamed by the desperation in his voice. He feels perfectly comfortable in Niall’s hands, safe from judgment or harm. Niall isn’t Louis. He won’t mock Harry for not being masculine all the time, won’t berate him for the desire to be submissive occasionally. It’s not even that he needs to be dominated. Sometimes he just needs the choices to be taken out of his hands.

Niall nods, pressing one last kiss to Harry’s lips before crawling between his legs. Strong hands grip the back of Harry’s thighs, lifting his legs up and apart, and Niall grins wolfishly before diving forward to run his tongue up the cleft of Harry’s ass. “Oh god yes.” Harry groans.

He relaxes back against the pillows, letting pleasure take over. Niall is a genius with his tongue, changing up his technique every other minute or so between licking flat stripes, swirling it in circles, and pointing it straight into the hole. Whatever he does, he does excellently. Harry’s fingers fist into the sheets, curling tight around the fabric to keep himself from grabbing the back of Niall’s head and pushing his face in. Especially when he looks up at Harry with those big dark eyes, like he just fucking loves doing this. “Niall please.” Harry murmurs, fists tightening in the cotton when Niall runs his nails down the back of Harry’s legs. “Please, please, please.”

“Please what Babes?” Niall questions, teasing his thumb over Harry’s hole in lieu of his tongue so he can speak. “What do you want?”

“I want to ride you.” Harry whimpers.

“I’m not done yet.” Niall tells him. “So how about you ride my face for a while instead?”

“I- Yeah- That sounds good.” Harry nods. Honestly he really just wants to participate a bit more than simply laying there. Harry hasn’t really done much in bed so far with Niall, and he doesn’t want Niall to think that he’s not just as enthusiastic about this as the blond is. If Niall wants to keep up with what he’s doing though, then Harry certainly isn’t going to stop him. His tongue is too magical to argue with.

“Been fantasizing about that since the first time we met.” Niall admits, climbing forward up Harry’s torso. “You just- God, Haz, you’re so fucking delicious in every sense of the word. Now switch me, because I meant it when I said I wasn’t done yet.”

Harry hooks his arm around Niall’s back and rolls, pinning the blond under his thighs. Niall grabs the pillow from under his head, folding it up so that his neck is lifted up. “Alright, get up here.” he smirks. 

Harry flips around, shuffling backwards until his knees are tucked under Niall’s shoulders. Niall places a hand on each of Harry’s cheeks, spreading them apart with a warm breath over Harry’s hole, making his whole body shudder. “C’mon Haz.” Niall groans. “I want you to do this. Please.”

Harry braces his hands on Niall’s stomach, rolling his hips back until he come into contact with Niall’s tongue and moans. There’s a fine line to walk when doing this, a limit Harry has to keep in mind, lest he forget and accidentally hurt Niall. That’s hard to keep in mind though when Niall keeps pulling Harry back by the hips to drive the brunet further onto his tongue. Then his mouth pulls away, despite Harry’s whining protest, and he says “Haz, if you’re going to do this, then really do it.”

“I am.” Harry whimpers.

“You’re holding back.” Niall huffs. “I’ll let you know if you go too hard, but unless I do, I want you to go for broke here. Let loose already.”

“Alright.” Harry breathes out. “I will.”

“Good boy.” Niall chuckles, sending a shiver up Harry’s spine at the praise. It might sound derogatory on anyone else’s lips, but it just sounds fond coming from Niall. He settles his face between Harry’s cheeks, lapping over his rim and giving Harry’s hips an encouraging tug.

Harry takes Niall at his word, letting himself really get into it. He rocks backwards, pushing himself on and off and back onto Niall’s eager tongue. The blond hums his approval as best he can, twisting his tongue in circles as Harry rides back onto him. “You feel so good Nialler.” Harry murmurs. “So, so, so fucking good.”

He moves his hands off Niall’s stomach, dropping down so his body is flush with the blond’s. He has to arch his back a bit due to the height difference, but he manages to come level with Niall’s cock relatively easily. It looks so beautiful straining against his pants, a glistening spot slick with pre-cum right at the head. Harry fits his mouth over the head, fabric and all, and runs his tongue over it. “Jesus!” Niall gasps. “Haz- you- You can’t do that when I’m eating you out.”

“Why not?” Harry asks with a giggle, running his hands over Niall’s thighs.

“Because doing this gets me too ramped up to stop myself from cumming.” Niall growls, nipping at the back of Harry’s leg in a way that makes him weak. “It just- God, I love eating you Babes. Puts me right on the edge the entire fucking time. If you do that though, there’s no way I could hold back. I can barely hold back without it.”

“What if I want you to cum like this first?” Harry questions, leaning back down to run his tongue down Niall’s length.

“’M not Superman, Haz.” Niall scoffs. “If I cum like this, it’s going to be a while before I can do anything else again.”

“Then I guess you’re going to have to settle for me riding your cock now.” Harry smirks. “Because it’s going inside me now one way or another.”

“You’re not even stretched.” Niall points out.

“Make it quick then.” Harry huffs, wiggling his bum exaggeratedly.

“Can’t really get to the drawer like this.” Niall laughs, pressing his shoulders against the inside of Harry’s legs to prove his point.

“Oh. Right.” Harry chuckles. “Let me.”

He starts to lean over, but Niall’s hands anchor his hips in place. “Uh-uh Haz. If you’re going to make me stop doing this before I’m ready, then at least give me the opportunity do it while you get the stuff.”

“Alri-” Harry doesn’t even get the word out before Niall’s tongue is back on him, freezing his thought process and causing a strangled moan to take its place. Niall pulls him back hard, pressing his tongue all the way inside of Harry’s ring without any preamble. 

It takes Harry a minute to remember what he’s even supposed to be doing, but eventually he manages to fish the supplies out of the drawer without removing his ass from Niall’s mouth because the blond absolutely doesn’t let him move it by so much as an inch. He’s licking away without abandon, nearly bringing Harry to tears with how bloody good it feels. He lets out a low growl, followed by a sigh, when Harry finally presses the rag, lube, and condom into his hand. “Next time I’m strapping you to the bed so that I can take my sweet time.”

“I could live with that.” Harry grins, scooting forward enough to give Niall a proper angle to open him up. “Now hurry up and- God almighty!”

He drops his head between Niall’s legs, his knees nearly giving out as Niall presses a lubed up finger into him quickly. He only gives Harry a few seconds to adjust before he begins to move it. Harry whimpers, fisting his fingers into the fabric of Niall’s pants even as he spreads his legs wider in a silent plea for more. “Hurried enough for you Haz?” Niall asks, running his free hand between Harry’s thighs over his lace-bound cock.

“Not nearly.” Harry groans, meeting every thrust of Niall’s hand with his own. “Go to two. I can take it.”

“If you say so.” Niall chuckles, withdrawing his finger and pushing back in with two. It burns, stretching like this so fast, but only in the best way. Harry pushes back into it, reveling in the way Niall sucks in a shaky breath. “So fucking eager tonight.”

“Course I am.” Harry mumbles. “Spent all day missing you. Been needing this.”

“You need this because you missed me, or you missed me because you needed this?” Niall asks.

“First one.” Harry breathes out. “First one, I promise.”

“Good.” Niall growls, thrusting his fingers in harder and scissoring them apart when he pulls them back. He rubs over that sensitive little spot over and over, milking moans out of Harry relentlessly.

“I- I’m ready.” Harry keens, using his grip on Niall’s pants to shuck them all the way down to his ankles. He gives one long lick up Niall’s cock, hoping the stimulation will spur the blond into action.

“Put this on for me then.” Niall tells him, tossing the condom over between his own legs and pulling out his fingers. Harry obeys quickly, tearing open the foil and rolling it onto Niall’s head. Once it’s secure, he fits his mouth over it, bobbing his head lower and lower each time until he’s got his nose pressed into Niall’s balls and the blond’s cock twitching at the back of his throat. “God! If we’re going to do this Haz, then we need to do this before I cum.”

“Finally!” Harry giggles, pressing one last kiss to Niall’s cock before pivoting to face Niall’s face again. “Do you want me like this, or back the other way?”

“As much as I love watching my cock in your arse, I’d rather see your stupidly gorgeous face.” Niall smiles.

“Good answer Horan.” Harry smirks, fitting his hips over Niall’s and holding the blond’s cock up to his hole. He sinks down quickly, relishing the gasp Niall lets slip once he bottoms out. “And just to reiterate, I missed you as a whole, not just your dick. I’m not using you for sex Nialler. I just happen to also enjoy this part of our relationship.”

“Good.” Niall mumbles shyly, his face flushing a deep red at Harry’s words.

“Hey.” Harry says gently, cupping Niall’s face in his hands. “I like you, okay? That means all of you, and only you.”

“Haz-” Niall groans. “I do not have the brainpower to have this conversation when I am literally balls deep in your arse.”

“Just needed you to know that.” Harry smirks, giving his hips a roll. Niall lets out a deliciously sinful moan, spurring Harry on to more. He lifts himself up and drops back down, picking up speed with every noise Niall makes, the blond looking more and more wrecked by the second.

Niall slips a hand through the leg hole of Harry’s panties, wrapping a firm fist around his cock and tugging in time with Harry’s movements. It doesn’t take long, Niall’s dick pressing perfectly against Harry’s prostate, his hand pumping Harry mercilessly, and Harry is cumming with a long, low moan. He falls forward, barely catching himself before he collapses completely on top of Niall. He doesn’t want to crush the blond, but his arms aren’t going to hold out for long. That doesn’t stop him from murmuring “Come on Niall. Need you to finish inside me.”

“You sure?” Niall asks tentatively. He looks almost pained by the gargantuan effort he’s putting into not chasing his orgasm until he’s sure that Harry consents.

“Just go Niall.” Harry whimpers. “Please.”

“Yeah, alright Babes.” Niall nods, bracing his hands on Harry’s hips and planting his feet on the mattress for leverage. All hesitance is gone once he starts fucking up into Harry, jack-rabbiting into the brunet hard and fast. It’s just shy of too much, Harry’s entire body quivering from over-stimulation. He drops his forehead against Niall’s gasping for air because his lungs aren’t filling properly. He bites down on his lip to muffle a sob, but Niall must catch it. He slips out of Harry without a word, wrapping his arms around Harry and pulling him flush against himself. 

“Haz, why would you tell me to keep going if it hurt?” Niall asks, running his hands through Harry’s hair.

“I wanted you to feel good.” Harry chokes out.

“Haz, I never want you to do that again.” Niall says firmly. “I would hate myself for getting pleasure at your expense. Was it too much last night too?”

“No. Last night was perfect. I don’t know why tonight was different.” Harry mumbles.

“Why doesn’t matter.” Niall says softly. “You need to let me know from now on, okay? I don’t want to hurt you. Not ever. Promise me you’ll tell me from now on.”

“Okay.” Harry nods weakly, burying his face in Niall’s neck and thanking the universe for sending him someone so perfect. “I promise.”

 

“What’s wrong?” Zayn asks, startling Niall out of his thoughts as he mindlessly works his way through a container of jalebi. Harry really wouldn’t approve of it, but Niall loves the sweet fried dough and Harry doesn’t need to know that it’s all that Niall is eating for lunch.

“Can’t really talk about it.” Niall sighs. “It has to do with some stuff that Hazza has never told anyone but me, and I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“Is there any way to like, skirt around it?” Zayn questions. “Your face is telling me you need to talk.”

“My face is telling you to mind your own business.” Niall grumbles, popping another ring of jalebi in his mouth. Damn Zayn for reintroducing Niall to Pakistani cuisine. It’s addictive as fuck.

“And you were in such a good mood yesterday.” Zayn muses, plucking a jalebi out of Niall’s carton and darting away before the blond can smack him for the impertinence. “Trouble in paradise?”

“If I talk with you about this, it stays between us.” Niall says firmly.

“That goes without saying.” Zayn nods. 

“He hurt himself last night trying to please me.” Niall admits. “He has a history of being self-destructive, and I don’t want that to happen with us. I- I really think this could be something, but I can’t put him in a position where he thinks he needs to put me above himself.”

“That’s what you do when you care about someone Nialler.” Zayn says softly.

“Not like this.” Niall replies with a shake of his head. “Zaynie, he could have really hurt himself last night, and he was willing to do it just to make me a little happier. And then there’s his constant doubting thing, which is a whole other conversation. I just don’t know how to handle it, because he’s normally so talkative, but this morning he kept brushing me off until I had to leave.”

“What does he doubt?” Zayn asks.

“If I’m being honest when I tell him I’m okay with certain things, or if it’s okay for him to want what he wants sometimes.” Niall sighs.

“So it’s something freaky then.” Zayn hums. “Nice.”

“No.” Niall growls, bristling furiously at Zayn’s audacity. “It isn’t freaky, but people like you, who say things like that, make him feel like it is. Why do you have to be such a cunt all the time?”

“I was just joking.” Zayn huffs, throwing his hands up in surrender. “No need to fly off the handle.”

“I just- He already feels bad enough about this Zayn. I know he’s not here to hear it, but you’re one of the few people he trusts, and it would really hurt him to know that even you thought he was a freak for it.” Niall mumbles, picking through his food to avoid looking up at Zayn.

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” Zayn tells him. “I just wanted to lighten your mood a bit. You’ve been so quiet all day. After yesterday, I was kind of hoping that things had changed and you’d be a bit happier.”

“I am.” Niall says with a soft smile. “I just need me and Haz to find a good balance. I think we may be throwing ourselves into this thing headfirst, and one or both of us are going to end up hurt if we keep that up. At the same time, I’m afraid that if I pull back, it won’t help anything. He’s- Sensitive- And I’m not good at dealing with sensitive.”

“I know.” Zayn nods. “You’re quite shite at it actually.”

“I get it.” Niall grumbles. “I’m a dick. That’s well established already.”

“If you were really a dick you wouldn’t care about what happened last night, and you wouldn’t have jumped to his defense over whatever he feels nervous about.” Zayn hums. “You’re not a dick Nialler. You never have been. You’re just guarded and have trouble connecting to people. With good reason I might add. You’re slow to trust, and quick to anger, and you can’t always tell when to shut your gob, but that doesn’t mean you’re a dick. Do you really think that I’d push so hard for you if you were just a shite human being underneath it all?”

“I don’t know.” Niall shrugs.

“Well I wouldn’t.” Zayn says firmly. “I’m in your corner, now and forever, because I know you’re actually a really good person who’s just been dealt a fucking miserable hand in life. You’ll have to figure out what to do about Harry, but I know you’ll make the right choice for both of you.”

“I really hope so.” Niall mutters under his breath.

 

“What’s the matter?” Harry asks finally. Niall has been near silent since he got back from work. It’s unnerving. There’s this big ugly cloud hanging in the room, and it feels like it did when Louis left.

“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way-” Niall starts. Harry braces himself, pulling his knees to his chest and waiting for the inevitable. Of course it’s over. Of course Harry finally gave his heart to someone again, and of course it’s going to end badly. He should have seen this coming. “I just- I think we’ve been moving too fast Haz.”

“Are- Are you-” Harry stutters, the words catching in his throat.

“No, Haz- Babes, I’m not breaking up with you.” Niall says quickly, scooting over next to Harry and taking one of the brunet’s hands in his own. “That’s not- Fuck. I’m fucking this all up. Just- Maybe we need to take things a bit slower. Last night-”

“I know I messed up Niall.” Harry chokes out. “I’m sorry. Please don’t- I won’t do it again. I promise. I promise!”

“Harry, breathe.” Niall tells him, cupping Harry’s face in his hands. “I’m not ending this, okay? I’m not even saying we should take a break. I just think that maybe spending every free minute we have together is going to hurt us more than it helps. We’re both going into this too hard, and if we keep going like that, it’s never going to last.”

“What do you want then?” Harry asks.

“I think maybe we should just see each other every other day for a little while.” Niall says softly. “And I think we should put off going away together until we’ve settled down a bit. I don’t- I don’t like this either, but I think that if we just let things keep going the way they have been, we won’t make it. I told you from the beginning that I want this to be real. I don’t want it to end because we lost our heads.”

“It just feels like we already have so little time.” Harry mumbles. “I have to go back on tour in about three months.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.” Niall sighs. “But we’ll never make it to that bridge if we don’t find a balance with each other. I’m sorry Haz, I really am, but I think this is for the best. I need to take a step back and get my head on straight.”

“When do we start?” Harry asks quietly.

“Tomorrow.” Niall says gently. “Tonight I need to hold you close to me if we’re not going to have tomorrow.”

“How long do we have to do this for?” Harry asks.

“However long it takes for us to settle into something that works.” Niall mutters. “I really am sorry Haz.”

“Don’t be.” Harry sighs. “You’re just doing the smart thing for us. I’m glad that someone is being sensible.”

“It’s hard though.” Niall mumbles. “I don’t want to spend time apart. I hate the idea.”

“I’m not the biggest fan either.” Harry chuckles. “But I see your point.”

“I kind of wish that you hadn’t.” Niall huffs. “Wish you’d given me an ultimatum so I had a reason to back down on it.”

“I want this to be real too Nialler.” Harry tells him. “If this is what it takes, then I can handle it, and so can you.”

“It’s still going to suck.” Niall grumbles, pushing past Harry’s knees and settling into his side. “Now let’s watch one of those stupid romantic comedies you have in your Netflix queue before we go to bed.”

“Or we could just go to bed now and have a proper send-off.” Harry smirks.

“I know this is going to sound bad, especially since we were supposed to switch finally, and because we won’t be together tomorrow, but I’d rather not tonight.” Niall admits. “Worrying about talking to you about this kind of drained me. I’m exhausted. Have been all day.”

“That’s okay.” Harry smiles, settling his arm around Niall’s shoulders and pulling him close. “I probably would be too. We’ll just watch a film and go to sleep. I’m good with that as long as I have you with me.”

Niall doesn’t make it through the first ten minutes before he’s fallen asleep, drooling on Harry’s chest. Harry wouldn’t have it any other way.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Narry in this chapter =( but there is plenty of pining, misunderstanding, a little bit of fighting, and just general angst all around. I love angst. I can't write fluff for shit, but I can do angst.
> 
> Side-note: I am super tired right now, and I've only gone through and edited this chapter once, so please let me know if you find any errors so I can go back in and correct them when I have the time and the patience. I would be eternally grateful.

“I’m a fucking idiot!” Niall groans, throwing himself onto the couch dramatically, ignoring the startled looks through the un-shaded windows from passersby who didn’t expect the outburst.

“Yes you are.” Liam nods. “Why though?”

“Don’t mess with me today Lima Bean.” Niall growls, holding up his pencil as if it were a fencing foil. It’s probably not as intimidating as he’s going for, but he’s got very little to work with here. His sexual frustration is through the fucking roof. He’s spent the last five hours sketching Harry in the nude whenever he hasn’t been working just to try and get some of it out, but all it’s done is rile him up even further. He should have just mustered up the strength last night.

“You wouldn’t have come out here and shouted that if you didn’t want to talk about it, so what’s wrong?” Liam huffs, crossing his arms over his chest and looking mildly annoyed. Niall hates when he gets this way. He’s too sensible. He’s not like Niall and Zayn who just- just feel everything. Liam thinks about things and what they mean, if not particularly well sometimes.

“I just- I miss him already.” Niall sighs, dropping his closed sketchpad on the table and curling a pillow to his chest. “And we didn’t even get to spend much time together last night because I fell asleep like an hour after I got there. And this morning was all kinds of awkward because I was pissed at him for letting me sleep in for once, and we didn’t really leave things on a great note.”

“Have you apologized?” Liam asks.

“I sent him a text saying I’m sorry for being such a dick, but he hasn’t responded and it’s been hours.” Niall mumbles. “I just- Last night he said he understood why I have to do this, but what if he’s changed his mind and decided I’m not worth the effort? What if-”

“’What if’s are going to be the death of this thing Niall.” Liam cuts him off. “I know where your mind is going, and why it’s going there, but you need to stop before you go down that rabbit hole. It doesn’t lead to Wonderland. It goes to hell. Harry is so gone for you. I’m sure he’s a little upset about this arrangement, but I really don’t think he’d end things over it. Can I tell you something?”

“You’re going to whether I say yes or not, aren’t you?” Niall deadpans.

“I’ve known Harry for a while, and I never saw him as happy with Louis as he is with you.” Liam says softly. “With Louis, I always got the sense that there was a lot of fighting going on behind the scenes. He never really looked like he was happy. With you though, he does. I was a bit worried about the two of you when things got started, but whenever he’s around you he has that really big, dopey grin on nonstop. I know what that means. It’s the same one I get when I remember how I felt before I met Zayn and how he changed my life for the better.”

“Ugh, why do you have to be such a sap?” Zayn groans, walking in the door with lunch. “It makes it really hard to not kiss you.”

“Then I guess you’ll just have to kiss me.” Liam hums, eyes crinkling up in that disgustingly fond look he gets whenever Zayn is around.

“Not in front of this loser.” Zayn scoffs. “He might burst into tears because he’s only got his hand tonight.”

“How did someone as nice as Liam ever fall for your horrible personality?” Niall grumbles, darting his hand out to pinch his foster-brother’s non-existent ass. “Lord knows your looks don’t make up for that black hole where your heart is supposed to be.”

“My looks would make up for anything short of war-crimes.” Zayn huffs, lashing out at Niall with his foot, only to miss because he’s about as athletic as a rock and only half as coordinated. “You wouldn’t understand what it’s like to be beautiful.”

“I am going to camp outside your door and sing show-tunes all night.” Niall growls.

“You are literally the weirdest person on the face of the planet.” Zayn chuckles. “Why Harry likes you so much, I’ll never know. He even called me while I was out just to ask if you were okay. Disgusting, the both of you.”

“See?” Liam beams. “He’s upset, but by tomorrow night you’ll both be fine.”

“Okay.” Niall nods. That does make him feel a little better. It also makes him feel like shit though, because that means that Harry is so upset now that he’s choosing to ignore Niall. At least before he could hold onto hope that Harry just didn’t have his mobile on him, and that he’d text back once he did. He tucks his sketchpad under his arm and grabs the container that Zayn holds out to him. “I’m uh- I’m going to take mine back to my studio. I’ll see you guys later.”

Liam catches him by the elbow on his way back and whispers “It’s going to be okay Nialler.”

Niall doesn’t respond, just shakes Liam’s hand off and walks back to be alone. He might have to get used to it again soon, so this will just be practice. Maybe, just maybe, he’ll survive this in one piece if he’s prepared.

 

“I’m a little offended Bug.” Gemma huffs, glaring at Harry from across the table. “If you check your mobile one more time, I might just drop it in the soup you haven’t touched. I can forgive you for not letting me know you were back in town for three weeks, but it’s another thing for you to ask me out to lunch and then ignore me the whole time.”

“Sorry.” Harry mumbles, tucking his mobile back into his pocket. He’s read Niall’s message at least a hundred time in the last few hours, but he still doesn’t know if he’s even allowed to reply. Niall didn’t really explain the rules of this ‘taking time apart’ thing when he was snapping at Harry all morning. In retrospect, maybe today wasn’t the day to finally let the blond sleep in, but he was just trying to be nice. Niall didn’t have to be so angry. He didn’t have to storm out half an hour early without so much as a peck on the cheek. He didn’t have to act like Harry doesn’t care about the time they have with each other.

“Well, out with it then.” Gemma sighs. “What’s got you like this then?”

“It’s nothing.” Harry mutters. “Don’t worry about it.”

“You’re as bad a liar as you ever were.” Gemma scoffs.

“Not all of us like keeping secrets as much as you do Gem.” Harry snaps, slamming his water glass on the table. “Excuse me if I’m not very good at it.”

“I wasn’t doing it to hurt you Harry.” Gemma counters lightly, unphased by Harry’s outburst. She’s always been like that, infuriatingly calm whenever Harry starts to lose his cool, almost as if to prove her superiority. “I honestly thought it was for the best. I didn’t think you’d want to hear about your ex moving on when you still haven’t.”

“I have moved on.” Harry hisses.

“Then why are you so angry with me?” Gemma asks flatly.

“I’m not angry with you. I’m angry because I had a row with my boyfriend this morning and I don’t know what to do to fix it. Or if I should even be the one to fix it since he started the whole thing for a stupid reason.” Harry says, feeling deflated by the time he’s done.

“B- Boyfriend? You’re dating someone again?” Gemma questions, looking genuinely taken aback. It’s no surprise. Harry hadn’t told his mother about Niall, hadn’t even meant to tell Gemma. It’s not that he doesn’t want them to know, he just isn’t sure Niall is ready for the onslaught that comes with meeting his family and he won’t be able to put it off for long. Once they know, it’ll be constant pestering until they break Harry down and force a meeting. “Tell me everything.”

“No.” Harry says stubbornly. He tries his best to match Gemma’s glare, but she got more of their mother than he did and he can’t keep it up.

“Bug, don’t make me tweet one of your nude little baby pics to the world.” Gemma says evenly. “They’ll eat it up.”

“Ugh, you are the worst big sister ever!” Harry huffs, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting petulantly.

“I have at least three queued up in my phone, ready to go for something just like this. If you don’t start talking now then I’m going to do it.” Gemma threatens, pulling out her mobile with a face of stone.

“His name is Niall.” Harry mumbles. “He’s- God, I don’t even know where to start. I met him through Zayn. We didn’t really get along that first time. Actually, I kind of hated him. After that though, I got to know him and- He’s so strong Gems. He’s been through so much more than you could imagine. We didn’t really have a great start, because neither of us thought the other was interested, but then we got everything sorted and it was great until last night.”

“What happened last night?” Gemma asks.

“He told me that we’ve been moving too fast.” Harry mutters just a tad bitterly. He swears it’s just a tad. “We agreed to only see each other every other day for now, to try and keep our heads screwed on tight, which would be fine, but then we had a row and now I don’t know if I’m even supposed to be allowed to talk to him during the days we won’t be seeing each other.”

“How long have you two been together?” Gemma asks cautiously.

“Um, today makes five days officially.” Harry admits sheepishly.

“Five days and you’re already taking time apart?” Gemma scoffs.

“Out of those five days, we’ve spent three of them practically attached at the hip. It’s- It’s complicated Gems.” Harry sighs. “He’s right. We both kind of dove straight into a relationship that was probably too much. I just don’t know how to do it any other way. I’ve only ever had one relationship, and it lasted for four years. I don’t know how you’re supposed to start an adult relationship. And from what I can tell, I don’t think he does either. I don’t think he’s ever really been in one. He has a history of running away from the things he cares about, and I’m scared that’s what he’s doing now.”

“This doesn’t exactly sound like a healthy relationship Harry.” Gemma says quietly.

“I know.” Harry mumbles. “I know how it must seem, but-”

“There aren’t any ‘but’s here Bug.” Gemma cuts him off. “I’m not going to presume I can understand what it’s like trying to have a relationship in your situation, but after the way things ended with Louis, I’m worried about you. You two were so good together and-”

“No, Gems, we really weren’t.” Harry growls. “Louis was horrible to me. You just never saw that part of him, and I never told you about it. Niall is good to me, but he’s afraid. Only a few people have ever cared about him, and he ran away from all of them until someone literally dragged him back and forced him to see some sense. You’re probably right, and we’re not exactly healthy, but maybe neither of us was ever really going to be. We both have a lot of issues, but Niall knows all the truths about me that I can’t tell anyone else.”

“Fine.” Gemma sighs. “Whatever Harry. It’s your relationship. I didn’t come here to fight with you. Do what you want with this bloke. Date him, fuck him, cry over him, I don’t care. You do realize of course that I have to tell Mum though?”

“Let me.” Harry says firmly. “I’ll call her tonight and tell her that I’m seeing someone.”

“And we’ll all have to meet him of course.” Gemma insists.

“We’ll talk about it.” Harry huffs. “He’s- Family is a sensitive subject with him.”

“Bad relationship with his parents?” Gemma asks curiously. “His name sounds Irish, so I’m guessing strong catholic rejection of him being with men.”

“His mother, father, and older brother all died in a fire when he was four. He was the only survivor.” Harry says quietly. “He can’t even remember them. It’s- That’s not something you’re allowed to talk about if you meet him. Not unless he says something first.”

“Oh my god.” Gemma says softly. “That’s horrible. Of course I won’t say anything.”

“Thank you.” Harry replies. “I’ll do what I can, but I’m not going to force him into meeting the family until he’s comfortable with it.”

“I understand completely.” Gemma nods. “I won’t push it. Mum might though.”

“I can deal with Mum.” Harry chuckles. “I’m her favorite after all.”

“Keep dreaming Bug.” Gemma laughs.

 

“Oh my god, are you going to be like this all night?” Zayn asks wearily, glaring at Niall from where he’s curled up on the couch with a pillow hugged tight to his chest. “It’s one night you big baby.”

“Shut up.” Niall mumbles, tightening his grip on the pillow to keep himself from throwing it at the darker lad.

“Leave him alone Zaynie.” Liam says gently. “He’s upset.”

“I’ve noticed.” Zayn scoffs. “He’s been a lump all day.”

“Seriously Zayn, stop.” Liam says, his voice getting more commanding. Niall knows that isn’t a good sign. Zayn doesn’t respond well when Liam gets that tone. It’s always ended in a fight every time Niall has seen it happen.

“Fuck off. I’m just tired of the ‘poor pitiful me’ act he’s had going on all day.” Zayn snaps. “He saw Harry this morning. He can make it until tomorrow night without having a damned mental breakdown.”

“And you can go one day without being a complete dick to him for no reason.” Liam fires back.

“Fuck you.” Zayn spits.

“Not tonight.” Liam counters. “I prefer men instead of catty bitches.”

Niall should probably take cover, should run for the hills really, but he’s frozen in abject horror at the scene starting in front of him. Zayn looks as furious as Niall has ever seen him, his eyes dark and hands gripped into tight fists. Liam is glaring back at him defiantly, his face set in stone.

“Then how about you go sleep at your place tonight?” Zayn growls. Until right this moment, Niall had forgotten that Liam even has his own flat. He’s only spent maybe three nights there since Niall has moved in.

“Fine.” Liam says flatly, standing up and almost launching Zayn backwards because his legs were over Liam’s lap. “Niall, you’re welcome to join me if you don’t want to deal with this.”

“I- uh-” Niall stammers, feeling trapped between a rock and a hard place by the matching sets of expectant eyes that are trained on him. He isn’t sure what possesses him to do it, but some masochistic part of his brain takes over just long enough for it to form a simple “Okay.”

“Good. Get out of here both of you.” Zayn fumes, storming off to his room without another word. The slam of the door vibrates in Niall’s bones, a finality hanging in the air, though truthfully he’s not even sure what the start of this was.

“What just happened?” Niall asks once Liam drags him out the door.

“I got tired of him treating you like that for no reason.” Liam shrugs. “He’s too hard on you sometimes, and I don’t get it. He fucking adores you. He worries about you constantly when you aren’t around. Honestly, I think he’s a little jealous of the amount of time you’ve been spending with Harry lately.”

“Because it’s Harry?” Niall asks.

“Because it’s you.” Liam replies simply. “Despite the way he’s been acting today, he’s really nervous about this relationship for you. He doesn’t want you to end up hurt. He told me once that you’re one of the most important people in his life, and he’ll destroy Harry if he hurts you again.”

“Haz wouldn’t do that.” Niall mumbles.

“He already did once.” Liam points out.

“That was a misunderstanding on both of our parts.” Niall says firmly.

“I know.” Liam nods. “I don’t really feel like going back to mine yet. Fancy a trip to the pub?”

“Could use a pint, yeah.” Niall shrugs. “It’s been a pretty shit day.”

“Boyfriends are so exhausting sometimes.” Liam chuckles.

“I guess. Never really had another one to compare this to.” Niall shrugs. “If it’s this fucking complicated all the time, then why do people bother? Why expose yourself to all this difficulty?”

“For the moments in between the difficult parts.” Liam says with a soft smile. “It sounds crazy, I know, but sometimes even just one quiet moment with the one person you care about more than anything else can change everything. It can make up for all the fights and annoyances you have all the time. When it’s real, the good outweighs the bad. That doesn’t mean there won’t be any. Of course there will. But the good definitely outweighs the bad.”

“I’m starting to see why Zaynie keeps you around.” Niall hums. “Besides the arms that is.”

“Whoa, back off Nialler. My boyfriend may be a catty bitch, but I still love him too much to sleep with you.” Liam giggles.

“You’re such an idiot.” Niall huffs. “C’mon. I need that pint if I’m staying with you tonight. More than one probably.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Zayn was a total dick in this chapter, but you'll see that he has a reason (not a great one, but a reason) in the next chapter, so don't be too mad at him. See you all on the 15th for the next chapter.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I have failed to edit this chapter properly much because my sleep schedule is basically just 'write until you drop and nap for 3 hours and then wake up and do it again' so please let me know about any mistakes you found that I made by putting them in the comments section and you'll have my eternal gratitude.

“Haz!” it starts. “Hazza, I miss you. I was such a dick this morning. I’m sorry Babes. I’m so sorry. Zaynie told me you asked if him I was alright. You’re so sweet. Sweet like sugar. Sweet like diamonds. Wait- Are diamonds sweet? No, I don’t think they are. What was I going for? I don’t know. Confession, I’m a little drunk.

“Lima Bean and Zaynie had a row over me, and Liam took me out to drink because Zayn was being an even bigger dick than me! It was crazy! He kicked us out, so we’re going to Liam’s place. I don’t know why he’s being such a bitch. Lima Bean said the funniest thing about Zaynie being a bitch, but I can’t remember. It was funny though. I promise.

“Did I say that I miss you? God, I miss you so much Haz. I hate this whole space thing. I’m an idiot for ever even thinking of this. I don’t want to be drinking in a pub with Liam. I want to be with you, telling you how beautiful you are. I want to be saying how important you are to me while I hold your big-arse hands. I want you to fuck me too. That is definitely up there on the things I want. I can’t believe that I was so tired that I didn’t let you fuck me with your stupidly gorgeous cock last night. What is wrong with me?

“Uh-oh. I think I might have said that too loud. Lima Bean is glaring at me from the bar. Now he’s coming over here. Oh god, he looks so mad at me. Haz, I’m so sorry about last night and this morning and just in case I never get to say it because Liam kills me, I really like you. I like you so much, and I know you probably hate me which is why you won’t accept my apology, but I hope you can forgive me for being a prick all the time when you’re as sweet as diamonds.

“No! Liam! Lima Bean, stop it! No st-” the message cuts off there. Harry doesn’t even know what to do with that. Nor does he know what to do with the second, which came in two hours later and only consists of an extremely slurry Niall shouting “Precious! Diamonds are precious!”

Harry wants to call him back, but it’s only six in the morning and he’s sure Niall is still asleep. He’ll probably be nursing one hell of a hangover too. Harry’s first instinct is to take care of him, but he doesn’t really know how to do that. He also doesn’t want Niall to think he even slightly approves of the behavior. Niall knows that drinking like that is one of Harry’s big issues, but the first night they spend apart and what does he do? He goes out and gets hammered.

Harry doesn’t want to be mad, wants to give Niall the benefit of the doubt, but he can’t help the anger that bubbles up when he listens to the messages. The thing is, he’s also filled with an overwhelming sense of fondness. Niall is ridiculous, and sweet, and so disarming that it drives Harry wild. He says whatever is on his mind, which isn’t always the most sensible thing, but might be one of Harry’s favorite things about him anyways. Even if he did shout in a crowded pub that he wants Harry to fuck him. He didn’t specify who Harry was as far as the brunet knows, so he can let it slide.

He doesn’t know what to do about Niall right now, so he does the only thing that he knows will help. He runs. He pulls on a pair of joggers, a jumper, and a beanie, and then heads out to run the streets of his neighborhood. He’s gotten tired of the monotony of the park, the way he’s made the lap clockwise and counter-clockwise so many times that he can remember every minute detail of every sight along the path with perfect clarity, even in the dark. 

He still hasn’t had a chance to see much of his neighborhood, and that becomes apparent the longer he runs. It takes far too long for him to admit it to himself, but he’s definitely lost after an hour. It takes even longer for him to remember that his mobile has GPS, and that he can type in his address and be directed back to it. He’s actually surprised by the distance he’s covered by the time he gets back to his front door, but then he notices the figure huddled in front of it.

“Hey.” Niall says weakly once Harry stops in front of him.

“You look half dead.” Harry sighs.

“I couldn’t sleep much.” Niall shrugs, rubbing at the bags under his eyes. “Had the nightmare again, but I didn’t want Liam to help me fall back asleep. I just wanted you. Then I noticed I called you last night, and I don’t even remember what I said really, but I knew I had to come apologize for whatever it was, and for doing it in the first place. And for yesterday morning. And for this whole space thing. And for throwing up in your storm-drain, but that happened after I got here. I just- God, I’m so sorry Haz. For everything. I’ve been such shit for the last few days.”

“Come on. I don’t want to do this out here. I’m overheated as fuck because I got lost.” Harry tells him, stepping over the blond to unlock the door. Niall follows him inside silently, looking as small and broken as he always does after a nightmare. Harry resists the urge to hold him though. Just barely, but he manages. He does however grab him a glass of coconut water. Niall drinks it without complaint about the taste this time, giving Harry a grateful smile instead.

Harry strips off his jumper and beanie, dropping them in the laundry bin. They’re absolutely soaked with sweat because Harry didn’t plan on being out there that long, nor did he realize that this morning would be the one time that London was actually sweltering this early. He doesn’t even bother changing into new clothes. He’ll need a good shower before he can even consider that.

He steps back into the kitchen to find Niall fiddling nervously with his glass. “Alright, let’s talk.” Harry sighs.

“Okay.” Niall nods. “I’m so sorry Harry. I know I fucked everything up. Especially last night. I should never have gone out with Liam, but we were both feeling like shit after the fight with Zayn and the day I’d had. I never meant to get that carried away. I know how mad you are with me for it, and I’m sorry.”

“What were you two even fighting with Zayn about?” Harry asks.

“He was like, mad at me because I was upset.” Niall mumbles. “I was being pathetic, and Liam jumped to my defense when Zayn called me out on it. I was just upset because you were mad at me. I should have just gone to my room rather than let them fight over me.”

“I wasn’t mad at you though.” Harry says quietly.

“You never texted me back. You don’t have to forgive me for how I acted yesterday morning, I don’t really deserve it, but you could have at least acknowledged that I apologized with an ‘ok’ or something.” Niall replies. “If you weren’t mad, you would have said something, so don’t lie.”

“I’m not lying.” Harry says firmly. “You said that we needed to take time apart. I didn’t think I was allowed to talk to you on our off days. That’s why I called Zayn to check up on you. I wasn’t mad Niall. I just didn’t want to make things worse if we weren’t supposed to be talking.”

“Of course we can talk.” Niall groans, running his hands over his face. “Haz- I- I can’t even imagine just not having any contact with you half the time.”

“Well you didn’t exactly make the rules of this thing clear.” Harry huffs. “You stormed out of here yesterday morning before I could ask about it, and you fell asleep the night before.”

“Because I was exhausted from worrying how you would handle being asked to pull back the reins on this thing.” Niall chokes out. “I’ve spent the last two days panicking over what happens when you decide that you don’t want to deal with all of this. When you finally realize that I’m just not fucking worth it.”

“That’s not what I think at all Niall.” Harry says gently. “I think you’re amazing, but you’re spending so much time trying to think of what to do right that it’s driving both of us crazy.”

“I know.” Niall sighs. “I don’t know how to do this. There’s like- A million fucking roadblocks in this thing, and I’m just trying to navigate as best as I can. It’s like sailing the Titanic, except there’s more icebergs than ocean sometimes. I’m doing the best I can.”

“I know.” Harry nods. “And I know that most of the shit flying at us is from my side. I know it’s not easy being with me, that it comes with a particular set of challenges. I’m sorry for that. But from now on, maybe we need to talk things through a bit more thoroughly, because we seem to have a significant problem with communication.”

“I’ve noticed.” Niall agrees. “Can you uh- Can you take a few steps back?”

“Still feeling nauseous?” Harry asks, stepping around the island.

“No. It’s- You just smell really fucking good right now, and I really don’t think you want me to jump you.” Niall mumbles sheepishly, flushing a bright red. 

Harry had actually forgotten that that was a thing for Niall, but he probably should have noticed the hungry look in the blond’s eyes before now. His bottom lip is plumped from the way it’s been tucked between his teeth. One of his hands is pressed straight against his dick, heel pushing down hard on the bulge that Harry can’t believe he didn’t notice already. It’s an extremely enticing package, even though Niall looks halfway down the highway to hell. Harry might as well join him.

“Thought you didn’t feel well.” he hums.

“After I threw up in the storm-drain I remembered your voodoo trick. Did it for a good while because you were gone for a long time.” Niall shrugs. “I probably look like hell, but I don’t feel quite as bad as I look.”

“That’s good.” Harry smiles. He slips his hands under his joggers and drops them to the floor. He step out of them, using every ounce of self-control he has to keep a smirk from tugging at his lips and says “You don’t mind do you? I’m just really warm.”

“I uh- I should go.” Niall gulps.

“Why?” Harry asks, bracing himself against the counter behind him to flex his muscles in a subtle way.

“Teasing me right now is so mean Haz.” Niall groans.

“I’m not teasing you. I’m just trying to cool down.” Harry shrugs. “It’s not my fault it’s so hot.”

“Teasing me may not be the main point of what you’re doing, but you know what you’re doing.” Niall huffs. “Getting me riled up isn’t fair.”

“Why not?” Harry hums. “I never said I wouldn’t like to do something. You assumed that all on your own.”

“You said I looked half dead.” Niall points out. “And you’re angry with me.”

“I also missed you.” Harry counters. “You didn’t even kiss me before you left yesterday. You fell asleep the night before, so you laying on my chest was the most contact we’ve had in almost two full days. If you want to do something, I’m not going to turn it down. I also don’t want you to do anything you don’t feel up to just because you think it’s what I want.”

“If I suck your dick, it’s because I want to, not as an apology.” Niall scoffs. “I’m not cute enough to get away with that, unlike you. Which we’ll talk about at another point because I have several things to say about that, but I’m not doing so great at thinking right now.”

“I heartily disagree about the cute part.” Harry smirks. “I definitely think you’re cute enough to get away with that.”

“I can’t even tell if you’re being serious now, or just fucking with me.” Niall sighs. “Like- I legitimately can’t tell.”

“I am definitely being serious.” Harry muses. “I’ll only be fucking with you once you get over here and suck my dick.”

“Well then-” Niall grins, sliding out of his seat and walking over to Harry. “If you’re being serious for once, I should probably take advantage of what you’re offering.”

He doesn’t even kiss Harry before he sinks to his knees, but before Harry can whine about it he’s cut off by the sound of a long deep inhale and Niall’s nose pressed into the crease where his groin meets his thigh. “God-” Niall whimpers. “Fuck Haz. Missed you so much.”

“Missed you too.” Harry murmurs, his knees almost buckling when Niall’s tongue runs across the spot where his nose had been, lapping repeatedly over the sweaty flesh. “N- Niall-”

“I’m getting to it.” Niall chuckles, pressing a light kiss to Harry’s hip before mouthing his way down Harry’s eager prick. His hand is wrapped around the tip, giving little strokes that are the only thing keeping Harry from going crazy as Niall traces over Harry with his tongue, following the veins at a pace so slow that Harry wouldn’t have guessed he was even capable of it. He should have though. Niall is only ever this patient when it comes to him taking his time pleasing Harry, and he does it extraordinarily, so Harry pushes down his impatient little whines and lets Niall take control.

Harry’s not sure how long it takes before Niall finally fits those sinful lips over the head of his cock, sucking hard and flicking his tongue over the slit, moaning so strong that it vibrates through Harry’s entire being. He has to grip the counter for dear life once Niall starts moving, because the taking it slow approach is apparently out the window now. Niall sucks him down greedily, eyes blown out as he stares up at Harry, looking as wrecked as the brunet has ever seen him.

Niall hand is pumping furiously in his joggers, and Harry isn’t quite sure who’s going to finish first. He himself is embarrassingly close already, half dangling over the edge just because he finally has Niall close to him again. It’s Harry who ends up cumming first, barely giving out a warning before he’s shooting so hard that it starts leaking out of the corners of Niall’s lips when the blond tries to swallow it all.

Harry starts to offer to help finish Niall off, but the blond just pulls off and buries his face back into Harry’s hip, taking another deep inhale and then almost sobbing when he chokes out “Haz!”

Harry’s legs fold under him, and he lowers himself to the floor, wrapping his arms around Niall when the blond sinks into his chest. It takes a moment for him to realize that Niall is shaking, his hands clenched into fists as silent tears drip down his cheeks. “You okay?” Harry asks quietly, stroking his fingers through Niall’s fringe.

“I’m so tired of fucking this up.” Niall whispers. “I hate that I don’t know how to be good enough to be what you deserve.”

“That’s what you need to stop doing.” Harry sighs. “Stop overthinking things Nialler. I like you for you, so stop trying to adjust yourself to what you think I want. Just be the silly, grumpy, cheeky, bluntly honest guy you are. That’s all I want.”

He leans in to finally press a kiss against Niall’s lips, but the blond turns away and says “Don’t. I’m disgusting right now. I can’t even imagine how bad it would taste for you.”

“I don’t care.” Harry murmurs, pressing his forehead against Niall’s temple. “Niall, I really don’t care at all if it tastes bad, because at least I’ll finally get to kiss you again. I already let you put off kissing me one time because you were afraid I wouldn’t want to do it again. Let me prove you wrong. Let me show you that I care about you more than anything. Let-”

He’s cut off before he can finish with a bruising snog, Niall straddling over his lap in the space between heartbeats, fitting his hands around the back of Harry’s neck. Harry reacts immediately, gripping tight onto Niall’s hips and licking into his mouth. The acrid taste of vomit, the slippery feeling of his own cum on Niall’s lips, the smell of stale beer beading off Niall’s skin, none of it matters in the face of one simple fact. He’s finally got Niall back. Niall is letting Harry adore him without fighting it, and that’s all Harry needs.

Niall breaks away from him, resting his forehead against Harry’s and panting heavily. “Told you I was gross.” he mutters.

“And I told you that I don’t care.” Harry replies. “We should probably get you in the shower though.”

“Can I take a nap after?” Niall asks quietly. “I’m so fucking tired.”

“Of course.” Harry nods. “I’ll even stay with you.”

“Thank you.” Niall whispers. “Just- Thank you Haz.”

 

“Liam says you disappeared this morning. Where were you?” Zayn asks quietly, his face made of stone as he watches Niall tidy up his studio.

“I had to talk to Haz.” Niall sighs. “I fucking drunk-dialed him last night.”

“I need to talk to you.” Zayn mumbles, closing the door behind him.

“If this is about last night, I really don’t want to hear it Zayn. Harry is giving me a second chance even after being such an idiot, so even with a hangover I’m feeling pretty good right now.” Niall tells him.

“It isn’t about that. I mean, it kind of is, but not really.” Zayn says softly. “There’s a reason I was in a mood last night.”

“A mood is putting it lightly.” Niall scoffs. “You were a raging cunt.”

“I ran into Perrie.” Zayn whispers. Despite barely being loud enough for Niall to hear, it echoes through the room like a gunshot. Niall’s head whips around at the mention, eyes blown wide. He’s never actually met Perrie, but he’s heard about Zayn’s ex. The fiancée he left for the brunet lad standing out in the lobby, who’s probably completely unaware of the situation given the guilty look on Zayn’s face. “She’s engaged again.”

“Does- Does that matter?” Niall asks cautiously.

“I don’t know.” Zayn says, collapsing in Niall’s chair and covering his face with his hands. “Like- I love Liam. You know I love Liam. I just kind of always thought that she’d have a hard time moving on. In the back of my mind I guess I always thought of her as a kind of backup in case I can’t make this thing with Liam work. In case it’s just a phase.”

“Zayn-” Niall chuckles. “You’ve been with Liam for almost two years. I think it’s safe to say that it isn’t just a phase.”

“I never pictured myself ending up with a bloke though.” Zayn mutters. “For twenty years I knew I was going to find a wife and settle down with two kids. I had this picture in my head of what my life would be, and Liam isn’t it.”

“Well guess what Zayn.” Niall huffs. “Life doesn’t work out the way we plan it. If it did, we never would have met because my fucking family wouldn’t be dead. Harry would be with Louis still. You’d be a fucking singer. Do you love Liam?”

“Yes, but-” Zayn starts.

“No fucking buts!” Niall snaps. “If you love him, then why does it matter whether this was planned or not? Why can’t you just be happy that you’re in love with each other, that your relationship is solid, and that you have a great job that actually makes you happy to get out of bed in the mornings? Why does some preplanned idea need to take precedence over that?”

“Why are you getting so angry over this?” Zayn asks defensively.

“Because you have everything!” Niall hisses. “You have a family, and a partner, and your own business. You own your home, and your car. You look like that. You have all the talent and creativity in the world. You literally have everything, but that doesn’t matter to you, because it’s not what you had planned. 

“I know your life hasn’t been all sunshine and roses, that you’ve had your share of problems, but take a look at your life. You’ve been happy. Up until yesterday you’ve been really happy. What would make you happier Zaynie? Would being with Perrie, or any bird, make your life better? Would it make you happier, just because it’s what you originally thought would happen?”

“No.” Zayn sighs. “God, when did you get so intense?”

“You wanted intense. If you wanted comforting you would have gone to Liam, because he’d baby you through this and sympathize with you, even though it would hurt him like hell. You wanted someone to kick you in the arse, and that’s why you’re talking to me instead of the incredible guy out there who loves you.” Niall says with a hard glare.

“Should I tell him?” Zayn asks quietly.

“Hell yes you should tell him.” Niall groans. “You can’t not tell him about this. You should have already told him about this. Why haven’t you?”

“I don’t want to hurt him.” Zayn whispers. “I don’t want him to know that I have these doubts.”

“He already knows you have doubts Zaynie.” Niall says, softening at the way Zayn looks so devastated. “It’s not like it’s a secret that you prefer birds. It’s not like you don’t drool over Megan Fox in films, or flirt with girls in bars, or insist on letting people know that you aren’t gay even if you’re dating a bloke. He doesn’t care though, because in the end it’s him you’re going to bed with every night. He’s okay with all that shit, because to him the good outweighs the bad.”

“Having a boyfriend is making you soppy.” Zayn scoffs.

“Better than seeing an ex making me into an idiot.” Niall fires back. “Honestly, if I were Lima Bean, I’d have left your flat arse for everything you pull.”

“You know it’s going to be even worse for you, right?” Zayn asks carefully. “Harry is famous and closeted. You’ll see him with supermodels, and actresses, and shit, flirting with them or even pretending to be with them. And he won’t be going to bed with you every night. He’ll be all the way across the world.”

“I’m well aware of the problems my relationship is going to face Zayn.” Niall says icily, his walls coming up in a second by reflex. “We’ll deal with that when we get to it.”

“Alright.” Zayn says, throwing his hands up in defeat. “Thanks Nialler.”

“Don’t thank me. Just go apologize to poor Lima Bean for being such a dick last night for such a stupid fucking reason.” Niall scoffs. “You owe him that.”

“I owe it to you too.” Zayn mumbles. “I was awful to you last night because I was jealous of seeing you trying so hard to work at this thing with Harry when I was freaking out.”

“You know you can use your mouth for something other than sucking Liam’s dick or making snide comments, right?” Niall deadpans. “You could have saved four people a load of trouble if you’d just talked about this last night. Then again, I should probably thank you, because I felt so horrible about calling him while I was sloshed that I went over to his and had a chance to apologize before tonight.”

“Then we’ll call it even.” Zayn beams.

“No, we’re definitely not even.” Niall says firmly. “But overall the good outweighs the bad with you, so I’ll let it slide this time. Next time you pull that shite though, I’ll knock your balls into your throat, understand?”

“Love you too.” Zayn grins.

“Get out of my studio and go run your business Malik.” Niall mutters, turning back to organizing his cabinets. “And for fuck’s sake, talk to your boyfriend. It helps.”

 

“Hey.” Harry says with a soft smile when he pulls open the door. Niall steps forward immediately, filling up Harry’s space and pressing a rough kiss to his lips. It definitely tastes better than this morning, and Harry hums his appreciation.

“Hey yourself.” Niall mumbles against his lips. “Missed you.”

“Missed you too.” Harry chuckles. “Gonna come in, or just stand on the stoop kissing me?”

“Definitely kissing.” Niall smirks, peppering kisses in a sweet assault all over Harry’s face, hands gripped tight around the brunet’s hips to keep him in place, until he’s giggling uncontrollably. He finishes with one more kiss against Harry’s lips, softer this time so that Harry practically melts into it. “I brought dinner.”

“Oh?” Harry asks, quirking an eyebrow in surprise.

“Heard about this place, Tanya’s.” Niall hums.

“The raw food café?” Harry asks excitedly.

“That’s the place.” Niall nods. “Thought you might like that, so I got some stuff for us. Hope that’s okay.”

“Of course.” Harry smiles, trying to peek into the bag Niall picks up off the ground. Niall doesn’t let him though, hiding it behind his back and stepping past Harry into the house. Harry follows after him giddily, practically buzzing by the time Niall starts to pull out the containers.

“Got you a couple things in case you didn’t like one of them.” Niall tells him. “This is called a Nori wrap. And this is just called a superfood salad.”

“What did you get yourself?” Harry asks.

“They have tacos.” Niall grins. “They don’t have any meat, but I’m willing to give them a try. And to round it out I got the dessert platter for us. I’m not sure how they can make something gluten and processed sugar free, and still call it a cake, but they did.”

“It can actually be pretty good.” Harry shrugs.

“I think you’ve just forgotten how good sinful food is.” Niall smirks. “Tonight we do this, but soon I’m taking you somewhere where you’ll eat more calories than you would in a week normally. Some place where everything is smothered with melted cheese and then fried.”

“Oh good god.” Harry grimaces. “Do you even know how much I’ll have to do to work off something like that?”

“Enough to get me off just by being in the same room with you afterwards.” Niall says with a thoughtful look. “It’ll be great.”

“I don’t know why you’re trying to make me fat.” Harry grumbles.

“I’m not. I’m just trying to remind you to live while you’re young.” Niall replies with a wicked grin.

“Oh my god, shut up.” Harry huffs, waving his hands around in frustration. “I was eighteen when that song came out. I didn’t even get to write on that album. It’s hardly fair to hold it against me.”

“So catchy.” Niall muses. “It was fucking everywhere too. Couldn’t turn on the bloody radio without hearing it practically on repeat.”

“It was the lead single.” Harry mumbles. “It had to have a lot of play to promote the album.”

“Relax Haz, I’m just taking the piss.” Niall chuckles, leaning up to press a kiss to Harry’s cheek. “It was only in my head because I had your albums on shuffle in my studio today while I was working.”

“I thought you didn’t like my music.” Harry teases.

“I wanted to hear your voice.” Niall says with a shy smile.

“That-” Harry giggles “Is too cute for words.”

“Shut up.” Niall mutters.

“Aw, but I like it.” Harry pouts.

“Well if you keep making me feel silly about it, then I’m not going to admit things like that anymore.” Niall huffs. “I am not a ‘cute’ person.”

“For the second time today, I have to disagree with that.” Harry muses, stepping forward to crowd Niall against the counter and wrapping a hand around the blond’s back. “You might as well concede on that point, because I think you’re incredibly cute.”

“Fine, but if you ever call me that in front of another human being, I’ll find a way to make you regret it.” Niall grumbles. “I’ll withhold sex or something.”

“It’ll be our little secret.” Harry hums, pressing a soft kiss to Niall’s lips.

“Alright, let’s get to eating, because I’m not sure raw vegan tacos are going to be good at all, let alone cold.” Niall chuckles. “Besides, for all that I paid for this, it’s not the main course tonight.”

“Oh, and what is?” Harry asks.

“Stuffed Nialler.” He replies with a cheeky wink.

“Sounds fucking delicious.” Harry smirks. “Care to give me a preview taste?”

“Uh-uh Haz.” Niall giggles. “This time you don’t get just a taste. It’s the whole meal all at once, or nothing. This dish doesn’t come in pieces.”

“Guess you’ll just have to cum on my cock instead.” Harry murmurs in his ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, did I leave you all hanging? My bad.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forewarning, this chapter is literally all one scene from Niall's point of view.

“Those were- I don’t know what the fuck they were, but they were not tacos.” Niall grumbles, glaring heavily at the plate in front of him that had held the ‘food’ that had so traitorously misrepresented as something familiar and delicious.

“Do you want some of my salad?” Harry offers, holding out the nearly empty container. He’s clearly enjoyed the meal far more than Niall has.

“No.” Niall sighs. “I want chips. Might try the cake in a minute, but I’m wary now. It’s probably a fucking lie too.”

“You knew they didn’t have meat in them Nialler.” Harry chuckles. “Don’t know why you expected it to taste like steak.”

“All the bloody time you hear them vegan people saying ‘It’s just like the real thing!’ ‘I don’t miss meat at all!’ and I didn’t think they could literally all be fucking liars.” Niall huffs. “I’m getting the cakes now, and I’m fucking slathering mine in the chutney. Can’t fuck up chutney can they?”

“Seeing as it’s pretty much always vegan, I think it’ll taste alright.” Harry shrugs. “You can have my cake if you want it. I’m pretty full actually. Think two meals might have been a bit much, even if they weren’t particularly big.”

“Not too full are you?” Niall hums, leaning over to catch Harry’s earlobe between his teeth for just a second. “I’m expecting you at your best for this Haz.”

“Neither hell nor high water is going to stop me from fucking you until you can’t walk in the morning.” Harry growls, dropping his food on the coffee table with one hand while the other grabs Niall’s leg and pulls until the blond is pinned down by his hands and straddling over his lap. “Let alone a Nori wrap.”

“I’m thinking we should just skip the cake.” Niall breathes out, the disappointment of the meal forgotten in the wake of his interest towards being manhandled like this by Harry. It’s the first time the brunet has been anything resembling dominating, and Niall relishes it.

“Have something you’d prefer Nialler?” Harry questions, from where he’s takes to assaulting Niall’s neck with his teeth and tongue. “What do you want?”

“Shit- I- I want you-” Niall stammers, his mind overtaken by static when Harry grinds up into him, the hard bulge in his jeans eradicating any thought process Niall may have had. “Fuck- Fuck me.”

“Mm, don’t think you’ve earned it yet.” Harry grins, pressing his flashing teeth into Niall’s throat before taking a sharp nip at the skin. “We’ll work up to that.”

“Haz- I swear-” Niall growls, digging his fingers into Harry’s shoulders. “I will-”

Harry doesn’t let him finish the thought, slamming Niall into the cushions and pinning him down at the wrists. He grinds against Niall again, the friction delicious even through four layers of clothing. “You’ll what Niall?” Harry smirks before ducking down to suck a mark into Niall’s neck that the blond knows will be there for days at the least.

Harry’s teeth are fucking sharp, and it hurts so fucking good. Niall whimpers, rutting up against Harry to get any sort of relief for his now achingly hard erection. Harry doesn’t take kindly to that, clenching his thighs tight to keep Niall trapped and immobile. “I’m just going to repay you for all the slow buildups and teasing you’ve done when you fucked me Niall.” Harry whispers in his ear. “Gonna show you just how it feels to have to wait until I’m fully satisfied with the way I’ve taken you apart before I fuck you and let you cum.”

“Please.” Niall keens, his fingers clenching and unclenching around empty space. His body and his brain aren’t quite connected anymore. He’s not even sure what he’s doing really, just letting his body work off of whatever weird instincts it may have.

All at once Harry’s body vanishes from on top of Niall’s, and the blond would have been ashamed of the high pitched whine he makes if he weren’t so far gone. “Get upstairs and have your clothes off by the time I get to the bedroom.” Harry orders.

Niall doesn’t even let the words finish working their way out of Harry’s mouth before he shoots off of the couch, running as best as he can with the throbbing erection in his jeans making things as difficult as it is. His shirt makes its way over of his head by the time he hits the landing for the second floor, and he has the buttons on his jeans undone before he barrels through Harry’s door. He wiggles out of everything, hissing through clenched teeth at the drag of cotton against his cock.

Every inch of his skin has become hypersensitive, as if it had just been partially awake until Harry flipped a switch that magnified everything a thousand times over. The air in the room moves over his skin, making him shudder with anticipation as he crawls onto the silky smoothness of Harry’s sheets. “I didn’t say you could get in the bed yet Niall.” Harry says behind him.

A hand wraps around Niall’s ankle and drags him back until his bottom half is bent over the side of the bed with his legs spread wide, and his top half is pinned under just one of Harry’s hands. “What did I say?”

“To go upstairs and to have my clothes off by the time you got here.” Niall mumbles.

“Did you hear anything about the bed?” Harry asks.

Technically Harry did say the word ‘bedroom’, but Niall has a feeling it’s better not to point that out at the moment. “No.” he supplies dutifully instead.

“Stand up and take off my clothes now.” Harry tells him, releasing the pressure on Niall’s lower back. Niall straightens himself out, turning to Harry and reaching forward quickly. Harry catches him by the wrists and says “And no just throwing these about and making a mess like the filthy boy you were on your way up here. Understood?”

“Don’t.” Niall huffs, completely thrown out of the moment. “Don’t call me that. Like- The manhandling and the commanding thing, that’s fine. I like that. A lot actually. But I don’t like the humiliation kink stuff. Don’t call me a filthy boy or anything like that.”

“Oh, shit- Sorry Nialler.” Harry sighs. “Of course. Let me know if there’s anything else I need to avoid, yeah?”

“Sorry.” Niall whispers, pressing his palms into his eyes and digging them in to hide the sting of embarrassment. “Shit! Why do I always fuck everything up when I’m with you? Couldn’t just- I couldn’t just let you have your-”

“Stop.” Harry says softly, prying Niall’s hands away from his face. “Nialler, it’s completely fine. You didn’t like it. That’s totally okay. I want you to tell me that kind of thing. I need you to. It wasn’t even a thing for me. It was- It was something Louis liked. He’s the only person I’ve ever done this with, so I’m not sure what, like, carries over and what doesn’t.”

“That doesn’t.” Niall mumbles. “The rest is great, I like that, but don’t- Don’t degrade me.”

“Never again.” Harry promises, leaning in and pressing his lips against Niall’s for the first time since he first showed up.

“I don’t- Can we just do something else?” Niall asks after a moment. “Nothing rough tonight. Something more- More-”

“Tender?” Harry finishes for him.

“Yeah.” Niall nods, his face blushing furiously. “Next time we can go back to the other stuff, but- I’m not in the mood for that anymore.”

“Whatever you want Nialler.” Harry murmurs, relinquishing his grip on Niall’s wrists in favor of putting his hands on the blond’s waist. “You shouldn’t be embarrassed to ask for something gentle.”

“You were obviously hoping for something else though.” Niall sighs.

“All I want tonight is you Niall.” Harry says firmly. “It doesn’t matter how we do this, or even if we do this. All I want is to be with you, however I can, and in whatever way makes you comfortable. If you want it rough, or gentle, or not at all, then that’s what I want too. Never feel like you can’t tell me what you want or need, okay?”

“Okay.” Niall mumbles, dropping his head down so that he doesn’t have to meet Harry’s earnest gaze anymore. It feels like Niall is about to burst into flames from how much he’s blushing und it’s just getting worse the longer Harry looks at him.

“Do you want to skip this for tonight?” Harry asks gently.

“No!” Niall blurts out, groaning afterwards at how needy that sounded. “I want this. I do. I just- I want to make sure it’s good for you still. I don’t just want it to be about me.”

“Niall-” Harry sighs, dropping his hands away from the blond to sit down on the edge of the bed. He pats the space next to him and waits until Niall sits to continue. “This- How do I say this right? This is all new. For both of us. We both have very little experience in this sort of relationship. You’ve been amazing so far with all of my baggage. Obviously we have things to work out. A lot of things. Tonight though, if we do this, I want to take care of you the way you’ve taken care of me. I want to make you feel as good as you’ve made me feel.”

“Pretty sure it’s going to feel good anyways.” Niall chuckles.

“That’s not what I mean when I say I want to make you feel good Niall.” Harry says softly, shaking his head. “You’ve- You’ve accepted me more in a week than the man I was with for four years did. You’ve taken away the embarrassment I feel over my thing with the lace. And I’m not saying you don’t fuck me well, because you really, really do, but what’s more important to me is that you’ve accepted me, embraced me, for what I need and want. You make it easier for me to be happy. I want to do the same for you. I want to make it easier for you to be happy. I want you to feel good in here.”

He places his hand over Niall’s bare chest, palm down with his fingers spread wide. Niall is positive that Harry can feel the way that his heart is trying to leap out of his chest at Harry’s words. “Come here.” Niall whispers, leading Harry’s hand away by twining their fingers together while using his other hand to draw the brunet into a kiss. “Stop being so perfect.”

“You first.” Harry hums back against Niall’s lips.

“I still want this.” Niall admits. “I still want you inside of me. Is that okay?”

“More than.” Harry grins. “I’m going to take my clothes off now, and then we can do whatever you want.”

“Okay.” Niall breathes out a sigh of relief. Harry stands back up, but this time it’s Niall who catches Harry’s wrists. The brunet looks at him curiously. “Can I still do it?”

“If you want to.” Harry nods, letting his hands fall away from the button of his shirt that he’d been undoing. Niall fits his own hands on Harry’s waist positioning the both of them until he’s sitting on the very edge of the bed with the brunet standing between his legs for a better vantage. He works carefully, making sure not to damage the floral patterned silk as he opens it from the top down. Once he reaches the point where the fabric is parted in front of his face, he presses his lips over the tight muscles of Harry’s abs. It’s nothing, just the lightest of touches, but Harry still gasps out “Niall!”

“What?” Niall asks, barely suppressing a giggle before scraping his teeth faintly over the exposed skin to pull another gasp through Harry’s lips.

“I’m still a bit riled up, so if you could not do that-” Harry chokes out. “It’s making it a bit difficult to think gentle thoughts.”

“Alright.” Niall hums. “So am I just not allowed to touch you tonight then?”

“You can touch me, just give me a minute to switch gears.” Harry says, his voice gravelly and deep. “I have to get to a less- vigorous- frame of mind.”

“Ah.” Niall muses. “Then you should probably take it from here. You know how I get when I see your cock. Your pants won’t be on the ground before it’s in my mouth. I can’t fucking resist it.”

“Jesus!” Harry hisses, his cock twitching beneath the tight fabric of his obnoxiously tight jeans while Niall watches it. “Just- Just lay down Niall.”

“Don’t keep me waiting Haz.” Niall chuckles, scooting backwards until he’s all the way on the mattress with his legs spread wide to give Harry a show. Harry takes his time with things after that, undoing what’s left of his shirt buttons over the course of at least several minutes, if Niall is any judge. Then again, he may not be, because he’s just so fucking impatient.

Harry slides his jeans off next, taking time to inch them down and slowly revealing those gorgeous fucking legs of his. It’s not until he’s completely stepped out of the denim that he hooks his thumbs into the elastic band of his pants. Even Harry must realize there’s no real point in elongating things anymore, because he drops those to the floor immediately, smirking cockily because maybe Niall’s mouth waters a bit at the sight of him. Just a bit though.

“You keep staring like that, and it’s going to take even longer for me to get right mindset.” Harry tuts, crawling into the bed until he’s next to Niall. He fits his hand over Niall’s hip, his thumb stroking slow circles in the skin as he maneuvers Niall into lying down completely. Niall reaches down to try to pull Harry against him, but the brunet stops that in its tracks without a care as to Niall’s protesting whine. “Just relax Nialler. We’ll get to it eventually.”

“You’re still paying me back for all the teasing and slow buildups aren’t you?” Niall sighs.

“Not at all.” Harry says softly, leaning forward to press a soft kiss on Niall’s frustration-creased brow. “But I’m going to do this slow and gentle like you asked for.”

“I never asked for slow.” Niall huffs.

“Come here.” Harry murmurs, moving his hand up from Niall’s hip to cup around his neck instead. He draws Niall in, stopping just shy of connecting their lips, and they just breathe each other in. Harry nudges his nose against Niall’s until their eyes meet and he whispers “I like you.”

“I like you too.” Niall giggles, the tension he’d been holding in his shoulders making its way out in waves until he feels relaxed for the first time in days. He hadn’t even realized how much he’d been holding onto all the stress, all the pain from the last few days. And yet, now that he’s noticed it, Harry has managed to wipe it out with just three words. Three words that feel so huge, and yet so normal, necessary even. They’re like air to him now, and if it were anyone but Harry, that thought would send Niall fleeing in the opposite direction before he could blink. “God, I like you so fucking much.”

“Then how about you let me make you feel like you make me feel?” Harry hums. “Let me take care of you now.”

“Okay.” Niall breathes out. He’s never done this before, never just given himself over to someone else. He’s never trusted anybody enough to relinquish his control completely. He trusts Harry though, trusts this beautiful man whose fingers are threaded through Niall’s own, whose lips are soft and caring rather than insistent, and whose body is comfortable hovering over Niall’s instead of smothering.

“What do you like?” Harry asks, laying Niall out on his back and crawling between the blond’s legs.

“What?” Niall asks back, confused by the question.

“What do you like?” Harry repeats. “What do you want me to do?”

“Whatever you want.” Niall shrugs.

“Nialler.” Harry says softly, pressing his forehead against Niall’s and locking their eyes. “Tonight is about me making you-”

“I don’t know what I like!” Niall blurts out, his face and neck heating up in a furious blush that spreads down his chest until his entire body feels like it’s about to burst. Harry looks at Niall calmly despite his outburst, nodding for him to continue. “Nobody- Nobody has ever asked me before. I mean, I know there are things that I enjoy, but- But- It’s always like, in the heat of the moment and I just roll with it. Nobody has ever asked me what I want them to do to me before, so I’ve never thought about it I guess. I’m sorry.”

“No- Hush Nialler.” Harry chuckles, cupping Niall’s cheek and caressing it with his thumb. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. You’re apologizing so much tonight, but you don’t have any reason to. If you don’t know what you like, then we’ll just figure that out together, yeah?”

“You don’t have to-” Niall starts muttering.

“I want to.” Harry cuts him off. “I want to help you find all the things that you like. I’m actually a little excited about it if I’m being honest.”

“Why?” Niall asks quietly.

“Because the idea that I get to take you to places you haven’t necessarily gone before, to help you discover the things that you enjoy, that’s so unbelievable to me.” Harry grins. “I- I just want to give you everything that you give me Nialler.”

“Well I’m not wearing the panties.” Niall snorts.

“Of course not.” Harry smirks. “Those are mine. Wouldn’t let you wear them.”

“What if I wanted to try?” Niall asks with a pout.

“Then I’d buy you your own pair.” Harry giggles. “But the pairs I have are mine and I don’t want to share them.”

“Well I don’t think that’s for me anyways.” Niall chuckles. “Not that I think there’s anything wrong with it. I just don’t think it’s in my particular wheelhouse.”

“Do you have something you want to try?” Harry asks.

“Not tonight.” Niall shakes his head. “Give me some time to think about it, and I’ll get back to you. Tonight I just want you to fuck me.”

“Think I can manage that.” Harry muses.

“Well I’d appreciate if we bloody well got on with it before I lose my erection completely.” Niall huffs.

“Fairly certain that shouldn’t be a problem either.” Harry grins, punctuating it with a roll of his hips that grinds their cocks together.

“Fuuuck!” Niall groans, letting his head fall back against the mattress at the contact.

“I’m going to take real good care of you.” Harry murmurs, pressing soft kisses along Niall’s jawline.

“Yeah, okay.” Niall moans, arching into it when Harry’s hand slips from his cheek to circle a finger around the blond’s nipple. “Please.”

“Think of something you want?” Harry questions between the kisses that he’s trailing down Niall’s neck.

“Yes.” Niall groans, grabbing ahold of Harry’s wrist and guiding his hand down until the tip of his middle finger presses against the blond’s rim.

“Let me get the lube and then we’ll start on that.” Harry chuckles.

“Fucking finally.” Niall grumbles.

“Don’t be rude or I’ll reconsider not paying you back for the teasing and slow buildups.” Harry laughs, scooting over to the other side of the bed to rummage through his drawers. He makes a show out of it, taking his sweet time as he peers around exaggeratedly, even though Niall is sure that they put the lube and condoms back in the same place as they normally do.

He won’t give Harry the satisfaction of reacting again, so he instead chooses to feign boredom, studying his fingernails when Harry returns rather than giving him any attention. It’s petty, but there’s a mildly sadistic side of Niall that enjoys the way Harry pouts when he notices that Niall isn’t paying him any attention. “Jesus!” Niall yelps in surprise when the tip of Harry’s finger unexpectedly pushes through his hole. “What happened to tender?”

“You were complaining that we weren’t moving fast enough just a second ago.” Harry smirks, withdrawing his finger despite the cocky look on his face. “You really need to make up your mind about what you want at some point tonight.”

“Remember three minutes ago when you were still nice and supportive?” Niall huffs. “I miss that.”

“I’m sorry Babe.” Harry smiles, leaning forward again to peck a kiss to Niall’s cheek. “No more teasing. I promise.”

“Thank you.” Niall mumbles, fighting back what feels like his hundredth blush of the night.

“Can I?” Harry asks, edging his finger back up against Niall’s hole.

“Please.” Niall keens, gripping onto Harry’s arms as he circles the digit slowly, sending a shock up Niall’s spine. It’s easier this time when Harry slips it in, Niall’s body practically thrumming with a level of need that he didn’t realize was this present until now. It’s not just desire, not just lust, but an almost overwhelming need to do this, to share himself with Harry. He’s also really glad Harry can’t read minds, because he’s totally turned Niall into a sop and he absolutely cannot know that or he’ll have expectations and shit.

“How is that?” Harry asks once his finger is fully sheathed inside Niall. “You okay?”

“It’s fine Haz.” Niall giggles. “I know I asked for gentle, but I’m not like, fragile or anything.”

“Babe, I never thought you were fragile.” Harry chuckles. “But you’re squeezing a bit tight so I wasn’t sure if you were actually comfortable.”

“Oh.” Niall says, forcing himself to focus on the way his body is squeezed around Harry. “Sorry. It’s been a while since I’ve done this. Not really used to the feeling anymore I guess. It’s not uncomfortable though. I’d let you know if it was. You can like, do something now.”

“Just promise to make sure to tell me if anything hurts.” Harry says quietly, withdrawing his finger just a bit before pushing it back in slowly. Niall doesn’t miss the irony in it, the way that Harry is so careful with him in the same way he isn’t with himself. They had this conversation in reverse only a few days ago when Harry had been so reckless with his own body.

“I will.” Niall tells him.

He doesn’t need to say anything though, because despite the fact that so far it isn’t really physically pleasurable yet, it makes Niall feel like he’s floating. Harry is so gentle with him in a way nobody else ever has been, is so attentive and affectionate that it makes Niall’s heart feel like it’s about to burst. There’s no insistence in anything Harry is doing, no lust overpowering the situation like with every one of Niall’s previous sexual partners. Sometimes it’s good to get swept up in that, to lose himself in the pleasure, but he doesn’t need to do that right now. He doesn’t need to get away from himself when he’s with Harry.

“You- You can go to two.” Niall breathes out after a few minutes of Harry carefully working him open, easing the tension and tightness masterfully.

“You sure?” Harry asks tentatively. Niall almost rolls his eyes, but refrains because he knows Harry is only trying to take care of him. Instead he just nods, pressing his lips lightly against Harry’s as a silent ‘Thank you’ for being so perfect.

The second finger slips in easier than Niall expected honestly, the product of Harry’s soft and delicate process of opening him up. He settles down on his stomach between Niall’s legs, pressing soft kisses into Niall’s thighs. “Jesus!” Niall gasps, his back arching off the mattress as Harry’s fingers hit him just right at the same exact second his tongue flicks out over Niall’s head. “Fucking Christ fuck!”

“Good cursing or bad cursing?” Harry asks, stilling his finger and leaning back.

“Good cursing.” Niall mumbles, slumping back onto the sheets when his muscles fall slack. “Christ, warn a bloke ‘fore ya do somethin’ like that.”

“Did I do something wrong?” Harry questions.

“Just wasn’t expecting it Haz.” Niall chuckles, reaching his hand up and brushing his fingers over Harry’s cheek. “Felt like my whole body was about to explode or something. Took me by surprise. Felt bloody amazing though.”

“So I can keep doing it?” Harry grins.

“Not if you don’t want me to cum down your throat.” Niall hums. “I’d rather you focus on what you’re doing with your fingers so you can fuck me.”

“Remind me to just get you off like this some time.” Harry smirks, and yeah, Niall can definitely get with that at some future point.

“Sure, yeah. Three please.” Niall groans, fisting his fingers in the sheets when Harry starts back up with his fingers and brushes right over Niall’s prostate again.

“Of course Babe.” Harry nods, pushing in a third alongside the other two. Niall loves it, loves the feeling of being so full of Harry. Loves the way that Harry is so patient, working him open over the next few minutes until Niall is a panting, moaning puddle of himself spread out over the sheets.

“’M ready.” Niall slurs out, half-drunk off the need buzzing through his veins. “Please Haz.”

“Alright, if you’re sure you’re ready.” Harry says tentatively.

“I am. God- Please Haz.” Niall keens, pulling Harry forward by the jaw until he can kiss him as slow and sweet as molasses. It’s so fucking good that Niall doesn’t even mind when Harry’s fingers slide out, leaving him empty and waiting. He doesn’t even realize that Harry has put on the condom and lubed himself up until he’s scooting forward, his head pressing against Niall’s hole.

“Ready?” Harry asks carefully.

“Haz, for god’s sake.” Niall groans, feeling his patience quickly dissipating. “Yes, I am ready. Thank you for being so sweet, but please, just fuck me already.”

“Hold these for a minute.” Harry chuckles, bending Niall’s knees up towards his chest. Niall’s hands automatically wrap around his thighs, spreading himself in offering to Harry.

“Fuck!” Niall hisses once Harry’s head pushes past the tight ring of muscle. “Fuckingbleedingshittingchristfuckshit!”

“Fuck- Niall, I’m sorry.” Harry whispers, pulling back until Niall releases his own legs to wrap around the brunet’s waist.

“Don’t stop!” Niall growls. “It’s fine.”

“Niall-” Harry sighs.

“I just didn’t realize how fucking big you are.” Niall huffs, tightening his legs to pull Harry another inch into him. “It’s been a minute since I did this. It’s- It’s a bit more than I remember, but I don’t want to stop.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Harry says quietly.

“Haz, there’s a difference from what happened before. This is just temporary until my body remembers what it’s like. Just- Just go slow and I’ll be fine.” Niall tells him. “I promise, it’s not too much. It’s just- Jesus you’re huge.”

“Um- Thanks?” Harry giggles. He doesn’t move though, so Niall prompts him again, bucking his hips to drive Harry further in. It doesn’t accomplish much other than making Harry gasp and tighten his grip on Niall’s thighs. “Ni-”

“Please Haz.” Niall whines.

“Yeah- Yeah, okay.” Harry breathes out, sinking in slowly. Niall keeps his breathing steady, willing his body to relax because he wants this so fucking bad. Harry bottoms out with a low growl, burying his face in Niall’s neck and mumbling “So fucking tight.”

He’s so full, so fucking full, but it’s good. He doesn’t feel like he’s being torn in two, just like he’s filled to the brim with Harry. He’s more than himself because Harry makes him more. It’s so fucking cheesy, so inanely romantic, but it’s how Niall feels when Harry is lying still on top of him, his lips soft against Niall’s neck as he murmurs things that Niall can’t even hear properly. They probably don’t make much sense anyways. Niall’s pretty sure that Harry is just as swept up as he is in all of this.

Niall moves first, dropping his legs away so that he can get a grip on the swell of Harry’s ass to rock their bodies together, letting out a low moan when Harry brushes across that sensitive bundle already. “Fuck- Haz, please.” Niall whimpers.

“Are you absolutely sure that you’re good to go now?” Harry asks carefully.

“If you don’t fuck me now then I’m going to flip us over and ride you instead.” Niall grits out.

“Shh Babe.” Harry hums, rolling his hips, which in turn rolls Niall’s eyes into the back of his head. “I got you.”

“God yes.” Niall groans, digging his fingers into Harry’s shoulders to anchor himself in this moment. Harry’s lips find Niall’s as if he actually can read the blond’s mind after all, a slow deep snog to match the gentle thrusts of his hips.

It feels so fucking good too, even when Harry’s angle is off on a few thrusts, and Niall’s cock is feeling heavily neglected. It feels so amazing, because this is the first time somebody has been careful with him. It’s the first time he’s ever given himself over to someone who gives even the tiniest of shits about him. It’s like losing his virginity all over again, and not because it’s been so long since he’s been fucked, but because it is a first time in a way. It’s the first time Niall has ever trusted anybody with all of himself, and he knows, he _knows_ , that Harry won’t let him down, won’t use him and throw him away.

He reaches down a hand after a few minutes when he just can’t take it anymore the way his cock is weeping and untouched save for a few glancing drags from Harry’s abs. Harry bats his hand away though and murmurs a low “Let me.” against Niall’s lips.

It doesn’t take much, just a few tugs and Niall is practically sobbing with the way his orgasm rips through him. Harry follows right behind him, burying himself inside Niall and choking out a groan that vibrates all the way into Niall’s bones. Their hands find each other, tangling into tight knots because even though they’re both starting to come down, they don’t want to be apart yet. It takes away the discomfort when Harry pulls out. Niall feels himself sticky with his own cum, their bodies drenched in sweat, but he just can’t bring himself to let go of Harry’s fingers, and the brunet doesn’t seem to mind one bit.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter was so late. I didn't even realize the date until just a little bit ago, and then it clicked. To make things worse, this chapter is short. I hope the fluff helps make up for that.

“Come on then.” Niall grumbles, his eyes barely open as he slumps against the doorframe for support before making his way down the hall. Harry can’t help ogle him. He’s only wearing Harry’s clothes, a pair of shorts, because all of the brunet’s joggers are too long, and a jumper to keep him from catching cold even in the middle of summer, and even though this isn’t exactly a new development anymore, he still gets off on it. “Can’t believe I’m doing this.”

“I told you that you could stay in bed.” Harry chuckles, scooping the blond up in his arms as he passes him. Niall doesn’t protest as Harry had expected him to, instead just curling into Harry’s neck and mumbling something unintelligibly that sounds vaguely thankful. He sets Niall on a stool at the counter when he reaches the kitchen downstairs. “Do we need to revisit the discussion where I told you I’m not a human mattress yet?”

“I wasn’t sleepin’.” Niall slurs out, blinking up at Harry with what appears to be a gargantuan effort just to keep his eyes open. “Yer the one that picked me up.”

“I didn’t want you hurting yourself on the stairs.” Harry hums, opening up the fridge and grabbing two bottles of water. “You’re hardly graceful at the best of times.”

“Shove off.” Niall pouts, dropping his forehead onto his forearms and heaving out a truly massive sigh. “Why do you do this so bloody early?”

“Because then I won’t overheat.” Harry says simply. “You ready?”

“One lap.” Niall mutters, sliding off his stool and schlepping towards the back door. “Then coffee. Lots of coffee.”

“Nialler, I want to reiterate that I’m not forcing you, or even asking you, to join me on my run.” Harry sighs, grabbing onto the blond’s wrist to turn him around. “I’m more than happy to have you along, but I don’t want you to feel obligated into this.”

“Yeah, well I like you.” Niall mumbles, his cheeks staining a light pink that Harry doesn’t point out for the blond’s sake, though he actually finds it incredibly adorable and wants to coo over it endlessly. “That comes with certain consequences that I just have to accept.”

“Way to make a bloke feel special.” Harry scoffs.

“It’s too early for me to have wholly kind thoughts.” Niall shrugs, trudging forward again until they reach the back door. He looks like he’s gone blind when he opens the door, hands coming up to protect his eyes even though the light is soft and pink rather than bright yet. “Christ, who the fuck even finds sunrises romantic? You know what’s romantic? Staying in bed together ‘til noon.”

“Not if all you’re doing is sleeping.” Harry snorts.

“Not all of us can function on six hours of sleep and call it successful Haz.” Niall huffs, stepping out into the crisp morning air with a poorly suppressed groan when a stiff breeze blows right into them. “C’mon then, before I lose my nerve and leave you to run by your lonesome the whole time.”

“Are you sure you’re going to be able to do more than shuffle about?” Harry asks cautiously as they make their way through the garden and out of the gate.

“Not if you keep expecting me to talk and move at the same time.” Niall mutters, and Harry isn’t sure he was supposed to hear it, but he chuckles anyways. Neither of them says anything more and they set out at a jog.

Despite Niall’s insistence that one lap was all he was going to do before caffeinating himself to the brim, he keeps a good pace with Harry for a full eight laps before dropping off back into the garden with a squeeze on Harry’s bicep to let him know. Harry comes to a stop and turns around before asking “Do you want me to come in with you?”

“No, you can do your thing. I like watching you.” Niall hums. “Just don’t push yourself too hard, yeah?”

“I have no stress right now.” Harry grins. “No reason to push too hard. Just a morning run to keep myself healthy.”

“Sure.” Niall nods. “Don’t take too many more laps though, because the tea I make you will get cold if you do another eight laps.”

“I can go a bit faster now, but I’ll keep that in mind.” Harry agrees before setting off again. 

He feels like he’s practically flying when on his next lap he sees Niall sitting on the stoop with a cup of coffee and a shy smile as he watches Harry go by. He does three more laps, playing up the long stretch of his legs now that he knows he has an audience. By the time Harry stops and enters his garden, Niall looks more awake and holds up a cup of tea for him. “Get it all out?” Niall asks once Harry takes the spot next to him on the stoop.

“Get what all out?” Harry asks.

“Your weird influx of morning-energy that shouldn’t exist in someone our age.” Niall chuckles.

“For the most part.” Harry shrugs. “And it comes from living a healthy lifestyle Nialler. You’d have this kind of energy too if you ate healthier and had a more regular workout regimen.”

“I’d rather be a cranky git.” Niall snorts. “Zayn would throttle me if I had your energy in the mornings.”

“We could get him in on it too.” Harry offers.

“London will burn to nothing but ashes before Zayn Malik gets out of bed at six in the morning to exercise.” Niall laughs.

“Well Zayn’s not really any of my concern.” Harry smiles. “I just want you to be healthy.”

“Well don’t expect miracles from me.” Niall grins. “I’m still partial the cardinal sins of gluttony and sloth. They’re brilliant. You should give them a try one day.”

“Ah, see I have a much different favorite sin.” Harry smirks, walking his fingers up the inside of Niall’s thigh.

“Envy?” Niall giggles. “Greed?”

“Nope and nope.” Harry hums.

“Pride?” Niall guesses next.

“Wrong again.” Harry laughs.

“Well it can’t be wrath, because you’re too nice for that, so I guess that leaves lust.” Niall murmurs, leaning in closer.

“You got it.” Harry muses.

“I think we can do something about that before I leave.” Niall says, standing up off the stoop and turning towards the door. Harry’ eyes nearly pop out of his head when his own joggers hit the ground beneath Niall’s feet as soon as the blond steps through the door. “Come on Haz, or you won’t ‘cum’ at all.”

 

“Stop lazing about.” Zayn huffs, staring haughtily down at Niall where he’s trying to kip on the sofa in the lobby. “Sweep the floor or something. I don’t pay you to do nothing.”

“You don’t pay me at all.” Niall scoffs. “In fact you take a good portion of what I earn. Clients pay me.”

“Yeah, well, if you want a place to keep seeing clients then you’ll get off the couch and do your part.” Zayn says with what Niall feels is an overdramatic eye roll.

“Can’t. I’m too tired.” Niall mumbles, rubbing his face sleepily. “Haz took all my energy this morning before I could even build any up.”

“Ooh, did Hazza get all frisky this morning?” Liam giggles. Niall hates the way they say his nickname for Harry. It’s always high pitched and they elongate the ‘a’ so that it’s teasing.

“No. I mean, I gave him probably the longest blowjob of my life before I came in to work, but that’s not why I’m so tired.” Niall sighs, rolling onto his back. “We went running this morning.”

“You went running? Niall Horan actually exercised?” Zayn laughs. 

“At bloody half six. It was awful.” Niall groans. “We only fell asleep around midnight. He’s too healthy. It’s driving me bonkers. Why can’t he be lazy like us?”

“Speak for yourselves.” Liam scoffs. “I go to the gym every day.”

“And while I’m sure Zaynie appreciates the results of that on your abs and all, I have no interest in making this a daily thing.” Niall mutters. “I quite like my body the way it is thank you.”

“It could be better.” Zayn snorts, poking at where Niall’s shirt has ridden up.

“Fuck off you.” Niall growls, batting his hand even though Zayn has already retreated with his own. “Not all of us are Apollo reincarnated like your pretty self. I like my body and Harry likes my body. That’s all that matters.”

“Then why go running?” Liam asks.

“I don’t know really. I just wanted to spend time with him, even if what we were doing was not fun in the slightest.” Niall chuckles. “It’s our off day, so it’s worth it.”

“You’re keeping that up then?” Zayn asks.

“We agreed to it this morning over breakfast.” Niall nods. “I bloody hate it, but we both think it’s the right thing if it helps take some of the pressure away. And now that he knows we can still talk, it should be a bit easier. Especially since we didn’t fight this morning.”

“You two are cute together.” Zayn chuckles, pushing Niall’s legs to the side and taking their place. “A bit weird, and he’s totally out of your league, but it’s cute.”

“He is, isn’t he?” Niall sighs.

“No he isn’t.” Liam says firmly. “Zayn, what happened to not being an asshole all the fucking time?”

“It was supposed to be a joke.” Zayn groans, rubbing his hands on his face in frustration. “Shit! Sorry.”

“It’s fine. You’re right.” Niall mumbles. “He’s a gorgeous millionaire pop-star. I’m just an orphan who draws on people and mooches off of his foster brother. He deserves better.”

“Do you see what you’ve done?” Liam hisses.

“I’m not used to this!” Zayn huffs. “He used to be down for banter. He used to know I was joking.”

“And you two used to remember not to talk about me like I’m not in the room.” Niall grits out. “Zayn was right anyways. He is out of my league. But for some reason he likes me, so that doesn’t really matter.”

“Just for the record, I don’t think he’s out of your league.” Liam chirps, a proud smile spreading across his features. “You’re both fit blokes.”

“I have a boyfriend now Lima Bean. You can’t be flirting with me.” Niall grins. “Besides, your dick of a boyfriend is right here.”

“And all the sympathy you had from me just flew right out the window.” Zayn grumbles. “Get yourself a cup of coffee and be ready to ‘draw on people’ when they come in, instead of lying about.”

“Yes Sir.” Niall giggles, giving a salute that gets a laugh out of Liam and a long-suffering sigh out of Zayn before he scampers off to his studio.

 

“Okay, before I say this, I want to make it clear that I’m not doing that cutesy ‘I miss you!’, ‘I miss you more!’, ‘No, I miss you more!’ thing.” Niall laughs through the speakerphone of Harry’s mobile. “But I do miss you.”

“I miss you more.” Harry hums.

“You’re such a shit.” Niall scoffs. “I’m not playing your game Styles.”

“That counts as a forfeit then, and makes me the winner by default.” Harry grins, drumming his fingers against the counter as he tries to decide what to make for dinner since he doesn’t have to take Niall’s aversion to health food into account. “I was the winner anyways of course. Obviously I missed you more, regardless of your willingness to argue the subject.”

“Still not playing.” Niall chuckles. “What did you do today?”

“Wrote a bit. Wasn’t really feeling it though. Everything was coming out really soppy and sad because I missed you.” Harry admits. “I also restocked my food stores.”

“I- I drew you whenever I wasn’t working.” Niall confesses. “Must’ve filled half a pad with your stupid, pretty face.”

“Aww!” Harry coos. “I can’t believe you actually admitted to that.”

“You don’t just think I’m a complete cunt all the time, do you?” Niall asks quietly. “I may not be good at putting things in words like you do, but you should still know that I care about you and that I miss you whenever you aren’t with me. Do I- Do I not make that clear enough? Does it come across that way?”

“Nialler, you make it perfectly clear that you care about me.” Harry sighs, groaning inwardly for his inability to let things go. “But you aren’t so great on the opening up front most of the time. You generally require prompting. That’s what I meant when I said I was surprised. It’s a good thing that you’re getting comfortable enough to say things like that to me without getting embarrassed. I didn’t mean for it to sound like I don’t think you care.”

“Okay.” is all Niall says in response.

“What did you three troublemakers get up to today?” Harry asks when it becomes clear that Niall isn’t going to further the conversation.

“The usual. Drew on people with some extra-permanent marker. Drank a pot of coffee each. Liam had lunch pick today, so of course he picked Mildred’s and I got stuck with vegan food again. The sweet potato curry wasn’t bad though, so there’s that.” Niall hums. “Honestly, it was just a pretty boring day after I left yours. Business was slow. Looking forward to my days off tomorrow and the next day.”

“Are we going to see each other tomorrow?” Harry asks.

“I’ll be over at your house as soon as I’ve slept for an appropriate amount of time for once.” Niall laughs. “I was- I was actually wondering about the next day honestly. Without work to push me out of the house it’s going to be a lot harder to just up and leave.”

“Well don’t expect any help from me on that front.” Harry giggles. “I’m in no rush to get you out my door again.”

“I’m going to end up staying for two days straight again, aren’t I?” Niall sighs, though he doesn’t actually sound too unappreciative of the idea.

“I mean, there’s a chance that we’ll both have the willpower to keep this up as a regular thing instead of giving in to our urges.” Harry muses.

“Like, literally just above zero.” Niall snorts. “We’re a little pathetic.”

“I don’t think it’s pathetic to want to see your boyfriend.” Harry pouts, and then he freezes, because that’s definitely the first time either of them have said that to each other, and Harry doesn’t even know what Niall wants to classify them as.

“No, it’s pathetic when we both literally can’t even really fathom the idea of being apart from our boyfriend for a full twenty four hours.” Niall chuckles. “I’m pretty sure this is not how adults usually date.”

“Yeah, well nothing about this relationship is the usual.” Harry says with a soft smile. “It’s not like it’s exactly easy to do things the normal way when we have to hide things like this. I have to say though, I kind of love the whole ‘keeping you locked up in my house and having lots of sex’ thing more than I think I’d like going out to restaurants and movies once or twice a week until we’ve spent an appropriate amount of time together.”

“Legendary romantic, Harry Styles, ladies and gentlemen.” Niall snorts. “Wooing is nowhere on his list of priorities.”

“Wooing went out the window when we declared our mutual interest in each other in my bathroom while you suffered through a hangover.” Harry scoffs. “I would’ve liked to have done this all properly. Of course I would have. But that wasn’t really an option with the way things are between us. We don’t exactly fit the bill for functional, healthy adults.”

“I’m functional.” Niall huffs. “Mostly.”

“You do realize that ‘mostly’ is the operative word there?” Harry smirks.

“I’m aware.” Niall sighs. “Honestly, I’m the one that’s fucked up. I don’t know why you bother with me.”

“One, because I like you and that isn’t changing.” Harry says firmly. “And two, you’re not the only one that’s fucked up. We both are. Not in the same ways, but we’re both fucked up. Like you said though, that helps take the pressure away because neither of us expects the other to be perfect.”

“You aren’t helping that argument though, because I’m pretty sure you actually are perfect.” Niall says shyly, and Harry can actually picture the same sheepish blush that covered the blond’s cheeks so beautifully last night and this morning.

“Right back at you Nialler.”

 

He hesitates for a second before he rings the bell. He knows it’s late, or early depending on how you look at it. He knows that Harry will be up in just a couple hours to do his run. He shouldn’t have done this, shouldn’t be interrupting Harry’s sleep over something so stupid. He doesn’t know what else to do though. It only takes a minute before Harry is opening the door, shorts barely clinging to his hips and sleep still trying to glue his eyelids together. “The nightmare?” he asks groggily.

“Yeah.” Niall chokes out shamefully, keeping his eyes planted on the ground and his thumbnail between his teeth. He can taste the faintest hint of coppery tang, but he doesn’t care if he goes too far. 

“Come here.” Harry says gently, pulling Niall’s hand away from his mouth to lead him inside. The trek upstairs is silent, but Harry’s fingers stay firmly laced through Niall’s. It’s a strong, comforting presence that Niall clings to like a lifeline. Harry’s shorts fall to the ground once they reach the bedroom, and he drags Niall with him into the bed after motioning for the blond to drop his bag and get undressed. Once they’re together, a knot of limbs tangled together like Harry obviously knows that Niall needs, he finally adds “You’re safe now Nialler. I won’t let anything hurt you.”

“I’m sorry.” Niall whimpers, feeling well and truly pathetic for reducing them to this yet again.

“Don’t be.” Harry murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to Niall’s forehead. “Never be sorry for this.”

“I should have just dealt with it instead of waking you up.” Niall sighs.

“This is what I want you to do though.” Harry insists. “I don’t care what time it is, or if we’re on an off day, or even if we’ve had a fight that night. I want you to come here and do this if you have a nightmare. I want to be able to make you feel safe.”

“Thank you.” Niall whispers, burrowing further into Harry’s warmth. “Thank you Haz.”

“You’re safe.” Harry repeats. “Go to sleep Nialler. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is literally all angst, so brace yourselves.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's an announcement at the bottom which is important for the next part of the story. Also, I'd really like to know if the surprise twist at the end is something that people might have predicted. I've been holding it back for a long time, waiting to reveal it, but now I'm afraid that it might have been predictable. Anyways, get ready for an entire chapter of Niall being insecure and angsty. Yay!!!

Niall is surprised, to say the least, when he blinks awake to find Harry still tangled up with him in the sheets. The clock says that it’s nearly eight, but Harry is still there and Niall can’t quite process that. “Oh good, you’re awake. I really need to wee.” Harry giggles.

“Why did you stay?” Niall asks, his voice thick and rough with the sleep that’s very slowly seeping out of his pores.

“Because I didn’t want to let you wake up without me here.” Harry says softly.

“How long have you been awake?” Niall sighs.

“Not long.” Harry tells him. It’s obviously a lie though.

“Haz.” Niall huffs.

“Like an hour or so.” Harry admits, though Niall is sure it’s actually closer to two since Harry gets up at the same time every day. It’s like clockwork. Six rolls around, and Harry pops up, fresh as a daisy and energized like he’s had three espressos. “But it’s fine. I wanted to stay Niall.”

“I already messed with your schedule enough pulling you out of bed at four in the morning.” Niall groans. “You didn’t have to just stay with me. It would have been fine.”

“But I wanted to.” Harry says quietly.

“I just don’t want to be even more of a burden than I already am on the people I care about Haz.” Niall whispers.

“Hey-” Harry says, grabbing ahold of Niall’s chin to tilt it up until their eyes meet. “You are not a burden. Not on anyone, but most especially not on me. Don’t start thinking that, because I know what happens when you begin to feel that way, and I will hire every private investigator in London to track you down if that’s what it takes.”

“Save your money Haz. I’m not running away.” Niall laughs, though it sounds hollow even to his own ears. Harry obviously sees through it, a frown etching itself deep into his features, so Niall continues. “I just- Zayn said something yesterday, and it hit home even though he meant it as a joke.”

“What did he say?” Harry asks. Niall shakes his head, but Harry asks again, his voice firmer this time. “What did he say Niall?”

“He said you’re out of my league.” Niall mutters, crawling out of Harry’s arms and off the bed to get some distance between them. “And don’t say you aren’t, because we both know it’s true Harry. You- You could have so much better than me. You deserve better than me. I know you said we’re both fucked up, but look at me. I came across town in a taxi at four in the morning because I have violent night terrors. I have to live with, and work for, my foster brother because I don’t make enough money to support myself properly. 

“I have no education because I didn’t even attempt sixth form. This is the longest I’ve held down a steady job. I have nothing important beyond my sketch pads and guitar and a few clothes because I’m always, and I literally mean always, scared that everything will crumble around me and I’ll be forced out again. Because that always happens in the end. Hell, I don’t even know what I like in bed because I’ve never been with a guy who cared enough to help me find out. I’m just- I’m not good enough, and I hate myself for it because I’m not strong enough to leave you to let you find someone who actually deserves to be with you.

“You’re this strong, amazing person who managed to actually accomplish what so many people dream about. And even though you need to hear it to believe it, you’re beautiful. So fucking beautiful that it’s crazy. You care with your whole fucking heart. You care about me with your whole fucking heart, and for the life of me, I can’t figure out why. I can’t, no matter how hard I try, even begin to understand why you would want to be with me. Why you like me. Why, after everything that you know about me, and everything that I’ve put you through, you still want me at all.”

The silence is heavy after Niall puts that all out there, pushing down on him like a weight. He can’t look back, can’t turn around and see whatever pity is in Harry’s eyes at this stupidly dramatic confession. It stretches on for what feels like years, but can only be a few seconds before Harry asks “Does why matter Niall?”

“Of course it matters!” Niall chokes out, fighting back a flood of tears. “I’m broken. I’m nothing but a useless fuckup and I don’t know if I can survive it if you realize that later rather than sooner. But I don’t want you to be with me out of pity, out of some twisted sense of obligation because you feel stuck with me. I don’t want to be a fucking burden anymore. So just- Just do it already. Tell me to leave because I know you aren’t okay with this. Nobody could be okay with this, but especially not someone like you.”

“That’s not for you to decide Niall.” Harry says. He’s closer now, though Niall didn’t hear him move over the blood rushing in his ears. His hands wind their way around Niall’s stomach, holding tight until there isn’t an inch of space between them. His chin drops onto Niall’s shoulder and he says “I like you. You may think I could do better, but I can’t imagine anyone better than you. I wish you could see yourself the way that I see you, because to me you’re the brightest star in the sky. I know you don’t like the cheesy, soppy stuff, but that’s how I feel. 

“Your past- I’m not going to say it doesn’t matter to me, because it does. It made you into the person you are today. But it isn’t something that I’m going to reject you for, just like I hope that my past isn’t something that you’ll reject me for. Everyone in this world has baggage, and yours may be a bit heavier than most people’s, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t help you carry it. I want to help you with all of it. It’s not a burden, it’s just me helping to lighten your load, because that’s what you do when you care about someone the way I care about you.”

“But why?” Niall asks.

“Because for the first time in a year, I feel happy. You- You brought me back to life Niall. When I’m with you, it’s- It’s like I was just a zombie before. After Louis left me I just went through the motions. I ran away, and I ignored the pain, and whenever I didn’t have to put on a mask in front of other people I just shut down. But from the moment I met you, as surly and unpleasant as you may have been that night, I started feeling alive again.” Harry says quietly. “And then we got to know each other, and every minute I spent with you just got better. And then you told me that you liked me, and I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest from how happy I was, even though only weeks before I wasn’t sure it was even still pumping. Everything since the night we met, good, or not so good, has reminded me what it’s like to feel alive again.”

“Really?” Niall asks, unable to keep the hopeful tone out of his voice despite the fact that he still doesn’t want to push Harry into a corner on this.

“Really Nialler.” Harry nods, his cheek brushing softly along the column of Niall’s neck. “So please- I know how hard it is- But please stop expecting the other shoe to drop. I’m holding onto it tight, and I’m not letting go.”

“Okay.” Niall breathes out. “Okay, yeah. I’ll try.”

“I like you.” Harry murmurs.

“I like you too.” Niall whispers, placing his hands over Harry’s and giving them a firm squeeze. “You can uh- You can go wee now. Sorry to keep you here with this shit.”

“I’m more than happy to tell you whatever you need to hear to keep from freaking out Nialler.” Harry says gently. “You can tell me if you feel something like this, okay? Don’t feel guilty about needing reassurance. I’ll always listen and give it to you.”

“Don’t make promises you aren’t ready to keep.” Niall chuckles.

“I’m ready to keep this one.” Harry tells him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

 

Niall is near silent throughout the morning. He doesn’t even take the remote when Harry offers it after breakfast. He also hasn’t let go of Harry since he got back from his morning run. Some part of him is always touching the brunet, a hand on the small of his back while he cooked, a foot hooked around his ankle while they ate, and now Harry has a lapful of blond hair as they relax and enjoy the fact that Niall doesn’t have to work. He’s not complaining, though it does worry him a bit.

“You okay Babe?” Harry asks softly once it’s been almost an hour without so much as a word from the usually talkative blond.

“’M fine.” Niall mumbles. “Am I being too clingy? I can stop.”

“No. I just wondered if there was something still on your mind after this morning.” Harry says, scratching his fingers along Niall’s scalp. “You’ve been pretty quiet. I don’t mind it, but if there’s something bothering you, then we should talk about it.”

“Would you really look for me if I ran away again?” Niall asks so quietly that Harry almost doesn’t catch it. He does though, and the way Niall’s voice wavers, the way it breaks a little at the end, makes Harry’s heart hurt.

“I’d never stop looking until I found you.” Harry says adamantly. “Even if you didn’t want to be with me anymore, I’d still want to know that you were okay.”

“Okay.” Niall breathes out. Harry doesn’t fail to notice the way that Niall’s grip tightens on his shirt, but his shoulders also relax and let out some of the tension that’s had them so taut since their conversation. “Hey Haz?”

“Yeah Nialler?” Harry hums.

“Can we watch golf now?” Niall asks with a small smile.

“Of course.” Harry chuckles, handing over the remote.

“Thank god. I haven’t ever watched this before, so I don’t know what’s going on at all.” Niall laughs. “Like- Who’s Matthew? And Sybil? Are they dead?”

“Oh, we are binging on Downton from season one.” Harry grins, stealing the remote back and opening up the menu that lets him order shows. “You’re in for a treat.”

“But- But golf.” Niall whines.

“Stay over tomorrow and you can have control over the telly all day.” Harry offers.

“I uh- I already kind of planned on it if that’s okay.” Niall mumbles.

“Of course it’s okay.” Harry grins. “I had hoped we wouldn’t have to do that whole song and dance tomorrow where I pretend I’m fine with you leaving, when I’m actually mentally begging you to stay with me.”

“I just- I’m the one who decided we needed more time apart, and we’ve only done it twice, and not well.” Niall sighs. “Which was also my fault both times.”

“It’s not your fault that you have night terrors Niall.” Harry tells him.

“No, but it is my fault that I came over here instead of dealing with it myself or just getting into bed with Zaynie and Lima Bean.” Niall mutters. “You weren’t supposed to have to take care of me on our nights off. You’re not supposed to have to take care of me at all. I’m not a kid now. I don’t want to be that weak little boy anymore who has no control over himself.”

“It’s not weakness to be traumatized Niall.” Harry says softly. “And it isn’t childish to want to be comforted when you’re upset. I told you last night, I want to be someone that makes you feel safe. I want you to know that you can always, always, come to me.”

“But I don’t want you to have to see that.” Niall groans, sitting up off Harry’s lap and digging his palms into his eyes. “I just- I hate that you’ve ever had to see that part of me. It’s so- So stupid.”

“It’s not.” Harry says gently, placing his hand on Niall’s knee. “Niall, there’s nothing wrong with you. Nothing. I know it doesn’t feel that way, but it’s true. It’s not stupid, or weak, or childish. It happens, and you may hate it, but I don’t think any less of you for it. Neither do Liam or Zayn. And you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself for something completely out of your control. Nobody in the world has complete control over themselves. And before you say it again, coming here wasn’t the wrong decision. I want to do everything in my power to help you whenever you need it. I promise.”

“Just- Just promise me that you’ll tell me if it’s ever too much?” Niall requests quietly. “I need you to tell me if I’m putting too much on you.”

“I promise, but I can’t imagine anything you could ever do or say that would be too much for me to handle Niall.” Harry says, pulling the blond into a tight hug.

“You’re spoiling me again.” Niall mumbles into his shoulder.

“I like spoiling you.” Harry chuckles. “But being nice to you isn’t spoiling you.”

“It is to me.” Niall shrugs.

“Then I guess I’ll have to show you what spoiling really means some time.” Harry grins. “You haven’t seen anything yet.”

“Oh god.” Niall sighs. “We’ve discussed this Haz.”

“I know, but see, you’ve actually been spoiling me lately.” Harry hums. “I’ll just be returning the favor.”

“Git.” Niall huffs.

“You just added a thousand pounds to what I’m going to spend on you.” Harry muses. Niall pulls back, eyebrows drawn together and mouth gaping like he’s ready to argue. Harry cuts him off with “Do you want to make it two?”

“How- How can you possibly be both spoiling me and punishing me at the same time?” Niall groans.

“I’m very special that way.” Harry smirks. “Now lay back down. We have five seasons of Downton Abbey to get through.”

“You’re the worst.” Niall grumbles. He still lets his head be led back down to Harry’s lap though, and nuzzles into it when Harry starts playing with his hair again. “I like you though.”

“I like you too.” Harry smiles, clicking play on the pilot. “Now get ready to have your mind blown.”

 

“No, Haz don’t!” Niall whines, clinging desperately to the brunet’s hand to keep him on the couch. “We can’t stop now! I have to see how The Dowager Countess reacts to the soldiers showing up!”

“We have to eat dinner.” Harry chides. “I let us get away with sandwiches for lunch so that you didn’t have to stop watching, but we need a proper meal now.”

“Who needs food?” Niall scoffs.

“I feel like we’ve entered some weird parallel universe, and I don’t know what to do with this.” Harry laughs. “You’ve turned down fucking me because you wanted food, but Downton Abbey gets your attention. Do you enjoy this show more than having sex with me Niall? Is the drama better than my arse?”

“No.” Niall huffs. “Your arse is fucking brilliant. I’d spend every moment of every day and night switching between fucking you and being fucked by you if I could. But-”

“But what?” Harry asks indignantly.

“But I wanna watch.” Niall pouts.

“Then watch it by yourself!” Harry huffs, throwing his arms up in exasperation before stomping off towards the kitchen. Niall considers it, but only for a second. He knows that it’s not right, so he sets the remote on the table and trails after Harry silently, wrapping his arms around the taller lad’s waist when he gets up behind him. “Seriously, it’s fine Niall. You can watch it. I’ve seen it all already. I’m just being dramatic.”

“No. It’s only good if I’m watching it with you.” Niall mumbles, pressing his face between Harry’s shoulder blades. “Sorry I’m being such a pain today.”

“It’s fine.” Harry sighs. “I’m glad you like the show.”

“I was pretty sure it was going to be stupid.” Niall chuckles. “Turn around.”

“I’m looking for food Nialler.” Harry laughs.

“I haven’t even properly kissed you today.” Niall murmurs. “That’s been a grievous oversight on my part. Let me correct it.”

“Well if you insist.” Harry giggles, turning around and pressing a quick peck to the corner of Niall’s mouth before he ducks back into the fridge.

“Oh, uh-uh Haz.” Niall huffs. “That didn’t work for me when I was supposed to be working, and it isn’t going to work now for you.”

“Just let me figure out what I’m going to make, and then we can snog until our lips go numb if you like.” Harry laughs.

“I’ll allow it.” Niall nods, stepping over to the counter and hopping up to sit next to the stovetop. “But do try and hurry up.”

“You’re turning posh already. I love it.” Harry hums.

“I’m too poor to be posh.” Niall scoffs. “And no matter what you threaten, I’m not letting you spend money on me.”

“Yes you are Mister.” Harry counters, dropping some steak on the counter before turning back into the fridge. “I’m thinking fajitas to make up for your regretful incident with the tacos. Does that sound good?”

“Sounds fine.” Niall mutters. “I’m serious on the money thing though Haz.”

“How much do you make in a week Niall?” Harry asks, dropping an onion and a few peppers on the counter beside the steaks.

“Two-fifty give or take.” Niall shrugs. “It’s increased a little lately. Since I’ve been more personable people have been giving me better tips.”

“And how much have you spent on me since we met?” Harry questions. “Between the food, and the panties, and the rides over here on the bus or in cabs, not to mention the tattoo you wouldn’t let me pay you for, how much have you spent on me?”

“I don’t know.” Niall mumbles.

“Is it more than two-hundred-and-fifty pounds?” Harry asks.

“I said-” Niall starts.

“Answer the question Niall.” Harry says firmly, cutting him off.

“Probably. I don’t know the exact amount though.” Niall sighs.

“How is it that all I’ve gotten to do is take you out to lunch one time, when we weren’t even together, and you get to spend more than you make in a week on me?” Harry asks.

“Because what I make in a week isn’t what you make in interest over the course of a conversation Harry!” Niall groans. “Hell, if your money manager is any good, you probably make more in a week sitting around doing nothing, than I do in an entire year!”

“So why does it matter that I want to give you nice things?” Harry asks.

“Because I don’t want nice things.” Niall mutters. “I like my cheap, comfortable clothes. I like my beat up old guitar. I like my shitty little telly that I have to whack every twenty minutes because the picture goes fuzzy. I like that I worked to get everything I have. I like that I have one thing I can be proud of, and that’s that I don’t take handouts or charity. I work my arse off if I want something, because that makes it more satisfying when I finally have it.”

“So I’m just never allowed to treat you then?” Harry huffs. “Were you ever really planning on going away on a trip with me? Or did you just agree because you thought that’s what I wanted?”

“I was hoping we could split the cost.” Niall admits. “I have some money saved up. I was planning a small holiday tour around Europe for the end of next year with Zaynie and Lima Bean, but what I have now should be enough for a plane ticket somewhere close, half a hotel room for a few nights, and meals if we don’t go anywhere fancy.”

“But that’s the point Niall.” Harry sighs. “I want to take you to a lavish hotel, and fly you on a private jet, and watch you eat the best food that the great cities of Europe have to offer. I want you to see everything and not worry about how you’re going to eat the next week if you have to dip into your reserves. I want you to really experience it with me, instead of trying to count out the cost of a cup of coffee in your head and whether or not you can afford it and still eat lunch that day. Why can’t I do that for you?”

“Because I didn’t earn it.” Niall whispers. “I- I didn’t earn any of this.”

“Are you serious?” Harry asks. “Niall, you don’t have to earn anything with me.”

“I don’t get that though.” Niall mumbles. “Everything has a cost Harry. That’s how the world works. You don’t get something for nothing.”

“What was the price for everything so far then Niall?” Harry spits out. “What is the cost of you bringing me back to life? What is the cost of you finally making me feel as confident as I had to pretend to be? What is the cost of you and I caring about each other? Because to me, none of that is something I could ever begin to repay adequately. This trip wouldn’t even scratch the surface of what I really owe you. So tell me, what do I have to do before you just let me do something for you?”

“You’ve already done so much for me.” Niall tells him. “God, before you- Before you crashed into my life, I was so alone Haz. All I had was Zaynie and Lima Bean, and I always felt like I was just being kept around out of pity. They didn’t understand me. They tried, but they just couldn’t, because they had each other. You did understand me though. You made me forget how lonely I was, because we were alone together. And the world finally started making sense to me, because I wasn’t Niall, and you weren’t Harry, we were NiallandHarry, like one thing instead of two separate ones that were just drifting around alone. You don’t owe me anything, because you gave me the one thing that matters. You gave me you.”

“And you gave me you.” Harry says softly, stepping between Niall’s legs and taking the blond’s hands in his own. “You have such a low view of yourself, but to me, that’s the greatest gift there could ever be. And you keep giving. You keep being this amazing man who accepts my flaws as something to be cherished rather than disgusted by. Who always tells me the truth, no matter how hard it is for either of us. Who makes me feel safe, and comfortable, and cared for. That’s more than anyone has ever done for me.”

“That’s stupid.” Niall says with a small smile, pressing their foreheads together. “He was stupid. He didn’t know what he had. I hate everything that he put you through. He should have been giving you the world.”

“He doesn’t matter anymore.” Harry murmurs. “He was just a rough patch on the road that led me here. This is what matters. You are what matters. If you aren’t comfortable with the trip, or you want to split the cost, we’ll figure it out. One day though, I really do want to give you everything.”

“You already have.” Niall chuckles. “But if it matters to you that much, then we can do the trip your way. But I’m probably going to be a nuisance the whole time about you throwing money around.”

“I don’t care in the slightest.” Harry hums. “Besides, I’ll keep you too busy to even consider whinging. Take you to see all the sights during the day, then fuck you all night until you can’t think of anything other than how good it is.”

“I’ll find a way to fit it in.” Niall smirks. “I do dare you to try your best though.”

“I love a challenge.” Harry grins. “Now about that snog-”

 

“Hey Haz?” Niall asks quietly, breaking the silence of their post-coital relaxation.

“Yeah?” Harry hums.

“Um- No, never mind. It’s nothing.” Niall mumbles, hopping off the bed and heading towards the bathroom.

“Don’t give me that.” Harry grunts, resigning himself to following. They need a shower anyways. Pretty badly actually. Dried cum is such an unpleasant sensation, and Niall fucking covered them in it. It was hot as hell then, watching him cum like a fountain while he clenched around Harry’s cock and screamed for him not to stop, but now it’s kind of gross. “Go ahead and ask whatever you were going to ask.”

“No. I’ve messed up today enough already.” Niall mutters. “Just forget it.”

“Niall, if you don’t ask then I’m going to be forced to annoy you until you finally do.” Harry smirks. “Or I’ll spoil all of Downton Abbey for you.”

“Harry.” Niall huffs. “It’s not important, and I don’t want to get in a fight over this.”

“So, you know the new maid right? Ethel?” Harry grins. “Well she sleeps with-”

“ShittingbleedingChristfuck you raging twat!” Niall groans, slapping his hands over his ears. “Fine! I was going to ask about your relationship with Louis.”

“What about it?” Harry asks stiffly, his amusement gone in an instant.

“Just- I don’t know. How you met? Did your family like him? Stuff like that.” Niall shrugs, his eyes cast down at the floor. “You never talk about him. It seems- Forced, I guess. Like you hold back from mentioning him for my sake. It’s fine though. You don’t have to talk about it. I shouldn’t have even thought about it.”

“It’s fine Niall.” Harry sighs. “You’re right. It is forced. I avoid talking about him for both of our sakes. But if you want to know things, then I’ll talk about it.”

“Haz, seriously, it’s fine.” Niall says quietly. “Can we please just go back to the part where I hadn’t fucked everything up for- What? The fourth time today?”

“My mother adored him.” Harry admits, ignoring Niall’s self-deprecation. “And Gemma thought we were the perfect couple. She still thinks that we were the perfect couple. They liked that he was cheeky, and that he loved me before I got famous. They weren’t thrilled about the age difference at first, but they liked Louis enough to overlook it.”

“Harry-” Niall says weakly, looking ashamed.

“It’s okay Niall.” Harry tells him. “You should know. I know your baggage, and you should know mine. We met at a Script concert when I was fifteen and he was seventeen. We were just friends for a long time, almost a year of mostly only talking over Facebook and texting and the occasional Skype session. We hung out from time to time, whenever he could nick his mum’s car. He was- He was the first person I ever told that I was gay. The next night, he showed up at our door in this awful suit, way too big on him, with a bouquet of these half-wilted red roses because that was all he could afford, and he asked me on a date.

“We went to an arcade, and this horribly cheesy Italian restaurant, and then walked in the park. I was so intimidated by him. He was two years older than me, and that seemed like so much at the time. I thought he must have known everything. He was loud, and funny, and cheeky, and so cool I thought that I was going to die because there was no way I was good enough to be around him. I was so fucking weird as a kid. I’m not- It’s not like I’m a normal person now, but God I was weirder than you would believe. 

“He didn’t really kiss me on that first date, just a peck on the cheek. He said that he’d only properly kiss me if I went on a second date with him. And I was just barely sixteen, so of course I agreed because from that first fucking date I thought that I was in love. He came to see my band play, because I was in a band like a total nerd before I decided to audition for X-Factor. He- He also sings. He wanted to audition too, but we didn’t want to compete against each other, so he said that I should do it because I would win. And I did. I fucking won, and I was so upset that night, because I couldn’t thank him on telly for loving me and supporting me, because they had already talked to me about closeting for the sake of my career. Louis told me to do it.”

“He told you to do it?” Niall cuts in incredulously.

“Yeah. We both knew that I wouldn’t get anywhere if I was just some gay little twink, because you can’t market that as well as a straight teenage heart-throb.” Harry continues. “So we, as naïve fucking teenagers, decided it was for the best for me to stay in the closet because we didn’t think it would change things from the way they were before. We thought that nothing else mattered as long as we loved each other, because we could take on the entire fucking world together. I was fucking sixteen. I didn’t know any better. I thought that he was this strong, invincible force, and that nothing could break us if he was by my side.

“And for a while I was right. We were still good. It was rough, but we managed. And then for a while longer, I thought I was right, because I was too stupid to see what was in front of my face. Then I turned nineteen and I started to see the changes, started to see how it was whittling away at him. And I couldn’t keep ignoring it after the first time he hit me. I confronted him about it, and he said that he just missed me, and that made him angry sometimes. It made him reach for the bottle. He hit me because he needed me to see how much pain he was in always being separated from me. And constantly seeing me on someone else’s arm, even though it was always fake, meant it was okay for him to be with other people too. But he apologized at first. He always cried and begged for forgiveness, and I gave it, because I loved him and I just wanted to be with him.

“Then that last fucking year, he stopped pretending. He stopped apologizing. He said he was trying to get better, but that he needed something to help him cope. He needed something to tie us together, even when we were apart. So we decided to have a baby. We decided to have a baby once I got back from my next tour, and we were going to come out, and he would be sober, and everything was going to be good again like magic. 

“We looked for surrogates. We found one too. She was funny, and sweet, and beautiful. She would have given us an amazing child. I didn’t realize until it was too late that they’d fallen in love. I didn’t realize that he was going to run away and leave me behind to marry Eleanor, who was supposed to be giving us a child to start our family. And that’s it. That’s the short version of my relationship. Anything else you want to know?”

“How are you still standing?” Niall asks, his eyes gone wide.

“I wasn’t until I found you.” Harry admits quietly. “I was broken, faking my way through any, and every interaction. It took me a year before I was able to feel anything except grief. And then you made me really smile, and really laugh, and remember that it’s okay to feel things like that still. That he didn’t destroy me, he just changed me. I’m better for it, because in the end I met you, and like I said earlier, that’s all that matters.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, the next update is going to be a bit different. I've been working on something that, while I haven't enjoyed writing it, I feel is important to the story. So in two days I will be posting bonus chapter to this story that is effectively a glimpse into Harry and Louis' entire relationship from start to finish in detail. I'm not posting the chapter here in MMU MMY however. Rather, I'll be publishing it as a separate story so that people who don't like to read Larry, or people who could be triggered by the events of the story (because it deals graphically with domestic abuse in several forms, as well as substance abuse, a scene of underage smut (16 and 18), cheating, eating disorders, and brief thoughts of suicide), don't have to read it. If you can though, I really recommend reading it. It offers a much deeper insight into why Harry is the way he is and about his thought processes now that he's with Niall. It also shows just how deep his issues really run to help people understand that his problems are just as powerful, and have just as much influence over him, as Niall's. They just present differently.
> 
> I'll be making both stories part of a two part series, so the link will be at the top of this page when I publish, as well as the bottom. If you're reading this after chapter 21 has been published, and can stomach it, I recommend that you read the bonus chapter next before continuing because that's how I wrote this to be read.
> 
> Also, a massive thank you to Kayla/narrymusings for being my rock throughout this last week. You're amazing.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to to go for fluffy with this chapter since the last one and the Larry prequel were just so much angst. 
> 
> When you get to the song, it's I see Fire by Ed Sheeran. You can find it here, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fngvQS_PmQ and if you've never listened to it before, or even if you have, I recommend listening to it, if just for story-line purposes.

“Do you want me to just go?” Niall asks quietly. It’s been over an hour, nearly two in fact, since Harry told him everything that happened with Louis, and he’s been silent ever since. Through the shower, and cooking, and Downton, he hasn’t let out so much as a single word.

“Of course not.” Harry says with a confused look, pausing the show and turning to face Niall on the couch. “Why would you think that?”

“I just- It’s obvious that I upset you.” Niall mumbles. “I wouldn’t blame you. It’s okay if you want to be alone, or if you’re mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you Niall.” Harry says softly. “I’m just a bit- Drained, I guess. I’ve never told anyone all of that before. Like, people know that Louis and Eleanor are together obviously, but none of the three of us have ever said how they met. My mum and sister think they met after he left me. I couldn’t tell them the truth. Even after everything, I didn’t want them to hate him. I wanted them to still see him as the guy they trusted with me, the guy they loved almost as much as I did. You’re one of only four people that knows the truth as far as I’m aware.”

“Oh.” is all Niall can think to say. 

“Today has been a really long day.” Harry sighs, running his hands over his face. “I’m glad we got to spend it together, but I’m so wiped out from everything we’ve talked about. It’s not how I saw today going at all.”

“Sorry.” Niall says, pulling his knees to his chest. “That’s all on me.”

“I don’t regret it though Nialler.” Harry says with a smile. “I’m glad we got everything out in the open. You were right that night we became friends. It does feel good to get these things out. It’s just also kind of exhausting. I didn’t realize that just talking could be so- Intense.”

“Do you want to go to bed?” Niall offers.

“It’s early.” Harry points out, looking at the clock that reminds them it’s only just half nine with bright red numerals. “If we go to sleep now it’ll muck up our sleep patterns.”

“I’ll manage, and honestly, I think you could use a bit more rest than usual tonight.” Niall tells him. “It wouldn’t kill you to get eight hours instead of six for once. And you could still get up before the sun to go running.”

“One more episode, then we can go to bed early like geriatrics.” Harry grins.

“One more.” Niall nods.

 

“Nooooo!” Harry pouts, burrowing further into Niall’s neck and wrapping his limbs around the blond like a clingy octopus.

“Since when is this how this goes?” Niall laughs, squirming around to try and remove himself from Harry’s grip. Harry has no plans of letting him go any time soon though. “What’s gotten into you?”

“I don’t want you to go.” Harry whines.

“I’m going to the loo, not my flat.” Niall snorts. “Haz, I have to wee, and I’m pretty sure neither of us is into watersports.”

“No, no I’m not.” Harry giggles. “But you can hold it.”

“Haz!” Niall groans.

“Nialler!” Harry squeals, mocking his nasally, gravelly morning voiced whine.

“I swear, I will ruin your nice silk sheets.” Niall huffs. “Just give me two minutes to wee. I’ll even brush my teeth while I’m in there so you don’t have to deal with my horrible morning breath.”

“I’m timing you.” Harry hums, relinquishing his grip. “Two minutes and then I start shouting Downton Spoilers.”

“I’m going to catch up on that show eventually.” Niall grumbles, scrambling out of the bed like he’s afraid Harry is just tricking him and is going to drag him back. The thought has definitely crossed his mind. “Then where will your threats be?”

“I’ll find something else to get you into.” Harry grins, staring unabashedly at Niall’s bare ass as he walks away. “And if that doesn’t work, then there’s always withholding sex.”

“Try it. Let’s see how long you last.” Niall scoffs, closing the door behind him. He’s right. Harry wouldn’t last five minutes trying to withhold sex from Niall. It’s fucking mind-blowing every time and he’s becoming a bit of an addict for it.

So instead he counts his lucky stars that he still has three and a half series worth of Downton that he can spoil for Niall instead. He hums the theme to himself while waiting for Niall to exit the bathroom, and right as he finishes the fourth round, the blond steps out, looking noticeably relieved. “Two minutes on the dot.” Harry laughs.

“Don’t need you telling me what happens with Matthew and Mary’s wedding now do I?” Niall huffs, crawling back into the bed when Harry makes grabby hands for him. “Even though I’m pretty sure it’s going to end in disaster.”

“Maybe.” Harry muses, wrapping his limbs around the blond. “Maybe not.”

“Okay, I don’t want you to think I mind this, because for sure I don’t, but really, why are you so cuddly this morning?” Niall asks. “You didn’t even want to go run. I’m feeling a bit like you did yesterday when I said we should keep watching instead of eating.”

“I’m just feeling a bit relieved if I’m honest.” Harry admits, mumbling the words into Niall’s neck. “I wasn’t sure how you’d react to the whole Louis-eloping-with-our-surrogate-thing.”

“Did you think I’d run away or something?” Niall questions.

“It might have been a concern.” Harry sighs. “Most of me knew that you wouldn’t, but you kept trying to pull away from me yesterday, and I just- There’s always going to be this niggling little part of my brain that thinks you’re going to abandon me, because if he could, then so could you.”

“I’m not going anywhere Haz.” Niall says gently, placing a soft kiss on his forehead. “I’ll stay for as long as you want me to.”

“Ooh, dangerous promises.” Harry giggles. “You might never leave my bed again then.”

“Then you need to get a telly in here.” Niall chuckles. “And a mini-fridge. And a deadbolt on the bedroom door, because Zaynie knows your address and gate code, and he will come for blood when I start to call off every day just to stay here shagging with you.”

“I’ll look up locksmiths after breakfast.” Harry hums.

 

“Um- Nialler? Babe? What are you doing?” Harry asks carefully, placatingly, as if Niall is some sort of skittish wild animal that will startle and flee if anyone moves or speaks too fast.

“I’m fixing a bloody car.” Niall snorts. “The fuck does it look like I’m doing Haz? I’m cooking.”

“I thought you couldn’t cook.” Harry huffs.

“I can make scrambled eggs. I would have waited, but we didn’t do so much eating of food yesterday, and you were taking too long to get back from your run.” Niall shrugs.

“Your eggs are burning.” Harry tells him, heading towards the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water.

“I like them finely browned.” Niall hums, scooting the fluffed eggs around in the pan.

“Those are not browned, they’re burned.” Harry chuckles, placing a kiss on Niall’s temple before hopping up on the counter and staring into Niall’s pan. “It’s a shame you were so impatient. I was feeling like quiche this morning. Little bit of spinach and prosciutto, maybe a nice sharp cheese to cut through the smokiness.”

“Oi, if you didn’t take so bloody long to run then we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” Niall grumbles. “We’d be watching a quiche bake, or maybe you’d be fucking me over the counter for something to do while we waited on it.”

“Ooh, I like the way you think.” Harry smirks.

“S’not happening now, is it?” Niall muses, dumping his ‘finely browned’ eggs onto a plate and heading off towards the table. Harry sighs and scrambles to follow after him.

“I swear, if you keep turning me down for food over sex, then I’m going to have to resort to covering my body in chocolate sauce.” Harry mumbles, taking the seat Niall has pulled out for himself and then tugging the blond down onto his lap.

“Knowing you, the chocolate sauce would be some low-calorie, organic shite that tastes just awful.” Niall giggles, ducking in to press a light kiss onto Harry’s forehead. “Besides, I’m not turning down sex. I was pointing out that sex could have been had, had you not spent so long outside. What was on your mind?”

“Louis stuff.” Harry says quietly, shrugging in a way that Niall thinks is supposed to be nonchalantly, but just comes off as stressed.

“You okay?” Niall asks carefully, still unsure of how far onto this path he’s allowed to tread before he’ll be chased off.

“Just- You’re still planning on staying through today, right?” Harry asks softly, his gaze locked on where his hands are clasped around Niall’s waist, rather than his eyes.

“Ten Zayn Maliks couldn’t drag me out of here today.” Niall murmurs. “Told you I’d stay as long as you want me.”

“Except tomorrow we won’t see each other again.” Harry mutters.

“Reckon that was never a great plan to start off with.” Niall admits, barely suppressing a laugh when Harry’s head whips up with eyes as wide as the moon. “Don’t think it was doing either of us much good.”

“Does that mean-” Harry asks, leaving the question open ended, though it’s clear what it’s actually asking.

“Don’t think I want to spend another minute away from you that I don’t have to.” Niall chuckles.

“What about losing our heads?” Harry asks.

“Nobody I would rather lose my head with.” Niall says softly, leaning down to place a light kiss on Harry’s lips that has the brunet sighing and relaxing underneath him.

 

“No!” Niall roars, leaping off the couch and fisting his hands in his hair. “No, no, no!”

“Niall, relax.” Harry says quietly, shrinking in on himself at the sight of the outburst. He knows that Niall isn’t Louis, that this isn’t going to end with him nursing bruises and crying into his pillow when his lover falls asleep. That doesn’t stop the automatic fear reaction when it happens though. Doesn’t stop the way his body flinches away from the noise and anger.

“She can’t die!” Niall groans, dropping back onto the couch and scrubbing furiously at his face where a few tears have leaked out. “Sybil was my favorite. Well, second favorite because I kind of adore Branson, but still.”

“I know Babe.” Harry chuckles, tamping down his nerves to place a hand on Niall’s shoulder.

“It’s so stupid.” Niall mumbles. “Why did they kill her off? Why not Edith or somebody?”

“Because Julian Fellowes is a cruel, cruel man.” Harry hums.

“I hate this show.” Niall mutters, pulling his knees up to his chest and leaning against the armrest. “And I know Matthew is going to die too, because of those episodes you made me watch before we started this.”

“Yes, yes, it’s a terribly depressing show with so much drama that it eats you up inside.” Harry nods. “You like it though. Even if you only adore Branson because he looks like you and he’s also Irish.”

“He does not look like me.” Niall huffs.

“Actually Babe, he really does.” Harry grins. “Just, like, older. It’s a compliment though. Branson is hot.”

“Who’s hotter?” Niall asks.

“Oh, definitely you.” Harry smirks, his uneasiness all but dissipated with the easy banter.

“Oh my god, you’re lying!” Niall scoffs. “Your lip is doing that twitchy thing it does when you lie.”

“It is not.” Harry pouts. “Because I’m not lying.”

“It just did it again.” Niall laughs. “It’s fine. I know he’s hotter than me. Kind of comes along with being a television star.”

“You’re definitely hot enough to be a television star.” Harry tells him. “Everyone would go wild for you.”

“Is that ever weird for you?” Niall asks, steering the conversation away from the playful flirting that Harry had been aiming for. “You know, the whole ‘everybody in the world wants to have sex with you’ thing?”

“Not everybody in the world.” Harry snorts.

“But a good deal more than most people.” Niall argues. “Literally millions of people have probably gotten off to you. Doesn’t that weird you out?”

“I guess I’ve never really thought about it.” Harry admits with a shrug. “It’s not- It’s not exactly something that matters is it?”

“I guess not.” Niall shrugs back. “Just think it would be weird for me if things were switched.”

“Believe me, I deal with far weirder things than people being sexually attracted to me.” Harry chuckles. “People are- People are strange. Let’s just leave it at that. I’ve been sent some very strange pieces of fan-mail, and one time I razzed on the side of the road and someone found it and put it up on e-bay.”

“And suddenly, I am so glad I never made it as a singer.” Niall giggles. 

“Sing something for me.” Harry says, the idea now a sudden need deep inside of his system. He can’t believe he’s never heard Niall sing, or play his guitar for that matter. He can’t believe that this is something he’s let slip until now.

“Absolutely not.” Niall scoffs.

“Niall!” Harry whines. “Do it!”

“There is no way on earth that I am singing for you.” Niall snorts. “It’s not happening.”

 

“How the bloody hell did this happen?” Niall asks, blinking at his surroundings as if he can’t remember the filthy promises that Harry made (and definitely plans on keeping) in order to get him here for this. Zayn chuckles and rolls his eyes, and Liam just offers a bright smile while he passes over Niall’s guitar case.

Niall had absolutely forbade Harry from wearing the wig, so now he’s got all of his hair tucked up into a beanie like he hasn’t worn in years, and a pair of thick glasses that don’t actually have a prescription rest on the bridge of his nose. His clothes are old and worn, the loose material of his cargo shorts near-foreign on his legs which are used to being suffocated by denim, and the long-sleeved flannel shirt a bit too hot for the summer temperature. Overall he thinks he looks relatively nondescript. Niall doesn’t seem so sure if the way he keeps looking Harry up and down is any indication.

“You look like a hipster piece of shit.” he finally grumbles. “Can’t believe I’m dating you.”

“I like you too.” Harry beams, distorting his voice with a nasally pitch.

“Don’t do that.” Niall groans. “The look is enough. Just- Just leave the nerd voice at home or something.”

“Don’t be mean to him just because you’re nervous.” Liam scolds, wrapping his arm around Harry’s shoulder protectively. “Though, I have to say, I’ve never seen you nervous about this.”

“Never performed in front of a bloody top-selling musician have I?” Niall huffs. “Besides, we don’t even know if Craig will let me do anything.”

“I shut down early just to watch this.” Zayn smirks. “Do you think I’d have done that without checking with Craig first?”

“Fucker.” Niall mutters.

“It’s been ages since I’ve gotten to hear you sing Nialler.” Zayn says, a soft smile taking place on his face.

“Fine, but you two are getting up there too.” Niall argues. “If I have to do this, then the least you can do is share in my humiliation.”

“Does that mean you’re doing-” Liam asks, leaving the question un-ended, though Niall clearly understands it.

“It’s my best song.” Niall nods. “Might as well minimize the amount I embarrass myself. You two remember it?”

“Yeah.” Liam nods.

“You only made us learn it for like, three weeks straight.” Zayn scoffs, though it sounds more affectionate than like genuine inconvenience. “We’ll back you up Nialler. You just focus on not shitting yourself in front of your boyfriend.”

“Haz, d’you mind if I grab a pint first?” Niall asks, fidgeting with the old material of his guitar case rather than looking Harry in the eyes. “Just one. Helps the nerves.”

“If it helps.” Harry nods.

“Thank god.” Niall breathes out in a sigh of relief, wandering over to the bar and leaving Zayn and Liam to tug Harry to a back booth.

“Since when does Niall ask for permission to drink?” Zayn asks once they’re settled in.

“He knows it makes me uncomfortable when he gets drunk.” Harry mumbles.

“Ah.” Zayn says with a knowing nod. “Forgot you were booze-free.”

“Leave it Zaynie.” Niall says, sliding into the booth beside Harry once he sets his guitar case on the ground. “It’s none of your business.”

“Lund lai mera.” Zayn snorts.

“Suck your own dick.” Niall grumbles, taking a long drink from his pint before his leg stops jumping up and down. “I’m not interested. Got a better looking bloke than you in my bed.”

“You’re very close to losing your backing vocals Nialler.” Zayn huffs.

“Lima Bean will help me, won’t you?” Niall asks.

“Not if he wants to get his own dick sucked.” Zayn grins.

“You two are such-” Harry starts, catching himself before he lets out the word ‘brothers’ and upsets Niall. He recovers with “Strange friends.”

“Nialler is the strange one.” Zayn laughs. “He doesn’t need us up there. He’ll sound bloody brilliant just by himself. He’s just all nervous because you’re here, and he’s singing a song by someone you’re friends with.”

“Oh, who?” Harry asks eagerly.

“Ed Sheeran.” Liam beams. “Though, I think the three of us are almost as good when we do it.”

“You two maybe.” Niall mutters.

“He’s a bit self-deprecating if you hadn’t noticed that yet.” Zayn chuckles.

“Whatever. Are we doing this or not?” Niall asks, picking up his guitar case and setting it on the table. He flips it open without waiting for a response, taking out the guitar with a gentleness akin to carrying an infant. Harry can appreciate that. Ed is actually the exact same way with his instruments, so he’d get a kick out of it.

“Lead the way.” Liam grins, stepping out of the booth and grabbing Zayn by the wrist before he can protest. If his face is anything to go by though, that was never in the cards. The fondness on his features disappears when Niall looks back at him, replaced with a scowl, but it’s back once the blond heads towards the area Craig has set up for the three of them. 

It’s nothing particularly elaborate, just three stools and one microphone set at the center of them, plugged into a modest speaker. This must not be the first time this has happened though, because the idle chatter of the patrons dies down as soon as they take their seats, Liam and Zayn flanking Niall in the center. There’s a bunch of hushed whispers, excitement clear in all of them. Harry can’t help but feel proud for Niall for getting that reaction from everyone. For having an audience be so completely captivated that they go silent for him once he scoots forward.

“Alright, you’ve pretty much all heard this before.” Niall says into the mic, chuckles when a few whistles and cheers erupt out of the crowd. “Don’t go getting excited you bunch of rowdy drunks. You all know where I’m going with this. Let’s give it up for Mr. Sheeran for giving us something to work with though. And Zaynie and Lima Bean for making me sound good.”

An even louder cheer goes up this time, people laughing and clapping as Niall and the other two settle into place. It doesn’t seem to matter to people that they’ve heard the performance before. They all want it. Harry can’t remember the last time he felt that. He loves his job, and his fans, but he wishes sometimes that he could take the simple joy in it that everyone here still seems to.

Niall leans forward first, his guitar gripped tight, but otherwise left forgotten as he starts “Oh, misty eye of the mountain below, keep careful watch of my brothers' souls, and should the sky be filled with fire and smoke, keep watching over Durin's sons.”

Harry is shocked from the first line. Niall’s voice is gorgeous. It has this beautiful rasp, and a perfect vibrato that fits so well with the music. His fingers pluck at the strings once he finishes the first verse, a simple melody, melancholic and stunning to fit as Zayn and Liam join with Niall, taking the higher parts while Niall keeps up his deeper rasp.

“If this is to end in fire, then we should all burn together, watch the flames climb higher, into the night.” they sing, harmonizing beautifully. Zayn and Liam are brilliant, each having voices that are clear and are obviously strong enough to each lead, but they default to Niall, and it’s easy to see why. He’s incomparable. His eyes have drifted shut, his fingers picking out the chords instinctively to perfect the sound, a picture of pure serenity. A true musician.

Harry is enraptured, watching as Niall loses himself in the song. He’s cast a spell over the entire pub, and it’s like they’ve all collectively decided not to breathe, lest it break. Harry though, Harry is one of the only people who can pick out the significance of the song. He knows what it really means to Niall, because Niall really does see fire in his nightmares. It’s always there flickering behind his eyelids, reminding him of not only the possibility of his brother’s death like in the song, but the reality of his family’s. He’s impossibly strong to be able to perform this. Harry can’t even begin to understand how much Niall must be feeling right now.

He thinks enough to pull out his mobile by the chorus, and he pulls up his video camera. It’s not nearly good enough to capture how brilliant the performance is, can’t accurately depict the way the light plays across Niall’s face like flickering flames with each movement, or each beautiful growl that’s too deep for the microphone to catch properly. It’s all he can do though.

The performance ends with one final rasp from Niall, stronger and more emotional than even the rest of the song has been so far. Harry can feel tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. Nothing happens for a moment, a perfect stillness as people take in the entirety of the song. Then the entire pub erupts, loud cheers and clapping so intense that it echoes off the walls like thunder.

Niall’s eyes don’t open for another moment, a small smile spreading across his face when Zayn and Liam bring their hands to his shoulders. Niall blushes sheepishly and then leans forward towards the microphone and says “Alright, that’s all you guys get tonight. I was forced into doing this much, so you’ll just have to wait until next time I feel like doing this for you bunch of tossers.”

A laugh echoes through the room, followed by a few lighthearted jeers. Niall waves them off with a sheepish blush, walking back towards the table with his guitar while Liam and Zayn trail behind with fond smiles. Harry leaps out of the booth, tucking his mobile back into his pocket wrapping Niall up in a tight embrace. “You were brilliant.” Harry murmurs in his ear.

“Nah. I needed these two just to make me sound halfway decent.” Niall chuckles, his blush just going deeper.

“No, Niall, you were absolutely amazing.” Harry says adamantly. “You’re so perfect, and you don’t even see it. It’s true though.”

“Stop it.” Niall mumbles, placing his guitar back in the case. “You’re just saying that because you forced me into playing, and because I suck your dick.”

“Will you stop being modest and just let me love you?” Harry huffs. He doesn’t even realize that it’s slipped out until Niall freezes. He whips his head around, eyes gone wide like a terrified animal’s. It’s like Harry moves in slow motion from there, but the rest of the world moves at warp-speed. Niall is out the door before Harry can even comprehend what’s happened, Zayn following behind him after a few moments.

His brain kick-starts again after a minute, and he turns to chase after Niall, but a hand in the crook of his elbow stops him. He turns back to look, and Liam just shakes his head. “Leave this to Zayn.” he says quietly. “You going after him will just make things worse.”

“I didn’t mean to say that.” Harry croaks out, his throat suddenly dry. “I- I mean, I do love him, but I didn’t mean to say it yet.”

“I know Harry.” Liam nods. “We should have warned you. We just didn’t think this was coming so soon.”

“Warned me about what?” Harry asks.

“He’s never said that before.” Liam tells him, pulling Harry into the booth.

“I kind of got that when he told me that he’s never been in a real relationship.” Harry sighs.

“No, Harry you don’t understand.” Liam mumbles, staring into Niall’s leftover beer just like Harry had done that first night he learned what Niall was really like. “I don’t mean that he’s never told a guy that he loved them before. I mean anyone. Not a single person since his family died, and the rest of them abandoned him. Niall has literally never strung together the words ‘I love you’ before. Not for the last seventeen years at least. Not to Zayn, or me, or the Maliks. He’s never, ever said it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I tried for fluffy. I did not say that I succeeded.
> 
> Okay, announcement time again. This story will be going on a very limited hiatus, starting today, and continuing until Sunday, the 12th of July. I need some time to build up back my cushion on this story, as well as the ability to work on the other stories that I've got going on right now. I'm sorry, but I have to do this. The Larry portion really threw me for a loop to write, more than almost any of you will understand, and it's put me a bit off kilter. I need time where I don't have to worry about deadlines or anything else except going at my own pace, whatever that may be for the day. I'll be back in ten days though, and I hope the last few chapters are worth the wait, because we're coming up on the end of this story.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, guess who's back with a brand new chap that got everybody in the club goin mad! Okay, probably not, but still. MMU MMY is officially off of hiatus and on a new posting schedule. Originally the point of the hiatus was to build back up the cushion to this, or maybe even just finish it, but things didn't work out that way. I ended up getting rid of a lot of the stress that was plaguing me though, and I did write a lot (~45k words or so, mostly for my mini bang fic), so I count it as a win. What that means though is that instead of every 4 days, I'll be posting every 7, so Sundays will be the update days until I finish writing it, and we'll see what happens then. Also, warning ahead for gratuitous schmoopy fluff and Niall being a romantic sap with a lot of personal issues.

“Well I thought I’d find you here. Don’t know how the fuck you got away from me that fast with your bum knee.” Zayn mutters, taking a seat on the bench next to Niall in the courtyard behind Malink. Niall doesn’t respond to him, so Zayn just keeps on talking. “I guess it’s because of my smoker’s lungs. Makes sense. And it’s not exactly like I’m used to running four and a half blocks after a full day of work. At least it’s not winter. I’d have killed you if I’d had to do this in snow. You know how I feel about-”

“I fucked up, didn’t I?” Niall asks in a whisper, just to stem the flood of random babbling that Zayn is unleashing.

“No. It caught us all by surprise. Harry included I think.” Zayn says quietly, shaking out two cigarettes and lighting them up. Niall flinches at the sight of the flame, something he hasn’t done in years. It’s too much right now though. Singing in front of Harry, singing that particular song, Harry saying that. It’s beaten through his walls and he can’t seem to recover. Zayn definitely notices, but he’s kind enough for once not to say anything about it. Instead he just passes over one of the cigs and says “I doubt that Harry will hold this against you though.”

“I fucking ran. He said it, and I ran.” Niall groans.

“You weren’t prepared for it.” Zayn shrugs.

“We’ve only been together for a week.” Niall rasps out through the first inhale.

“But he’s had feelings for you for almost a month. Maybe it is too soon to say that, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t feel it.” Zayn explains. “And it doesn’t mean you have to say it back. Liam and I were going to talk to him about this, about your thing with that word. We thought we had more time though.”

“I did too.” Niall admits. 

“Do you?” Zayn asks, the meaning behind the question obvious.

“I don’t know.” Niall mumbles. “Maybe? I know I care about him more than I’ve ever cared about anyone. I know that I hate not being around him. I know that we fit together in a way I don’t think I could ever hope to find with anyone else. But I don’t know if it’s that, because I don’t know what that feels like.”

“Do you think it could be though?” Zayn questions.

“I do.” Niall nods. “But I can’t say that. Not yet. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to, and he deserves better than that.”

“Harry deserves a lot of things, but they aren’t necessarily what are going to make him happy Nialler.” Zayn hums. “I’ve known Harry for a long time, and I’ve never seen him happier than he is with you. So maybe you can’t say it, maybe you’ll never be able to, but that doesn’t mean you can’t let him know that this is how you feel. Love is about a lot more than just the word. It’s about what you do. It’s about putting someone else before yourself, and letting them know that they’re the most important thing in your entire life.”

“So what should I do?” Niall asks.

“That’s up to you to figure out.” Zayn chuckles. “But one way you might go is a song. You both share music, and that’s what got him to say it in the first place. Plus Harry is a huge sucker for romantic gestures.”

“I might have something in mind.” Niall says after a moment, the beginnings of an idea forming in the back of his mind. “But I’ll need Liam to bring me my guitar.”

 

Apparently pacing is just a habit for Harry now whenever he gets stressed out. Normally he’d go for a run, burn the stress out of his body until exhaustion overtook him, but on the increasingly-off chance that Niall shows up, Harry doesn’t want to not be there. It’s only been three hours. Niall might still come back. Might at least call.

Of course, every time Harry lets himself hope that that might happen, Liam’s voice comes back to him. ‘Niall has literally never strung together the words ‘I love you’ before. Not for the last seventeen years at least. Not to Zayn, or me, or the Maliks. He’s never, ever said it.’ It’s not that Harry needs him to say the words back right now, he hadn’t even meant to say it himself, but if Niall can’t ever say it, can’t bring himself to utter those three words, Harry doesn’t know what’ll happen. He’s not sure he can be with someone who can’t even lower their defenses down enough to say that.

And then he gets furious with himself, because he knows that he’s just using that as an excuse. Niall isn’t Louis. He’s not withholding affection out of spite or anger. He’s traumatized. He’s a victim just as much as Harry ever was, only it’s taken a different tack with Niall. It’s made him overly-protective of himself, because until recently there was nobody to help protect him. Niall only has a few people in his life who matter to him, and they know he loves them, whether he says it or not. Niall finds other ways to let them know. There’s no reason to think that it would be any different with Harry.

Except maybe it is. Maybe Harry is just trying to validate a relationship that can’t move past the beginning stages. He has a history of being a glutton for punishment, of picking the wrong man and sticking with it just because he’s too scared to be alone. When he’s alone he shuts down, he becomes robotic. So he stays with men who make him feel broken, who make him feel small, because then at least he feels something. 

But Niall has never made Harry feel small. He’s always lifted Harry up, made him see himself in the light that he should have been seeing himself in all along. He makes Harry laugh, really laugh, without even meaning to. He makes Harry feel safe and protected. He makes Harry want to be more than he is, not just for Niall, or his fans, or his family, but for himself, which is something he’s never had before.

There’s some bloody racket out on the street, and it’s distracting Harry from the indecisive tennis match going on inside his head. He’s about to throw open the door and tell whoever it is that they need to keep it down or he’ll call the police. It’s one in the bloody morning for god’s sake. But then his brain finally processes the noise that it’s hearing, and he freezes in place. He knows this song. It’s his fucking song. The arrangement is different, slow and melodic rather than upbeat and poppy, but it’s his song. Somebody has fucking found him.

And then his muscles relax, because he knows that rasp, even if he’s only heard it once before. “You’re insecure, don’t know what for, you’re turning heads when you walk through the door. Don’t need makeup, to cover up, being the way you are is enough.”

Harry opens up the door slowly, taking a deep breath to keep himself from gasping when his eyes land on Niall standing in the center of the street with his guitar “Everyone else in the room can see, everyone else but you, baby you light up my world like nobody else, the way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed, but when you smile at the ground, it ain’t hard to tell, you don’t know, you don’t know you’re beautiful.”

“You’ve gone mad.” Harry chokes out as something between a laugh, and a sob of relief that everything hasn’t gone straight to shit, catches in his throat.

Niall just pushes on, despite the smile that quirks at his lips. “But if only you saw what I can see, you’d understand why I want you so desperately. Well I’m looking at you, and I can’t believe, you don’t know, you, you don’t know you’re beautiful.”

“Have you quite finished?” Harry asks with a wide grin.

“Not even close.” Niall says as he plays through a guitar solo. “Spent the last few hours memorizing this.”

“Come inside. You’re going to wake up the entire street.” Harry chuckles.

“Oh c-come on, you got it wrong.” Niall sings, a small smile on his face as he steps forward just a bit, staying in the street despite Harry’s huff of protest. “To prove I’m right, I’m singing your song.”

“Those are not the lyrics.” Harry scoffs.

“You’re acting shy, I don’t know why. I can tell by the look in your eye. Everyone else in the room can see, everyone else but you.” Niall continues, undaunted by Harry’s words. “Oh baby you light up my world like nobody else, the way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed, but when you smile at the ground, it ain’t hard to tell, you don’t know, oh you don’t know you’re beautiful.”

“But if only you saw what I can see, you’d understand why I want you so desperately, well I’m looking at you, and I can’t believe, you don’t know, you, you don’t know you’re beautiful.” Niall repeats, his voice getting raw in a way that suits the song better than it should considering the way it was written. “You don’t know you’re beautiful.”

“Now are you done?” Harry asks as the last chords fade away into the night.

“Haz, I’m so sorry I ran away.” Niall mumbles.

“Liam explained everything.” Harry admits. “I- I didn’t mean to say it like that Niall.”

“Oh.” Niall says, his eyes going wide for a second before darting to the ground.

“That doesn’t mean that I don’t feel it Niall, because I do, but I didn’t mean to do it like that.” Harry explains. “It’s not supposed to be something that you just let slip out the first time. And even without knowing exactly why, I was scared it would send you running if I said it this early.”

“I wasn’t prepared.” Niall sighs.

“But you shouldn’t have to be prepared for that Niall.” Harry says quietly. “You shouldn’t have to brace yourself when I say I love you.”

“That’s- That’s not what I mean.” Niall says, desperation creeping into his voice as he takes another step forward. “I just- I’m not ready to say it, and I don’t know if I ever will be, but I don’t ever want you to think I don’t care about you. I just hadn’t found a way to show it. I’m still not sure that I did a very good job at that honestly. It’s easier with Zaynie and Lima Bean, because they just- They just know. But you and I, this is still new, and I was afraid that if I couldn’t find a way to show it to you, then you’d think that you aren’t the most important person in my life, because those words are just too hard for me under any circumstances. I want to say it Haz. I promise I do, but I just can’t yet.”

“I know.” Harry says gently. “And I don’t expect you to, or want you to before you’re ready. Is it- Is it okay if I say it though?”

“Yeah.” Niall breathes out, crossing the space between them until he’s only a few inches away. “Yeah, that’s good. I uh- I really don’t mind that at all. I promise I won’t run again if you do.”

“I love you.” Harry murmurs, cupping Niall’s cheek with a hand. “Are you coming in or not?”

“Do you want me to?” Niall asks.

“Yeah.” Harry nods. “Please.”

“Did uh- Did you like the song?” Niall asks once Harry closes the door behind them.

“It’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. That was Matty’s version, wasn’t it?” Harry questions.

“Um, yeah.” Niall nods, a light flush tinting his cheeks. He makes his way to the couch with Harry following right behind. “You mean Matt Healy right? From the Nineteen-Seventy-Five?”

“That would be him.” Harry chuckles. “I swear I had a stroke when he covered that on the Live Lounge.”

“Zayn told me about it.” Niall laughs. “I was working on it during our off-night the other night to surprise you with at some point down the line if I ever worked up the balls to sing in front of you.”

“I liked yours better.” Harry grins.

“It’s supposed to have a piano to accompany.” Niall waves him off.

“Yeah, but you didn’t pick it because you knew I liked the cover, did you?” Harry asks knowingly.

“No.” Niall admits. “I picked it because it said everything I wanted to say to you. I picked it because you really don’t know how beautiful you are, and because, as cheesy as it fucking sounds, you really do light up my world.”

“Like nobody else?” Harry hums.

“Like nobody else.” Niall agrees, knocking his shoulder against Harry’s. “And I needed you to know that that’s how I feel. It’s just lucky for me somebody made a cover of that one that suited my style a bit better. Can’t say that I could have made it sound sincere if I’d done it like the original.”

“It does sound like a bad pickup line, doesn’t it?” Harry laughs.

“I wouldn’t say that, but that’s mostly because I’m really into the guy who sings it.” Niall muses. “He changed my life.”

“You sound like a fan-girl.” Harry snorts.

“Beginning to feel like one.” Niall chuckles. “He’s on my mind all the time, even when I should be focusing on something else. And I’ve dreamt about him almost every night since he came into my life. And he means more to me than he’ll ever know. So maybe I am a bit of a fan-girl.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re the luckiest fan-girl ever then.” Harry smirks.

“Okay, can we stop referring to me as a girl now?” Niall huffs. “I’m still very much a man, despite that whole rom-com display.”

“Mm, would you care to remind me of that then?” Harry asks, grabbing ahold of the neck of Niall’s guitar to set it to the side. “That you’re ‘still very much a man’ that is.”

“Are you really in the mood after what I did?” Niall asks hesitantly.

“I am after you came back and called me beautiful a bunch of times.” Harry hums. “You know what that does to me.”

“That’s not why I did it.” Niall says adamantly.

“I know.” Harry nods. “You’re not that callous. You wouldn’t just come here to seduce me after tonight.”

“I just needed to make sure you understood that I didn’t come here with that in mind.” Niall breathes out. “I wasn’t even sure you’d forgive me, much less want that sort of thing.”

“Well I did, and I do.” Harry says, slinging a leg over Niall’s lap to straddle the blond because his patience is wearing thin, having this conversation go in circles when he could be having Niall inside of him right now instead. “Now do I need to flip my hair and overwhelm you, or are you going to take me upstairs and remind me how much of a man you are?”

“Why wait to get upstairs?” Niall smirks, taking a firm hold of Harry’s hips to flip them and pin him to the sofa. And yeah, that’s kind of exactly the response Harry was hoping for.

 

“You look well and proper tuckered out.” Zayn snorts as soon as Niall steps through the door. “Didn’t get much sleep last night?”

“Haz was insatiable.” Niall slurs out, reaching out with half-blind eyes for coffee that he really only hopes is there. “Didn’t get inside until after one, and then we went three separate times. And then I woke up with my cock in his mouth. And then we went again after breakfast. I’m dead on my feet.”

“Good god.” Liam laughs, pushing a cup into Niall’s hands, much to his relief. It’s warm, and smells vaguely like coffee. It also only tastes vaguely like coffee, so that must mean that it’s Niall’s day to go for the coffee run. Fuck. “Going to have trouble sitting all day?”

“Oh haha, Lima Bean.” Niall huffs. “Haz’ll be the one laid out on his stomach all day for your information. He had a limp when I left.”

“Get it Nialler!” Zayn whoops.

“Not until I get some sleep.” Niall mutters, crashing backwards down onto the couch. “Not even sure it could come to attention right now.”

“I mean, you should probably work on building up stamina then.” Liam giggles. “Because it’s just not fair to have a guy that looks like that and not shag at every opportunity.”

“Hey!” Zayn scowls. “What exactly are you saying Leeyum?”

“Don’t act like you haven’t had a wank or two to Harry Styles.” Liam snorts.

“Who hasn’t?” Zayn scoffs. 

“I will scald your faces off with coffee when I go get some.” Niall growls.

“You can’t be possessive. It happened before you two got together.” Zayn shrugs. “Mostly.”

“Fuck off.” Niall huffs, downing the rest of his coffee in a vain attempt to wake up before he asks “Besides Zaynie, what happened to only being attracted to Liam as far as blokes go?”

“Pretty sure Harry is an exception for a lot of straight guys.” Zayn grins. “The long hair and those lips made it easy to forget it wouldn’t be a girl when I’d picture him choking on-”

“Finish that sentence. I fucking dare you.” Niall snarls, crunching the now-empty Styrofoam cup in his hand.

“God, for someone that had a bunch of sex over the last nine hours, you’re a bit pissy aren’t you?” Zayn chuckles.

“I’m exhausted, and you’re talking about my boyfriend like a sex toy.” Niall grits out. “It’s not funny.”

“Got it.” Zayn nods. “Keep my wank fantasies about Harry to myself.”

“That’d be best.” Niall sighs, leaning back against the couch and palming at his face. “Ugh, why did it have to be him? Why did it have to be someone so fucking gorgeous and famous? Couldn’t I have fallen for someone that half the western world hasn’t gotten their rocks off to?”

“Or, you could just accept that it’s part of what comes along with dating an attractive, wealthy, talented man, and count your blessings.” Liam hums.

“I’m whinging about stupid shite again, aren’t I?” Niall groans.

“Yeah.” Liam says gently.

“It’s fine. I’m fine. I just need to wake up a bit.” Niall mutters. “My brain just isn’t working right because I’m sleep deprived.”

“We’ll all crash on the couch tonight and watch some movies then.” Zayn smiles. “I don’t have any late appointments on the books, so we can shut down a little early too.”

“Actually, Haz and I called off the time apart thing.” Niall admits. “I’m heading back to his after work.”

“Oh.” Liam pouts.

“Relax Payno. We’ll still see each other. Haz is going to be working a bit over the next few weeks, so I’ll still be home for a lot of nights. I just- I just don’t want to waste the time we do have together anymore, you know?” Niall asks.

“Yeah, I get it.” Liam says, the pout still firmly on his mouth. “I just miss our lads’ nights.”

“Well-” Niall hums. “What if Harry joined us for a lads’ night?”

“Harry Styles doing a lads’ night?” Zayn snorts. “You do remember that lads’ nights have a fair bit of drinking and a significant lack of yoga, right? I know it’s been a while since you’ve been around for one, but-”

“Fuck off. Is it a no then?” Niall asks.

“No, he can join.” Zayn smiles. “But he’s not getting any special treatment just because he’s Harry Styles. Not even because he’s your boyfriend.”

“I’m sure he won’t be expecting any.” Niall scoffs.

 

“Lads’ night.” Harry repeats for the fifth time in the last two minutes. “Like- Like a proper lads’ night?”

“Yes Haz. A proper lads’ night.” Niall huffs. “You can turn it down if you don’t want to do it. That’s totally fine. Zaynie and Lima Bean were making fun of me because I’ve missed the last few since I was either with you, or trying to get over you. I asked if you could join, and they said yes. If you don’t want to do it though, I promise that I won’t hold it against you. I know it’s not really your thing.”

“I just- I don’t think I’ve done a proper lads’ night in years.” Harry admits. “If ever really. What- What do you do?”

“We go to a pub. Generally a place where they have a footy match on. Eat food that’s deep fried and terrible for you.” Niall grins. “I always take Zaynie down in darts, but Lima Bean dominates the pool table. Just a bit of fun really.”

“So literally none of my interests?” Harry sighs.

“I told you Haz. It’s fine.” Niall hums. “I thought that you’d turn me down, and I’m perfectly fine with that. I just wanted to offer you the chance to come along when we do it, because after all they’ve done for me lately, I owe Zaynie and Lima Bean a bit of my attention, so I’m doing it this week.”

“I’ll go.” Harry chuckles. “As long as I don’t have to drink, and if you promise not to get too pissed.”

“Sobriety would definitely be a boon at the dart-board.” Niall snorts. “But seriously Haz-”

“I know that I don’t have to, but I want to Nialler. I love you, so if it’s important to you, then I want to at least try.” Harry smiles. “I want to be involved in your life, and not just be this one thing that’s separate from the rest of it. That’s why I wanted you to sing for me. I wanted to glimpse that part of your life.”

“You know more about me than pretty much anyone in the world Haz.” Niall says softly. “I’m not trying to keep you as a separate part of my life from everything else. It’s just that- Well- You being you makes things a bit more difficult to have a more public life together. It’s not like I can just take you anywhere and be with you the way Zaynie can with Lima Bean.”

“I know.” Harry sighs. “It won’t always be like that.”

“You need to do what’s best for your career Haz. I understand that, and I don’t blame you for that either.” Niall tells him. “That’s just the only reason it feels like you’re a separate thing from everything else. I’d never hide you away Haz. I don’t want you to feel like I’m ashamed of you, or keeping you as my dirty little secret or anything.”

“Will you meet my family?” Harry blurts out.

“Um- Sure?” Niall says hesitantly, his face showing that he’s just as unsure where that came from as Harry himself is. 

“Sorry. Shit! I didn’t mean to ask like that.” Harry mumbles burying his face in his hands.

“It’s fine Haz.” Niall chuckles. “You’ll do a lads’ night with me, and I’ll meet your family. But would you mind if Zaynie and Lima Bean came along to that?”

“No, that would be good.” Harry nods. “It’ll give my mum three people to split her attention between so she doesn’t get so intense. Gemma will probably stay pretty focused on you, but I can help out there more than I can with my mum. Besides, if we’re doing a ‘meet the family’ dinner, then you should have representatives too.”

“You make it sound like I’m going to court.” Niall giggles.

“Might feel like it a bit if I’m being honest.” Harry grimaces. “I’ve only had them ‘meet’ one boy, and they already knew Louis for a while before that happened. He literally cried when I took him out to his car. My mum is a very, very nice woman, but she’s also extremely protective.”

“Oh.” Niall squeaks with a very visible gulp. “Well- I hope I don’t cock everything up then.”

“You won’t.” Harry assures him. “But if you need to escape for a minute, then you might want to have a better excuse prepared than the one you gave me that night when you ran out of here.”

“I’ll come up with something.” Niall says shakily. “I’ll do it ahead of time so it’s not on the fly.”

“I’m sure she’ll love you though.” Harry smiles, wrapping his hand around Niall’s waist and pulling the queasy-looking blond into his side. “Because I love you.”

“I’m still not sure how I should respond to that.” Niall admits. “’I like you too’ doesn’t feel like enough, but if I say ‘you too’ it feels like too much for me.”

“’I like you too’ is fine Nialler.” Harry hums. “Or whatever you feel comfortable with. I’d be happy with a kiss or something instead of words if that’s better.”

“That I can do.” Niall grins, bending his neck back to press a light kiss against Harry’s lips. His hand comes up to cup Harry’s jaw, and his lips part with a low whine to encourage Harry to deepen things. Harry takes the invitation greedily, keeping them attached at the lips as he maneuvers the smaller lad into his lap to take away the strain on their necks. Niall only breaks away after a few minutes, giggling breathlessly as he presses their foreheads together.

“Mm, might have to say it all the time if that’s how it’s going to be returned.” Harry smirks.

“Think I could get used to that.” Niall whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, time for a little audience participation! Everyone tell me which chapter you'd rather read first, Harry going on the lads' night out, or Niall, Zaynie, and Lima Bean meeting Harry's family. Obviously I'm going to do both, but I want to know which people want to read first. Voting will be open until 9 a.m. EST on 7/14/2015 and whichever one wins will be the focus of the next chapter, with the other one coming after that. Let me know in the comments, or message me on my tumblr. Thanks everyone!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lads' night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“No.” Niall says adamantly.

“Oh c’mon.” Harry whines. “It’ll make things easier.”

“For who?” Niall scoffs. “Because Zaynie is not going to go easy on you tonight, and if you wear that, then it’ll definitely be much worse for you. Just trust me on this.”

“Why do you hate the wig so much?” Harry pouts.

“Because I don’t like when you don’t look like you.” Niall mumbles. “It’s bad enough when you hide behind the glasses and the beanie, but the wig is too much.”

“Ah.” Harry says knowingly. He leans forward, knocking their foreheads together. “Does that mean you like the way I look?”

“Obviously.” Niall huffs. “It’s my fifth favorite thing about you.”

“Fifth?” Harry asks incredulously. “What are the other four?”

“Fourth is your cooking. It’s definitely your cooking.” Niall grins.

“And third?” Harry questions.

“How you feel in my arms when we go to sleep.” Niall hums.

“Second?” Harry asks, his irritation sliding away to make room for the warm, fuzzy feeling in his stomach.

“How every time you kiss me, I still get butterflies.” Niall says softly.

“And number one?” Harry asks.

“You didn’t run when you found out about all my problems, and you stuck around when I did run, and you don’t just use me. You actually- You actually-” Niall says, choking on the word.

“Love you.” Harry finishes for him.

“Yeah.” Niall whispers. “You love me. How beautiful you are is less important to me than all of that. It’s all of the things that make you up that matters to me, not your appearance.”

“Come here.” Harry says gently, looping his arms around Niall’s neck and pulling him close. He noses his way along Niall’s jaw, leaving soft presses of his lips along the trail he creates. He feels Niall shiver under him, hands clenching in the material of Harry’s shirt. He reaches Niall’s earlobe and murmurs “I really, really love you.”

“Haz-” Niall breathes out, his voice going high and desperate.

“Not yet. We have to meet the boys in twenty minutes.” Harry reminds him. “Tonight. I promise. Whatever you want.”

“Lofty promise.” Niall mutters. “If we’re going to be on time, then you should probably get dressed then.”

“Just trying to be a good boyfriend.” Harry hums.

“A good boyfriend would have let me suck his dick.” Niall grumbles, giving a soft tap on Harry’s ass to move him towards the closet.

“Punctuality is a virtue too many people lack.” Harry muses. “And I want to make a good impression.”

“You’ve known Zaynie and Lima Bean for ages.” Niall scoffs.

“But I wasn’t your boyfriend then.” Harry points out. “And the last time we all got together, things didn’t exactly go as planned.”

“That wasn’t your fault.” Niall says quietly. “It was mine.”

“Fairly sure I’m the one that blurted it out.” Harry laughs.

“But I’m the one who ran.” Niall argues.

“Which wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t said it in the first place.” Harry counters.

“I’m glad you did.” Niall admits shyly. “I know that I didn’t react well at the time, and that my issues are probably driving you crazy, but I like hearing you say it.”

“You do drive me crazy, but not in a bad way. Except when you choose food over sex.” Harry tells him with a small smile pushing at the corner of his mouth. “Other than that, I’m perfectly content with where we are. Elated actually. I’m not saying that everything is perfect, but I’m really happy Nialler.”

“Me too.” Niall says with a quick kiss on Harry’s lips. “Can’t remember ever being this happy honestly.”

 

“You agreed.” Niall pouts.

“Niall!” Harry whines. “It’s so bad for you!”

“It’s literally the healthiest thing they have on the menu.” Niall points out. “It’s fish.”

“That has been deep fried!” Harry groans. 

“No special treatment.” Zayn hums in Niall’s ear.

“Haz, if you don’t order something, your stomach is going to eat itself.” Niall tells him, ignoring Zayn’s teasing. “I promise, one basket of fish and chips isn’t going to kill you.”

“Fine.” Harry sighs. “I’ll have the fish and chips.”

“Give him extra chips.” Niall adds. “And double it for me.”

“If I didn’t want something greasy, why would you order me extra chips?” Harry asks once the bartender totters off with their order.

“So I can steal them from you.” Niall grins. “Food always tastes better when it belongs to someone else.”

“I’m dating a thief!” Harry gasps, clapping his hands to his cheeks and opening his mouth so that he looks like Macaulay Culkin in ‘Home Alone” just for dramatic effect. Zayn snorts out a laugh while Niall just rolls his eyes. “What’s next, my clothes?”

“As if.” Niall scoffs, smiling into his drink as Harry’s face screw up at the comment. Niall had expected indignity, but instead he just receives a pout, so he adds “You’d enjoy that too much. If I’m stealing anything from you it’s that great big telly.”

“’S probably cheaper than half his clothes anyways.” Zayn laughs.

“Excuse me for being a fashion icon.” Harry huffs.

“Didn’t realize that fashionable is what you were going for.” Liam giggles. “I thought it was more hippie-homeless-chic.”

“You’re all ganging up on me!” Harry squawks. “It’s not fair!”

“Relax Haz.” Niall murmurs in his ear. “You know how much I like your clothes. Wouldn’t wear them for you if I thought they were ugly. We’re just taking the piss out of you to help ease you into things. Banter is a big part of lads’ night.”

“It’s still not nice.” Harry grumbles.

“I’ll make it up to you when we’re alone.” Niall tells him with a wink before retreating back to his pint. “Get you proper dolled up and then take you apart.”

“Oi, save it for when I’ve had a few drinks and my buzz takes the edge off of hearing about your sex-lives.” Zayn chuckles.

“How do you mean ‘dolled up’?” Harry asks quietly, turning his body towards Niall to effectively cut the other two out of the conversation for a moment.

“How do you think?” Niall returns with a sly smirk. “Haven’t seen them in days. I’m starting to miss them.”

“Oh.” Harry squeaks out, a blush dusting across his cheeks.

“Or whatever you want.” Niall tells him quickly, self-assurance quickly turning into caution. “Don’t have to do that if you’re not feeling it.”

“No, that sounds good.” Harry says with a sheepish smile. “Still not used to someone actually asking for that I guess.”

“Just thought you might need it after spending all night looking like a hipster going camping.” Niall grins. “Not that you aren’t still the best looking bloke here.”

“I take offense to that!” Zayn huffs, peering around Harry’s shoulder with a tight glare.

“Take all the offense you like.” Niall hums. “Doesn’t make it any less true.”

“No, it being false is what makes it less true.” Zayn grumbles.

“Does it ever throw you off balance carrying around a head that big?” Niall snorts. “Or is that why you started dating a bloke, so someone could help carry it for you since your tiny twig arms aren’t strong enough?”

Harry lets out a loud guffaw before slapping his hand over his mouth, but Liam has no such qualms about letting Zayn know that he thinks that the joke was funny. He spurts beer out of his mouth in a fine mist with a sputtering laugh that draws quite a bit of attention their way. Niall smirks and tips his beer towards Zayn, who is blushing as much as is possible with his darker skin covering it up, and mutters “I do not have tiny twig arms.”

“Sure.” Niall drawls out dryly. “And I’m six-two.”

“You really should come with me for arm-days.” Liam says gently. “I’m a bit worried that you’ll get carpal-tunnel.”

“Your gym smells like sweat and bollocks. I’m never setting foot in there again.” Zayn laughs.

“Could go running with Haz.” Niall offers with a wicked grin.

“Not a snowflake’s chance in hell of that happening.” Zayn scoffs. “I’d rather go smell Leeyum’s gym.”

“It wakes you up.” Liam chuckles. “That’s for sure.”

“Not a good way to wake up.” Zayn scowls.

“Depends on the balls, don’t it Nialler?” Harry asks with a wicked grin. “Revs your engine right up.”

“Oh you little-” Niall growls, the rest of his complaint cut off by howls of laughter from the two jackasses he lives with. They clap Harry on the back and give him bright smiles, and Niall realizes that maybe Harry and lads’ night won’t be such a disastrous mix after all. He can handle a little ribbing if it helps Harry feel more at ease. So he lets the protest die in his throat and grumbles good-naturedly into his beer instead. 

 

“You are completely sober. How are you the worse player right now?” Zayn giggles, latching on to Harry’s arm after his last shot goes wide and only lands him two points. That makes a total of 5 for the round. He’s absolutely miserable at darts.

“Keep getting distracted by our idiot boyfriends.” Harry huffs, sending a glare over towards where Niall and Liam are practically crawled on top of the bar to shout their disapproval of something that someone did during some sports match or other.

“Yeah, it takes some practice to learn to drown them out.” Zayn chuckles. “Leeyum used to be quiet when he watched sports, let me do my own thing without getting disturbed. Then Nialler moved and everything went straight to hell. Doesn’t matter what sport’s on the telly, they’ll yell at it. Nialler will lose his shit just as easily at golf as he will at footy, and Leeyum follows right behind.”

“He’s not usually this- Enthusiastic- When I let him control the channel at my place.” Harry mumbles.

“Think they might feed off of each other.” Zayn admits. “They get rowdier together than either of them does alone.”

“He conveniently left that part out when he was explaining to me how lads’ nights generally go.” Harry mutters, pulling his darts out of the board along with Zayn’s to hand back to him.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so excited as when he told us that you agreed to come out for this.” Zayn says with a soft, fond smile aimed at the blond shaking his empty pint-glass at the telly with a scowl. “He was practically floating off the ground.”

“Really?” Harry asks.

“Yeah,” Zayn nods. “It’s weird. Niall has always, for as long as I’ve known him at least, tried to cover up when he’s happy. It’s like he thinks you’re only allowed to have so much happiness in your life, and he must’ve gone through it too quickly when he still had a family. Doesn’t matter how excited he is, or how much he wants something, he doesn’t ever really let people know. Then you came along and- And it’s like you flipped a switch. He’s not afraid to smile whenever he thinks about you, and we always know when he’s thinking about you because he’s always smiling.”

“Oh.” Harry says quietly.

“Hey, wait for him, alright?” Zayn requests. “It might take him a long time for him to get to the right place in his head, but he’s worth it.”

“You don’t have to tell me.” Harry hums.

“I do actually.” Zayn says bluntly. “Because he’s my brother, and you can damn well bet that I’ll kick your ass if you leave him just because he can’t say those three words”

“He doesn’t need to.” Harry says, shaking his head. “Because I know. I was- I was scared at first when Liam told me about that, because I thought that it would always feel like there was this gap, or lack of affection, or something. But he’s never, for a second, made me feel like there was anything less between us just because he can’t say those words.”

“As long as you know.” Zayn says, his face softening a bit. “I don’t know if it’s love for him yet, I can’t make that call, but I do know that nobody has ever mattered to him as much as you do. Nobody he can remember anyways. So don’t go breaking his heart.”

“I couldn’t if I tried.” Harry sings. He obviously doesn’t do it quietly enough though, because Niall shoots him a look from the bar, fondness and confusion all rolled up in one delightfully cute package. Zayn stifles a snort, hiding his face in Harry’s shoulder, but the brunet just offers Niall a smile that the blond returns in full force.

 

It’s Zayn versus Harry for third place in the snooker tournament that they’ve started up between them, and Niall isn’t sure that he’s ever laughed harder in his life. It’s basically just a game of who can cheat the most before the other protests. Harry has just ‘accidentally’ pocketed the black ball with his elbow, but is arguing that it should count because the cue ball did hit a red ball first. Zayn isn’t having it though.

“You have to pocket it with the balls Harry, not your body!” Zayn huffs for the third time.

“Show me where it says that explicitly in the rules.” Harry says adamantly.

“I don’t just carry around the official rules of snooker in my back pocket.” Zayn scoffs.

“Then I guess we’ll have to go to our referee to judge.” Harry grins. “Niall?”

“No. Nuh-uh. I never agreed to be the referee for this.” Niall snorts. “Settle this yourselves.”

“I think we both know that there’s only one way to settle this.” Zayn smirks. He lifts his cue up in both hands and makes a swat for Harry’s bum. Harry narrowly blocks it with a yelp, and then holds up his own cue like a rapier.

Niall howls with laughter while Liam groans in frustration next to him. Harry and Zayn pay them no mind though, continuing their mock-battle until the bartender makes her way across the room and catches both of the cues in mid-swing. “Out. Now.” she growls. “’M not having this kind of rough-housing in my pub.”

“Aw, Meredith, I promise we have a good reason.” Zayn says, putting on his winningest pout.

“Malik, you know that doesn’t work on me.” Meredith grunts out. “Get out of here before I put a ban on you lads for the next month.”

“Harry, my charm isn’t working, try yours.” Zayn stage-whispers.

“My ‘charm’, like I’d put her under a bloody spell.” Harry scoffs. “Don’t be an arse Zayn. It’s her place of business and if we’re breaking her rules then-”

“Oh my god, fine!” Zayn groans, throwing his hands up in defeat. “What exactly is the point of bringing an international pop-sensation along for lads’ night if he can’t help charm our way out of trouble, Harry?”

“Shut up!” Niall hisses, cuffing Zayn on the back of the head. “Does incognito mean a damn thing to you?”

“Shit. Forgot.” Zayn mumbles, shooting Harry an apologetic look.

“Let’s go.” Liam says nervously, nodding his head towards the door as a few more people begin to look their way after Zayn’s little outburst. Then the flash goes off on someone’s phone and Harry’s eyes go wide. Niall can tell that he’s about 5 seconds away from a coronary, so he tucks Harry in between Liam and Zayn before leading the way out. Thinking about it rationally, he should probably be at Harry’s side rather than in front, seeing as he’s the shortest, but they get outside without another picture being taken and they’re only parked a few meters from the door.

“Get in.” Harry says, his voice shaking as he unlocks the Range Rover.

“Harry, I’m really so-” Zayn starts once they’re all inside.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Niall growls, turning around from the passenger seat to silence Zayn with a glare. “There was one thing you had to do tonight! One damn thing Zayn! Just don’t mention that he’s Harry bloody Styles! That’s all I asked from you!”

“Niall, stop.” Harry says softly, eyes locked on the road as he pulls out and drives towards the boys’ flat. “He’s a bit pissed and it slipped out. It’s fine. No harm done.”

“I really didn’t mean to.” Zayn sighs. “I wouldn’t have said it if I were thinking straight.”

“I know.” Harry says, looking in the mirror and giving a smile that Niall knows is too tight to be entirely genuine. “It’s fine. Besides, now I can claim third place because I had more points when we were kicked out.”

“Not if you don’t count the black ball.” Zayn scoffs. Niall’s glare intensifies and Zayn throws his hands up in surrender. “Fine! I forfeit! Call off your bloody attack dog, Styles.”

“Down boy.” Harry snickers, patting Niall on the knee. “Which building is yours again?”

“The one up there on the corner.” Niall mutters, turning back and lacing his fingers through Harry’s. It only lasts a second though, because Harry’s hand squirms out of his grip and locks back on the steering wheel. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even look at Niall, so Niall just looks out the window and focuses on the thought that Harry is just on edge. He’s just upset.

They pull up to the curb and Liam is the first one out the door with a quiet “Thanks Harry.”

“Thank you for letting me tag along.” Harry says with a soft smile.

“I promise, if you come again, I won’t mess things up.” Zayn tells him before he hops out.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Harry nods. The doors close and the car quickly fills up with an awkward silence as they watch the other two make their way inside.

“Haz-” Niall starts.

“I think it would be for the best if you slept here tonight.” Harry says quickly.

“Oh.” Niall sighs. “If- If that’s what you want.”

“It’s not.” Harry admits. “But I still think it’s what’s best.”

“Okay.” Niall says, keeping his voice blank, neutral, to stop from giving away just how close he is to bursting into tears. He’s cried in front of Harry more than enough for a lifetime, and this moment isn’t about him. It’s about Harry needing space. Niall can give him space. Niall can’t give Harry much, but he can give him that.

“I’ll pick you three up from work tomorrow. Six, yeah?” Harry asks. “Because dinner is at seven.”

“I remember.” Niall mumbles, unclicking his seatbelt and grasping the door-handle.

“I love you.” Harry says gently, reaching out and giving Niall’s hand a squeeze. Niall doesn’t squeeze back, doesn’t say anything before he steps out onto the curb and heads straight inside without allowing himself to look back. It might be petty of him, but he just doesn’t think he could be around Harry for another second without crying. As it is, he barely makes it through the lobby door when the first sob escapes his throat.

He takes the stairs up to the third floor two at a time, knowing that he’ll feel the stress of that on his knee in the morning. He doesn’t care right now though. All he cares about is crawling into his own bed and staying there until he has to get up for work and can distract himself with something. He shoves his key in the door, making his way inside and locking it behind him. 

He blatantly ignores the looks Zayn and Liam give him as he races through the flat, shutting the door and locking it for the first time since he moved in. He can’t handle facing Zayn and Liam right now, can’t take the looks of pity or apology. So instead he just crawls into his bed and hates how empty it feels when he has to sleep by himself. The good thing is that it doesn’t take long for his crying to exhaust him, and he gladly lets sleep take over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops. Sorry. See you all next Sunday =D


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally the plan for this chapter was to focus a lot more on the dinner, but I lost 2k words yesterday when my computer rebooted, so I just did what I could to make this publishable today instead of delaying it any further. This chapter is basically unedited, so please let me know if you find anything that I need to correct.

“Fuck!” Harry screams into the damning, judgmental silence of his car. He’s sitting in front of his house, has been for a while, but he can’t bring himself to go inside. It’s going to be empty. It’s going to be devoid of Niall, and there’s nothing to blame for that except Harry. Not Zayn, not the person who took a picture, and certainly not Niall. Every fucking time things seem good, something goes wrong. It’s the story of Harry’s life. He cracks a dry smile at that, because it’s a joke Niall would make, that beautiful, teasing grin fixed in place while he hums out the melody to get Harry to keep blushing.

But Niall’s not here to make cheeky jokes. No, Niall is back in his own room, probably just as upset as Harry is right now, if not even more so. That makes the decision for him. He jams his key back into the ignition and turns the car around. He doesn’t know if Niall will want to see him, but he doesn’t want Niall to think that Harry doesn’t want to be with him.

The drive is quiet, London seeming unusually docile for midnight on a Saturday. Harry can’t bring himself to turn on the radio, to listen to anything other than his own berating thoughts for pushing Niall away over something so stupid. He probably drives like a maniac, but he manages to get back in half the time it should have taken. He pulls up to Niall’s building only about an hour after he’d left the blond to walk in by himself.

Their flat is on the third floor and Harry runs the entire way up, thanking god that his shorts are more accommodating than his usual skinny jeans would have been. Had he been dressed normally, then he would have already tripped and smashed his face into one of the steps. Small blessings.

He swallows before knocking, taking a deep, shuddering breath because he knows he’s probably going to get his ass handed to him by Zayn. He deserves it though. “What are you doing here?” Liam asks evenly, his face dead neutral when he opens the door.

“I fucked up.” Harry mumbles.

“I’ll fucking say!” Zayn spits venomously, lurching forward until Liam’s arm catches him on the chest. He’s undaunted, face a stormy picture of rage when he growls “You didn’t have to punish him for my mistake!”

“That’s not what I was doing.” Harry says, shaking his head. “I panicked, and when I panic I want to be alone. It was stupid though. Having him sleep here was stupid.”

“Well at least now we know they didn’t break up.” Liam mutters.

“He- He didn’t talk to you about it?” Harry asks.

“He came in and went straight to his room.” Liam explains. “We tried to follow, of course, but he locked the door and refused to talk to us.”

“He only stopped crying ten minutes ago!” Zayn hisses, struggling against the hand Liam has splayed over his ribs. “Fucking cried himself to sleep like he used to do when we were kids. He wouldn’t even let me help. He’s never done that before Harry. He’s never refused to talk to me, no matter how bad things have been between us. Even when it’s killing him to keep talking, or listening, or fighting, he’s never not let me in.”

“I’m sorry.” Harry whispers. “I didn’t want to hurt him.”

“Come on.” Liam sighs, stepping to the side and allowing Harry entrance. He waits until the door is closed, and until he’s got Zayn carefully tucked into his side with a strong arm curled around the darker lad to keep him from attacking Harry, to gently say “We know you didn’t mean to hurt him Harry, but you did. This isn’t the first time either. You two are stuck in this constant cycle of being blissfully happy, and then falling apart. It needs to change.”

“Or you need to end this before he gets in any deeper than he already is.” Zayn says adamantly. “Before- I- I thought that it was you that would need to wait for him, but now I know otherwise. He’s always going to be the one waiting on you Harry. For you to stop running, for you to get back from tours, for you to come out. He’s going to keep waiting forever if you make him.”

“I-” Harry starts.

“You can sleep on the couch.” Zayn cuts him off. “He’s sleeping and he needs it. If this didn’t wake him up, then he’s well and truly exhausted. You can apologize in the morning. You’ve done enough for tonight.”

The words are barely out of his mouth when he turns on his heel and drags Liam towards their room. Liam shoots him a repentant look, but doesn’t argue with Zayn’s assertion. The door slams shut and Harry is left standing awkwardly in the living room. He toes off his shoes and heads over to the couch. If this is as close to Niall as he can get for now, then he’ll have to take it. Hopefully Niall will forgive him in the morning.

 

Niall’s body aches when he finally stirs, and there’s a dull throbbing in the back of his skull that tells him that he probably should have had some water to drink last night before he went to sleep. A few seconds later he reaches out for Harry, only to find the wall instead. His eyes snap open, and upon seeing here he is, the memories of last night rush back in and threaten to make him return to crying once again. He grabs for his mobile to see if Harry has called him, or texted him, but there’s only a text message from Zayn telling him to come in whenever he’s ready and not to rush, which Niall knows means that he’s in massive trouble for sleeping in, and needs to get down to Malink as soon as he can make himself presentable.

He groans loudly when he sees that he’s already an hour late for work and throws the blankets off of his legs. He stumbles onto feet that are still heavy and reluctant with sleep, but they carry him to the door. After that they fail him though, catching on something and sending Niall crashing to the ground with a yelp. His bad knee hits after he manages to get his hands out in front of him, thankfully, which means that he’ll at least be able to walk today. It’ll be painful, but he’ll manage. The trek to work will be a bitch though.

“Are you okay?” asks a very unexpected voice, causing Niall to flinch at the noise. Harry isn’t even speaking loudly, but between the headache, and the rushing around, and the falling, Niall just really isn’t prepared for this. Especially after last night.

“What the bloody fuck are you doing laying in front of my door?” Niall sighs.

“The couch was hurting my back.” Harry mumbles. “And I wanted to be as close to you as I could.”

Niall barely manages to bite back a bitter retort of ‘Oh really?’ before he decides against it. It’s not fair to blame Harry for last night. He was upset. “I thought you wanted to go home alone.” Niall says instead, forcing all his frustration into the pit of his stomach while he rolls over onto his bum. “Please tell me Zayn didn’t call you?”

“I came back on my own Nialler.” Harry says softly, sitting up and reaching out to wrap a hand around Niall’s left leg. He kneads hit thumb in just above the cap and Niall has to suppress a groan at how good it feels. “Zayn made me stay out here last night instead of talking to you. He said you needed the sleep if the conversation the three of us were having wasn’t waking you up.”

“Was nice to sleep for more than six hours for once.” Niall shrugs. “Waking up wasn’t so nice.”

“I know.” Harry says with a look downwards.

“Not that I don’t appreciate this Haz, but I’m late for work, so I really don’t have time to do this.” Niall says, brushing Harry’s hand off of his knee and maneuvering himself carefully until he’s standing up. It hurts like a mother-fucker, but he's just going to have to down some paracetamol and bear it until he can lay down twelve hours from now. “You can go now.”

“Niall-” Harry says, his face crumpling.

“We’ll talk later Harry.” Niall says gently, pressing a kiss to the brunet’s cheek. “I should’ve been in an hour ago.”

“Zayn said that you’d say something like that, and to tell you that his text wasn’t sarcastic.” Harry mumbles.

“It doesn’t matter.” Niall tells him. “I have an appointment with a regular at noon, and I’m not letting Zayn take it from me. I’ve been working on this piece through three appointments already. Today I’m supposed to finish it up, and-”

“If you don’t want to see me, then just say it Niall.” Harry mutters. “Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying Harry.” Niall insists. “I just don’t have time for this conversation right now. I’m sorry.”

“You aren’t the one who needs to be sorry. I am.” Harry chokes out, screwing his eyes shut. “Ni- I’m so sorry about last night.”

“Don’t be sorry Harry.” Niall says softly, running his thumbs under Harry’s eyes where a bit of dampness clings. “It’s okay. I get it, alright? I’m not going to lie to you and say that what happened last night didn’t upset me, because it really did, but I understand why it happened. I know that sometimes this is going to be the way things go between us, and that your career comes first. I-”

Harry cuts him off with a bruising kiss, wrapping his arms around Niall’s waist and tugging him close. “You come first.” Harry breathes out over Niall’s lips.

“No, Harry, I don’t.” Niall says weakly. “As long as you’re in the closet, your career is your priority. I’m not saying that I need, or even want, for you to come out. I’m just telling it the way it is. You’ve put yourself inside of a box for the sake of your career, and the most important thing for you is protecting that box and the career you’ve built. I get it, really, but you can’t keep lying to yourself or me and say that I’m your first priority. Not right now.”

“Niall-” Harry whimpers.

“Go home Harry. I’m sure you have a lot to do before your mum and Gemma get in tonight.” Niall sighs. “And I think Zayn is going to drive us instead of having you come pick us up. It doesn’t make any sense to do it that way. Knowing our lives lately, your house would burn down in the time it would take you to come get us and go back.”

“I’m not leaving until I know that we’re okay.” Harry says adamantly.

“We’re okay Haz.” Niall says with a small smile. “And I promise, I’ll be better by tonight when I meet your family.”

“I love you.” Harry whispers, pressing their foreheads together. Niall doesn’t say anything, just presses one more kiss to Harry’s lips before he removes himself from the brunet’s arms. “You promise you’ll still come tonight?”

“I promise Haz.” Niall tells him. “I said that we’re okay and I mean it. I know it probably feels like I’m brushing you off after last night, but I’m not. I just know that I won’t make it to work in time if I have you around. Either we’ll talk too much, or I’ll drag you into the shower with me and we’ll end up fooling around.”

“I slept on the floor all night. I could use a shower.” Harry hums.

“Fine, but don’t get cheeky. I really don’t have time for it.” Niall sighs.

They both know it’s a lie when Harry nods solemnly, but Niall can’t bring himself to be too upset by it. At least he has Harry back for now.

 

“Stop fussing!” Harry groans. “Your hair looks fine, but it won’t if you keep messing about with it.”

“Fuck off.” Niall mutters, his eyes locked on himself in the mirror that he’s using to pick at a perfectly fine quiff.

“Nialler-” Zayn says softly, stepping forward and catching Niall’s wrist to tug it away. “Relax. You’re meeting the family, not getting court-martialed.”

“Do you know how many families I’ve met Zayn?” Niall snaps. “Twenty. Twenty times I’ve been paraded in front of a family, and other than yours, none of them wanted anything to do with me. So excuse me if ‘meeting the family’ doesn’t hold the same connotations for me that it does for you.”

Zayn presses their foreheads together and murmurs “There’s no rejection at the end of this Nialler. You have a home, and you have all three of us, no matter how tonight goes. This is just about showing Harry’s family how much you care about him.”

“What if they hate me like all the others did?” Niall asks, voice nothing more than a frightened whisper that Harry can barely hear over the sound of his own heart breaking for the blond.

Harry wants to step in, wants to tell Niall that that’s an impossibility, but Zayn beats him to the punch and says “They’d be idiots not to love you Nialler. But that’s not going to happen. You’re amazing, and anyone who can’t see that is blind. So relax. You’ve got this handled you lora.”

“Londay baz.” Niall snorts.

“Oi, I was trying to be nice you little gandu.” Zayn huffs.

“And it worked until you called me a dick.” Niall chuckles. “I was just responding in kind.”

“Calling me a boy-fucker isn’t ‘responding in kind’, you bastra.” Zayn scowls.

“How long does it take to get used to this?” Harry asks Liam once the other two devolve into a full-blown bickering match, slipping in and out of Urdu at seemingly random intervals.

“I’ll let you know once I have.” Liam hums. “Alright you two, that’s enough. Shape up and pretend to be civilized human beings for the next few hours before you embarrass Harry and yourselves.”

“But-” Zayn protests.

“Nope.” Liam cuts him off. “Go stand by the door, both of you, and wait there until someone tells you that you can move.”

Niall and Zayn look like they’re about to start arguing, but one look from Liam shuts that down with one stern look. Zayn mutters something in Urdu and Niall sniggers, which makes Harry supremely glad that he doesn’t speak the language, because he’s sure it was insulting. “Thanks Liam.” Harry chuckles.

“Need any help with anything?” Liam asks.

“No, I should be fine, thanks.” Harry hums, turning on his heel and heading towards the kitchen. Harry’s family will be here any moment, but there should be enough time to make any last minute adjustments that are necessary for dinner. He’s so preoccupied with conducting little taste-tests that he doesn’t hear anyone enter the kitchen, and as a result nearly jumps out of his own skin when a pair of arms lock around his waist. Once his breathing returns to Normal he mutters “That had better be Niall.”

“It is.” Niall mumbles, burying his face between Harry’s shoulder-blades. His voice is off, even more so than it was a few minutes ago.

“What’s wrong Babe?” Harry questions gently, setting the spoon he’s been using aside and turning until Niall and he are chest to chest.

“Are- Are you going to break up with me if your family doesn’t like me?” Niall asks timidly.

“Absolutely not.” Harry says adamantly. “Niall, my family is important to me, but I’m a grown man and I make my own choices. I choose you, no matter what anyone thinks about it. You are my choice.”

“Okay.” Niall breathes out, relief palpable in the way he nuzzles into Harry’s neck.

“That said, I would appreciate it if you maybe didn’t curse as much as you usually do. Or at least keep it in Urdu for tonight.” Harry giggles, wrapping his arms around Niall’s back.

“I can do that.” Niall snorts.

“I’ll make sure to pay you back for your trouble later.” Harry murmurs in the blond’s ear. “You can curse all you like once I’ve got you alone. Got a few things in mind that’ll have you screaming ‘fuck’ loud enough to wake the neighborhood.”

Niall’s reply is cut off by the sound of the doorbell ringing, alerting everyone to the arrival of Gemma and Anne. Niall gulps audibly, and Harry presses a fleeting kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead before he laces their fingers together and walks towards the door. Niall takes his place next to Liam and Zayn while Harry pulls open the door. “Mum, Gems, Hi.” Harry beams, immediately taking his two favorite women into his arms.

“Enough Bug!” Gemma grunts after about three seconds. “Didn’t come here to see you, did we. It’s time to introduce the boyfriend.”

“Well, which one is he?” Anne asks expectantly, wriggling out of Harry’s grasp.

“That’d be me ma’am.” Niall says softly, stepping forward. “Niall Horan. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’ve only heard amazing things about you.”

“Oh, isn’t he a little gentleman.” Anne coos, ignoring the hand that Niall has stretched forward to place a kiss on his cheek, which Niall rewards with a blush that has Harry fighting back the urge to coo himself. “And who are these two?”

“This is my- My brother Zayn and his boyfriend Liam.” Niall explains, keeping his eyes locked on Anne’s rather than any of the other three lads in the room who’ve been shocked speechless at the term. Zayn’s eyebrows have practically shot off of his forehead, and Harry is pretty sure that his own have mirrored it, their jaws hanging slack in surprise.

“So you’re the one that’s been covering my baby boy in ink for the last few years.” Anne says coolly, stepping in front of Liam, much to Harry’s mortification.

“Mum!” Harry groans, face practically glowing in humiliation.

“I know, I know. You’re ‘a grown man’ and you’ll ‘get as many tattoos as you want’.” Anne huffs, waving him off.

“Actually Mrs. Twist, I think that Harry was trying to tell you that this is Zayn, and that that’s Liam you’re talking to.” Niall says cautiously, indicating to the Bradford lad who’s barely suppressing a laugh.

“Honestly Mum, does he look like a Zayn Malik to you?” Gemma sighs.

“I’m sorry!” Anne gasps. “I thought-”

“You thought that when Niall said ‘My brother’ that he was referring to the strapping young white lad.” Zayn quips. “It’s okay. I understand.”

“Oh lord.” Anne squeaks. “I’m so embarrassed.”

“Zayn is my foster-brother.” Niall tells her. “His family took care of me after mine died. Don’t worry. It’s made for some awkward holiday cards. Being the only white, blond, blue-eyed person in a picture makes you stick out like a sore thumb.”

Zayn snorts out a laugh at that, turning to bury a giggle in Liam’s shoulder. He regains his composure after a moment and says “It’s fine Mrs. Twist. Trust me, this isn’t the first time someone has made the mistake, and it won’t be the last. It’s not even the most interesting thing that’s happened tonight.”

“I think now would be a good time to start dinner.” Harry sighs, keeping his ‘Before anybody else says something offensive and mildly racist.’ to himself.

“Please!” Gemma groans. “I’ve barely eaten all day in anticipation of this.”

“Niall, if you could take everyone into the dining room while I get Dinner.” Harry smiles. “And Zayn, if you could help me.”

“Course.” Zayn nods, following after Harry while Niall leads the others towards their destination.

“I am so sorry about that.” Harry says quietly once they’re alone.

“It’s fine Harry.” Zayn chuckles. “Honestly I was more thrown by- Well, you know.”

“Me too.” Harry admits. “I really wasn’t expecting that.”

“I think he feels like he needs to have something he can call family so he doesn’t feel so inadequate in front of yours.” Zayn sighs. “It was nice though, hearing him say that.”

“You know he adores you, right?” Harry asks. “Proper idolizes you actually.”

“I am pretty terrific.” Zayn says with a shit eating grin. “Yeah, I know. Don’t really feel like I merit it though. He deserves somebody he can really look up to.”

“You are somebody who he can look up to.” Harry says softly. “This may be the first time he’s ever said it, but you are his brother Zayn. You protect him, and guide him, and nobody loves him more than you do except me.”

“Don’t get overconfident.” Zayn smirks, picking up two platters. “It’ll take a long time for you to love Niall as much as I do. You’re probably a good runner-up though.”

“Keep thinking that Malik.” Harry scoffs, grabbing the rest of the food and carrying it out with Zayn taking the lead. When they enter the dining room, Niall is charming everyone with the story of the first time that they had met, leaving out all the bickering of course. “Telling tales about me already Babe?”

“Just seeing if they can explain to me why you’d offer to let someone you’ve never met have free rein of picking ink you’d have for the rest of your life.” Niall snorts.

“I was infatuated with the cute tattoo artist.” Harry says, his voice sickeningly sweet as he drops a kiss on Niall’s cheek. “Even if he was a grumpy sod.”

“Better than a desperate maniac.” Gemma hums, claiming a piece of the beef wellington and sticking it on her plate. “Honestly Bug, what were you thinking?”

“That, my dear sister, isn’t something I should say in front of our mother.” Harry grins. Liam and Zayn snicker into their napkins while Niall lets out a low groan and covers his face in exasperation. That just spurs Harry on more. “It’s not appropriate dinner conversation for me to tell you all the things I’d have let Niall do to me the first time I saw him.”

“Babes-” Niall says through gritted teeth. “Could you possibly behave yourself?”

“Listen to your boyfriend, dear.” Anne says absentmindedly, pilling her plate full of things. “He knows how to be charming without being cheeky.”

Zayn looks near to bursting, his napkin clutched in front of his mouth and doing next to nothing to conceal the giggles escaping through the fabric. Liam isn’t far behind him, face flushed a bright red with the effort of trying not to laugh openly. Niall on the other hand looks halfway to an aneurysm, so Harry tangles their fingers together and says “Of course Babe.”

The evening progresses slowly, Anne and Gemma firing questions at Niall in intervals, which Niall answers gracefully. Thankfully, both of them avoid the topic of Niall’s family and how they died, much to Harry’s relief. Eventually they seem to run out of things that they want to ask him, and Anne starts telling embarrassing stories about Harry instead. “He’s always been clumsy though.” Anne says with a soft smile. “Why, last time I was invited to dinner, he was still recovering from when he fell down the stairs.”

Harry stiffens at that, the memories of the real incident flooding his mind. Niall seems to notice, but can’t say anything before Anne adds “But Louis took good care of him. Got him back on his feet. So sweet that boy.”

“I- Please, excuse me.” Niall says curtly, pushing his chair back and darting out of the back door before anyone can react.

“What was that all about?” Gemma asks. “You have told him about Louis, haven’t you?”

“I-” Harry starts, though it’s redundant because Gemma was apparently asking rhetorically.

“You can’t tell me he’s jealous at just the mention of your ex.” Gemma scoffs. “He was a major part of your life, Bug.”

“I didn’t fall down the stairs!” Harry blurts out angrily. He can’t stop himself, no matter how much he wants to. More words push out of him before the reality of what he’s confessing can stop him. “And Niall isn’t jealous of Louis. He’s just the only person that knows that Louis is the one that broke my ribs and gave me every other injury I had from the day we moved in together. He also knows that I never told you because I wanted to protect you from knowing the truth about what that ‘sweet boy’ did to me for years. So forgive him if hearing you praise a man who beat me upset him a little bit!”

His chest is heaving with the force of his yelling by the end of the revelation, palms flat against the table and eyes squeezed shut. “Louis wasn’t who you thought he was.” Harry mutters. “He almost killed me, and not just physically. He cheated on me constantly, he abused every drug known to man, and then after I helped get him sober, he left me for our surrogate. He wasn’t the man that you both loved so much. That was a lie. A lie I perpetuated because I was too scared to tell you the truth. So don’t either of you dare say anything bad about Niall for not wanting to stick around to hear about Louis Tomlinson’s good attributes.”

“Oh Harry-” Anne chokes out, clambering out of her chair and wrapping her arms around Harry before he can give in to the urge to flee that’s humming through his veins right now. “Baby, why didn’t you ever tell us?”

“I didn’t want you to know the truth, because then you’d know how weak I was for not leaving him.” Harry admits into her shoulder, clinging back desperately to his mother for dear life. “I just let him keep doing it Mum. I let him break me over and over and over again. I’m just a victim, and I didn't want you to see me like that.”

Anne pulls back and takes Harry’s face between her hands as she says “You’re a survivor Harry. You’re not a victim, you’re a survivor.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short, but I wanted something fluffy leading up into the final chapters, because there's only 3 chapters left and they're not so fluffy.

“Well that was officially a disaster.” Niall sighs, dropping onto the couch after they’ve finished packing off Anne, Gemma, Zayn, and Liam. “We should call the Red Cross that was so bad. The coffee is for shit, but hey, maybe they’ll do the dishes.”

“It wasn’t that bad.” Harry says weakly, curling into Niall’s side and clinging tightly to the blond.

“Once more, with feeling, Haz.” Niall mutters. “God, who abandons a ‘meet the family’ dinner for half an hour? That could only happen to me.”

“If you hadn’t left, then I don’t know if I ever would have told them the truth.” Harry says quietly. “I got so mad at them for judging you that I had to tell them.”

“I didn’t mean to force you into that, Haz.” Niall says gently.

“No, it was time.” Harry tells him. “I mean, it wasn’t ideal, but I was tired of them thinking that Louis was an angel. I was tired of lying to them. So- Thank you.”

“Please don’t thank me for tonight.” Niall groans. 

“Really, Niall, it’s a relief to have this off my chest.” Harry says, more self-assured this time. “Things could have gone better tonight, yeah, but I’m not unhappy with the way things turned out. Are you?”

“Let’s just say that I’m not looking forward to doing it again anytime soon.” Niall scoffs. “But at least if it ever happens again, there probably won’t be such an intense Q and A period.”

“I think you handled that part pretty well.” Harry hums. “Never seen you so well behaved.”

“Didn’t want to embarrass you.” Niall mumbles. “Didn’t think you’d be the one trying to embarrass me.”

“You’re cute when you get flustered.” Harry giggles. “I love it when your face gets all red.”

“Yeah well, it wasn’t nearly as funny to me as it was to you.” Niall huffs. “I wasn’t exactly in the greatest of moods today anyways, and you weren’t really helping with all that stuff you were saying to your sister.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just- I guess I thought that if I pretended nothing had happened last night, that that might make it easier for you until you’re ready to talk about it all.” Harry admits.

“We’ve talked about it already, Haz.” Niall sighs. “I’ve said what I have to say about last night. It upset me, but I’m happy you came back, and I appreciate the apology, and as far as I’m concerned, we’re okay. There’s nothing else that I have to add. Do you?”

“I feel like you should be madder at me.” Harry mutters.

“What would that solve, Haz?” Niall asks. “Yeah, you did something that wasn’t so great while you were upset. That’s within your rights. What would being angry about that accomplish? It wouldn’t change what happened, and it wouldn’t make me feel any better. I’ve spent most of my life being angry about things that were out of my control. I don’t want to be like that with you. And more than that, I never want to be like him.”

“Oh.” is all Harry says in response, and Niall is more than content to leave things at that. 

They sit comfortably, Niall taking great relief in the fact that his knee is now down to a dull throb rather than the shooting pains he’s been dealing with all day. Taking off from the garden at a sprint probably didn’t really help matters, but he was too busy trying not to scream to take notice at the time. And he knows that he shouldn’t have left Harry behind, but if he hadn’t walked out that door when he did, then he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from telling them all the truth about Louis, and he wasn’t going to take that choice away from Harry.

“Think you probably made Zayn’s year.” Harry mumbles after a few minutes.

“Don’t know what came over me.” Niall admits. “I just- I just felt like I couldn’t just introduce him as my friend or something.”

“Zayn said he’s pretty sure that it’s because you felt like not having a family made you feel inadequate.” Harry tells him gently. 

“Too insightful for his own good he is.” Niall mutters.

“Is it how you really feel about him?” Harry asks.

“Yeah.” Niall nods. “I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it on some level. I know how much it meant to him to hear me say that. It’d be like giving him false hope if I said it without meaning it. I’m not that big of a dick.”

“It was really sweet.” Harry murmurs.

“Did it for you as much as I did it for him you know.” Niall mumbles.

“I don’t see the correlation.” Harry says slowly.

“I want you to know that I’m trying.” Niall confesses. “It’s- It’s not easy for me. I have a lot of issues, and the worst one is that I have is that I can’t say certain things, but I want to get to that point where I can. I’m trying, Haz.”

“Oh- Oh!” Harry gasps, his face splitting into a beaming smile.

“I’m not there yet-” Niall tells him.

“But you’re trying.” Harry finishes for him. “You’re always trying, Niall, and that’s part of why I love you.”

He’s heard it dozens of times over the last week, said with a soft kiss when Niall leaves for work in the mornings, murmured in his ear while Harry fucked him gently and unhurried, laced through a cackle when Niall does something stupid just to make Harry laugh, but it never ceases to send his heart fluttering. His blood rushes through his veins with a bit more fervor, and his skin tingles as the words settle themselves over him like a warm blanket.

He turns and catches Harry’s lips, kissing him slow and sweet like caramel, and just praying that Harry can tell that he really, truly wants to get himself to the point where he can say it back. Harry, more than anyone on Earth, deserves to know that he is loved, and the more time that passes, the more sure that Niall is that that’s what this is.

 

“Haz, I hope you’re in the mood for something greasy, because I need it after the day I’ve had.” Niall calls from the front door when he steps through.

“Hey, sorry, I have company.” Harry says quickly, darting over to stop the blond in his tracks before he can see who’s on the couch.

“Shit, I should have called before coming over.” Niall sighs. “I’ll just head back to mine then.”

“No, I want you to stay.” Harry tells him. “We’re just finishing up on a song. Didn’t mean for it to run this long.”

“No, Haz, really. It’s fine. I don’t want to interfere with your work.” Niall tells him.

“You will tonight.” Harry smiles. “C’mon. He’s been waiting to meet you. I haven’t stopped gushing about you all day.”

“He really hasn’t.” comes a chuckle from behind Harry. “I can’t decide if it’s annoying, or cute.”

“Holy shite.” Niall gasps. If Harry wasn’t standing so close, he wouldn’t have caught the box of pizza in time, but he manages before it hits the ground. “You’re- You’re- You.”

“I am, yeah. And you must be Niall.” Ed grins. “Heard a lot about you.”

“That’s Ed Sheeran.” Niall says slowly, turning to Harry with eyes so wide that the brunet worries they’ll fall out.

“Is he always this slow?” Ed asks.

“He’s a bit star-struck.” Harry hums. “You’re kind of a big deal to him.”

“The biggest!” Niall squawks, wincing directly afterwards. “I- I mean-”

“You’re dating Harry Styles, and you’re star-struck by me? I’m flattered.” Ed muses.

“I love all of your music!” Niall blurts out, his voice near shouting even though they’re all within a few feet of each other. “Shit- I- Just- Give me a minute.”

And before Niall can complete a sentence, he’s back out the door. “I will never understand your taste in men.” Ed says with a fond smile, slipping his hand into the pizza box and taking a slice. “Should you go after him?”

“Pretty sure he just needs a second to calm down.” Harry shrugs, making his way towards the kitchen with Ed trailing behind. “He’s skittish, but I’m pretty sure that the urge to come be in your presence is going to overpower his fight or flight response. Fair warning though, the second time we met he told me that Zayn won’t let him meet you because he’ll probably scream and then try to kiss you.”

“Sounds like a big fan.” Ed says with a cheeky eyebrow waggle.

“Pretty sure he likes you more than he likes me.” Harry laughs.

“Ooh, maybe I’ll keep him then.” Ed hums. “Stealing a lad from Harry Styles sounds like a major accomplishment.”

“Not even sure I’d be able to dissuade him if you offered.” Harry giggles. “But he’s not your type at all. Pretty, slender, and blond. That doesn’t sound like anyone you’d date.”

“No, not at all.” Ed grins. “Guess you’ll have to keep him to yourself then.”

“Trying to trade me now?” comes a scoff from the front door. “What were you going to get out of it? His Brit for Album of the Year with the name scratched out so you can finally have one for yourself?”

“Oh shit.” Ed snorts, burying his face in his hand to stifle his giggles. “Guess he’s not that slow after all.”

“That’s rude.” Harry pouts, aiming his best puppy-dog face at his boyfriend.

“So is ambushing me with my favorite artist.” Niall says with a shrug. “Could have warned me, but no. Made me look like a right twat in front of my idol.”

“I wanted it to be a surprise.” Harry huffs.

“In the time that we’ve known each other, what exactly indicates to you that I would enjoy a surprise in any capacity?” Niall asks, sauntering up to the counter and grabbing a slice of pizza.

“There was that time I showed up for the rose.” Harry says after a minute.

“And how did that turn out for us?” Niall smirks. “I seem to remember that it was with me smuggling you out of Malink like a fugitive.”

“That was in no way related to the fact that it was a surprise.” Harry argues.

“It was karmically related.” Niall hums. “Surprises are a bad idea, and the universe hates them.”

“You two fight like you’ve been together a lot longer than you have.” Ed interjects.

“We make up even better.” Harry grins.

“I’m sure.” Ed scoffs.

“I think he picks arguments just for the makeup sex.” Niall muses.

“I’ll never tell.” Harry chuckles. “Hurry up and eat. I’m not paying you to sit around and gang up on me with my boyfriend.”

“Your label is paying me, ya cheapskate.” Ed snorts. “I’m good though. Can eat after we get that damn hook.”

“Can- I mean- Am I allowed to watch?” Niall asks tentatively.

“Just don’t record it, yeah?” Ed smiles.

“Of course not.” Niall nods. “I’m slow, not mental.”

“Oh, I like him.” Ed says, turning back to Harry. “Might give you my Album of the Year and my Best Solo Male Artist of the Year for this one.”

“Tempting.” Harry hums, tapping his chin contemplatively.

“Arse.” Niall grumbles, flicking a pepperoni at Harry’s face and huffing when it lands back on top of the box instead.

“Don’t be rude, Nialler.” Harry says, putting on a sweet smile. “I don’t want Ed thinking you aren’t house-trained or he’ll lower it back to just one award and I want them both.”

“You are just begging to sleep alone tonight.” Niall scowls, shoving his slice of pizza in his mouth and then wandering over to the fridge. 

Harry nods for Ed to head back to the couch, and then turns and wraps himself around Niall’s back. He hooks his chin over Niall’s shoulder and purrs, “I’ll make it up to you later, Babe. Tease you in a completely different kind of way.”

“I’m beginning to forgive you.” Niall smirks.

 

Watching Ed and Harry work is like a dream come true for Niall. It’s nothing impressive, mostly just them humming a few bars at a time or bickering over word placement, but Niall is enchanted. There were years when he’d hoped that this was the kind of thing that he’d be doing with his life, and it’s not that he isn’t content with his career, but seeing music get made like this brings up a flood of emotion that he’s having difficulty suppressing.

That’s what he blames when he clears his throat and says, “I think it- I mean- Could I?”

“Have at it mate.” Ed says, handing over his guitar gently. “You need me to talk you through it?”

“Nah, I think I got it.” Niall tells him, plucking the strings in the same melody he’s heard in repeated little chunks for the last hour. “’S like this, yeah?”

“You picked that up from just the start-and-stops that we’ve done?” Ed asks, his face split somewhere between shock and amusement.

“Told you he was brilliant.” Harry grins.

“Shut up.” Niall says with a shy blush. “I like what you guys have, but that one part that you keep going back to- I think- Maybe something more like this?”

He changes the melody up just a touch, singing the words that they’d finally agreed on a few minutes ago. It’s not too different from the version that they had, but Ed and Harry both look like the clouds in the sky have just parted and the sun is finally shining. “Fuck! Yes!” Ed laughs. “That’s it! That’s perfect!”

“It fits perfectly!” Harry exclaims with a giggle. “God, Niall, you can’t even- It’s brill.”

“Didn’t do much.” Niall says with a shy shrug, handing back over the guitar to Ed while Harry scribbles furiously. “I think you’ve probably been working on it for too long, and it just kind of needed a new set of ears.”

“He’s good. He’s really good.” Ed hums, playing through the arrangement that Niall had done only a moment before. “Don’t know what he’s doing wasting his life away with Malik when he should be doing this.”

“I like my job.” Niall says adamantly. “And I’m good at it.”

“Better than you are at this?” Ed asks curiously.

“This is a piece I completed the other day.” Niall says, pulling out his phone and flicking through his gallery before handing his mobile over.

“Fuck, Styles, you’ve found yourself some kind of wunderkind, haven’t you?” Ed smirks after taking a good look at Niall’s work.

“Yup.” Harry beams. “But if you think that’s impressive, then you should see this.”

He pulls out his own mobile, and for a terrifying second, Niall is afraid that Harry has taken some cheeky picture and is showing Niall’s ass to Ed Sheeran of all people. But no, it’s far worse than that. Music starts to blare through the speaker of Harry’s mobile, and Niall could swear that his heart stops at the sound of Zayn, Liam, and worst of all, himself singing.

“What the fuck?” Niall yelps, making a grab for Harry’s mobile. Harry is too fast for him though, catching both of Niall’s wrists in one hand and clamping them down to his own thigh. He tries to wriggle free, but Harry doesn’t relent in his grip. “I’m going to murder you!”

“Your tattoo work is impressive, Niall, but I think that it’s pretty clear that you’re a musician.” Ed says with a soft smile. “This is good. Really good.”

“It’s really not.” Niall huffs. “And I’m past the stage where I want to sing professionally. I love my job, and I love working with my brother. I only did that performance because Haz basically begged me, and he promised me sexual favors.”

“Well if you ever want to jam, call me up.” Ed grins. “I’m not promising any sexual favors, but I’ll bring the beer.”

“I- You- Uh-” Niall stammers, falling back into that pit of stupidity that Harry had pushed him into earlier by springing Ed bloody Sheeran on him. Ed Sheeran, who is now saying that Niall should be a musician, and should call him sometime just to piss around and play music. It would be a dream come true if Niall wasn’t half dead from mortification.

“D’you mind if I send this to myself?” Ed asks, holding up Harry’s mobile. “Got some people I’d like to show it to.”

“No.” Niall croaks out. “It’s okay.”

“Still plan on murdering me?” Harry asks, voice low and gravelly right in Niall’s ear.

“Just your arse.” Niall mutters.

“Ed, thanks for the work.” Harry says quickly. “I hate to be rude, but I’m going to have to kick you out now so that I can suck my boyfriend’s cock until he cums so hard he flips inside out.”

“Make sure to leave him breathing.” Ed chuckles, setting their mobiles both down on the table. “Might need him to help me find a hook sometime.”

“No promises.” Harry says with a cheeky wink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone who's stuck with this story through all of my ups and downs. I'm not quite finished with it yet, but I want you all to know that I appreciate the support that you've all given me so much. This story was never intended to be so long, or dramatic, but things tend to get out of hand with me, and all of you have been amazing to stick around through that. 
> 
> So, thank you. Those two words can't even begin to convey how grateful I am, but I'm not nearly good enough as a writer to translate into words how you all make me feel.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay on this chapter. Some things happened irl, and it's messed with me pretty badly. I hope the fact that this chapter is over 8k words and contains a smut scene helps make up for the wait.
> 
> Also, this chapter is completely unedited. I literally finished writing it 2 minutes ago and I'm posting it now because I'm already almost 48 hours late. Please let me know if you catch anything that I need to fix.
> 
> Again, sorry for the wait.

“Now I see why you wanted to fly private.” Niall hums contentedly, slumped back against his seat while Harry cleans the both of them up with a few napkins. They’ll need a proper shower soon, but it works for now.

“It’s the only way to fly.” Harry says with a cheeky wink. “That’s much harder to do in a tiny lavatory with stewardesses walking up and down the aisles.”

“I’m sure.” Niall chuckles. “Never really been one for public sex anyways.”

“You didn’t seem to mind it in Malink.” Harry smirks, climbing into Niall’s lap and settling in. They should probably get dressed, they’ll be landing soon enough, but Niall has a lapful of naked Harry and he’s not planning on complaining about that. It’s their holiday, finally, and he’s not going to let anything ruin it.

“No, don’t suppose I did.” Niall agrees. “But we’d only been together a day at that point. Everything was new and exciting. Three months pass, and now it’s neither new, nor exciting.”

“Excuse you, Niall.” Harry scoffs. “I am plenty exciting.”

“Prove it.” Niall grins.

“I just fucked your arse at thirty thousand feet.” Harry points out.

“Boring.” Niall says, feigning disinterest. “Gotta try harder, Haz.”

“I’m whisking you away on a lovely holiday to the most romantic city on Earth.” Harry argues.

“We’ve been planning this for months.” Niall counters. “If it were a surprise, that would be one thing, but it’s not.”

“You would have murdered me if I tried to surprise you with this kind of thing.” Harry huffs.

“Now that would have been exciting.” Niall muses, ignoring the pout growing on Harry’s bottom lip.

“What do you want from me? Do you want me to fight ninjas or something?” Harry sighs. “Want me to blow up the Eiffel tower?”

“Yes.” Niall says with an emphatic nod. “That would be exciting.”

“You’re so ridiculous.” Harry giggles. “I love you.”

Niall catches Harry’s lips in a slow kiss. He’s trying, god is he trying, but every time he attempts to say those words, they stick in his throat. It’s not that he doesn’t love Harry. Quite the opposite really. He’s wildly, inarguably, passionately in love with Harry. But in a week, Harry will be going back on tour, and now those words feel like giving a piece of himself over that he’s going to need just to survive once he’s alone again. For now this works. For now it’s okay. For now, they’re together, and they’re in love, and they’re alright.

 

From the time they stepped off the plane, Niall has been like an energetic child. Orly is always nicer to land in than Charles De Gaulle because of the lower foot-traffic, but Harry really appreciated it when they went through customs and he was only asked to sign a few autographs. Nobody asked for photos, and Paul, the security guard that had been sent with them, didn’t have to do much other than stand around. No press showed up. Nobody asked about Niall. It was peaceful in a way that Harry had forgotten travel could be.

The ride was also nice, for Paris at least. Parisians are the most terrifying drivers, but luckily they didn’t have to go through any major rotaries, so they avoided the worst of it. Niall couldn’t sit still, his face pressed up against the window and squealing at every new sight, hand laced through Harry’s and squeezing in time with his seemingly endless peaks of enthusiasm. It’s probably the cutest thing that Harry had ever seen.

When they finally checked into the hotel, all hell broke loose. Niall is running around like an Olympic sprinter, taking everything in with an innocent wonderment that Harry is perfectly content to just sit back and watch. It reminds him of how things had been at first for him, how everything was an adventure waiting to be uncovered. How he’d spend hours at the window in his hotel rooms, staring out the window and committing the view to memory.

He doesn’t like to believe that he’s become jaded, but seeing Niall like this reminds him that he has a bit. Maybe though, just maybe, he can experience everything again for the first time with Niall. Maybe having someone you love by your side is all it takes to push away that cynicism and remind you that the world is a beautiful place, full of new experiences to be had, even when you’ve been there before.

“What are you thinking about?” Niall asks, dumping himself down across Harry’s lap and staring up at him with a teasing smirk. “Better not be work. This is a work-free trip for both of us, remember?”

“I remember.” Harry smiles. “’S not work. Just thinking about you. Thinking about how I can’t wait to see you do this all over the world. Thinking about how I can’t believe I’m the lucky one that gets to help show it all to you.”

“You’re such a sap sometimes.” Niall snorts. “Half expect you to pull out a magic carpet and start singing a Disney song.”

“Don’t tempt me.” Harry laughs. “Of course you realize that that would objectively make you my princess, right?”

“Don’t you dare start calling me Princess.” Niall growls.

“Aw, but you’d make such a good little Princess for me.” Harry smirks.

“I’m pretty sure that if either of us is the ‘Princess’ in this relationship-” Niall hums, working his way up into a straddling position over Harry’s lap. “It’s you. You’re the beautiful one after all.”

Three months they’ve been at this, and it still sends a shiver down Harry’s spine when Niall says that. Still makes him flush down to his neck and suck his bottom lip between his teeth and cling just a little tighter to Niall’s hips. “I suppose I could live with that.” Harry mumbles.

“Which do you prefer?” Niall asks, low and cunning right in Harry’s ear. “Princess, or my beautiful boy?”

“Christ-” Harry breathes out, his hips rolling up against Niall’s arse out of instinct.

“Wasn’t an option.” Niall chuckles from where he’s nipping at the spot just behind Harry’s ear that drives him fucking insane.

“Beautiful boy.” Harry admits, his breath catching in his throat.

“Me too.” Niall says, low and rasping before he leans back to catch Harry’s lips. It’s slow, syrupy, not really meant to lead to anything more than leaving them panting, breathless with their fingers tangled in each other’s hair and their eyes locked in a pas de deux that neither is willing to, or wants to, back down from. It’s Niall’s unspoken ‘I love you’, his actions-over-words mentality coming out to kick Harry in the teeth and remind him just how amazingly, undeservingly lucky he is to have found this boy out of everyone in the world. “Because you are my beautiful boy.”

“God, I love you.” Harry whispers, barely suppressing the urge to bury his face in Niall’s neck. He doesn’t have the same fascination with Niall’s scent that the blond does with his, but he still loves it. Still likes to take some time in the mornings to just drink Niall in, in all of his glory. To breathe deeply and fill his lungs with NiallNiallNiall because fresh air has nothing on it. Niall looks and tastes and smells like happiness and security and home. Whatever inner demons choose to let themselves loose and rampage through Harry’s soul, all it takes is a little bit of Niall to quell them and place them back in their cages where they belong. He glances down and adds, “Thank you for coming away with me.”

“Thank you for taking me away.” Niall counters, brushing his nose against Harry’s cheek softly until the brunet gets the point and looks back up into his eyes. “Thank you for wanting to show me the world, and for putting up with all my flaws, and for being so patient, and attentive, and loving. Thank you for loving me like nobody else ever has before.”

“You’re such a sap sometimes.” Harry echoes Niall’s words back to him, greedily enjoying the blush that lights up the blond’s cheeks. “And I love it.”

 

“I think you’re going to break her arms with that order.” Harry says with that infuriatingly attractive smirk that makes Niall want to jump across the table and ravage him, witnesses be damned.

He settles instead for a hard glare and a muttered, “They shouldn’t have such small portions then. I need three times as many plates to be satisfied.”

“High-class restaurants go for quality over quantity.” Harry shrugs.

“My palette isn’t refined enough to give a damn.” Niall counters. “I eat takeaway most days, remember?”

“Oi, what are you saying about my food?” Harry asks, his eyes narrowing in a glare that’s honestly more cute than intimidating.

“Your food is delicious, Haz.” Niall chuckles. “Best food I’ve ever had, but I think we both know that I can’t properly appreciate all of the work that goes into fine cuisine. I’d just as easily eat a burger as I would one of these fancy dishes that I can’t even pronounce.”

“To be fair, it is in French.” Harry offers.

“That’s beside the point.” Niall waves him off. “What I’m saying is, I appreciate what you’re doing, but maybe it’s a bit wasted on me.”

“It’s only wasted if you don’t enjoy it at all.” Harry says with a soft smile. “Who cares if you can’t discern an aged-spice rubbed steak, or the hint of tarragon in the potatoes, or the way the chicken was slow roasted over six hours? Who cares? I don’t. Do you?”

“No.” Niall says, shaking his head. “Just don’t really feel like I belong in a place like this, I guess.”

“You belong wherever you want to be, Niall.” Harry says adamantly. “The whole world could be yours if you would just reach out and take it.”

“I don’t want the world.” Niall shrugs. “I like my job, and I like my friends, and I like the guy I’m dating. I don’t see the point in wanting more and more and more when what I have is already more than I could have dreamed of when I was younger. Of course there are still things I want to do, to experience, but I’m happy with the life I have. More than, actually.”

“I just don’t ever want you to feel like you’re settling, Niall.” Harry tells him. “I don’t want you to look back and regret the chances you didn’t take.”

“I won’t.” Niall hums. “Took a chance on the hippie-princess who only noticed me because of the color of my eyes, didn’t I?”

“I did not only notice you because of the color of your eyes.” Harry huffs.

“You kind of did though.” Niall laughs. “You stared right at them, with that blank face you get, for like ten seconds before you finally said ‘Harry’.”

“Was it really that long?” Harry groans, a dusting of light pink springing up to settle beautifully on his cheeks.

“Yeah, Babes, it was.” Niall nods. “I kind of thought you were a bit mental for a while. I’m still not entirely convinced that you aren’t actually.”

“You make me a bit mental.” Harry hums.

“Back at you, Babes.” Niall grins.

 

If Harry thought Niall’s enthusiasm was endearing at seeing the hotel suite, it’s nothing compared to now. They’re finally out in the city proper, walking towards the Eiffel tower, and Niall looks like he’s about to just blast off into the air. Paul is hanging back a few feet, eyes sharp and vigilant as he searches for any signs of recognition in the faces of the people around them. His management company wanted to send along a second guard, but Harry has worked with Paul for years and trusts him. Adding more people into the mix would just take away from the experience. It also would have meant that there wasn’t enough room in the cockpit for them to both go up, and the plane ride would have been far less fun than it was.

“Haz! It’s so fucking big!” Niall laughs, craning his neck back to take in the entirety of the monument. “Paul, mate, would you mind?”

He holds out his mobile, which he’s been using quite avidly as a camera to take pictures of literally everything they come across, to the much larger Irishman, who gives them a small flash of a smile before Niall tugs Harry into his side and makes a ridiculous face that Harry imitates. Their tongues are pushed all the way out of their mouths, peace signs thrown up and eyes wide under scrunched eyebrows. Paul hands back the mobile, and Harry can’t resist looking at the picture. They look ridiculous and immature and so, so fucking happy.

“Perfect!” Niall giggles, clicking a few buttons and saving it as his phone background, much to Harry’s delight. “We look like right arses.”

Paul snorts a little, but otherwise keeps his face respectfully blank. He likes Niall. Harry can tell. Maybe it’s because they’re both Irish. Maybe it’s because he’s happy that Harry is happy. Or maybe it’s just because Niall is so impossible not to like. Most of the time anyways. Harry’s pretty sure that he’s the only person who’s ever hated Niall at any point, which just shows how far they’ve come.

“Ready to queue up and go to the top?” Harry asks.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” Niall says, his grin faltering as he gulps and looks at the tower. “I’m not big on lifts though, so-”

“I’ll hold your hand.” Harry murmurs in his ear.

“Cheeky.” Niall scoffs, tucking his mobile into his pocket and running over towards where the end of the queue of people is. Luckily, most of them seem to be couples in their twenties or older, and Harry has never been so grateful that his fan-base is mostly made up of people who are in school right now. They have a much smaller chance of being noticed as anything more than just three random people in the crowd.

The queue takes what feels like days, but eventually they all climb into the lift. Niall squeezes himself right up against the glass, keeping his eyes locked on the Parisian skyline. Harry can feel the tension in the grip between their hands, the way his shoulders bump against Harry’s more rapidly than usual with the rise and fall of his breathing.

“It’s fucking beautiful.” Niall whispers once they reach the halfway point. “Look at it.”

“I have something much better to look at.” Harry grins, admiring Niall’s profile.

“Git.” Niall snorts. He shakes his head, but there’s one of his fond smiles tugging at the corner of his lips, so Harry knows better than to take it to heart. “Just because we’re in the most romantic city on Earth doesn’t mean you have to be a sap the whole time.”

“Get used to it.” Harry muses. “Paris has nothing to do with it. You just give me endless inspiration for sappy thoughts. I could write a thousand songs, and none of them will ever come close to describing how much I love you.”

“Disgusting.” Niall giggles, pulling a face. “How am I supposed to compete with that?”

“You’re not.” Harry grins. “Love isn’t a competition. It’s just love. All I need is for you to keep being you. That’s all I’m doing.”

 

“You need a tub like this.” Niall hums happily, letting his eyes slip shut as Harry bathes him from behind. It would feel silly if it didn’t actually feel great. “We’ve been missing out with only showers.”

“I’ll look into it when we get back.” Harry chuckles. “Get one with jets and everything.”

“Mm, I like the way you think, Haz.” Niall giggles. “Nice and big so that we can switch positions and you can stretch out without bumping up against the side.”

“And a special little ledge for candles.” Harry adds, running the soap down Niall’s arm.

“And a pull bar for when my knee or your back start acting up.” Niall says, turning his head to the side to bury his face under Harry’s chin.

“Excellent addition.” Harry laughs, scooping up water with his hand to rinse off the residue before sliding the soap over Niall’s collarbones. “You have brilliant ideas.”

“It was your idea to take a bath in the first place.” Niall points out. “I’m just building off of that.”

“And you thought this wouldn’t be good.” Harry tuts, dipping lower with the floral scented bar to run is over his chest in gentle circles. Niall likes it, though he wouldn’t under most circumstances. It’s delicate, not overbearing like the free soaps in every cheap motel Niall has ever stayed in. It’s relaxing, comfortable, and he finds himself relaxing more with every passing moment.

“I’m a big enough man to admit when I’m wrong.” Niall mumbles. “And I was really, really wrong about this.”

“Good.” Harry says softly. “I love it when you just let me take care of you.”

“I’m not used to it.” Niall shrugs, watching the way the bubbles in the tub bounce on top of the water that ripples. “I’ve been taking care of myself for my whole life.”

“Well I want to take care of you.” Harry says softly, pressing a kiss into Niall’s hairline.

“Keep doing it like this, and I might just be alright with that.” Niall hums.

“I can do that.” Harry nods, and Niall feels the brunet’s chest swell just a bit behind his back. “I’d like to do that.”

Niall signals his approval by letting his body fall lax, pliant under Harry’s hands in a way he could never be with anyone else. Vulnerable in a way that he’s never even considered allowing himself to be. It’s not about the actual act, but rather that he can now so easily surrender himself over to Harry without reservations or fears.

“I thought of something a few days ago.” Niall mumbles.

“Oh?” Harry asks, massaging the soap over the planes of Niall’s stomach.

“Like- Like something I’d like to try.” Niall says quietly. “In bed.”

“Oh- Oh!” Harry giggles. “Well that took a while, didn’t it?”

“Hadn’t really been giving it much thought since I enjoy our sex life as it is.” Niall chuckles. “Didn’t really see any reason to shop around for things to try when we have mind-blowing sex on the regular. Just kind of stumbled onto this by mistake really.”

“How does that happen?” Harry questions.

“I’ll explain when we’re done in here.” Niall tells him.

“Alright.” Harry nods. “How come you haven’t brought it up before now?”

“Because it’s kind of selfish.” Niall admits.

“That’s fine, Babes.” Harry muses, slipping the soap down further until he’s washing the inside of Niall’s thighs, hand teasingly close to Niall’s half-hard prick. “You focus on me plenty during sex. We can do something that’s about you. I’d actually really like to do that.”

“We’ll talk about it first.” Niall sighs. “I’m pretty sure that you’re going to take it the wrong way at first, so it’ll be easier once I can show you what I’m talking ab-”

His voice cuts off in a strangled moan when Harry slips a soapy finger into the cleft of his ass, circling around his rim without any preamble. “Shut up, Niall.” Harry growls in his ear.

“Ok.” Niall chokes out, eyes fluttering shut when Harry presses in just the tiniest bit. He’s still a bit loose from earlier, a bit sensitive, but that just makes it better. It’s really the whole point of what he’s going for.

“You know, you get this face sometimes, one that says ‘You’re thinking too much’, but honestly, it’s you who thinks too much, Nialler.” Harry murmurs in his ear, slipping his finger deeper inside. “There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for you. Nothing.”

“I know.” Niall breathes out, shuddering as Harry starts working him open with these tiny, teasing strokes. “Not the smartest way to handle yourself, by the way.”

“I said shut up.” Harry hums, rubbing over Niall’s prostate to punctuate his statement.

“Bossy.” Niall moans.

“You didn’t seem to mind that last night.” Harry hums, making Niall flush down to his toes with the memory. He really didn’t mind that. Harry was fucking hot when he took charge, when he told Niall exactly what he wanted, when he fucked him so hard that Niall could barely walk through Paris on their second day here, when he made Niall wank himself off on Harry’s abs and then clean the mess up with his tongue before he was allowed to lay on the smooth silk sheets embroidered with the Shangri La logo. He definitely didn’t mind that. “Think you’re clean?”

“For now.” Niall nods. “Probably won’t be soon.”

“Then I guess I’ll just get to do this all over again, huh?” Harry muses, withdrawing his finger. “Stand up and we’ll get dried off, and you can show me what you want to do. Do you need help?”

“Nope. I think I can manage since it’s got the bathmat.” Niall tells him, gripping the edges of the tub and pushing himself up. He’s barely on his feet, water dripping off of his body in rivulets that ‘plink’ against the surface of the water in the tub through the foam, when he feels Harry’s teeth graze over the skin of his ass and he lets out something between a moan and a yelp. He turns back and growls, “Can’t you wait until we’re in the room?”

“It just looks so tasty.” Harry smirks. “Needed to take a bite.”

“At least wait until I’m dried and not at risk of falling and breaking my neck, will you?” Niall mutters, stepping out of the tub cautiously with one eye trained on his mischievous boyfriend.

“Watch what you’re doing or you’ll fall.” Harry says gently. “I won’t do anything.”

“Good lad.” Niall smiles, stepping forward and grabbing a towel. No sooner has he got it wrapped around his shoulders than he hears the water rushing off of Harry’s body when the brunet stands. Niall tosses him a towel, and then a second for his hair. Naked and wet can be a fun combination, but it’s October now and Harry can’t afford to catch cold just because he doesn’t properly dry his hair. “You make sure to dry up well. I’ll be in the bedroom.”

“Give me five minutes and I’ll meet you in there.” Harry chuckles.

Niall heads back into the room, digging through his suitcase until he finds what he’s looking for underneath all of the clothes that Harry bought him today. He’s taking advantage of being allowed to pay for the trip and spending money as fast as he can on Niall. Niall hates to admit that he kind of likes it. He didn’t think he would, but he does. Even if part of him is furious with himself for that.

“Never really figured you for a restraint-kink kind of guy.” Harry hums from the doorway. Niall probably should have been paying more attention, should have heard the hair-dryer shut off, but he’s a bit caught up in himself to have noticed until Harry’s voice startles him. “But at least you went with silk instead of handcuffs. They chafe.”

“It’s not for restraint.” Niall tells him. “It’s a blindfold. I want to be blindfolded.”

“Oh.” Harry says, his cocky smile dropping off of his face. That’s exactly what Niall was afraid of.

“It’s not- It’s not because I don’t want to see you, Haz.” Niall says quickly. “You know I think you’re gorgeous. It’s not about that.”

“Okay.” Harry says with a slight nod after a moment. “What is it about then?”

“Come here.” Niall tells him. Harry obeys, walking forward until he’s standing directly in front of Niall. Niall turns him around, and places the blindfold gently over Harry’s eyes and ties it into place. “Do you trust me?”

“Of course.” Harry murmurs. Niall grips his shoulders and directs Harry towards the bed, making him crawl onto it on his hands and knees with his ass hanging out in the air.

“It happened when you went to New York last week.” Niall starts, nudging Harry’s legs apart and stepping in between them. “I was by myself, and I was lonely, so I decided to have a wank.”

Harry snorts, but says nothing, so Niall continues. “Only, I’m not used to getting off in my own room anymore, and it felt weird. So I closed my eyes, and at first it worked, but not really, because it felt too forced when I was squeezing my eyes shut.”

He runs his fingers up the inside of Harry’s thighs, just a feather light touch, but it makes Harry gasp and his cock start to fill up where it’s dangling between his legs. “So I ended up stealing one of Zaynie’s sleep masks and putting that on.” Niall explains. “And I noticed that it makes everything so much more intense.”

He leans in then, bringing his hands up to separate Harry’s cheeks as he licks over the brunet’s rim. Harry’s upper body trembles before dropping to the mattress as he lets out a thoroughly debauched moan that probably reverberates through all of Paris and goes straight to Niall’s cock. He skims his fingers over Harry’s skin, starting from his lower back, over his bum, and sown the backs of his legs. Harry whimpers and squirms, arching his back in a plea for more that he can’t get out between the sounds ripping free from his throat.

“They say-” Niall hums, leaning in and nipping lightly at the skin around Harry’s hole. “That when you deprive yourself of one sense, the others go into overdrive to pick up the slack. So when you’re blinded, your senses of taste, and smell, and hearing, and touch are magnified. What do you think?”

“I think that this is bloody brilliant.” Harry slurs out. “Best idea you’ve ever had. Puts getting a big bathtub installed to shame.”

“So are you okay with doing it?” Niall asks.

“God, yes.” Harry smirks, turning over onto his back and lifting his hands up to pull away the blindfold. “Do I get to take it slow with you?”

“If you want.” Niall nods. “It’s kind of about the intensity, and kind of about me trusting you completely. I trust you to make it good for both of us.”

“That’s my specialty.” Harry grins. “Do you want to top, or bottom?”

“Bottom, please.” Niall requests.

“Come here.” Harry says with a soft smile, sitting up and holding the blindfold in one hand. “Why would you possibly think I wouldn’t want to do this?”

“Because I thought you’d take it like me not wanting to see you.” Niall admits. “And you did.”

“Only for a second.” Harry huffs. “Turn around and sit between my legs, Babe.”

Niall does as he’s told, reveling in the heat of Harry’s torso pressed against his back. His skin is still damp, chilled in the light breeze coming from the air conditioning. It’s a nice contrast. It makes his hair stand on end as Harry drapes the silk over his eyes, shutting out the world and lighting up Niall’s nerves. 

“I told you I want to take care of you, Niall, and I meant it. That means I want to do it in every way. I want to show you the world, and buy you nice things, and make you feel good in every way that I can. That means doing the things that you want to do, like this. I misunderstood at first, but now that I know what it’s about, I love the idea.” Harry murmurs, his lips grazing the shell of Niall’s ear and making him shiver. “So lay down and let me take care of you.”

“You’re going to have to tell me what you want me to do and where to go.” Niall mumbles. “Can’t see anything.”

“I’m well aware.” Harry chuckles, but it sounds different, new. There’s layers there, waiting for Niall to unravels them, but before he gets the chance, Harry is leading him up the bed and laying him down. “I put you in the center of the bed to minimize the chances of you rolling off, okay?”

“Good plan.” Niall says with a nod.

“We can both be a bit clumsy.” Harry hums, spreading Niall’s legs apart. “Thought I’d take some precautions. Now shush. It’s time to let me take care of you.”

“Yeah, al-” Niall starts, but it dies in his throat when Harry’s tongue flicks out over the long, pink scar on his knee. It’s always been a bit more sensitive, the nerves a bit more raw. That’s not usually a good thing, it can make cold mornings suck and if his jeans rub him the wrong way it makes him scream, but right now it feels absolutely brilliant.

“That okay?” Harry asks.

“’S good.” Niall breathes out, unable to say the words properly because Harry’s fingers are dancing over the inside of his thighs, slow, dragging circles that make him feel like he’s about to combust. Every nerve feels like it’s right on the surface, laid out bare for Harry to use for his pleasure or his destruction. Or maybe both.

“Have I ever told you that I think your scar is incredibly fucking sexy?” Harry asks, pressing his lips back over the raised skin in a series of kisses from the bottom to the top of it.

“No.” Niall chokes out, his toes and fingers both curling into the sheets when Harry’s teeth graze over his scar this time. “Oh fuck!”

“Gotta let me know if anything hurts, okay?” Harry requests, to which Niall just gives a jerky nod. His brain cells aren’t firing quite right anymore. Not when Harry’s hands slip into the cruxes between his thighs and groin. His thumbs move over the skin, such an underrated part of the body in Niall’s current opinion. He may be a bit biased though. Harry could touch the tops of his feet right now and he’d probably think the exact same thing.

Harry pulls one hand away, hooking it under Niall’s knee to haul his leg up, while the others palms over Niall’s balls, a light pressure that contrasts beautifully with the tip of a finger that Harry presses against the blond’s rim again. Harry’s mouth is still firmly focused on Niall’s scar, mouthing and licking and biting at it like he’s just been waiting for the opportunity over the last three months. Maybe he has. All Niall knows is that he wouldn’t have protested if this is how it feels.

“Christ, Haz! I- I need- I-” Niall whines. He doesn’t even know what he’s asking for, couldn’t narrow down his options if he tried. Not with the way his mind and body are humming on a frequency he’s never tapped into before.

“I believe you said that I get to take my time with you.” Harry hums. Niall can actually feel the smirk in his voice, the way his lip quirks up against the skin of Niall’s knee. “I’m going to take full advantage of that.”

“Okay.” Niall gasps, arching his back up off the mattress when Harry leans in and blows a puff of hot air over the leaking tip of Niall’s prick.

“I’ll get you off in time, Nialler.” Harry says breathily. “But you’ve never let me worship you like I want to, and this is the perfect opportunity.”

“Are you- saying- that- that I’ve- been selfish- in bed- by not- being selfish- in bed?” Niall asks between broken pants, too focused on the way that Harry is mouthing his way down the inside of his thigh. He bites down just shy of too hard, and Niall feels like his whole body is about to burst. Harry’s lips attach to the spot, sucking in a bruise that Niall knows will burn there for weeks, reminding him of this exact second.

“Not how I’d phrase it, but yeah.” Harry muses, running his tongue over the mark he’s left. “You’ve been very greedy keeping yourself from me. Never gave me the opportunity to lick and bite and kiss every inch of you like I want to. It’s not fair at all.”

“Christ!” Niall groans, burying his fingers in his hair and tugging just to keep himself from cumming on the spot when Harry’s tongue suddenly presses flat against the head of his cock, swiping roughly to lap up what Niall’s leaked out so far.

“No, it’s Harry.” the brunet giggles before mouthing his way back down Niall’s prick. “It seems a bit blasphemous to picture Jesus doing this. Not to mention rude.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Niall groans. 

“Then stop saying anyone else’s name, and say mine.” Harry growls, low and unbelievably erotic, before he ducks back and pushes Niall’s knees towards his chest.

“Harry, fuck!” Niall whimpers, reveling in Harry’s tongue running flat over his hole. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Harry, please!”

“What do you want?” Harry asks quickly, apparently not wanting to be taken away from his task for any longer than absolutely necessary. Niall doesn’t mind that at all. It’s making every muscle in his body tremble, his skin burning like fire and ice while Harry’s tongue claims him, and Harry’s hands scorch unreadable patterns over his stomach, and Harry’s presence makes all of Niall’s body cry out that he belongs solely to the brunet.

“Need you to fuck me.” Niall moans.

“I’ll get to-” Harry starts.

“Bare.” Niall cuts him off.

“I- You- What?” Harry asks, stilling so suddenly that Niall can feel it shake the world.

“I’m clean. I got tested last week.” Niall admits. “I want to feel you without anything between us. I’ve been waiting specifically for this to ask for it.”

“Fuck, okay- Yeah.” Harry rushes out. “I could speed things up then.”

“Thank you.” Niall sighs in relief. “Thank you, Harry.”

“Let me just-” Harry mumbles, moving so that the bed dips on one side. His hard cock rubs against Niall’s thigh, so the blond takes advantage of the contact and presses up into the touch. Harry hisses, grinding back down against Niall and grunts “Fucking hell! Don’t do that. Got me on edge already asking for this.”

“Just imagine how I feel.” Niall hums.

“Are you absolutely sure about this, Niall?” Harry asks softly. “We don’t have to if you aren’t ready. I mean- I’m clean. There’ no reason not to do it if you want to, but-”

“Haz- Shut up.” Niall laughs, reaching his hand up and following the plane of Harry’s chest up to his neck to pull the flustered brunet down for a kiss. They bump noses a few times, but manage to avoid any real damage. “I want this, but if you aren’t ready, that’s okay too.”

“No, I’m definitely ready.” Harry mumbles against his lips. “I just want to know that you don’t have any doubts about it.”

“If there’s anyone on Earth that I trust to do this with me, it’s you.” Niall murmurs. “Now will you hurry up and get inside me so that I can really feel you?”

“So impatient.” Harry tuts.

“We’ll try this blindfold thing the other way around sometime and see how you feel about waiting.” Niall huffs.

“Can’t wait.” Harry whispers in his ear. Niall hears the distinctive sound of the lube uncapping, and his body gives a shiver in anticipation. It doesn’t take long until Harry’s fingers are prodding at him, sticky and slick with lube. “How many do you want me to go to?”

“Two.” Niall tells him. “I want to be nice and tight when you fill me up.”

“You’re going to kill me.” Harry groans, the dip of the mattress telling Niall that his hips just rutted down into it. “You are officially going to be my ‘cause of death.’”

“Not until after you fuck me please.” Niall smirks.

“Arse.” Harry growls, nipping at Niall’s neck as he pushes his middle finger in quickly. Everything else has felt magnificent, and this is no exception. Niall is so much more aware of the way his body responds to it, the way he clenches around Harry and how his hips instinctively push into it and how his heartrate seems to double down from the electric shock of having Harry inside of him.

He doesn’t take long with the first finger, slipping in a second beside it only a few minutes later. He’s more cautious with that one, slowly working Niall apart, focused more on the stretch than he is on Niall’s prostate. Niall doesn’t mind at all. It feels bloody brilliant, even without the added stimulation. He’s pretty sure that he’d cum too fast anyways if Harry were to put any real effort into using that to pleasure Niall.

“I’m ready whenever you are, Harry.” Niall tells him once he feels like he can take it.

“I’m offering you one last chance to-” Harry says gently.

“I’m not backing out unless you don’t want to do it.” Niall says adamantly.

“Just give me a mo, then.” Harry hums, lifting himself back up and taking his mouth away, much to Niall’s displeasure. It’s strange, the difference between the sounds of lube being applied to a bare cock versus one with a condom, and Niall isn’t sure that he would have even noticed if he could see, but there’s something so titillatingly dirty and naughty and obscene in the wet sound that makes Niall leak over his stomach. Harry’s hand presses down on the mattress, right next to Niall’s ribcage, and the head of the brunet’s cock nudges up teasingly against his rim. “Ready, Babe?”

“Never been more ready.” Niall breathes out. It’s a slow process, Harry taking his time sinking into Niall, while the blond basks in the way Harry fills him up. It’s rapturous, exultant, so impossibly, indescribably perfect. He’s falling apart at the seams. Maybe he’s already fallen apart actually, but Harry holds all the pieces of him, and he isn’t letting any of them go. They’re safe, he’s safe, as long as he’s in Harry’s hands.

“You okay?” Harry asks gently once he’s settled all the way inside of Niall. “You’re shaking.”

“You can’t even imagine how good it feels.” Niall rasps out. “I just- It’s like nothing I’ve ever done. My whole body feels like I have lighting in my veins. I’ve never been this close to anyone else. I’ve never felt this good in my entire life.”

“I definitely need to try this blindfold thing.” Harry chuckles, the motion of it more evident than usual. He presses lightly against Niall’s prostate, and the blond clenches around him with a shameless, throaty moan.

“It’s not just the blindfold. It’s you.” Niall whispers. “Move. Please.”

“I’m not sure how long I’m going to last.” Harry admits with a shallow thrust of his hips. “It feels pretty bloody amazing on this end too.”

“That’s fine.” Niall hums. “I’m not going to last long either. Been on the edge the entire time.”

“Have I mentioned that this is the best idea that you’ve ever had?” Harry asks with another, stronger roll of his hips.

“Yeah.” Niall groans. Harry is talking too much, but Niall is pretty sure that he’s just doing it to keep things going for as long as possible, so he doesn’t chastise him for it. Besides, Niall feels like he’s glowing so he’s pretty sure he couldn’t get mad right now if he tried.

“I can’t wait until we switch positions.” Harry murmurs in his ear, draping his body lower so that their chests are pressed together. “I want to feel you in me like this.”

“Fuck!” Niall moans, clutching onto Harry’s arms because the combination of this new position and Harry’s words is rapidly pushing him towards the point of no return. He’s bent too much at the waist to even get the drag of Harry’s abs against his cock, but at this point he’s not sure it even needs any attention. “Harry, please.”

Harry’s lips crash into Niall’s as he picks up the pace, fucking into Niall hard and fast to chase after what they’re probably both too close to for how short of a time they’ve actually been doing this. “I love you so fucking much.” Harry whispers into Niall’s mouth when they pull apart by millimeters to breathe.

That’s what does it for Niall, the last little push it takes to make him plummet over the edge. White takes the place of black as the stars themselves burst inside Niall’s body, lighting him up through every nerve in his entire body. He can hear his own cries, but they sound far away from the ecstasy that he’s drowning in in this place of endless pleasure.

By the time he gets back to his body, Harry is buried deep inside of him, attached at the lips and letting out a low growl while he fills Niall up and marks him as his own. Niall can’t think of anything better in the entire world.

 

“No. One of the conditions I made for coming along on this trip and not bitching about you paying for everything, is that you don’t abandon me in bed just to go exercise for a bit.” Niall huffs sleepily, tightening his grip on Harry’s waist when he feels the brunet trying to sneak out of the bed. “You agreed and I expect you to keep up that part of the deal. I don’t care that it’s our last morning here and we’re leaving soon. I didn’t get upset over you spending hundreds of quid on a shirt for me, so you aren’t going to the gym.”

“I’m just going to wee, Nialler.” Harry says, not at all convincingly.

“Liar.” Niall growls.

“I’d be back before you know it.” Harry offers.

“Harry, you know how I feel about you-” Niall murmurs into the base of his boyfriend’s neck. “But I will tie you to the bed and leave you here all day without sex if you try to leave me alone so you can go run on the hotel treadmill for an hour.”

“Niall!” Harry whines.

“Complete celibacy, Haz.” Niall warns. “I won’t even let you get yourself off. I will go out to the city with Paul and have a grand time, and you’ll have your wrists tied to the headboard, unable to do anything except picture me from when I wank and finger myself before I leave just to leave you all hot and bothered.”

“Fine. I’ll stay in the bloody bed.” Harry grumbles. “But if I get fat and my suit bulges on the red carpet, then I’m blaming you.”

“I’ll gladly take it.” Niall hums contentedly.

“Can I at least wee?” Harry asks.

“You can.” Niall nods. “But I’m staying awake until you get back in this bed with me, and if you try to sneak out, my punishment comes back.”

“Arse.” Harry mutters, climbing to the edge of the bed while Niall stares unabashedly at all of the muscles of his backside while he stretches. He doesn’t get to appreciate this sight nearly as much as he would like to, so he just settles back and watches the way Harry’s body looks as he twists and reaches. Niall knows from experience that it’s firm, hard under the tips of his fingers, but even stretched taut, there’s still this tiny amount of baby-fat that clings to his hips. He knows that Harry is sensitive about it, that he doesn’t like for Niall’s hands or eyes to linger on his love-handles for too long, but it’s honestly one of Niall’s favorite parts of Harry. They fit him to a T. In most situations, Harry is this impossibly strong, amazing man, but underneath all of it, there’s still a soft side that only Niall really gets to see.

“God, you’re beautiful.” Niall breathes out.

“Won’t be when I’m all fat.” Harry pouts.

“I think you would be.” Niall says with a soft smile, reaching out and tangling their fingers together. “Nothing could ever make you not beautiful.”

“What about the wig?” Harry asks with a sly grin.

“Even that.” Niall chuckles. “You make me almost believe in God, because it would take one to make anyone as perfectly beautiful as you are. Something, someone, like you, just shouldn’t exist without a touch of the divine.”

Harry’s entire face goes red, the blush spreading pretty little fingers down his neck and chest. Niall can see the way that a shiver runs down Harry’s spine, the way his lips part just slightly in a silent gasp, the way his morning wood gives a slight twitch, and it makes him proud that he’s the one that gets to see this, that gets to make it happen. “Go on then. I’ll see you when you come back to bed.” Niall hums.

Rather than following instructions, Harry just dives back into the bed, pressing Niall down into the mattress as he licks his way into the blond’s mouth. Niall grips hard onto Harry’s biceps, anchoring him there because now that they’re pressed together, he’s not sure he could survive if Harry just disappeared. 

And that’s when it hits him. In a few days, Harry will disappear. For the next few months, he’ll be gone, and Niall will have to just continue on like nothing is wrong, like his heart isn’t breaking more and more in his chest with every day that he’s all alone again. He’s not sure how to go back to being alone. Not when he finally, finally knows what it feels like to have somebody you want to share your life with.

Salt. He tastes salt, and he’s not sure if it’s his own tears, or Harry’s. The brunet’s breaths are coming in ragged pants, weak and desperate, and Niall knows that the same thing is running through Harry’s mind that’s running through his. So he clings tight, reminds the both of them that they’re still together for now. They’re still okay for now. For a few more days, they can put it out of their minds, and that’s a compromise they both seem all too eager to come to.

 

“Mr. Styles.” comes a voice from the cockpit door. “There’s a slight problem.”

“I- I- Can it wait two minutes Paul?” Harry grunts out. Niall isn’t letting the interruption stop him from swallowing Harry down greedily under the shitty little airplane blanket that never seems to be any better from if you fly private or economy, and Harry can’t bring himself to be too upset with it. He’s so close. So fucking close. Just a little bit more and-

“Someone leaked the flight info to the press. There’s a crowd of fans at the airport.” Paul sighs. “And some paparazzi.”

“Fuck!” Harry shouts, reaching his climax just as Niall pulls off with wide eyes. Between the orgasm and Paul’s report, he’s pretty sure his heart stops for a couple of seconds. His high never really comes, overshadowed by an immediate sense of dread. It’s actually almost painful.

Niall’s jaw is slack, ropes of cum hanging off of his lips and chin while he pushes the blanket off of his head. “What does that mean?” he asks, ignoring the state both of them are in to voice the question running through Harry’s mind.

“It means that things are about to get annoyingly complicated.” Paul sighs. “You two should clean up quick. We’re landing in five minutes.”

“Well this day just keeps getting better and better, doesn’t it?” Niall scowls, rubbing the scratchy blanket over his face to sop up Harry’s jizz from his face. “Should have just stayed in Paris forever.”

“That would have been better, yeah.” Harry croaks out.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure that Paul has a plan.” Niall says softly.

“Yeah.” Harry nods. “I’ve been through this before. I’ll get off the plane first, out on the tarmac, and go sign some autographs. They’ll taxi the plane into a hangar, and you’ll get out there. I can call a car service to take you home, but you won’t be able to come back to mine in case the paps follow.”

“I’ll just call Zaynie.” Niall offers. “Don’t bother with the car service.”

“I’m so sorry about this, Nialler.” Harry says quietly.

“Don’t be.” Niall says, shaking his head. “You’ve just given me the best three days of my life. I can handle this part.”

“We may not be able to see each other for a few days though.” Harry sighs. “And we have so little time left as it is.”

“We’ll make the most of it, Haz.” Niall tells him. “Now put your cock back in your pants. You’ve got people waiting to see you, and I don’t think you want to do it in that state.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, 2 chapters left. Buckle in, because things are about to get really rough. I'm talking major heartbreak. I'll try to have the next chapter out on Sunday morning, but I make no promises. These last 2 chapters need to be perfect or else I'm not doing the story justice, so they might be delayed as well.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished this chapter early, so I'm posting it early. Just a warning, brace yourselves.

Two days. Forty-eight hours. Two-thousand-eight-hundred-and-eighty minutes. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not that long. It’s a blink of the eye in terms of a person’s life. And yet, two days feels like a century when the person you love is leaving soon, and you have to spend that long apart before you can see each other again. It feels like eons, and that terrifies Niall beyond all reason, because soon it won’t just be two days, forty-eight hours, two-thousand-eight-hundred-and-eighty minutes, it’ll be months. He can barely breathe from two days. How in the hell is he going to survive a week, a month, five months?

The thought scares him more than he can put into words. He’s a wreck, and he knows it’s all showing on his face, but Harry still looks relieved when he pulls open the door. He looks as messed up as Niall feels, as scared and restless and despondent. “Hey.” Harry breathes out.

“Hey yourself.” Niall says with a wavering, watery smile. “Missed you.”

“Missed you more.” Harry says softly, circling soft fingers around Niall’s wrist and tugging him through the door. It’s barely closed before they’re on each other, stumbling backwards through the house until they land hard on Harry’s sofa. It hurts a bit, the solid weight of Harry a bit much to have fall on top of him so suddenly, but Niall wouldn’t trade it for anything. Harry is here. He’s real, and he’s solid, and he’s pressing down on top of Niall just as desperate and needy and passionate for the blond, as he is for Harry.

“I’m so sorry, Nialler.” Harry whimpers into Niall’s mouth, his hands curled into Niall’s hair almost painfully as their bodies rock against one another out of a desperate, all-consuming need.

“Just kiss me.” Niall grunts, catching Harry’s bottom lip between his teeth and rolling his hips up in time with Harry’s sharp, sloppy thrusts. “Let’s not waste time apologizing. Lost enough already.”

Harry takes the instruction with enthusiasm, licking into Niall’s mouth and pressing their lips together as hard as they can stand. Niall’s hands sip further down Harry’s back, over the curve of his ass to pull him down harder and faster. It’s so fucking juvenile, the two of them rutting against each other here on the sofa. So chaotic, and rushed, and unfulfilling compared to what Niall wants, but it’s enough. It’s enough because it’s real, and unbridled, and loving. It’s them, and that’s all that really matters.

They’re too riled up for it to be any more than a few minutes of breathless panting and searing kisses and orgasms that come in tandem like a religious experience that lifts them up and out of their reality. In this place they’re free from deadlines. They’re free from limitations. They’re just happy and in love and finally, blessedly together again.

They come down slowly, breathing in each other more than the air around them, and for the first time in two days, forty-eight hours, two-thousand-eight-hundred-and-eighty minutes, Niall feels right again. He feels whole. And that thought petrifies him, that he’s come to rely so heavily on Harry for his own happiness, for his own survival. But it’s also freeing in a way, because he knows that Harry feels the same. They need each other, two sides of the same coin, in order to be themselves.

“I missed you.” Harry mumbles into Niall’s neck, his arms wrapped as tight as he can get them around the blond pinned against the couch.

“I missed you more.” Niall tells him, reciprocating the bone crushing hold Harry has on him. “God, I missed you so fucking much, Haz.”

“I hate this.” Harry says quietly. “I hate that this happened, now of all times.”

“Let’s just spend the time we have left not thinking about that, okay?” Niall requests. “I’m here for the next two days.”

“Thank you.” Harry breathes out.

“We’ll be okay, Haz.” Niall tells him gently. “But first we should probably clean up. My pants are getting gross, and you’re kind of heavy.”

“I hope you’re hungry.” Harry says as he lifts himself up. “I ordered pizza and it should be here soon.”

“Good thing we didn’t go for the full thing then, huh?” Niall chuckles.

“Good thing.” Harry nods. “I’ll go get us some new clothes. If the pizza gets here, I’ve left the money-”

“On the table by the door. I know the drill by now, Haz.” Niall hums. “Go get those clothes please. I do not fancy feeling this mess get any colder.”

“Just give me two minutes.” Harry smiles, dropping a kiss on Niall’s cheeks before standing up and making his way upstairs.

No later than Harry when reaches the top landing does the doorbell ring, and Niall sighs to himself. Hopefully his black jeans won’t show the wet-spot too much in the low light from the setting sun. He walks over to the door and grabs the money before opening it up with a polite smile that falls off immediately. What’s beyond the door is so much worse than the last two days, the last forty-eight hours, the last two-thousand-eight-hundred-and-eighty minutes.

 

Harry’s heart drops through his stomach when he hears Niall’s roaring “What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?”

They can’t have found him. Paul was so careful. He took three hours weaving all around London until he was sure that all of the paps had been lost. They can’t have found him anyways. They can’t be doing this now.

He pulls on his new joggers and grabs the set of clothes that he’d picked out for Niall before rushing back downstairs to see what has Niall yelling so loudly. Whatever he’d expected, it wasn’t this. It wasn’t Niall with tears streaming down his cheeks, hands fisted in the material of a shirt where he has someone pushed up against the wall. Those eyes catch Harry’s, and his heart stops in his chest. He can barely find his voice enough to croak out, “Louis?”

“Hiya, Curly.” Louis says weakly.

“You don’t fucking speak to him!” Niall snarls, pulling Louis towards his chest just to slam him back into the wall. “You don’t ever get to speak to him after what you did, you piece of shit!”

“Niall, please stop.” Harry whimpers, flinching back away from the rage rolling off of Niall in waves so thick that it’s suffocating. “Please.”

“Haz, I-” Niall says, eyes softening when they find Harry where he’s pressed himself back up against the wall.

“Please.” Harry chokes out.

“Of course.” Niall says quietly, releasing his grip on Louis and stepping back. “I’m sorry, Haz.”

“Can we talk?” Louis asks.

“Why?” Harry asks. “Why are you here, Louis?”

“I came to apologize.” Louis says softly. “I’ve been looking for you for a while, but nobody would tell me where you were. I just want to tell you how sorry I am, Harry.”

“You think ‘I’m sorry’ is enough after everything you did to him?” Niall asks, tone neutral even though his fists are clenched tight at his sides. Harry has to take a deep breath, because he knows Niall is close to snapping again, and he doesn’t know if he can take that right now. “After you broke him at every opportunity for years? After you left him for your surrogate?”

“No.” Louis admits. “But it’s all I have.”

“I’ll hear you out, and then I want you to go and never come back, Louis.” Harry mutters.

“Haz-” Niall says, choked off and pitchy.

“I said that I want to hear him out, Niall.” Harry cuts him off. “Please respect that.”

“Fine.” Niall nods. “But I can’t stay here for this.”

“Niall-” Harry sighs.

“Harry, I can’t stay here.” Niall says adamantly. “Because I will put him through a wall, and I don’t want you to think of me like that. Like him. Call me when he’s gone, and I’ll come back, but I can’t stay here. I’ll do something that I can’t come back from.”

“Promise me you’ll come back.” Harry pleads.

“I promise.” Niall says with a soft smile. He turns back to Louis and adds, “If I see one bruise on him, if he tells me that you raised a hand to him again, I will hunt you down in Doncaster and make sure your kid has one less parent. Do you understand me?”

“I won’t touch him.” Louis says quietly.

“Fucking better not.” Niall spits, opening the door and walking out with a light slam behind him as he goes.

“How did you find me?” Harry asks.

“The pap photos.” Louis admits. “The window wasn’t closed on the plane in the background, and I saw Niall through it. I know what to look for, remember? If I hadn’t already met him, then I wouldn’t have recognized him, but I did, and I followed him here from Malink. Guessed your gate-code on the second try. You should probably do something less obvious than your sister’s birthday.”

“And what the fuck could you have to say to me that was worth driving down here and stalking my boyfriend just to find me?” Harry questions.

“Did Niall tell you that I went to rehab?” Louis asks back.

“Yes.” Harry nods.

“Part of the process on the road to recovery is making amends.” Louis explains. “I’ve done it with everyone else that I affected with my addictions, but not with you. Not with the person I hurt most. I never- I never got to say how sorry I was to you for everything that I did.”

“You did, actually.” Harry spits out. “You said it every time in the beginning, when you started hitting me. Or when you cheated on me. You always said that you were so sorry, and that it wouldn’t happen again. And then when I got you cleaned up and sober so that we could have a child, you apologized for everything. And none of them, not a single one, was ever real. Why should I believe you this time?”

“Because I’m trying to do the right thing, Harry.” Louis sighs. “I’m trying to be a better man than I was before.”

“Well you haven’t broken any of my bones yet, so I’d say you’re already somewhat improved.” Harry scoffs.

“Do you think this is easy for me, Harry?” Louis asks desperately. “Do you think that I like looking at you and remembering every awful thing I ever did? Do you think I enjoy reliving the memories of myself turning into a monster? I don’t. I fucking hate it. I hate knowing that there’s nothing I can do to fix what I’ve done. I hate knowing that there’s a piece of me that’s so evil that it could hurt you. I hate knowing that it’s always going to be there, under the surface, and I’m bringing a child up with this thing inside of me. You are a living, breathing reminder of all of my worst pieces.”

“Fuck you!” Harry snaps. “Fuck you for blaming me for this. Fuck you for making me think that maybe this time you meant it when you said you were sorry. And most of all, fuck you for thinking I give a fuck if you’re sorry.”

“I’m not trying to blame you, Harry.” Louis says softly. “I’m just- Fuck, I never thought it would be this hard. I never realized how much it would hurt to see you again in person. To face up to what I did, and what I became. All I meant was that I know that ‘sorry’ will never be enough. I know that there’s nothing I can do to make up for what I put you through. And I know that I don’t have any right to ask for forgiveness for it.”

“You’re right. There isn’t anything you can do, and ‘sorry’ isn’t enough.” Harry tells him. “Niall has been the one to get me past everything, to make me see that I didn’t deserve what you did and said to me. He’s put me back together again, so your ‘sorry’ isn’t necessary. I won’t absolve you of your sins, Louis, but if all you want is forgiveness, then fine. You have it. I don’t want to hold onto all this pain anymore. I just want to be done with it. I want to move on and be the version of myself I am with Niall. I want to be happy again.”

“Are you?” Louis asks. “Happy, I mean.”

“I am.” Harry says with a soft smile. “For the first time in years, I’m happy again.”

“I’m glad.” Louis says gently. “I’m glad that you found someone who could be for you what I couldn’t. Are you in love with him?”

“Completely.” Harry hums. “He’s- He’s perfect for me. We fill in all the cracks that other people have left on us. We fit together, even though we’re both damaged.”

“Then can I give you some advice?” Louis questions. Harry gives a tentative nod after a moment, and Louis continues. “Don’t let him fall to second place. Don’t let him ever be less important to you than your career, Harry. Don’t- Don’t let what happened with us, happen between the two of you.”

“Are you seriously going to blame me for everything?” Harry asks furiously.

“No.” Louis says with a shake of his head. “My weakness, my darkness, those are my faults. But, Harry, you made things harder than they needed to be. Do you realize that you never once asked me to come with you on tour? Not once.”

“I had to stay closeted, Louis. You know that. You’re the one who told me to do it in the first place.” Harry argues.

“Do you still need to be closeted, Harry?” Louis asks. “Have you not gotten to the point where your career can speak for itself? And even if you do still need to be closeted, that doesn’t mean you can’t bring someone with you. You don’t understand what it’s like to be left behind like that. To watch the person you love accomplish everything you ever wanted for yourself, while you’re stuck at home, alone, with nothing to show for all the dreams you used to have.”

“What do you think I went through when you left, Louis?” Harry asks harshly. “It was the same exact thing. Except I knew you weren’t coming back. I planned my future with you at the center of it, had dreams of a family, and a wedding, and a life together. I thought it was all right there in my grasp, but then you left me without even saying you were sorry.”

“I’m just trying to help you, Harry.” Louis sighs. “Believe it or not, I really, truly want you to be happy. I think you’ve let fear hold you back for a long time, and that you won’t really be happy until you can be yourself. When you stop lying about who you are, then I think you’ll finally be free. There may be a backlash, but isn’t that worth it to make sure you’re doing everything you can to keep Niall by your side? Isn’t he worth it?”

“Yes.” Harry whispers. “But-”

“There shouldn’t be any ‘but’s, Harry.” Louis cuts him off. “I can’t make the decision for you, but I can tell you this. If you really love him, you’ll put him first. You’ll stop letting fear control you. Leaving him behind like a dirty little secret, that’ll crush him, no matter how strong he is.”

“I’m leaving in two days.” Harry says quietly.

“Then I guess you have two days to figure out a way to put him first.” Louis shrugs. “I should get going. El is waiting for me at the hotel.”

“Louis?” Harry asks. “Are- Are you happy?”

“I really am.” Louis nods. “I have a long road ahead of me to make myself anywhere close to worthy of El and my kid, but I’m trying.”

“I hope you can get there.” Harry admits.

“I do too.” Louis says softly. “Goodbye, Curly.”

“Bye, Lou-Lou.” Harry mumbles, watching as the man he once thought was his soul-mate walks out of the door, and out of his life, for the last time.

 

“Niall, what are you doing back here?” Liam asks, eyes full of worry when Niall stumbles back into Malink.

“L- Louis came back.” Niall chokes out, finally giving in to the tears that he’d dammed up when he left Harry’s. Liam is on him in a second, those big arms being put to use just as Niall’s legs try to give out. Liam hauls him over to the couch and pulls Niall into his lap.

“Back-back?” Liam asks cautiously.

“I don’t know.” Niall admits. “I- I didn’t even think about if he was here to get Harry back. Oh god- What- What if he is? And I just left them there together? What if-”

“Don’t do this to yourself right now, Niall.” Liam says softly. “What happened exactly?”

“We- I showed up, and we got off together on the couch, and then Harry went to go get us some clean clothes, because we didn’t even get our jeans off first. And I opened the door because I thought it was the pizza guy, but it was Louis.” Niall explains. “I don’t even remember what I said at first. I just remember grabbing him by the collar and slamming him against the wall. Everything is kind of a blur after that. He said he wanted to apologize, and Harry said he wanted to hear him out, and I left because I would have hurt Louis if I was there any longer, and- And Harry was scared of me. He was scared of me, Liam.”

“Everything is going to be okay, Nialler.” Liam murmurs, holding Niall tight against his chest.

“Don’t say that.” Niall mutters. “We both know that it might not be, and I don’t want to get my hopes up.”

“I’m right here for you, Niall. Whatever happens, Zayn and I are here for you.” Liam whispers, repeating it over and over with his hand rubbing soothing circles in Niall’s back.

“What happened?” Zayn asks when he emerges, rushing his client out the door and locking it.

“Louis came back.” Liam tells him when Niall can’t get the words out again.

“So what the fuck are you doing here?” Zayn asks. “Why aren’t you there to make sure that he doesn’t do anything?”

“Harry got scared of me because I slammed Louis into a wall.” Niall mumbles. “I- I couldn’t control myself around him, so I left before I did something that I couldn’t come back from. Before I hurt him in every way that he ever hurt Harry.”

“You should have. Somebody should have.” Zayn growls. “If I ever see him again-”

Whatever threat he was about to make is cut off by the sound of Niall’s mobile vibrating on the table, and three pairs of eyes snap straight to that picture of Harry and Niall at the Eiffel Tower. Nobody makes a move. “Are you going to get that?” Zayn asks.

“I- I can’t. What if he’s calling to tell me he’s giving Louis another chance?” Niall asks, his throat gone completely dry from fear.

“Fine.” Zayn sighs, answering the call and holding the mobile up to his own ear before Niall can protest. “Hello? No, he’s here. I have my reasons, Harry. Should he come back? Or are you just trying to end thing face-to-face so that you can get back with your abusive, asshole ex-boyfriend? So help me god, I will ruin you if you’re lying to me right now, Harry Styles. Fine. Here he is.”

He thrusts the mobile into Niall’s hands, and then walks out, beckoning for Liam to follow him. Liam presses his lips against Niall’s forehead and squeezes his hand before walking away and mouthing ‘Everything is going to be okay.’

“Hello?” Niall asks once he’s alone.

“Are you coming back?” Harry asks, low and broken.

“Do you want me to?” Niall questions.

“I didn’t want you to leave in the first place.” Harry mumbles. “I just wanted to hear him out, Niall. I think I deserved to hear an apology from him, late as it may have been.”

“I didn’t leave because you wanted to talk to him, Harry. You do deserve at least an apology.” Niall sighs. “I left because I would have hurt him. Really, truly hurt him. Just seeing his face made me so angry that I couldn’t even breathe without thinking of putting my fist through his face. I don’t want you to think of me like that. Like him.”

“I couldn’t.” Harry says softly.

“You did.” Niall counters. “I saw how scared you were of me, Harry. You weren’t scared of Louis, the one who’d actually hit you before. You were scared of me.”

“It’s- Niall, I knew you weren’t going to hurt me. I just- I got scared. I got scared that you could get that mad.” Harry whispers. “But that doesn’t mean that I thought it was the same thing. It’s just instinct now for me to panic when I see somebody that angry. I don’t think that you’re the same as him. I promise that I don’t.”

“Okay.” is all Niall can think to say.

“So will you please come back?” Harry asks. “Please?”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.” Niall tells him.

“I love you.” Harry says softly.

“I- I’ll be there soon, Haz.” Niall says before ringing off.

 

“Tonight is going too fast.” Harry whines, clinging tighter to Niall’s hands. They’re in bed, but neither of them has been able to sleep. In six hours Harry is getting on a plane for New York, and he still hasn’t figured out what to do. He still hasn’t figured out what he needs to do to make sure that Niall is never on the back-burner.

“I know, Haz.” Niall murmurs, pressing a kiss to the back of Harrys neck. “Let’s just hope the next five months go this fast.”

“I don’t want to go.” Harry admits. “For- For the first time, I really just don’t want to go. I always used to be excited about tours, and it could always overshadow the negative things I was feeling, but now I really just don’t want to leave. I would have scheduled this differently if I’d known I would meet you.”

“No you wouldn’t have.” Niall chuckles. “You’re going to miss me, and it feels huge for you right now, but once you get up on stage again, you’ll forget all about it.”

“No I won’t.” Harry says adamantly, rolling over in Niall’s arms so that they’re face to face. “Is- Is that what you really think, Niall? That I’m just going to forget about you once I’m gone? That you’ll go to the back of my mind until I can come back here?”

“I think you’ll have a lot to take your mind off of the fact that I’m here, and you’re not.” Niall mumbles. “Like going amazing places, and being adored by thousands of people every night, and spending time with other famous people.”

“Come with me.” Harry says as he makes up his mind. He’s not going to let it happen again. He’s not going to let Niall think that he’s anything except the most important part of Harry’s life.

“Shut up.” Niall scoffs.

“I mean it, Niall.” Harry tells him. “Come with me. I’ll- I’ll work something out. Just come with me.”

“You’re in the closet.” Niall points out.

“Maybe I don’t care about that anymore.” Harry shrugs. “I never planned on staying in it for this long. I let fear of the unknown scare me into staying in there, but you’re more important to me than anything, Niall. Come with me.”

“Please, don’t be fucking with me right now.” Niall says, voice barely above a whisper.

“Niall Horan, there’s nothing I want more in this world than to have you come with me.” Harry grins. “Please, please, please, say yes.”

“Yes.” Niall breathes out. “Yes, I’ll come with you.”

“Thank you.” Harry murmurs, catching Niall’s lips in a light kiss. Electricity is buzzing through his veins, lighting him up from the inside out. He’s pretty sure that if he wasn’t held down by Niall’s arms, he’d have floated off already.

“Oh god!” Niall gasps, shooting up into a sitting position. “I have to pack.”

“We’ll buy you new things.” Harry hums. “We’re going to New York first. There’ll be plenty for you to choose from.”

“I need my sketch-pads.” Niall says over his shoulder as he climbs out of the bed. “And my guitar. And I need to talk to Zaynie and Lima Bean. Oh god, this is crazy. Zayn is going to laugh his arse off at me.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Harry asks.

“No.” Niall says, shaking his head as he pulls on the clothes that he’d discarded earlier. “You start setting everything up with whoever you need to do that with. I’m probably going to be caught up just talking for a while. I’ll meet you at the airport.”

“Alright.” Harry nods, grabbing for his mobile.

“I’ll see you in a few hours.” Niall says, running around the bed and pulling Harry into a searing kiss. “Thank you, Haz.”

“Thank you.” Harry mumbles back against his lips, and then Niall is gone out the bedroom door with a delighted laugh that makes Harry feel fuzzy around the edges.

 

He’s late. Niall is late. They should have taken off twenty minutes ago, and Harry’s stomach is in knots on the tarmac while he wait. He goes to dial up Niall again, to leave another voicemail. Paul puts his hand on Harry’s shoulder, pulling his attention towards the clunky blue car that’s approaching. Harry breathes out a sigh of relief when he sees Zayn’s face behind the wheel.

His heart drops out of his chest soon enough though. Niall climbs out, alone, with no bags and red rings around his eyes. It feels like an omen, a portent of heartbreak that’s soon to come when he meets Harry’s eyes. His stride is slow, deliberate, and it takes what feels like years before he’s standing in front of Harry.

“You’re not coming, are you?” Harry asks when Niall chokes on a sob.

“I can’t.” Niall says, giving a small shake of his head.

“Why?” Harry asks desperately.

“I- I can’t do this, Harry.” Niall says quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“Niall, I need you.” Harry tells him, voice edging in on a plea.

“I need you too, and that’s why I can’t do this anymore.” Niall tells him. “Because I need you. I can’t do that. I can’t need someone the way I need you. I’m not ready for that.”

“What are you saying?” Harry asks.

“I’m saying that this is it, Harry.” Niall chokes out. “I’m not ready to be with you the way that you deserve. I- I just can’t do it.”

“Niall, please don’t end this.” Harry begs. “Please. I love you. You don’t have to come with me. We can survive this without that if you aren’t ready. Just don’t end this.”

“I have to.” Niall whispers. “I can’t let myself need you, Harry. When I went to pack my pads, I realized something. I haven’t had one flash of my family in almost three months. I hadn’t even noticed. I let them fall away, and I can’t do that. I can’t let myself fall into you anymore, because I lose who I am when I do. I’m not ready for this, for you.”

“But I love you.” Harry whimpers.

“I love you too.” Niall murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to Harry’s cheek. “But I’m not ready, Harry. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I love you, but I can’t be with you right now. Not yet.”

He doesn’t give Harry a chance to say anything else before he turns and runs back towards the car. Harry feels his heart breaking into a thousand pieces as he’s carried into the plane by Paul. From the window he watches the car disappear, taking his heart and soul with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I've been building to this moment since I first started this story. I actually came up with the end before I'd even finished the first chapter. For me, this wasn't a story about two people who are are perfect for each other. It was a story about two completely damaged people who find an escape in each other. Whose relationship isn't healthy, even though they really do love each other, and might just belong together in the end. But right now, they aren't ready. Harry was using Niall as an escape from his reality and his past, and Niall was trying to fill a hole that was left by the loss of everyone he ever got attached to. They weren't right for each other right now, because they need to focus on making themselves into who they want to be first.
> 
> But fear not loyal readers! There is still one chapter left, and anyone who knows me, knows I hate a story without a happy ending. There's still hope that Niall and Harry will end up together! I mean, it's very small, but it's hope.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go. Will Niall and Harry get their happy ending? Guess you'll have to read to find out.

It’s been a year since he walked these streets, a year since he let himself return to a place that had once been his home away from home. Unlike a year ago though, he came here on purpose. He came with a mission, rather than just an itch, an urge.

It smells the same. That’s the first thing that Harry notices. It smells like incense and ink and something so perfectly familiar. It smells like _him_. It takes a moment for the lad behind the counter to notice him, and the reaction isn’t what Harry was hoping for. “What- What are you doing here?” Liam asks.

“Missed you too, Lima Bean.” Harry tuts.

“Shit-” Liam chokes out, eyes screwing tight while he crosses around the counter and scoops Harry into a tight hug. “I did miss you, Hazza. I really did.”

“He isn’t here.” says a soft voice behind them. “He left about six months ago.”

“He isn’t the only person I came to see.” Harry says gently. “I missed the both of you too, Zayn.”

“How have you been?” Zayn asks, gripping onto Harry’s bicep and pulling him out of Liam’s arms into a quick embrace of his own. “I saw- Well, you know.”

“Couldn’t do it anymore.” Harry shrugs. “I couldn’t keep hiding that part of myself and being a liar.”

“I’m proud of you.” Zayn says gently, patting Harry on the shoulder. A glint of gold catches Harry’s eye, and he chokes on nothing.

“What the fuck?” he squawks, grabbing Zayn’s hand and looking over the gold band on his ring finger. “What? I – You – When?”

“Couple months ago.” Zayn admits sheepishly.

“And you didn’t invite me?” Harry huffs. “I mean, I probably couldn’t have come, but I’d have sent one hell of a wedding present.”

“It was kind of sudden.” Zayn chuckles.

“He got the invitation to Perrie’s wedding, and just had to beat her down the aisle.” Liam giggles.

“Ah.” Harry says knowingly.

“Shove off both of you.” Zayn scowls. “I wanted to get married because I love this stupid arse. My ex had nothing to do with it.”

“No, of course not. That’s not at all why you kept doing literally everything at her reception with your left hand.” Liam snorts. “Spilled three flutes of champagne just trying to show off.”

“You’re sleeping on the couch tonight.” Zayn growls.

“We’ll see.” Liam muses.

“Yeah, you two are definitely married.” Harry sniggers. “It’s sweet though. I’m glad you pulled your head out of your arse, Zayn. I’m still grumpy that you didn’t invite me though.”

“It was just a small thing.” Zayn shrugs. “And he’s my brother, Harry. He was actually my best man. I thought it would be too awkward.”

“Guess that’s true.” Harry mumbles. “Is- Is he okay?”

“He’s good.” Zayn nods. “But I can’t tell you where he is, Harry. He asked me not to if I ever saw you again. He left so that you might come back here for your ink.”

“He’s always been one for extreme measures.” Harry sighs. “I knew when I came here that there was a chance that he’d have done something like that.”

“I’m sorry.” Zayn says gently. “And I’m even more sorry to add this on top of it, but I’m going to have to ask you not to come back. You know I love you, but I want my brother to come back, and I don’t think he’ll do that unless he knows that it won’t affect my business. I don’t care about my business though, not like I care about him. So I need you to find another artist.”

“Oh- I, uh- I understand.” Harry mumbles. “I guess this is goodbye then.”

“Not forever.” Zayn says with a soft smile. “Just until you two get your shit together. However that happens. I’ll miss you though, Hazza.”

“I’ll miss you too, Zaynie.” Harry returns, giving Zayn a small hug before walking towards the exit.

“Well, that’s not fair.” Liam huffs, bounding out the door after Harry. He scoops Harry into another bone crushing hug, one hand dipping way too low into the back pocket of Harry’s jeans. Just before Harry can squawk with outrage, Liam whispers, “He needs you. Don’t let him keep running.”

“I’ll miss you, Lima Bean.” Harry laughs, wrapping his arms around Liam’s neck and pressing a kiss to his temple.

“Miss you too, Hazza.” Liam smiles, giving a small wave before ducking back inside of Malink.

Harry walks back to his Range Rover, waiting until he’s behind the wheel to pull out the scrap of paper the Liam slipped him. He punches the address into his GPS, and once he sees where it is, he decides to head back home for something first. He’s waited a year. He can wait a little longer. He dials up his assistant and has her arrange a ticket for him, and then drives towards his house.

 

“Right this way Mr. Jones.” the woman says with a bored sigh. “He should be available for a little while. He doesn’t usually have a lot of time for walk-ins, but you caught us on a good day.”

“Must be fate.” he hums.

“Sure.” she says dryly, pushing open the door to a studio. There’s a brunet in the corner, scribbling furiously at a sketch-pad, so she clears her throat and says, “Horan, you got a walk in.”

“Be with you in just a minute. Take a seat, please.” he mutters, eyes not lifting from the page. It’s like a replay of that first time all over again, and the thought makes all the butterflies in Harry’s stomach feel like they’re migrating.

The woman nods to him, and then closes the door behind her. “Was it Lima Bean?” Niall asks without looking up.

“You haven’t even looked at me.” Harry scoffs.

“Can see that stupid wig out of the corner of my eye. That shade of red doesn’t occur naturally, and I only know one person who would ever try to make it work.” Niall says quietly. “Answer the question, Harry.”

“I’m not revealing my source.” Harry mumbles.

“Liam then.” Niall sighs. “Should have known he’d do it.”

“Probably.” Harry nods. “Do you want me to go?”

“Might as well do the work if you’ve got something you want done.” Niall shrugs, closing his pad and finally looking up. “Since you’ve come all the way to the arse end of Dublin.”

“It’s not that bad.” Harry chuckles. “It’s a nice city.”

“It is.” Niall agrees. “Even if the whole reason I picked it was so that this very thing didn’t happen.”

“You went back to your natural color.” Harry observes, taking a seat in the chair.

“Decided that the first step to finding myself was probably to stop denying the most basic things about who I am.” Niall explains, rolling over with his chair. “Do you have a design?”

“I do.” Harry nods, pulling out a slip of paper and handing it over. “It looks good on you. Makes you look more grown up.”

“I did it a year ago, and it still startles me when I look in the mirror.” Niall admits, looking over Harry’s tattoo design. “Are you going to keep wearing that?”

“Nah.” Harry chuckles, pulling off the wig and running a hand through his hair to shake out the stiffness of the hair that was trapped underneath it.

“Good. That thing is still ugly as shit.” Niall says, turning to his thermal-fax and placing the design in it. “You should get a new one.”

“Ah, but this one has memories.” Harry hums, patting it playfully. “It may be ‘ugly as shit’, but I’ve had some good times with this old thing.”

“If you say so.” Niall laughs.

“How have you been?” Harry asks.

“Better.” Niall admits. “It- It took me a while, but I’ve gotten to a better place.”

“You started decorating your studio.” Harry observes. “Did you do that mural?”

“I did.” Niall nods.

“Who are they?” Harry asks, though he has a good feeling he already knows. The features are already familiar to him. He’s seen them a thousand times before, felt their replicas under the pads of his fingers.

“That’s my family.” Niall says softly. “My mum is obviously on the left. That’s my Da on the right. And my brother is in the middle.”

“How?” Harry asks.

“I remembered the dream.” Niall says quietly. “After that, I started getting more memories back. It- It happened a little bit after the airport. I had the nightmare every night for weeks, and then one morning I woke up, and I remembered it all. I still don’t know why, but it happened. I haven’t had the nightmare since then.”

“That’s great.” Harry smiles. “I’m really happy for you, Niall.”

“It’s weird.” Niall admits. “Like, I have all these memories now that I just didn’t have for most of my life. It still feels like I’m looking at somebody else’s past whenever one happens.”

“It’s not what you were expecting then?” Harry questions.

“I guess I just thought I’d feel different if I ever remembered.” Niall shrugs. “I thought that I’d feel complete. I thought it would fix all the things that were wrong with me, but it didn’t. It took me too long to realize that it’s because losing my family wasn’t what was wrong with me. It was living in the past. That was what was wrong with me. I was so busy trying to reclaim a piece of my past, that I let it stop me from moving forward and living my life.”

“Have you started then?” Harry asks.

“Got my own place and everything.” Niall grins. “It’s a shit-hole, but it’s mine and I don’t have any flat-mates. I call that moving forward.”

“Good.” Harry nods.

“I- I saw the announcement.” Niall says after a few minutes of awkward silence. “About you coming out. What happened?”

“Something Louis said that night that he showed up really resonated with me.” Harry tells him. “He said that I wouldn’t be free or happy until I stopped lying about who I was. He was right. So I waited for my contract negotiations, and told them that, one way or another, I was making an announcement about it the day after my contract was due to end. Whether I announced that I was also looking for a new label and management company was up to them. They waited until thirty seconds before midnight to cave in and keep me on.”

“How has the backlash been?” Niall asks.

“Not as bad as some people thought it would be.” Harry shrugs. “I’ve lost about twelve percent of my fan-base according to album and ticket sales, but overall it’s been pretty positive.”

“That’s good. I’m glad they know to appreciate you for you rather than just wanting your dick in them.” Niall chuckles. “The new album was good. I mean, I knew that before it ever shipped, but I liked the finalized copy. Bit chuffed the song with my arrangement didn’t make it on though.”

“I- I was angry.” Harry admits. “I didn’t go numb like I did after Louis left. For months, I was just really pissed off. Actually, first I was sad, and then I was pissed off. And then it hit me.”

“What did?” Niall asks.

“I wasn’t ready either.” Harry says softly. “I thought I was, I really did, but I wasn’t. I needed to work on loving myself for myself, and not just because somebody else did.”

“You did.” Niall agrees. He pulls out the finished stencil and holds it up. “Where do you want it?”

“Right here.” Harry says, pulling off his button-down and indicating to the inside of his arm. “Right above the elbow and ‘you booze, you lose’.”

“What, in the name of god, is that?” Niall cackles, grabbing Harry’s forearm and focusing on one of the additions he’d had made over the last year.

“That is why I stopped drinking a second time.” Harry sighs. “Booze, ‘The Little Mermaid’, and a shady tattoo parlor do not make a good combination. Should never have started drinking again.”

“It- It kind of looks like the one on ‘Davy’ from the ‘Piano Man’ music video.” Niall hums. “Could always say it was inspired by Billy Joel.”

“Could do.” Harry nods, eyes catching on a glimpse of black under the sleeve of Niall’s shirt. “I see you’ve finally gotten some yourself.”

“I did.” Niall hums, rolling up his sleeve enough for Harry to get a good look at the letters Z, M, G, B, and L all done in a pretty, cursive script and formed into an interconnecting loop.

“Zayn, Maura, Greg, Bobby, Liam?” Harry guesses, following the letters with his eyes until they burn themselves into his memory.

“Exactly right.” Niall chuckles.

“It’s great.” Harry smiles,

“Alright, let’s get you done then, shall we?” Niall says, dropping his sleeve and lathering down the inside of Harry’s arm with deodorant before placing the stencil.

“Your accent has gotten thicker, but you still talk like a Brit.” Harry says with a small smile.

“Trying to reclaim my heritage is difficult after twelve years.” Niall explains. “I was born here, but I don’t feel properly Irish anymore. It’s taking some getting used to.”

“Why Dublin?” Harry asks.

“Where else would I have gone?” Niall returns. “I needed to be somewhere new, somewhere without all the memories. I toyed with New York for a while, but it’s stupidly expensive. Dublin seemed like a good compromise for distance and financial purposes.”

“Did Zayn tell you that he kicked me off as a client so that you’d come back?” Harry asks.

“Got the call about an hour before you walked through my door.” Niall nods. “I told him he was an idiot.”

“He just wants his brother back.” Harry says quietly.

“Doesn’t make him any less of an idiot.” Niall mumbles. “What are you doing here, Harry?”

“I’m getting a tattoo.” Harry says simply.

“If all you wanted was a tattoo, you wouldn’t have come to Dublin for it.” Niall counters.

“This one had to be you.” Harry admits. “Nobody else could do it. Only you.”

“And if I refused?” Niall asks, peeling away the stencil.

“Then I’d have come back every day until you stopped refusing.” Harry chuckles.

“Did I ever tell you that your ideas walk a very thin line between cute and annoying?” Niall snorts.

“Yeah.” Harry grins.

“That one is just annoying.” Niall smirks.

“Doesn’t make it any less what I would have done.” Harry smiles.

“Should you really be having me do this when you’re-” Niall takes a deep breath before adding, “With Nick?”

“What the fuck?” Harry cackles.

“Saw it last week.” Niall mumbles. “Passed by a newsstand and-”

“You saw a tabloid making up rumors about me to sell copies?” Harry offers. “They picked my closest openly gay friend and decided that I was dating him. I haven’t even seen Nick in months except when he Face-Times me to try and convince me to wear one of his new designs. Why, Niall Horan, are you jealous?”

“No.” Niall says flatly. “I was just wondering why you’d come three hundred and fifty miles to your ex to get a heart tattooed on your arm when you’re dating someone else.”

“Like I said, you’re the only one who can do it.” Harry shrugs. “Nobody else has it. Only you do.”

“That-” Niall sighs. “Is the cheesiest thing you’ve ever said. And that’s a really high bar to hit, Harry. Really, really high.”

“Doesn’t make it any less true.” Harry say softly. “I’m not with Nick. I’m not with anyone. That day- You said ‘yet’. You said ‘yet’, and I’ve been holding onto that.”

“That- Harry, that wasn’t what I wanted.” Niall mutters. “I was letting you go for both of us.”

“You were running away, because you were scared.” Harry counters. “You did it with the Maliks, you did it the first time I told you that I love you, and you did it at the airport. You may have had the best intentions Niall, but you were still running.”

“We wouldn’t have worked.” Niall says, shaking his head. “If I had gotten on that plane with you, we would have fallen apart somewhere down the line. We were both too messed up. When I was with you, it was easy to forget just how fucked up I was, but that didn’t take all of that away. Forgetting that I was broken didn’t fix me. It didn’t repair all of the cracks that life has left in me. I had to do that myself, and I couldn’t do that with you. There’s nothing in the world I’ve ever wanted more than to get on that plane, but I needed to focus on me.”

“I don’t blame you, Niall.” Harry tells him. “Not anymore, anyway. I did blame you for everything for a while, but eventually I got to the same place you did. I realized that my issues weren’t gone. They were just buried. Maybe I could have been okay with that for a while, could have just kept going on with the mirage, but eventually it would have faded and I would have realized I wasn’t ready yet either. I’m not- I won’t say I’m glad that you didn’t come with me, because I’m not, but I’m grateful. I’m grateful that it forced me to look at myself and realize that I couldn’t keep seeing myself through other people’s eyes. I had to find out who I was by, and for, myself. And then I had to learn to love myself with all of my flaws and bruises and cracks, because they’re a part of me as much as any of these tattoos.”

“Then let me give you your heart back, and you can move on.” Niall says quietly, starting up the needle.

“That’s not what I want.” Harry says, pulling his arm away.

“Then what do you want, Harry?” Niall asks.

“I want to know if that ‘yet’ has changed.” Harry admits. “I want to know if you’re ready now.”

“And if I’m not?” Niall asks. “If that ‘yet’ was just something you misinterpreted?”

“Then I’ll keep waiting.” Harry says adamantly. “I’ll wait for as long as I need to until you’re ready.”

“What if I’m never ready?” Niall asks.

“Then I’ll spend the rest of my life waiting, and I won’t regret it.” Harry says, pulling on his shirt. “Because you’re worth the wait, Niall.”

“I guess you’ll just have to find out for yourself if that’s true or not.” Niall says, setting down the needle.

“If you ever decide that you’re ready, let me know.” Harry tells him, slipping a scrap of paper into his hand and giving him a soft kiss on the cheek before he stands up and walks out the door. Niall doesn’t say anything, and Harry feels like it should hurt, but it doesn’t. He can’t hold it against Niall if he still isn’t ready yet. He meant it when he said that Niall was worth the wait.

He walks out of the parlor, ignoring the shocked look of the woman who had escorted him in, and heads straight towards his rental. This trip didn’t end the way he’d hoped, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t hopeful. Niall didn’t flat out refuse him, didn’t push him away, and that’s more than enough reason to hope that somewhere down the line, maybe they have a chance. He starts up the car, but before he can go anywhere, his mobile buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out and reads,

Unknown number: I’m ready now.

“What?” Harry gasps.

“I said I’m ready now.” Niall laughs, tapping on the window and scaring the living daylights out of Harry.

It doesn’t keep him down for long though. He drops his phone in favor of unbuckling his belt and groping for the door handle. Niall steps back, and Harry practically flies out of the car, pressing his body flush against Niall’s. “Are you sure?” he asks in a whisper.

“I don’t do anything I don’t want to do, Haz. That hasn’t changed. I want to give us a second try.” Niall says gently. He grabs one of Harry’s hands from his hip and guides it up to his chest. “You didn’t see all of my tattoos.”

He undoes the buttons until he reveals another spot of ink, slightly off center to the left. It’s not much, just a single ‘H’, but it takes Harry’s breath away and makes him feel lightheaded. “Do you remember what I told you about why I would ever get a tattoo?” Niall asks.

“It’s about celebrating the people you love.” Harry quotes back, the conversation coming back to him with perfect clarity.

“I never stopped.” Niall admits. “Just because I did what I did, doesn’t mean I ever loved you any less.”

“Sure you didn’t get it just to feel alive?” Harry asks with a grin.

“Nah, reckon I’ve got you for that now.” Niall smirks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all they wrote, folks. And by 'they', I mean me. Whatever.
> 
> This story- God, what can I say about this story? I started writing it before I even published the final chapter of Down the Rabbit Hole, but I lost the first 65,000 words of this (among other things) when my computer died. This has been the most draining story I've ever written. There were a lot of times that I just wanted to put it on indefinite hiatus and be done with it for a while. It was really hard to write for me, Harry's past in particular, but I'm glad that I didn't ever give up on it. 
> 
> When I first started writing this story in my head, the ending came to me immediately. I knew that I wanted to write a story about two people who were so deeply broken that they wouldn't have worked with anyone else. At the same time though, they couldn't really work together. Not yet. They had to fix themselves, and they had to have a reason to want to do that. They needed someone to push them into doing the hard work of making themselves happier, stronger people. They needed a reason to fight past their demons.
> 
> I want to thank everybody who read this story. I've done this before, but I still can't find the right words to let you all properly know how much I appreciate you. So instead I'll just say thank you. I adore you, and appreciate you more than you can ever know.


End file.
